Chapter Twenty-One
Victory
I’m more nervous than ever as we leave the bar, despite my overwhelming relief that I didn’t ruin things with Wells after all.
I steal a glance at him, still a little in shock about my outburst, his reaction, and that he’s right here by my side.
“I’m sorry for making a scene. I wasn’t thinking clearly. ”
His expression turns serious. “Are you saying you didn’t mean the things you said? Because I’m hoping you were thinking very clearly.”
“I meant all of it, but I didn’t plan on pouring out my heart in front of an audience. I left work early and went straight to the ferry. I was so focused on getting here and apologizing, when I saw you standing behind the bar, it just came out. I guess I’m the one who had blinders on this time.”
His jaw relaxes into a tender smile. “I’m glad you meant it, because the rumor mill is definitely churning now.”
“Sorry. The last thing I wanted was to embarrass you. Especially at work.”
“There’s no need to be sorry.” He nods toward the beach and puts a hand on my back as we follow a path in that direction.
“Nothing you do could ever embarrass me. Besides, you just secured our place in Silver Island history. We’ll be the couple they’re still talking about in twenty years.
Our story will twist and change and morph into an epic legend. ”
More relief washes over me. “I’ve missed your sense of humor.”
“I’ve missed everything about you.” He takes my hand, drawing me closer as we make our way down to the path.
We leave our shoes by the dune grass and head down to the beach.
The sun hangs low on the horizon as we walk hand in hand across the cool sand.
The sounds of waves kissing the shore mingle with voices carrying in the breeze from a family packing up to leave and others along the beach.
My nerves kick up again as I try to figure out where to start with Wells, and I know I just have to dive in with both feet.
“I owe you an explanation about Friday night—”
“No, you don’t.” He stops walking, his expression serious. “You don’t owe me anything. I want to be in your life, Vic, and I want to understand what happened the other night, but only if you want to share it with me.”
How could I have ever thought he was just a playboy? I almost missed out on this incredibly patient man who sets my world, and my heart, on fire. “I want to. It’s just not going to be easy.”
“There’s no rush.”
“Yes, there is. I want us to work out, and we can’t unless I’m completely honest with you.”
“I appreciate that.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m just happy you’re here.”
“I’m glad you didn’t tell me to bug off.”
“You know better than anyone that when you know someone is the one for you, you don’t kick them to the curb just because they’re scared.” He kisses me tenderly, loosening the painful barbs in my chest.
When we reach the beach, he takes my hand again, and as we walk along the shore, I take a deep breath and lay my heart bare.
“Before we talk about Friday, you need to understand what happened when Harvey died.” My nerves flame, and he must sense it, because he holds my hand tighter.
“The night he died, we were working late at the office. Everyone else had already gone home. We’d had a really stressful day dealing with issues with two of our biggest clients.
We were both on edge, and we got into an argument about how to handle a situation. ”
I swallow hard, that awful night coming back too vividly.
“Harvey and I almost never yelled at each other. If we argued and things got heated, we’d give each other space and discuss it later.
But that night, we both snapped. We were yelling at each other, and we weren’t making any sense or any headway, and I stormed out.
I was so angry, and I don’t even remember how things got out of hand. ”
My eyes well up, and I try to blink the tears away.
“I went home thinking he’d show up after he cooled off.
When he didn’t come home two hours later, I called his cell, and it rang a few times and then went to voicemail.
That wasn’t normal for us. Even if we were fighting, he always picked up.
We both did. So I went back to the office, and that’s when I found him.
” My voice cracks. “He was lying on the floor between his desk and the door, and he…he wasn’t breathing.
I tried to…I couldn’t bring him back.” Tears spill down my cheeks.
“Jesus, baby.” Wells pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. “You must’ve been terrified.”
“I never should’ve let it get so bad,” I choke out, my chest aching. “He had high blood pressure, and his father died young from a heart attack when Harvey was in college. I should’ve stopped yelling. I never should’ve left. If I’d been there, I could’ve…”
He holds me tighter. “I’m sorry, baby, but Harvey’s death isn’t your fault.”
“I know I didn’t kill him, but the fight didn’t help, and I was selfish in our marriage, only I didn’t know I was being selfish.
” I push out of his arms, swiping at my tears.
“I didn’t take Harvey’s last name when we got married because I wanted to be respected in the industry, and there were so many people who thought I was a gold digger.
I didn’t want anyone to dismiss me by name alone. ”
“That doesn’t make you selfish. Plenty of women don’t take their husband’s name.”
“That’s not all . He wanted kids, but I wasn’t ready.
” I swipe at my tears. “He never knew his mother, and he had no other relatives, so when he died, his family name did, too—” Sobs steal my voice, and Wells wraps me in his arms again.
“That’s my fault. The company is his only legacy.
And to make it worse, as time passed, I started feeling like I might want kids one day, and I’ve been burying those feelings.
But then I met you, and…I just feel so guilty. ”
“It’s okay. Let it out.” He kisses my head and rubs my back. When I burrow into him, he holds me tighter. “I’ve got you.”
Sharing the weight of those long-held secrets draws more tears. I don’t know how long we stand there on the beach, my tears wetting his shirt, his strong arms holding me up, but it feels like forever. But he doesn’t rush me. He holds me until my breathing calms and my tears stop.
He cradles my face in his hands and wipes my tears with his thumbs. “I understand why you feel guilty, but not taking his name and not having babies doesn’t make you selfish. You were a young woman with career aspirations, and I’m sure Harvey knew exactly who you were every step of the way.”
“He did,” I say softly. “But that doesn’t take away the sadness of knowing everything about him except his business and the memories people hold is gone. And that’s not all. Can we sit down?”
“Of course.” He touches his shirt. “Do you want me to put my shirt down so you don’t get your slacks dirty?”
Chivalry at its best, even when things are emotionally charged. “No, it’s okay.”
We sit in the sand, and I take a moment to let the sea breeze wash over my face. Wells puts his arm around me and kisses my temple.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to unload on you.”
“You’re not unloading. You’re letting me in. I wondered why you never talked about when Harvey died or how you felt afterward. Now I understand.”
“I’ve never told anyone about that fight except Seth. I was too ashamed.”
“You’ve held it in for all these years? No wonder you’ve been so conflicted.” He hugs me against his side. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Couples fight. As special as it is that you and Harvey managed not to raise your voices most of the time, that doesn’t make raising them a malicious act.”
“I know. I just hate that it happened.”
“I hate it for you.” He kisses my temple. “I’ve never lost someone that close to me, but after just four days of missing you, I can’t imagine losing the man you built a life with.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling like a huge burden had been lifted.
“I could barely get out of bed for the first couple of weeks. I tried to push everyone away, and then I buried myself in work. But my family wasn’t having any of it.
My parents called all the time, trying to get me to talk to a therapist or come stay with them.
Clay was busy with his football career, but he’d come by every time he had a break, and he texted all the time.
Noah did the same, but Seth checked on me every day, and Flynn basically parked his ass at my place until I found my footing.
I was so irritated with them. All I wanted was to grieve my way. ”
“By disappearing from everyone who loves you? A self-imposed penance?”
“Pretty much. Then one day Seth asked me what Harvey would think if he could see me, and that changed everything. I knew Harvey would be disappointed, and I felt like I owed it to him to make him proud, so I went to therapy, and after a few months I thought I had it all figured out.”
I turn so I can see his face. “Then I met you, and you awakened parts of me that I had stowed away before I even met Harvey. I’m not the same person with you as I was with him.
I never realized how much of myself I’d set aside in order to work on my career and then my marriage and to fit into those roles.
But with you, I never think about how or if I fit in.
I’m just myself, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a chance to just be me before. ”
“I like everything about you, Vic.”
“I’m glad, because I like everything about you, too, but you might change your mind after you hear what I’m about to say.”
“I doubt that. But you can give it your best shot.”
I smile, thankful he’s not running scared yet, but I know this might do it.
“I went through therapy, as I said, and I’m not living in some fantasyland thinking Harvey’s coming back.
I’ve dealt with losing him, and thanks to Seth and Flynn, I’ve had a closet full of boxes and packing supplies for years just waiting to be used, but I never got rid of Harvey’s things.
I kept putting it off, and I guess I got used to seeing them.
His stuff is everywhere, and when you suggested we stay there, I couldn’t figure out how to do it.
I wanted to, but I panicked. I mean, how do I tell a guy who I’m crazy about that my late husband’s clothes are still in the closet, his candy dish is by the couch, and his favorite books are on the shelves? ”
Compassion brims in his eyes. “The way you just did. If you’d told me that Friday night, I probably would’ve gone back to my hotel with you, and maybe we could have talked about it.
But I’m at fault, too. I couldn’t see past my own pain that night.
When I saw the fear in your eyes, I thought I’d misread everything, and I was just a fun distraction for you. ”
“You weren’t , and I hate that I made you feel that way.”
“I know that now, but we all have insecurities, and what do I know about relationships?”
“You know more than I do. You do all the right things. You’re the only person who has ever made me want to step outside my weird, insular world and really try to move forward.
” I take his hand. “But today I realized how unfair I’ve been to you.
I’ve spent my life trying to prove myself to everyone else and myself.
At first with grades and fitting in, then building my agenting career, and eventually proving I wasn’t a gold digger.
And after Harvey died, I had to prove I deserved to run the business. ”
I soften my tone with my next confession.
“I was afraid of what the people who knew Harvey would think of me if they knew we were dating. That’s why I kept our relationship to myself and let them believe the happiness they saw in me was caused by my scouting talent again.
That was wrong of me, and I’m really sorry.
I love who you are, and I’m proud to be with you.
I just didn’t know how to handle it, but I will. I promise.”
“I appreciate you telling me, and I understand why you did it. Once you’re seen as a good-time guy, it’s not easy to keep it up or live it down.”
Another pang of heartache hits me. “You shouldn’t have had to live it down with me.”
“Yes, I should have. You knew me as that guy before you got to know the real me. Hell, before I got to know the real me.”
“You did come on pretty strong,” I say teasingly, glad the heartache is lifting.
“I know a good thing when I see it.” He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it.
“I’m glad you didn’t give up on me, but the truth is, you showed me who you were the first night we were together.
I was just too scared to admit it to myself.
But I don’t want to hide anything anymore.
I know better than anyone that there’s no promise of tomorrow, and I don’t want to go another day wishing things were different.
I want to let you into every part of my life, and I will if you still want to be there.
But it’s scary. I’ve held on to Harvey’s things all this time because I love him, but more so because, as you said, it’s like penance.
The thing is, it’s been so long, I’m not sure who I’ll be without it, and I know that sounds crazy. ”
“No, it doesn’t. It sounds honest, and I’d like nothing more than to be the guy you try to figure that out with.”
Relief swamps me, and I lean in to kiss him. As our mouths come together, so do all the shattered pieces of my heart.
We sit with our feet in the sand as the sun goes down. I remember with a start that Wells left work to talk to me. “Do you need to get back to work?”
“No. Do you have to get back to the city tonight, or do I get you all to myself?”
“Actually, I don’t have to be back at work until Monday. I asked my director of operations, Padma, to cover for me. I figured I was either going to go home brokenhearted and hole up with eight gallons of ice cream until Leni’s wedding on Saturday, or we’d make up and I wouldn’t want to leave.”
He flashes a seductive grin that spurs those butterflies to life. “Good. Then you’re mine for the weekend.”
“You have no idea how perfect that sounds, but I came from work, remember? I left everything at home. I don’t even have my toothbrush or any extra clothes.”
“Lucky for you, there are stores that sell toothbrushes here, and once we get to my place, you won’t need any clothes at all.”