16. Ro
After precisely thirty seconds of pacing around my bedroom, I threw off my clothes and climbed into a comfortable old T-shirt and panties. My skin was on fire, and so was my need for Brody. He”d sent me into turmoil when he walked back into my life just two weeks ago. I’d worked so hard to lock up my feelings, but I’d failed miserably, and now I was paying the price. I should never have played with his fire. Never agreed to try out for the derby.
I flung myself back on the bed with a groan and undid the bands around my braids. What the hell was I going to do for the rest of his stay? Outside of our training, trying to avoid him became harder and harder. The thought of him being so close yet so out of reach maddened me. Wasn’t this evening a perfect example?
Every night, the memory of his beautiful body lingered in the back of my mind. The lovely heart he’d always shown me. I fought images of his slow, sexy grin. The glow in his eyes when we laughed together. But mostly, I battled with the urge to touch myself, knowing he lay just meters away from me, twisted in his sheets, golden skin bathed in the moonlight we shared through our windows.
Well, now I was about ready to give up the fight. Total capitulation. I let out a slow breath and brought my hand down to my panties, tracing a finger along their soft cotton before nudging the waistband aside, eager to quell the ache at my center.
Seconds later, a gentle knocking at the door froze me in place. What if it was Gran, or worse still, Coop? What if they just walked in and caught me red-handed, or busy-handed? I held my breath, listening for any clue as to who stood outside my door.
Silence. Maybe I’d imagined the knock. Consequences of a guilty conscience. My shoulders loosened a little, but no sooner had I relaxed back into my mattress than the knocking came again, only this time louder.
“Yes?” My voice was almost a squeak, laced with panic.
“Ro? You okay?” Brody’s soft lilt was unmistakable, and I sucked in a stiff breath before reorganizing my underwear and scrambling to my bedroom door.
I made it to the knob in record quick time and, with little thought, twisted it open. Brody stood out in the dim light of the hallway. He wore a battered old T-shirt and that pair of gray sweatpants that hugged him in all the right places.
After a leisurely roam around his body, my gaze landed on his hands. In them lay his ball of neon green yarn, his crochet hook, and the string of stitches that he’d completed at the Dirty Hookers meeting. He had a sheepish smile, and his perfectly disheveled fair hair fell across his forehead in damp shards.
“I need some help with my stitches,” he said.
I blinked.
“Ro?”
The edge in his voice roused me from my stupor. “Oh, crap. Come in.” I practically manhandled him through the doorway, sticking my head out into the hall, listening for signs of us being discovered. Sure that neither Gran nor Cooper was about to batter down my door with a baseball bat, I shut it, turning the old key. With three brothers who loved to play tricks on me, I’d insisted on a lock in my early teens.
Brody stood in the lamplight, his solid bulk oddly out of place with my patchwork quilts and floral wallpaper. I met his eyes for the first time since he’d knocked. “What are you doing here?”
He held out his crochet, its vibrant hue paling in the low light. “I just can’t work out how I’m going to manage the fingers.”
The corners of my mouth twitched. He meant the gloves, but I’d had similar thoughts only minutes ago for entirely different reasons.
I took the yarn and checked it, examining his loose stitches. “Don’t run before you can walk. You need to think about your tension first. Tighten it up.”
He stepped up behind me, all lemon cologne and shower gel and warm breath on my shoulder. “Can you show me?”
What a question. Since he’d arrived back in our house, my every waking hour involved “tension,” and my long-gone eighteen-year-old self would have given away her entire collection of One Direction CDs for the chance to show him anything.
“Sure.” I sat down on the bed, teasing the yarn through my fingers. Brody joined me, the mattress sinking under his weight, our arms almost touching.
“It’s terrible, isn’t it? You can be honest. I think my hands are too big.”
I turned my head to see him wearing one of his glorious grins, the corners of his eyes wrinkling, just the way I liked it.
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?” His face was all feigned innocence, his voice husky.
The heat from Brody’s body pulsed through the thin cotton of my top, and my mouth ran dry as I stared at his oversized biceps straining against his sky-blue T-shirt. He was playing with me, teasing me, just as he always had. But make no mistake, I was here for it. Front and center.
I turned to face him, a flash of boldness settling low in my gut. “What do you really want, Brody?”
He narrowed his eyes briefly before bringing them to meet mine, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why? Did you hear something from your team or that journalist?”
After the longest beat, he answered. “I think you know why.”
I swallowed, the lump in my throat firmly staying put. His voice was thick and low, and each sonorous decibel went straight to my core. What the hell was going on? Surely, I hadn’t imagined the tightness in his throat, though it was hard to tell with the thundering of my heart.
Nope, I was just going to call it. Brody Flockhart, my brother’s best friend, the man I’d lusted after, crushed on through my entire young adult life, was sitting on my bed, dialing the heat to one hundred.
“I, I…” I had no words. He was the only man with the superpower to render me speechless.
Brody took the crochet from my hands and put it on the mattress. With a soft sigh, he intertwined his fingers through mine, the warmth of his skin imprinting on me. “I know it’s too late for apologies, and I acted like a complete dick back then, but I can’t stop thinking about the night we kissed.” His blue eyes bored into me, a glow of something forbidden deep within them. “Did you ever tell anyone?”
At his question, my heart hammered louder than a kettledrum, and blood sang in my ears. “Nobody knows.” Silence hung in the air. The one answer I’d wanted these last five years was mine for the taking. “I left you a note. You never replied.”
He sighed, the hiss racing into the room, and a burn crept up my chest. A small crease had formed between his brows. After the longest pause, he brought his eyes to mine. “I got your note, and I’m sorry I never responded, but there were…complications.”
I huffed a soft breath. “Cooper?”
Brody nodded, and his head dipped a little. “My career, too. I had commitments that would take me away from town. From you. And we were so young. You were only eighteen, Ro.”
And didn’t I know it? Eighteen, totally in love, and totally what he wasn’t looking for.
He squeezed my hands, bringing them together, his fingers sliding over my knuckles. “But not everything you said in your note was right.”
At his words and the softness in his eyes, my heart cranked up a notch, and my pulse stuttered in my chest.
“You said you’d made a mistake. That kissing me, that me kissing you back, was wrong. And I know our lives have followed different paths.” Brody lifted my knuckles to his lips, his featherlight breath glancing across my skin. “But I want you to know, I never regretted that kiss. Not for a second.”
I loosened a breath. No matter what I’d told myself over the years, I hadn’t either. Nothing and nobody else had ever come close to nudging their way into my heart since that night on the porch.
Brody brought my hands back into my lap, loosening his grip. “And seeing you again reminds me of all the reasons I kissed you back.”
He lifted a hand to my braid, winding his fingers through its end, working the hair loose to hang in dark tendrils. “And all the reasons I still want you.”
I closed my eyes, my stomach doing a backflip. Brody wanted me as much as I wanted him. His words were all I’d dreamed of. All I’d waited for. My skin fizzed as five long years of buried regret and hidden desire threatened to bubble over. I burned for his touch.
Brody moved his fingers up to the base of my braid, his thumb hovering next to my cheek. Desperate to be nearer to him, I turned into his palm, kissing its skin softly. I dared to open my eyes and found him looking back at me, his gaze full of fire. Sweet, glorious, Brody-shaped temptation.
Everything he’d said about the past made sense even now. I was still his best friend’s little sister. He still had his career and a fantastic life far from Tuft Swallow. And worst of all, he could break my heart. But this time, I wasn’t going in blind. Na?ve. I could draw a line under anything that happened between us, couldn’t I? Maybe if I finally quenched my thirst for Brody, I could move on.
Swallowing a wavering breath, I ran my eyes over the sleek planes of his face, the fair eyelashes brushing his cheeks and his soft, full lips. I’d never forgotten their taste.
I slowly leaned my body toward Brody’s before placing the softest kiss on his mouth. Initially, he didn’t move, but after a heartbeat, he returned my pressure. Gentle at first. Tentative. But then, when he gave my bottom lip the slightest of bites, I parted my lips, and he slid his tongue inside.
A wave of need engulfed me. A thick, years old, pulsing bank of hunger. As he kissed me harder, I couldn’t contain my thirst any longer. I had to drink him in.
The action took all my weight, but I pushed Brody down onto my mattress, hands splayed across his chest, fingers digging into his hard muscles. And he let me. Pulled me into him, our tongues chasing each other in a crazy dance. My core throbbed with desire. No kiss could ever have lived up to the one I was drowning in now. I’d been a fool to even try with anyone else.
Brody was the first to break away, his hot breath on my neck. “Are you sure? Do you really want to do this? I’d give anything to pick up where we left off, but I don’t want you to have regrets.”
He lay a kiss behind my ear, and the corners of my lips bowed. I’d never been surer. “Why think about regrets?”
His eyes glowed hard, emboldening me.
“I just need you.” I reached down and found his solid length, gripping him through the fabric of his sweatpants.
At my touch, Brody arced, throwing his head back. “Fuck, Ro,” the growl in his voice tightened something inside me, and I sat up to straddle him, pinning his arms above his head, grinding against him in slow, delicious circles.
His breath came hard, his eyes laced with desire. “You’re incredible,” was all he said before I claimed his mouth once more. Brody worked his hands free and brought them to grip my buttocks, pulling me into him, matching the rhythm I set.
Our bodies met each other at every rotation of my hips, but before long, he tightened under me. “Stop, Ro. Please, stop.” His words rasped in my mouth, and I pulled away, my heart battering against my ribs. With a lump in my throat, I searched his eyes for remorse, for regret, but found only craving. I didn’t understand.
He didn’t look like a man who wanted me to stop. Still, the abruptness of his plea set my teeth on edge. My stomach churned. Had I completely humiliated myself all over again? What must he think of me? That I was some sex-starved nymphomaniac who thought writhing around on top of him was sexy? Desirable?
I pulled in a breath, rolling off his hips and curling onto my side. I’d told him the extent of my sexual experience that first morning in the diner. And though he hadn’t laughed, he must have thought me a liability instead of a worthy bed partner for the great Brody “Flock Boy” Flockhart. A na?ve pretender compared to his usual conquests.
I hugged my knees, my racing pulse slowly returning to normal as a dull ache settled in my chest.
Within a heartbeat, though, Brody was at my back, his lips at my ear. “What happened?” He wove a warm hand over my hip and across my belly, a million goosebumps bursting to life in its wake.
“You don’t want me.” My words were barely a whisper.
Brody huffed a laugh into my neck, and my nipples hardened against my shirt. “You have no idea how much I want you, but I would’ve exploded if we’d carried on, and I can think of much better places to be when that happens.” He nudged the hair of my now disheveled braid away with his nose and lay feathery kisses at my neck. “You surprised me. I didn’t expect you to be so… committed. So amazing.”
My lips curved a little. “I’m not as sweet as people think.” Particularly when I had Brody Flockhart between my thighs.
He snickered, the vibration of his laughter going straight to my center. “I’m glad for it, but I want to take things a little slower. Find out all about you.”
Oh, believe me, I was ready to take him on a guided tour, sell him a map, and buy him a souvenir. Brody kissed my neck and gently nudged my thighs down, encouraging my legs to straighten. Finally, he returned his hand back to my waist, stroking the skin there.
“You’re sure you want this? Me?”
With a wavering breath, I gave the tiniest nod, and Brody brought his mouth to my neck, peppering it with kisses. He found my breast, playing with its stiff peak through the thin cotton of my top, rolling it between his fingertips. The sensation, the tug of need at my center, stole my breath, and I let out a low moan. It was like a siren call to Brody’s body because he immediately pressed his solid length against my buttocks, laying his hand across the front of my panties and pulling me against him.
Now, it was his turn to act like a desperate teenager, but the pressure from the heel of his palm so close to the bundle of nerves between my legs had me chasing the sensation. The harder he pressed, the stronger the ache and the harsher my breath became.
“Touch me,” I whispered, sure I was the one about to explode. With a guttural growl, Brody pulled the fabric of my panties away, his thumb gently circling my heat before dipping two fingers deep inside me. I sucked in a quick breath. The feeling was exquisite as he moved in torturous glacial circles over the bundle of nerves between my thighs. Each stroke of his skin against mine led me higher, leaving me hotter. Desperate for the feel of him inside me.
Brody kissed me. Whispered words against my neck, but I didn’t know what they were. Lost in sensation, I brought my hand down to his, gripping him in place. Rocking into him, taking my pleasure. I was about to unravel around his fingers, and nothing could stop the waves of intense bliss that crashed over me, wrecking me on the rocks of sensation.
Brody must have sensed the tightening inside my body because he pinched harder at my nipple and drove his fingers deeper. With a cry I hardly recognized, my whole body shuddered before the most sublime sweetness engulfed my entire being, and I came, bringing his free hand to my mouth to quell the moan that someone would surely hear.
I sucked in ragged breaths, releasing the fingers still buried between my legs. Within a beat, Brody pulled my panties back up and wrapped an arm around my body, turning me toward him and laying kisses on the top of my head. A smile laced his voice. “I could do that to you all night.”
I might never walk again if he did, but I’d happily submit to the experiment. I reached up to touch his face, the hint of scruff at his jaw scratching against my fingers. “I want to make you feel the same way, too.”
Brody looked down at me, the smallest furrow appearing between his brows. He shook his head, and my heart almost cracked in two. What had I done wrong? Had I disappointed him? Something passed over his face like a shadow, and he let out a sigh. Pulling me even closer, his fingertips trailed over my shoulder.
“Ro. I’ve waited a long time to touch you. To please you. But I won’t make you lie.”
My gut lurched. “What do you mean? Why would I lie?” It wasn’t as if I hadn’t already laid myself bare. Literally.
I looked up into Brody’s eyes and swallowed, realization dawning over me. This wasn’t about me. This was about him. “You don’t want to lie to Cooper. Or to Gran.”
He nodded slowly, the corners of his mouth down-turned. “And I don’t want you to have to, either. I know how much your family means to you. If we go any further. If we slept together tonight, I couldn’t look them in the eye tomorrow. I’d lose their trust if they found out we’d gone behind their backs. I don’t think either of us wants that.”
He wasn’t wrong. The thought of sneaking around, pretending to my family that Brody and I were anything other than friends, made my stomach roil. I looked up at him, and his eyes widened.
“Oh, please don’t think I don’t want you. I do. So much. But if anything is going to happen between us, we need to tell the truth.”
I clamped my jaw shut, picturing the look on Cooper’s face if we fronted up tomorrow morning, declaring that we wanted to sleep with each other, but only if we had his blessing. He’d blow his top.
My brother was already on the protective side. He’d frightened off plenty of potential boyfriends over the years, but he knew Brody better than anyone else. Knew all about his past. The women he’d dated. His one-night stands. Coop had always hinted at the adventures the two of them had whenever he paid Brody a visit. Every time, I’d swallow down bitter feelings. Feign disinterest, while my gut twisted into knots inside.
My stomach pulled a little now. What on earth made me think Brody was going to change? He wasn’t about to become a monk after one quick fumble with me.
“What are you thinking about?” Brody’s voice washed over me in the room”s quiet. I could hardly tell him I was wondering what made me any different from a thousand other women he could meet. He’d left me high and dry before, after all. Hadn’t seen fit to reply to my note. What was to stop him from doing it again?
“What are you proposing we do?” My voice was small. Quiet.
He sighed, shifting against my pillows and pulling me into his chest. “I think I should talk to Cooper.”
I swallowed. Hard. Tell him what, exactly? His inexperienced little sister had almost thrown caution to the wind and slept with the notorious womanizer who was his trusted best friend? Not to mention him being on the verge of leaving town. I didn’t know if Coop would be more likely to laugh or run Brody out of town himself!
But as Brody stroked my arm, his rhythmic caress dancing over my skin, I’d agree to almost anything. Lying here in his arms was all I’d ever dreamed of. All I’d ever wanted from him. The thought of asking the universe for more unleashed butterflies in my stomach.
We lay together in silence for what seemed like forever, and my eyes grew heavy, my lids giving in to the hypnotic rise and fall of his chest. The endless caress of his fingers along my arm.
“Ro?” Brody’s voice was hushed and tight. “Will I speak to Coop?”
If he did, there’d be no going back. No stuffing the cat back into the bag. Was I really ready for my brother’s judgment? But if we didn’t tell Cooper we had feelings for each other, even if only physically, we’d be living a lie, and I didn’t want that either. Brody was right. We needed to talk to my family. I sucked in a breath, nodding my head.
Brody’s arms tightened around me, bringing his lips down to the top of my head and gently kissing my hair. “Thank you.”
Something fired deep in my belly. For better or worse, we would confess all in the morning. I shut my eyes, giving in to the lure of sleep, but my last waking thought was how I didn’t want to be in Brody’s shoes when he fronted up to my brother.