11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
I avoided everyone for days, not wanting to run into Andrew at the rowing club, and not wanting to face questions from my crew about what was going on because, hell if I knew.
Andrew had taken a selfie of us kissing, had lavished his full attention on me, but one mention of Theo by my aunt and he’d shut down, seeming upset. What did that mean, exactly?
I’d messaged him to say thank you, to tell him how nice it had been to have him at the reunion, how much it had meant to me, but he’d replied with only a thumbs up, and then a minute later, a picture of a wigwam. It had taken me a minute to remember what his mother said about the word nice —that it was for wimps and wigwams—and the inside joke had made me want to cry. Then I’d wondered if he’d been mocking me somehow, and that tiny triangular image occupied my thoughts for endless hours.
My phone buzzed, and I picked it up from where it lay on my desk, dwelling for a moment on the photo of Andrew and I on my lock screen—no, I hadn’t changed it because apparently I was a masochist. I opened the new message from Hazel, which told me my crew was in the café, and they wanted me to join them for breakfast.
I’d pretended to be sick to explain my week-long absence, and I was dreading seeing Ottie and Livia, who would undoubtedly give me shit, and would probably make some remark about how I looked perfectly fine. But I couldn’t avoid them forever, and anyway, the last few days had given me space to think, and I had something I wanted to say to them, too.
I pushed back from my desk and went out to find them, but hesitated as I entered the café because at the table beside my friends were the four hulking forms of the men’s first boat, including the two people in the world I most wanted to avoid.
I squared my shoulders, and after a cursory appraisal, forced myself not to look at Andrew, then selected the seat facing away from him because I could not be trusted not to stare. But I should have sat on the opposite side because now we were close, our chairs back-to-back, and I was aware of every millimeter between us.
‘You look like shit,’ Livia said by way of a greeting, eyeing me warily.
The smile died on Ottie’s lips as she took me in. ‘I thought you were lying, but … wow …’ She scooted her chair away.
‘It’s not contagious,’ I said quietly, hunching low in my chair.
‘How do you know?’ demanded Belle.
‘I’ve just got a lot on, that’s all,’ I said, making it clear the subject was closed. ‘Good outing?’
Hazel examined me with concerned eyes, her fingers wrapped around her coffee mug. ‘It was fine.’
I nodded, silence settling for a beat. ‘There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.’
‘Oh?’ said Livia.
‘What?’ said Ottie, leaning forward, her elbows resting on either side of her plate of steaming eggs.
I sat up a little straighter, steeling myself. ‘I need to take a step back from the crew.’
‘Oh,’ said Ottie, leaning back.
‘What?’ said Hazel, her eyes flicking over my shoulder towards the men. ‘No!’
‘I can’t give rowing the time it needs right now because …’
‘Because?’ prompted Ottie, when I’d paused for less than half a second.
‘I’m starting a new business.’
‘What?’ Ottie squealed.
‘That’s awesome!’ said Livia. ‘What kind of business?’
‘A gift shop and deli. I haven’t found a premises yet, but I want to do it, which means it’s going to eat up all my time. I don’t want to keep letting you guys down, and now Belle’s back, you don’t need me, so—’
‘We’ll never not need you,’ said Hazel, putting her hand over mine. ‘But I’m so happy for you, and I can’t wait to shop there.’
‘And if you need a manager, I’m your woman,’ said Ottie, her tone containing its usual frivolous tone, but with a hint of something more serious, and perhaps a little desperate.
‘I, uh … I’ll bear that in mind,’ I said hesitantly. I’d never taken on anyone from the boat club, as it had always felt too close, too likely to go wrong, but if she really needed a job …
Hazel pushed her chia porridge around with her spoon, her lips forming a hint of a pout. ‘What about the National Championships? Don’t you want to race at those?’
I sat back, her words taking me by surprise; I hadn’t considered that as a possibility. ‘Of course I’d love to, but it wouldn’t be …’ I was going to say fair , but that wasn’t exactly right.
‘So long as you train,’ said Hazel, ‘we can select a final crew closer to the time, just like we always do.’
‘Well …’ I said, looking at the faces of each of the others in turn, trying to gauge their reactions. ‘I was planning to keep training, although I can’t promise to come to regular sessions. I’ll need to fit it in when I can, and only if everyone is okay with the idea, otherwise I’m happy to just bow out now.’
‘Of course we’re okay with it,’ said Hazel, surprising me with her uncharacteristically forthright display. ‘Having you in our squad makes us stronger, and the lingering threat that you might take one of our seats will make us train harder.’
‘She’s got a point there,’ said Belle. ‘Nothing like a bit of competition …’
I looked around the table and found them all smiling and nodding, and I knew them well enough to know they weren’t lying—Livia especially would have said something if she disagreed. ‘Okay, then. If you’re sure.’
‘Good,’ said Hazel, as a server approached to take my order. When she left, Theo leaned between Ottie and me, irritatingly close.
‘When’s it going to open?’ he asked.
‘What?’ I said, frowning in confusion, then I realized they must have overheard everything . ‘The shop?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t know.’
He shuffled his chair between mine and Ottie’s, half joining our table, and wrapped his arm around the back of my chair. ‘What are you going to stock?’
‘Lots of things,’ I said curtly, leaning as far away from him as I could.
‘Will we get the same discount?’ He pressed his face against my shoulder, literally cozying up to me to get what he wanted. It was a joke, but I didn’t want him to touch me.
‘Fuck off, Theo,’ I snapped, out of damns to give after the week I’d had, mourning the probable loss of Andrew because of my supposed pining for this irritating child. Or maybe Andrew would never see me the way I saw him. Maybe he only wanted me as a friend, but either way, I was happy to take my vitriol out on Theo—someone really had to take him down a peg or two if he thought it was okay to act this way.
‘Ooo,’ he said, not moving away. ‘You’re feisty this morning.’
‘Take your fucking hands off me, or I swear to God, I will throw you out and revoke your discount.’
Theo reared back as though I’d shocked him with ten thousand volts, then turned to his crew, trying to laugh it off, but his crew had gone very still, all of them looking about ready to punch him, including Andrew whose jaw was clenched tight, a muscle ticking in his cheek.
‘Jesussss. No need to get your knickers in a twist!’ Theo stood, spun his chair back around, and pushed it under the table. ‘We should get going, anyway. We have a second session.’
The men murmured their general agreement, then stood and headed for the cash register, Theo leading the way, seemingly unaffected by our altercation.
Andrew hung back, and I turned to look at him, worried what he might say, but after briefly meeting my gaze, he followed his crew, and I could have sworn I felt the faintest ghost of a touch across the nape of my neck as he went.
‘ What is going on there?’ said Ottie, her voice hushed.
I looked down and shook my head. ‘When I work it out,’ I said dryly, ‘I’ll be sure to let you know.’