Chapter 21
Chapter 21
I stood in front of the door, working hard at getting up my nerve. I needed to see him; I had things to say.
I raised my hand to knock, pausing in midair. What would he say? How would he react? Would I lose my nerve?
Before I could change my mind, I rapped my knuckles against the wooden door.
I waited. And waited. I could hear footsteps inside, and then the door swung open.
“Marissa!”
“Hey, Eddie,” I replied, forcing a smile. “Someone let me into your building. I hope that’s okay?”
“Of course!” He pulled me in for a kiss. “This is a wonderful surprise. I thought you were going to have a quiet night at home.”
I stepped across the threshold and into his apartment. “Yes, well, I was, and then I needed to see you.”
“Oh, that’s so great.” He beamed at me and I had to look away.
“Can we talk?” I asked, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.
“Sure, babe, sure,” he cooed, closing the door to his apartment behind me and leading me by my hand through the cavernous room to his large, white sofa.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, his face etched in concern.
I took a deep breath and nodded at him. “I . . . I need to tell you something.”
“You’ve got me worried.”
I bit my lip. This last week with Eddie had shown me so much about him and about me—and I didn’t think he would like any of it very much. But I needed to say it, I needed for him to hear it—and I needed to hear it myself.
“I’ve changed,” I began, the sadness beginning to dissipate a fraction inside. “I’m not the girl I was back when we were dating.”
He nodded, reaching for my face. “I know. You’re even more amazing now.”
I placed my hand on his wrist and lowered his hand. I couldn’t say what I needed to say with a guy’s hand placed possessively on my cheek.
“Eddie, when we were dating back then I had such low self-esteem. I’d only just started to learn who I was, who I wanted to be.”
He shrugged. “We were young.”
“More than that, I was lost. You were so good for me in so many ways.” He smiled at me. “And so bad, too.” His face dropped. “Eddie, I’m my own person. I make my own decisions. I have a career and friends and a place in the world.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you saying?”
“I guess I’m saying, I don’t need you anymore. I thought I did, but I don’t.”
“But, I love you and you love me. Whatever this whole ‘kick-ass girl’ thing is you’ve got going on now”—he gestured at me as though I were an object—“I still want to be with you.”
“You want to be with me despite me being a ‘kick-ass girl’?” I asked, my eyes agog.
“Well, not if you put it that way. That makes me sound like a total ass.”
I pushed myself up off the sofa, my inner “kick-ass girl” standing tall. “In some ways, you are a total ass, Eddie. And I’m not going to sit around while you pursue your dreams and disregard mine. It’s not going to happen.”
“But . . . but you can’t do this to me!” He stood up to his full six-foot height, putting his hands on my shoulders. “This has been the best week of our lives.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, not for me, but it has been a really valuable lesson.” My heart softened a little. I had just called the man I’d been in love with for years an “ass.” The least I could do was try to let him down gently now. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Eddie, I was in love with you for so long. When I saw you at the Cozy Cottage, I thought you were my Prince Charming, come to save me.”
“I am your Prince Charming,” he said, stroking my cheek like I was his pet.
I held his hand by his wrist once more. I shook my head. “No, you’re not. And you know something? I don’t need a Prince Charming, and I don’t need to be saved.”
He looked at me in utter bewilderment, as though I had told him the sky wasn’t blue.
And then, his face changed. “You’re going back to that guy you were seeing, Nash.”
Pain seared through my chest as I thought of Nash and me at the Cozy Cottage Jam. I had been so close to him, so happy. He had been my equal, the man for me, someone who saw me for who I was, not what they wanted me to be.
And I’d totally screwed it up.
“You’re right,” I acquiesced, a brick heavy in my belly.
“I knew it!” He slammed his fist into his hand, his lips thin with anger.
I shook my head. “But he’s not my Prince Charming, either. He’s the guy I’ve fallen for, the guy I want to be with. And even though he doesn’t want me, I’m going to try my best to win him over.”
“You’re leaving me for someone who doesn’t even want to be with you?” His eyes were wide.
I chewed the inside of my lip and nodded.
“That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” he scoffed, his face reddening. “You haven’t changed, you’ll never change.” He spat his words at me like gunfire.
I stood, stock-still, unable to move, my nostrils flaring, my eyes narrowed.
“You’re chasing a phantom, a ghost. This guy doesn’t want to be with you, just like I didn’t want to be with you. But still you waited all those years, like the sad, pitiful person you are, hoping I’d change my mind.” He peppered his words with spite—this man who had professed to love me only moments ago.
I could do without that kind of love.
I clenched my fists at my sides. This was not the way I’d seen this conversation going. But then, I hadn’t been the one to break up with Eddie in the past. Perhaps he was always this bitter and nasty when a woman wised up to him?
Without a further word, I slipped the strap of my purse over my shoulder and began to walk toward the door.
“Oh, yeah, there you go. Go on, run to him, or rather, run back to your bedroom so you can obsess about him for what? Seven years?”
My hand on the doorknob, I turned to look at him, finally seeing him for what he was. He was so angry, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see steam tooting out of his ears, his mouth frothing. I took a deep breath, knowing deep inside I had done the right thing. “Goodbye, Eddie.”
“Yeah, whatever!” He threw his hands in the air and turned his back to me.
I pulled the door open and stepped out into the hallway, letting out a relieved sigh, pulling it shut behind me. As if I needed any further validation, that conversation drove the nails irrevocably into the coffin of our relationship.
I walked steadily down the hall to the elevator, proud of what I had done. I had stood up to the man who had wanted to keep me down.
I had been true to myself, and there was no turning back.