Chapter 19
IT’S STILL DARK OUTSIDE WHEN SOPHIA PICKS ME up at my apartment the next morning. Normally I can go to all the shooting locations myself using public transportation, but today we’re shooting at a beach in Gangwon-do, which is almost three hours away on the other side of the country.
“Hey,” I say when I get in the car. “Thank you so much for taking me to the beach.”
“No problem,” she replies. “I still don’t know why they couldn’t just film around Seoul, but I guess it’s nice to leave the city for a bit.”
Gangwon-do is my favorite province in Korea because it has beautiful mountains and stunning beaches. It’s basically where everyone goes camping or skiing, depending on the season. A lot of K-dramas film iconic moments there every year since the scenery is so stunning.
I feel bad that Sophia has to drive me so far, but I’m really excited to get out of the city.
“So,” Sophia says once we’re on the highway, “I saw the news about you and Minjee. Well done! That’ll catch people’s attention for sure. I’m actually disappointed in myself for not being the one to come up with the idea of you and her being friends.”
Since yesterday, stories about Minjee and me ended up everywhere online.
Compared to how scandalous the headlines about Bryan and me were, these ones are pretty innocuous, talking about how ironic and cute it is that we’re close enough friends to hang out off set when we’re supposed to be mortal enemies on-screen.
I smile. After much debate, I’d decided not to tell Sophia that I’m hanging out with Minjee. Nor did I tell her that I know Minjee from school. I wasn’t sure how she’d react to the idea of us being friends, but now I’m relieved she seems on board with the whole thing.
“Thanks,” I reply. “I’m glad everyone reacted so positively to the news.”
Even though there’s probably no harm in Sophia knowing about Minjee and me, I wanted to keep our friendship a secret, even from her.
Everything I do nowadays is so public, ending up in news headlines all over the world.
I want to keep my friendship with—and these new feelings for—Minjee as close to my heart as I can.
When we arrive, I’m relieved to see that the beach is pretty much empty, thanks to the cold temperatures and gray skies.
What I’m not glad to see is that everyone is weirdly nicer to me than usual.
Bryan’s assistant even smiles at me and asks if I “want water or anything.” Before I can say no, he shoves a boxed water into my hand.
Darn it! I stare at the box of water in dismay. The one old Batman movie quote about living long enough to see yourself become the villain flashes in my mind.
I’m incredibly thirsty after the long drive, though, so I begrudgingly end up opening up the carton anyway. While I’m drinking, I realize what’s going on. Today’s my first time on set with Bryan since our official relationship announcement.
The assistant cups her face with one hand and whispers, “He’s here!” to me, smiling like we share a secret.
I manage to give her a tight grin in response.
And sure enough, Bryan strides onto set, dressed in a sleek black stealth suit. According to the call sheet, he has a lot of action scenes to film today, since we’re almost at the big climax of the show.
“Hey,” he says to me. “How’ve you been?”
“Hi,” I reply. “I’ve been okay. How about you?”
“Oh, cool. I’ve been all right.”
His expression is guarded, and it takes me a moment to understand why. While he talks over scene directions with Director Cha, I pull out my phone from my pocket.
4 unread messages from Bryan Yoon
I’d been having so much fun talking and hanging out with Minjee throughout the week that I completely forgot that Bryan texted me. Oops.
I open up the conversation.
hey, so... wanna talk about what happened at the tower?
hello
sorry are you mad
ok talk to you later
I’m trying to figure out what I can say to him when Director Cha says, “All right, let’s get started, everyone!”
Bryan and I have a few lines together before he has to do his action scenes.
Despite the awkwardness between us, we’re not noticeably bad, and we still play off each other well.
The takes we film must be satisfactory because Director Cha doesn’t yell “Cut!” more often than he usually does.
There’s an unmistakable tenseness in Bryan’s eyes, and it doesn’t go away when the camera stops rolling.
Luckily, the scenes we’re shooting are pretty edgy anyway, which fits the gloomy beach we’re at well.
When I’m done for today, I check the time. We’re thankfully running ahead of schedule for once. I take a deep breath and walk over to where Bryan is discussing action scenes with the stunt coordinator, a big, muscular man in his forties.
“Hi, um, excuse me,” I say.
The stunt coordinator harrumphs. I bow at him before I continue. “Could I please speak to Bryan for a sec? It won’t be long, I promise.”
I don’t do my own stunts like Bryan does—something I really hope to change one day—so I’ve never really had to interact with the stunt coordinator much. Something about his really thick arm muscles and squarish jaw makes him really intimidating.
The two guys exchange glances before Bryan grins at him apologetically.
“Agh, who am I to keep two young love birds apart?” the stunt coordinator finally shouts, his booming voice making me jump. “Make it quick! Just because we’re ahead of schedule today doesn’t mean you can dillydally for long.”
“Thank you, sir.” Bryan gives him a big bow before raising his eyebrows at me.
“Come on,” I say. “Let’s talk somewhere more private.”
We head down to the beach, which is a few yards away from the rocky overlook where the crew’s set up the camera. It’s freezing, and the spray of the seawater is icy cold, but something about the rolling expanse of the waves makes me feel at peace.
When I turn back to look at Bryan, I can’t help but notice how the wind is tousling his wavy hair, which, coupled with the stormy look in his eyes, makes him the perfect K-drama hero.
For countless other girls, being liked by someone like Bryan is probably a dream come true.
But not me. I am excited and proud to see how amazing he’ll look on-screen, though.
“So,” I say. “First, I’m sorry for being MIA this week.
I got caught up in a lot of things. But I also wanted to tell you that nothing’s changed from the last time we talked.
” I pause, wondering how I can drive things home this time without giving Bryan any false hope.
It’s probably best to tell him the truth.
Or at least part of it. “I don’t like you in that way. I... actually like someone else.”
The moment I say it, it occurs to me that I might have said too much.
Bryan immediately jerks to attention. “Who?”
If we were in a less conservative society, I would have just told him the truth right then and there.
But since we’re in Korea, and I have no idea how Bryan feels about queer people like me, I just say, “I want to keep that a secret, at least for now. Enough of our private lives are leaked constantly already.”
Bryan sighs. “Fair.”
He turns around to leave. I’m about to relax my guard when he abruptly whips back toward me. “Wait... is it Minjee?”
It takes everything in my power to not react, to keep totally calm as I stare at Bryan point-blank. He doesn’t look like he’s repulsed by the idea of me liking Minjee, but there’s no way to tell how he really feels. We’re both actors. If I can hide my true thoughts and feelings, so can he.
The ocean’s roar grows deafening. I clench my fists, gathering up all my strength so I don’t run away.
Bryan continues, “I mean, come on. It’s pretty obvious.
You and I have both been busy with the show for the last few months.
And I imagine you have a lot of schoolwork to do off set like I do.
It’s unlikely you’ve had much time to hang out with anyone else.
I’ve also seen all the pictures from when you’ve hung out with Minjee.
You look way happier in them than you did whenever we hung out.
It’s either Minjee or some random internet stranger, I’m calling it. ”
If I weren’t so terrified at the fact that Bryan guessed correctly, I’d laugh at “random internet stranger.” I stare at him, trying to decide if I trust him.
I think back to the moment we shared in the cable car, at how honest he’d been about his own feelings with me in the past. Sure, he’s ridiculous sometimes, but he hasn’t done anything that makes me think he’s a bad person. Maybe I can trust him after all.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” I finally say. “I don’t even know if Minjee likes me back. If anyone finds out about my feelings for her, it’d—”
“Ruin your entire career, I know,” he cuts in, looking out across the sea.
I flinch. My heart’s racing so fast that it feels like it’s about to burst when he says, “Isn’t it funny and sad how people just assume everyone is straight? Like why is that the default, especially in Korea?”
He still has his back turned toward me, so I know his question is probably rhetorical.
But this is something I’ve asked myself a lot, too.
“Because being queer means you’re different,” I answer.
“It means you don’t fit in with the traditional gender roles that are prevalent in Korean society.
And some people are also against it for religious reasons. ”
“Right. I guess wherever we go there will be people opposed to it. But isn’t it wild how, on the other side of the Pacific, there are people like us that can marry their same-sex partners and have laws that protect them? I think about it a lot. Not so much the marrying part, but the other stuff.”
“Wait,” I say, reeling from whiplash. “‘People like us’?”
Bryan runs a hand through his hair, finally turning around to give me his dazzling K-pop prince smile.
“I’m pan. Or at least I’m questioning. I didn’t know what that was until I saw some stuff about it on Twitter.
But everything more or less made sense after that.
I’ve had this lifelong crush on one of my family friends.
He’s bi, but he’s dating a girl he met in LA and they’re happy together, so, eh. ”
He shrugs, and his smile fades into a wry grin.
“Wow” is all I can say. I drop down to a crouch, falling into what can only be described as a contemplative ahjumma sitting pose, since it’s how a lot of Korean aunties at the market sit while they sell their crops.
“Is me being pan that surprising?” Bryan laughs. “Well, at least now you know you have nothing to be worried about. Your secret is safe with me. As long as... you know—”
I shoot back up to a standing position and nod. “Of course, I’ll definitely keep your secret safe, too.”
We stand side by side in companionable silence, looking out at the sea for a long moment before I ask, “Do you know anyone else like us in the industry? I mean, of course I’ve heard of Holland and a handful of other queer adults. But anyone closer to our age?”
I can’t keep the hope out of my voice.
“Yeah! The guy I had a crush on is a model. And his girlfriend is a K-pop star. I’m telling you... queer people... we’re everywhere! The industry—this country !—just doesn’t know it yet.”
“We should honestly plan a queer takeover. Just paint rainbows all over Sangam-dong.”
“Hah! The world’s not ready for when we’re old enough to go clubbing at Itaewon.”
I laugh along with Bryan, but the mention of clubs makes me a bit nervous.
A few years ago, a lot of people in South Korea were quick to demonize the queer community because some outbreaks during a pandemic were traced to gay clubs in Seoul.
I hope things will be better by the time Bryan and I are old enough to go out.
“But yeah,” Bryan says, “the fact that you don’t like me because you like a girl makes me feel a lot better. Definitely a lot easier on my ego.”
I raise an eyebrow at Bryan. “Excuse you. I like both guys and girls, just not you . So that’s very faulty logic on your part. Plus, your ego doesn’t need any help.”
He grins. “True, true.”
“Bryan! Hana!” Director Cha yells at us. He’s power walking across the beach toward us from where the crew’s set up. The sand’s sticking to his pants, and he looks miserable. “What are you two doing? Bryan, we need to shoot the next scene!”
“My cue to leave,” Bryan says with a wink. “But good talk, Jin! And best of luck with the whole unrequited crush thing!”
Jin? I’m still processing the fact that he called me by my last name when Bryan breaks off into a run, bowing and enthusiastically apologizing to the director.
What a weird guy , I think. But despite the whirlwind of our conversation, I’m glad it happened. I feel really relieved that there are other queer kids like me in the industry.
I look back out at the water again, enjoying one last whiff of the salty air before I head back to where Sophia’s waiting for me on set.
Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to do about Minjee.