Flirting Lessons

Chapter Seventeen

Seventeen

When Avery woke up the next morning, Taylor was getting dressed. That was rare; Taylor almost never woke up before her.

“Where are you going?” Avery asked. She hoped it was to go pick up pastries. Taylor had done that before, though she usually waited until after they both woke up (and had sex) to do so.

“I’m taking off,” Taylor said as she pulled her shirt on. “I have to get to the winery to pick up my car, and then I have some stuff to do today before work.”

Avery sat up.

“I’ll drive you there.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Taylor said. “You had a busy day yesterday. Go back to sleep, I’ll see you later.” She flashed a smile at Avery and walked out of the bedroom. That was also unlike Taylor. She was probably still upset about the whole Erica thing and needed to be alone, so Avery just let her go.

Taylor had been really hurt by that bet, which kind of surprised Avery. She would have expected Taylor to shrug it off and not worry about what other people said about her. Taylor’s reaction to the bet made Avery realize she’d been wrong about her vision of Taylor: she did have insecurities like everyone else. She’d told Avery that, more than once; Avery supposed she hadn’t really believed her. Should she have insisted on driving her this morning, just to see if she was okay? She hated that Taylor was hurting. She would text her later to check in.

But also…she was weirdly glad that she knew the expiration date for their relationship. Maybe it was because she liked structure, clarity, deadlines; she knew Taylor never stayed with anyone for very long, but no one had really told her how long “not very long” was. Everything had been going so well for the two of them, and they’d been having so much fun; she knew that if things kept going like this for much longer, she ran the risk of getting crushed when Taylor decided she was bored with her and it was time to move on. And she didn’t want that.

Now that they had an end date, she felt more secure. No surprises, no chances of getting hurt or too attached. At the most, seven more weeks of fun times and great sex, then Taylor could go off and date the next person who raised an eyebrow at her when she poured wine, and Avery would use her newfound flirting skills to attempt to date someone else.

Avery looked at the clock and snuggled back down into her bed. She had at least an hour before she had to get up. And even though the day before had been fun, it had been long and exhausting, so she was grateful for the break she’d given herself in her schedule. Unfortunately, now that she was awake, she was awake . After ten minutes of trying to go back to sleep, she got up and made coffee, and got back in bed to spend the next hour peacefully scrolling through nonsense on her phone, which she didn’t often have the leisure to do on a Monday morning. Her phone was still on do not disturb, and she didn’t let herself check her email yet—she wanted a few more moments of relaxation—but she did click over to check her texts, and found one from Luke from a few moments earlier.

Luke

How’d the surprise go? what’s your week look like? dinner tomorrow night maybe?

Luke had known about her surprise for Taylor, which was why he’d jumped in to take over the cleanup after the shower. She owed him one.

Avery

Surprise was great, thanks for the assist. and yeah we haven’t hung out in too long, let me check my calendar

She couldn’t do Tuesday night, though. Tuesday night had been her night with Taylor ever since they’d started the flirting lessons, and they’d kept it like that after they’d started dating. Even though they usually saw each other on the weekends and at least one other night a week, they always got together on Tuesdays.

Avery

What about lunch tomorrow? I have a busy morning but a window between 1 and 3 if that works for you

She couldn’t wait to tell him about the bet that Taylor had overheard. If she was being honest with herself, when Taylor told her about the bet, she’d gotten a flash of pride. She’d tried to push that away in the moment, since Taylor was clearly upset about it and needed to vent. But she was never the person other people gossiped about. She was Goody Two-shoes Avery Jensen, always responsible, always dating the nice, boring guy, always doing what was expected of her, always the person who said “yes, please” and “no, thank you.” She never dated the person whom everyone gossiped about, the person people said, What do you think about those two? about, the person people placed bets on. And now she was, and it felt great.

Was it kind of weird and intrusive that people were that interested in her relationship with Taylor that they were placing bets about it? Sure. It was still exciting. Not that she’d tell Taylor that; Avery didn’t want her to think she was making light of something that bothered her so much. But she couldn’t wait to tell Luke about this.

Luke

Done. let me know where and i’ll be there

The next day, Luke texted her after he got to their favorite sandwich shop.

Luke

I’m in line—italian sub or fried chicken sandwich? or one of each and we share?

She texted him back once she’d parked.

Avery

One of each and we share, and chips too. just parked, i’ll grab a table out back

Luke grinned at her when he came outside.

“Hey!” He put their food down and gave her a hug. “I feel like it’s been forever. You’re so busy now with Taylor .” He said her name like he used to say the names of people she’d had crushes on in high school. She, in turn, reverted to elementary school and stuck her tongue out at him. They both burst out laughing.

“Oh, I’m the busy one?” She couldn’t help but tease him. “You spend every spare second with Margot, and you begrudge me time with Taylor?”

He smiled that besotted smile that always came over his face when Margot came up, and shook his head.

“You know I don’t begrudge you time with Taylor. You seem so happy with her.”

Avery laughed again.

“How do you know? You’ve barely seen us together.”

He shook his head again.

“I can tell. You’re so comfortable with her, so relaxed, so…you. But that’s not all—you just seem happier in general ever since you started dating her. You laugh a lot more. You have more fun. Your voice even sounds different. It’s really nice.”

She hadn’t expected this from Luke. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. She supposed she did feel different now and had all summer. Was that because of Taylor? Partly, probably. Some of it was because of doing the flirting lessons with Taylor; they’d given her more confidence in herself, they’d made her feel less stressed about every interaction, they’d made her feel more…herself. Which wasn’t what she’d expected from them. But yeah, some of it was definitely from dating Taylor.

“Speaking of Taylor, I have to tell you what happened at the shower. Wait, give me half of a sandwich.”

He handed her half of the chicken sandwich and opened the top of the sparkling water he’d gotten her.

“I have no idea what could be so exciting that happened at a baby shower, but I’m all ears. Did everyone find out the baby isn’t the father’s? Oh wait, it was a two-mom shower, that wouldn’t work. Did someone cheat at one of the games and then someone else found out about it and there was a whole brawl? Granted, I saw no evidence of a brawl when I got there, but that doesn’t mean anything; you and Taylor are both pretty efficient at cleaning up. Did someone spike the punch? But why would they have to, the shower was at a winery. Okay, I give up.”

Avery took a bite of her sandwich and chewed it slowly before she looked up at Luke.

“Are you done? Do I get to tell my story now?”

Luke thought for a second.

“Yep, done. Please go ahead.” He unwrapped the other sandwich and gestured for her to talk. She rolled her eyes and tried to hide her smile.

“Okay, so Taylor and I left for a few minutes toward the end to help Sam load up the car, but Taylor came back before I did. Well , she overheard the rest of the people there gossiping about the two of us—what they thought of our relationship, what they thought of me, stuff like that.”

“What do they think of you?” Luke asked.

Avery shook her head.

“Taylor only told me good things, though I’m sure she was holding something back. But then, Erica—the guest of honor, pregnant lady, Taylor’s best friend of many years—proposed a bet on how long our relationship would last. Mine and Taylor’s! And then they all bet on if we would last longer than her pregnancy!” Luke didn’t look as amused by this as she’d assumed he would be. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be mad about this on my behalf, I’m not upset about it. Taylor is, though. She’s upset that her friends were gossiping about her—which I get—and she’s pretty hurt that Erica proposed the bet in the first place. I understand all of that, but I also think it’s kind of funny. When Taylor told me about it, I had to be nice and understanding and come up with a solution for her, but I think it’s wild that people are betting about my relationship, you know?”

Luke tore open a bag of potato chips.

“I guess I can see that, but I’m more in Taylor’s camp here. These were her friends, right? Wouldn’t it feel weird to you and make you feel bad if your friends were all betting against you? Or if your friends thought your relationship was something to place bets on and laugh about?”

Avery reached for a chip.

“I get that, but this is Taylor we’re talking about here. She’s always hopping from relationship to relationship—I’m sure her friends have met so many of her girlfriends of the month, you know? Hell, half of them have been her girlfriends of the month! I knew that going in. Everyone and their mother flirts with her—sometimes literally! She knows that about herself, though I guess it bothers her that other people like talking about it.”

Luke looked at her with some concern in his eyes.

“Does that mean that this relationship isn’t serious? Because I hoped…”

Avery laughed.

“Taylor doesn’t do serious, come on, I know this. You know this, too! As a matter of fact, we decided that because of the bet, we’re going to stay together until three days after Erica has the baby, and then break up. And Erica isn’t due for seven weeks, which honestly is far longer than I thought we’d stay together.”

Luke crumpled up his sandwich wrapper.

“Oh. Huh, okay. You already have a breakup plan. Was this Taylor’s idea?”

Avery shook her head.

“No, mine. She was upset about the bet, and mad that most of her friends bet that we wouldn’t last until Erica had the baby, so I said we should make sure the people who bet on us would win. Hilariously, the only person we know who was on our side was Erica’s friend Sloane, who Taylor spent all summer despising.”

Luke nodded slowly.

“Right, but why does this mean you have to break up? I know that you say Taylor doesn’t do serious, but…you seem to really like her, and she seems to be really into you, and there are lots of people who ‘don’t do serious’ until they do, you know? Like, is this what you want? A casual relationship that you already have an end date for? Because it doesn’t seem like that’s what you want.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting that,” Avery said.

“But is that what you want?” Luke asked. “I don’t know, after seeing you with Taylor…Are you sure you don’t have real feelings for her?”

Avery started to deny it, to say of course she didn’t, of course she wanted something casual. The look on Luke’s face stopped her. He looked so supportive, so concerned for her, that she couldn’t do it. She was trying to be more honest about her feelings, wasn’t she? She knew she could trust Luke.

“Okay. To you, and to you only , I’ll admit that if I let myself, I could have some real feelings for Taylor. And yes, there have been a few times when I wished that she did serious relationships. But she doesn’t. And I haven’t let those feelings get big, I am okay with this relationship staying casual. I don’t want to be one of the many people who has had their heart broken by Taylor Cameron. You don’t have to worry about me, Luke, I promise.”

If she let herself hope, even a little bit, she could easily convince herself that there was something real between her and Taylor, that she really cared, that their relationship could last. But if she did that, when the end came…it would be awful. That breakup would be far worse than the breakup with Derek. By the end, she was so unhappy with him that her heart had been just fine when they broke up. But if she let herself think that she and Taylor…No, she didn’t even want to think about it. It was much more civilized to have a nice, agreed-upon date for when they’d break up. No drama, no tears, no heartbreak.

“Okay,” Luke said. “But have you and Taylor talked about this? Not the bet or the breakup plan or whatever, but that neither of you thinks this relationship is serious or has the potential to be?”

Luke was going to keep pushing on this, wasn’t he?

“We don’t have to talk about it. We’ve talked about a ton of relationship stuff for months now, long before we were even dating. She and Erica had a bet before we started dating that Taylor couldn’t make it all summer without sleeping with someone, because that’s the kind of person she is. I knew that’s what I was getting into. I need to sow my wild oats for a while, not jump back into a serious relationship. And she’s the first woman I’ve dated, after all. I want to do more of that.”

Luke nodded again. Avery was starting to hate that nod.

“What?” she said. “Just say it, since I know you’re going to anyway.”

He offered her the open bag of potato chips, and she took a handful.

“I just don’t want you to give up on a relationship that could be something more because you’re scared of getting your heart broken.” She started to say something, to tell him that wasn’t it, but he went on. “With Derek, you realized afterward that you were much happier without him in your life than you were with him in your life, right? Well, with Taylor, you’re happier with her in your life than you were without her, aren’t you? I guess…Look, I don’t want to be that guy who is all coupled up now and so is trying to preach about love and relationships and act like I know better than you, because I’ve never known better than you about anything, and I’m not going to start now. But I don’t want you to ignore your own feelings and try to take the easier way out when you actually want something else.”

Avery shook her head.

“Luke, I know you care about me, and I appreciate it, but I’m having a great time with Taylor, and that’s all. I wanted to have fun in this last year of my twenties, and that’s what I’m doing, I’m having a blast. I know you’re happy now, but I am, too. I’m happy just the way things are, I don’t need to change things to be happy, okay? Now, tell me about your trip. How’s the new job?”

Luke gave her a long look. And then, like she’d known he would, he let her change the subject.

“The job is good so far,” he said. “I keep expecting something bad to happen, my shoulders tense up every time I check my email, but everything has been far better than I expected. As for the trip…”

Avery sighed with relief as she listened to Luke’s story. It had been a mistake to open up to Luke about her very occasional thoughts of what could be between her and Taylor. Casual, fun, great sex, seven weeks to go. Just what she wanted.

Taylor was coldly furious at both Erica and Avery. She spent Sunday and Monday replaying what they’d each said, to remind herself why she was angry and why they deserved it. Every so often, hurt began to seep through the anger, both hurt and sadness, but when that happened, she replayed a particularly enraging part of one of the conversations in her head, and that reignited her anger.

Usually, when she was this angry with someone, she would bring it up immediately so they could hash it out. Often when she got this angry at someone she was dating, she would just break up with them, because what was the point in staying in a relationship if it was going to be difficult? But this all felt different. She was angry at Erica, yes, but she was also too hurt to even talk about it yet. She had to sit with this before she did something wildly embarrassing like burst into tears when she saw Erica.

As for Avery, the whole point was that Taylor didn’t want to break up with her. That’s what hurt so much—and made her so angry: Avery had decided that they would break up and when, without even talking to Taylor about it or asking her how she felt.

Was this a taste of her own medicine? Probably.

On Monday, Avery sent her a few texts, all of which Taylor either ignored or responded to briefly. Her texts were light and cheerful, which only enraged Taylor more. But then on Tuesday afternoon, she pulled out her phone to see a text that made her want to throw her phone across the room.

Avery

What time tonight?

Right. It was Tuesday, the night they always hung out. And because Avery thought everything was totally fine between them, she assumed they had plans. But Taylor couldn’t see Avery tonight, she had to calm herself down first, or deal with Erica first, or something. Whatever it was, she hadn’t done it yet.

Taylor

Can’t tonight

She should probably say more to Avery. If she were mature and grown-up and all of those things, she would, but she felt neither mature nor grown-up right now.

Avery

Oh, ok

Then the three little dots popped up next to Avery’s name to show that she was typing, and stayed there for a long time before her next text came.

Avery

See you later this week then

Now Taylor felt guilty for blowing off Avery, and then furious for feeling guilty. Why should she feel bad about that? Avery seemed perfectly happy to have their relationship end seven Tuesdays from now! Why would Avery even care that she was blowing her off? Avery didn’t care about her at all!

She stayed at the winery late that day, doing only sort of necessary cleanup and organization, and got bad takeout on the way home.

Late the next afternoon, Erica texted her. Not to the group chat they had with Liz and Callie and that whole crew—Erica had texted that chat for days with photos from the shower and how much she loved them all and then pictures of the nursery set up with presents and blah blah. Everyone else had hearted and awwwed and yayed about that stuff, but Taylor had ignored it all. She wondered what they were saying about her in the group chat she was sure they had without her in it. But no, Erica’s text today was just to her.

Erica

Hey! did you or avery happen to see an extra envelope around when you guys were cleaning up after the shower? I only ask because my aunt apparently gave me a big gift card, and my mom will lose it if I don’t send a thank you note, but I can’t find it anywhere.

Shit. That envelope. Where the fuck was it? Taylor looked in her bag, but it wasn’t there, and then checked her pockets and pulled out a frayed—but still intact—envelope from her back pocket. Right, Avery had stuck it in her back pocket when they’d left the winery that day. It was a miracle that it hadn’t fallen out when she’d washed them. Good thing she was wearing those same pants today.

Taylor

Yeah i’ve got it.

Normally, she would apologize for forgetting something like this and not texting Erica right away, but she wasn’t fucking sorry. Hadn’t she thrown Erica that fucking shower only to have her curse her relationship? Erica was the one who should be sorry.

Erica

Awesome! want to drop it by on the way home from work? sam isn’t home, I could order dinner? I haven’t gotten to see just you in a while.

Oh, she wanted to see just Taylor?

Taylor

Sure

Taylor had a pit in her stomach when she left the winery that afternoon. She didn’t know what she was going to do when she got to Erica’s, if she was going to chicken out and just drop off the card and go, or stay and talk about everything, or something in between. She hadn’t said she was going to stay for dinner tonight; she could make an excuse and say she had to meet Avery or something. But if she said that, would Erica smirk and then Taylor would know what she was smirking about and then let it all out? Had Erica smirked every time she’d brought up Avery for the past few weeks or months? She couldn’t remember.

Plus, Erica had been distant for months. Taylor had blamed either Sloane or Erica’s pregnancy for all of that, for the disappearing acts and the ignored texts and the condescending tone from Erica about lots of things, including Taylor’s failed celibacy bet. But had Erica decided that since she was a grown-up married woman who owned a house and had a baby on the way, she was too mature for her mess of a friend who lived in an apartment and had a mediocre credit score and jumped in and out of people’s beds at the drop of a hat? Maybe. Maybe Erica didn’t want to be her friend anymore.

Taylor felt a tear threaten to spill out of her eye. Goddamn it.

Erica had been there for her when she’d lost two jobs in a row and hadn’t been sure how she was going to pay her rent that month. Erica was the only person other than Avery she’d told about her secret dream to own a wine bar, and Erica had cheered her on. Erica had laughed and cried and mourned and celebrated every big moment with her for years. Erica, her Erica, wouldn’t smirk when she brought up her girlfriend—if she had, Taylor would have noticed, would have said, What the fuck?

Granted, she wouldn’t think that Erica, her Erica, would have made that bet in the first place, but unfortunately, she’d heard it herself. She had to ask Erica what the fuck was going on.

She pulled up in front of Erica’s cute little house, right next door to Sloane’s much bigger one, and squared her shoulders as she walked up to the front door. Erica opened it almost as soon as Taylor rang the bell.

“Hey! I wasn’t sure if the doorbell was you or our pizza, and honestly, I was more excited for it to be our pizza, no offense, I’m starving. I got two of them, since I feel like I could eat an entire pizza myself—even though I have awful heartburn now, sorry, you’ll have to excuse the TMI, but then, I feel like there isn’t really TMI between the two of us, anyway? Sorry that I’m talking nonstop, I haven’t left the house all day, and with Sam gone, I haven’t talked to anyone in person today and I feel like it’s all just exploding to get out. Do you want Diet Coke? It’s in the fridge, I put some in there for you.”

Taylor didn’t even try to get a word in edgewise as they walked into the kitchen. She could tell the chatter was because Erica was nervous; they hadn’t been friends for over ten years for nothing.

When Erica finally stopped talking, Taylor pulled the card out of her bag and handed it to Erica.

“Here’s your aunt’s card,” she said. “I overheard that bet you made that my relationship with Avery wouldn’t last longer than your pregnancy. Avery decided that we should make sure we dated until a few days after you gave birth, just so you would lose the bet, and I suppose that would be nice revenge and all, but I don’t really want revenge, I really just want to know what the fuck, Erica? Why did you do that?”

As soon as Taylor said she overheard the bet, Erica dropped into a seat at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands. She didn’t look up until Taylor finished talking.

“Shit.” She bit her lip. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you overheard that. It was—”

In her whole previous speech, Taylor had been calm and measured and to the point like she’d wanted to be, but as soon as Erica said she was sorry, Taylor snapped.

“I don’t fucking care about your apology,” she said. “I don’t want you to apologize to me, I don’t care how sorry you are. What I care about is that you’re my best friend, and you think it’s funny to bet with other people about me like that? You sit there at your fucking baby shower all happy and on top of the world because you have everything you’ve ever wanted, and you mock me and what I have and what I want? While I’m carrying your fucking baby presents to the car you are actively rooting against my relationship? And you won, congratulations, because when I told Avery about your bet, I found out that she doesn’t really care when we break up, and it feels like you cursed me and I don’t understand any of this.”

She couldn’t help the tears from falling, which made her angrier. She compensated for them by raising her voice. It made her feel like shit to yell at a pregnant lady and make her cry, but hey, at least she wasn’t the only one crying.

“I didn’t mean to…I’m so sor—” Erica stopped herself and took a shaky breath between her tears. “I’m not going to apologize again, but can I explain?”

Taylor felt wildly guilty when Erica took that shaky breath. But wait a fucking second. What the hell did she have to feel guilty for? Erica was crying for good reason, because she’d done something fucked up and Taylor had found out about it.

“Explain what? Why you told a big group of our friends—and some people who barely know me—that I’m such a joke of a person that it’s fun to bet about my life? And that my love life exists purely to entertain you and give you something to laugh about? Is that what you’re going to explain, or is there more to it?”

Erica looked so hurt, which both gave Taylor a jolt of satisfaction and made her feel like an enormous asshole all at once.

“I don’t blame you for being mad,” Erica said. “But please, can we talk about this? Will you sit down and listen?”

That was what she’d come here for, after all. Not the yelling, which she hadn’t meant to do. Taylor brushed the back of her hand against her face and sat down at the kitchen table across from Erica.

“I know the bet was shitty,” Erica said. “I mean, I didn’t realize you’d care this much, you didn’t tell me you cared about Avery this much, but—”

“You never asked!” Taylor shook her head. “No, I said I’d let you talk, keep going.”

Erica nodded.

“I’m not going to make excuses. But I guess I was just…resentful. You’ve been spending so much time with Avery lately, and I’ve hardly seen you. I’ve been miserable all summer—all year, actually, but especially this summer—and you didn’t seem to care.”

“I didn’t know!” Taylor couldn’t help herself from interrupting. “Yeah, I know you had a hard time earlier this year, with the miscarriage, but it seemed like you were feeling better, and you got pregnant again! I didn’t know you were miserable.”

“You didn’t ask!” Erica said. “Okay, you did ask at the beginning, but then everything seemed to go back to normal for you, when it felt like nothing would ever be normal again for me. You were all normal happy Taylor, dating people and breaking up with them and bemoaning how many people there were in this world who wanted to date you, and it was so hard for me to listen to that. I desperately wanted to have a baby, you knew that, and then I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, which almost broke me. And you were great when I had the miscarriage, you were, but then I got pregnant again, and I’ve been terrified for every second of this pregnancy that something else would go wrong, and you didn’t seem to care that much.”

Taylor hadn’t known any of this.

“I cared. Of course I cared. But I didn’t realize you felt like this.”

Erica sighed.

“I know. It felt irrational, so I didn’t talk about it. I tried to keep my mind off it, but how do you keep your mind off something when your whole body is changing exactly because of that something? The only thing I could try to do was to make plans for the baby, but you absolutely did not care about my plans for the baby; you have no interest in babies. Which is fine, I don’t expect everyone in the world to have an interest in babies, but it was all I could think about. But, like, your punishment for losing our bet was that you had to throw me a baby shower, since the idea of doing that was so repulsive to you; imagine how that made me feel.”

“The baby shower was your idea!” Taylor said. Shit, she was yelling again. She took a deep breath. “I didn’t know it bothered you,” she said. “We always make bets like that. Are you telling me you’ve been mad at me about this all summer? Is that why you made that bet?”

“No!” Erica was crying again. Or still. “That’s not what I’m saying! I wasn’t mad at you, just kind of hurt, but I brushed it off, because you’re right, we always make bets like this, and plus, I know you, and I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it. I’m not trying to excuse myself here, I’m just telling you how I felt. You wanted me to be the exact same Erica I’ve always been, but I’m not that person anymore. I talked about baby stuff with Sloane because she was the only person I could talk about baby stuff with, and you were so snotty and resentful about Sloane and how I was going to turn into a suburban mom just like her, and wasn’t her life depressing, and on and on.”

Well. Erica had a point there.

“Okay, yes, I was a bitch about Sloane, I admit it. But that was…” Fuck, she had stupid tears in her eyes again. “That was because I thought you were replacing me with Sloane. You moved into your cute little house, and you had your perfect relationship with your wife, and you had a baby on the way, and here I am, your fuckup friend over here who still isn’t really sure what she’s going to be when she grows up and doesn’t know how to have an actual relationship. I thought you were…done with me. Or, maybe keeping me around as an example of who you used to be but didn’t want to be anymore. Someone to tell all your rich friends stories about: ‘Let me tell you what my wild friend Taylor did this time, she’s always hilarious!’?”

Erica got up, grabbed a box of tissues and put it in the middle of the table, then sat back down.

“Tay. I would never.” She shook her head. “My relationship with Sam isn’t perfect. Not even close. That’s another reason this year has been so hard for me.”

Taylor looked up at her.

“What? You guys are having trouble? I didn’t…I had no idea.”

“I just held it in,” Erica said. “It’s been so scary. We both dealt with the miscarriage really differently—I fell apart, and she was stoic through it all. And she’s also been totally stoic and…unfeeling through this whole pregnancy. She’s been out of town a ton for work, and generally just working a lot. I know she has a tough job, and I know she works really hard. But she’s missed a bunch of doctor’s appointments—you saw how she even left the shower early. And we keep fighting about all of that. We finally had a blowout fight after the shower; she said it’s because she’s so worried about the baby and about how childbirth will be for me that she’s trying not to think about it. We’re going to get back into couples therapy, we honestly never should have stopped, but it was one more thing, you know?”

Taylor nodded. That’s why she’d quit going to therapy a few years ago herself. One more thing to schedule and remember to do and pay for and stress about.

“I wish you’d told me about all this.” She shook her head. “No, I wish I had been a better friend to you; I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me all this.”

Erica wiped her eyes.

“It wasn’t that, I was just in the middle of it and so I felt like I had to hold it all in, because if I let it out to someone, it would be real, you know? Anyway, I said that thing about the bet after Sam left the shower early—which she hadn’t told me she was going to do—and I was mad and resentful, and I took it out on you and I know you don’t want me to say this but I’m so, so sorry. But also…you were spending so much time with Avery this summer, and I felt like you were replacing me with her, and then you guys were dating, and you seemed so happy. And I guess I was kind of jealous of you. That your life seemed so fun and easy and carefree, the way my life used to be. And I know, I know it’s not actually like that, I tried to remind myself of the ways it wasn’t like that, which I guess meant I kept acting shitty to you without meaning to. I really am sorry I did that.”

Taylor didn’t mind Erica’s apology that time. She reached for a tissue and handed it to Erica, then grabbed another one for herself.

“Thanks for saying all of that,” she said. “And thank you for the apology.”

Erica wiped her eyes and squeezed Taylor’s hand.

“Okay, what were you talking about earlier about how I cursed you or whatever? What’s going on with you and Avery? I know I’m into tarot, but I can’t actually curse anyone, you know that, right?”

Taylor laughed at that so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks. Probably not only from the laughter.

“I was just being histrionic.” She stopped and wiped her eyes. “But look, I feel like you’re selling yourself short; I think you could do it if you really put your mind to it.”

“Thanks, but that didn’t answer the ‘what’s going on with you and Avery’ part of that question, you know.”

Yeah, she knew.

“Avery made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, not a real one. Sure, she’s had a lot of fun with me, but that’s all she wanted; some fun and flirting lessons and some experience with women and a little—probably a big—ego boost.”

Erica folded her hands together and sat back.

“What do you mean she ‘made it pretty clear’? What did she say that makes you think that’s how she feels about you?”

Taylor shrugged.

“After we left the winery, I told her about what I overheard, and how you bet against us and how Sloane was the only person who was on our side—also, yes, I was a bitch about Sloane, I completely acknowledge that, I’d already told Avery that she was right about Sloane even before I overheard that.”

Erica smiled.

“Yeah, she seems like one of those people who would have a house in all white and beige and never let their children get dirty and who would be super uptight, I know. And she is a little uptight, but she’s not those other things, and she’s been a really great friend to me. I’m glad you realized that she’s actually pretty cool.”

Taylor nodded.

“Yeah. Me, too. But anyway, when I told Avery about the bet and what everyone said about us—well, me, mostly—she just laughed and said, ‘Oh well, let’s make sure the people who bet on us win, and the other people lose, so we’ll break up a few days after Erica has her baby!’ And I laughed, because I thought she was joking, but then she said it again a few hours later, and I realized she was serious. She also doesn’t believe in us, like everyone else at that party.”

Erica was silent for a minute.

“Then I guess the question that I have for you is, how do you feel about Avery? Because her reaction is bothering you a lot more than I would have guessed that it would. Do you want more with her? Do you think your relationship could be serious?”

Erica said all of that in the same tone of voice people use when they’re trying not to frighten baby animals. Taylor couldn’t even be offended.

“Um.” She took a deep breath. “The thought of not being with Avery…it really hurt. Things have been so good with her. She just…she likes me, she accepts me for who I am, who I am right now, you know? Like, we’re so honest with each other, we’re so comfortable with each other, I can talk to her about things that I don’t talk to most people about. Some of the stuff that I don’t like about myself or find frustrating about myself are things that she likes about me, which I still can’t believe. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, which isn’t the way I’ve felt about most people I’ve dated. You know that. You know I like my space when I’m dating someone. But with Avery, it feels like I can have space while I’m around her. That I can bring her along to hang out with my friends and I still get to relax and have fun, that I can just sit on the couch and do nothing at her place with her sitting on the other corner of the couch working or watching TV or whatever, that it’s fun to even do things like go to the stupid grocery store with her. I thought I had to have everything all figured out about my life, before I tried to build any sort of life with someone else, but now…” Taylor pushed her fingers through her hair. “I guess that should all be in the past tense, though. Because now that I think I want this thing between us to be big, serious, something that could go the distance, it’s only because I found out she wasn’t thinking that way at all.”

Erica shook her head.

“Okay, wait, are you determining this just because Avery made a joke about how you guys should break up so I would lose the bet? Did you talk to her about this?”

“Yes! I told you! She brought it up again, and that’s when I realized she wasn’t joking, except for how she thinks everything about our relationship is a joke! She thought the whole bet thing was funny—she tried to be nice about it because I was clearly so upset, but I could tell—and she even had an idea for what to do if we wanted to break up before you have the baby! We just wouldn’t tell anyone so we could make sure the people who bet on us win the bet. Isn’t that great? This relationship feels different to me; I don’t want to give up on it, but it’s just a big joke to her. Whenever we break up, it doesn’t matter to her at all.”

“But it matters to you?” Erica asked. “When you break up, or if you break up at all?”

“YES!” Taylor couldn’t help but yell. “What have I just been saying to you?”

Erica nodded.

“Mm-hmm, and why does it matter to you?”

Taylor glared at her.

“Erica, is this some sort of bullshit Socratic method thing that you learned from your lawyer wife or your couples therapist or your tarot books or something?”

Erica just smiled at her.

“Answer the damn question, Taylor. Why does it matter to you?”

“Because I think I’m falling in love with her, that’s why! Is that what you wanted to hear? Fine, I said it, are you fucking happy now?” Taylor stood up; she didn’t know why. To leave, to go hide in shame, because it was easier to yell when she was standing up, maybe all of the above.

Erica’s smile got wider.

“Then why the fuck don’t you tell her that?”

“Because that sounds fucking scary!” Taylor fell back down into her chair. “And once I say how I feel and she says she doesn’t feel the same way, it’ll be out there, and I’ll know it and she’ll know it, and we won’t be able to go along as we have been, so we’ll have to break up, and I’ll be miserable, and fuck, this is bullshit, why does anyone do this?”

She and Erica both burst out laughing. Taylor let the tears she’d been holding back stream down her face, and Erica handed her tissues as they both laughed and cried.

“Maybe you should try telling her?” Erica said, in the don’t-scare-the-baby-animal voice.

Taylor shook her head.

“I fucking knew you were going to say that.” She crumpled up her tissues and dropped them onto the table. And then she stood up.

“Fine. I will.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen. Then she turned around, went to Erica, and pulled her into a very tight hug. “I love you so much, you know that, right?”

Erica kissed her cheek.

“Yeah, I do. I love you so much, too. And, Taylor, I’m so sorry. For the bet, and for being such a resentful little shit, and for not talking to you about what was going on with me, and for so many other things.”

“I’m so sorry for being a bitch,” Taylor said. “And for not listening to you, and not being the best possible friend I could be to you, and so many other things.”

Taylor took a step back, and then leaned forward and bent down to Erica’s belly.

“Sorry for yelling at your mom and for using all that bad language, I promise not to do it again.” She thought for a minute. “Well, the yelling, I definitely won’t do that again. The bad language, I can’t make any promises.”

Erica gave Taylor a hard hug, and then pushed her toward the door.

“Go, before you lose your nerve.”

Taylor glared at her.

“Okay, I’m going!” She turned to leave and then turned back around. “Wait, I have one more question. Who was the other person who bet on me and Avery?”

Erica laughed.

“Callie. Now I’ll owe her dinner, too. And, as we both know, she’ll make me pay.”

They grinned at each other, and then Erica took Taylor by the hand and pulled her to the front door.

“Now. Go.”