Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
“ I think I’m going to do it.”
Josie and Eli had slowed their jog to a walk, for the sake of Gabe, who was in the middle of some kind of text battle with his current girlfriend. Not that Eli was complaining. Of the three of them, he was the least athletic. Long ago he had ceased to be embarrassed by how much better Josie was at running than he was.
“You are? That’s amazing. Good for you,” Josie exclaimed.
“Josie, do you have any idea what I’m talking about?” he asked, smiling.
“No, but I’m totally stoked,” Josie said, and he knew she meant it. She was that sort of person, who felt vicarious joy for others. Now she practically danced with it, bouncing a little, making her ponytail bob as she walked beside him. “What actually are you talking about?”
“I’m going to join a dating site,” Eli said, swallowing past his sheepishness as he darted a glance at Gabe. Relieved to see him still thumbing his phone, he relaxed a little. Gabe would judge him, probably harshly, but Josie wouldn’t, something she proved by grabbing his arm and giving it a hard yank that he translated to be enthusiasm and not bullying.
“No way, that’s amazing. Good for you. No, excellent for you. Oh, please let me help you write your profile, please, Eli, please. I’ll be so good at it.” She clasped her hands under her chin and gave him puppy eyes.
“You’ll make me sound like a Disney prince,” he groaned.
“So?”
“So no woman wants that.”
She gasped, affronted. “Are you kidding me? Of course we do. Why do you think we watch those movies? That’s exactly what we want—sweet and charming and dashing. And you’re already all those things, so I won’t even have to lie.”
“That’s sweet, and I’ll think about it. I have some time.”
“Why do you have time?” she asked.
“I’m not going to do it until after I get these off, obviously.” He pointed to his braces.
“What?” Josie exclaimed. “Why not? What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything,” he said. “Can you imagine going on a date with a twenty eight year old with braces?”
She nodded.
“Okay, you probably can, but you’re you.” He gave her shoulder a little shove. “Not everyone is so nice.” For a short while, Eli thought he had feelings for Josie. He’d known her since they were twelve, since she and Gabe started what would become a decade of will-we-or-won’t-we drama. Gabe had been his next-door neighbor, and they were friends in the way you sometimes are with neighbors, as if maybe you don’t necessarily like them and wouldn’t choose them, but they almost become family, by virtue of proximity and shared experience. There were a lot of things he didn’t like about Gabe, a lot , but they would still be close friends for life, Eli was certain. Josie, though, remained in his life by choice. Sweet, funny, and gentle, she gave him hope that there were others out there like her. He’d never had feelings for her when they were kids, mostly because he always thought of her as belonging to Gabe. But when it became clear that she was over Gabe, who wasn’t actually good enough to tie her shoelaces, Eli began to wonder if he should try for something more with her. Even now he couldn’t discern if his feelings for her had been driven by comfort and familiarity or actual attraction. Not that it mattered because now she was with Tristan-The-Mighty who, though they’d made strides toward getting to know each other, still scared Eli more than a little, if he were being honest. Tristan tried to give off mellow vibes about Josie’s friendship with two guys, but it was clear to everyone that if they ever misstepped he would rip off their arms and feed them to an alligator he probably kept at his disposal for such an occasion.
“Eli, the kind of woman you’re looking for, the kind of woman you want, will not be deterred by something as inconsequential as braces. But that’s not what this is really about, is it?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, feeling a prickle of discomfort. Much as he loved Josie, she was a teller of truths. Maybe that was one of the reasons he loved her; she was as real as it got.
“I know you, and you’re not exactly a risk taker. When you get your braces off, you’re going to find another reason not to take this leap. Maybe it will be because you have a retainer or fill in the blank.” She shook her head as if tossing off irritation. “Don’t do that; don’t give yourself an out. I think this is a brilliant idea. Do it now.”
He sighed, knowing she was right, just like he knew she was right in high school when she took him aside and gently told him the flannel shirt he’d been wearing on repeat needed to go. You resemble a lumberjack, and not in the good way. Trust me, this is not the look you’re going for. Lose this shirt, and never find it again. She had whispered it, making certain her comment wasn’t overheard. That was how he knew she meant it for his good and wasn’t merely being mean. And after he got rid of the shirt, three people remarked on how much they’d hated it. That was why, when it came time for homecoming and he actually worked up the nerve to ask Jenna to go with him, he’d asked Josie to help him plan his outfit.
“It’s kind of humiliating,” he admitted.
“Why?” Josie asked.
He gave her the side eye. “Come on, you know why. It’s like admitting defeat, like I can’t handle meeting and mingling with other humans on my own, I have to get a computer to do it for me.”
“It’s not you, Eli; it’s everyone. Dating is hard . Meeting people isn’t easy. You’re reading too much into it. Think of it like a shortcut, the way we use computers to help with all our tasks now. I mean, if someone had to write a thirty-page essay, wouldn’t you judge them for using an old-timey typewriter instead of a computer? How is this different?”
“Josie,” Eli said, resting a companionable arm across her shoulders. “That’s probably the most illogical thing you’ve ever said, and that’s really saying something. But I see your point, and it’s a good one. I’ll try to be brave.” He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. The hard truth was that he was lonely. Even with his friends and family, great as they were, there was still a void there, one he waited a long time to acknowledge. He wanted a person, his person. If internet dating could help him find that, who was he to complain or feel embarrassed?
“I’m telling the boyfriend,” Gabe said, choosing that moment to tune in and pay attention.
“That will earn you lots of points,” Eli said, dropping his arm. “Truly, you and Tristan are well on your way to being besties.”
“I was here first, and I’m foundational. It doesn’t matter how he feels about me, only how I feel about him. And I’m still not certain he has my approval,” Gabe said, sounding as pompous as only Gabe could.
Eli and Josie made eye contact as if to say, Can you believe we still put up with this guy?
“Yes, Gabe, it’s all about you,” Josie assured him with full sarcasm. “My relationship with Tristan hangs on the linchpin of your permission.”
Gabe gave a little nod that lacked all self-awareness before dipping his head to his phone and texting his girlfriend again. “She’s so nuts. You’re lucky you’re single, Eli. Enjoy the freedom.”
“Did it occur to you that like attracts like and whoever Eli ends up with will not be insane?” Josie challenged.
Gabe pretended to think about that a few beats before shaking his head. “Nah, women be crazy. It’s how it is.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Josie assured Eli, giving his arm a pat. “Whoever you end up with will be wonderful. This will be great, you’ll see.”
Over her head, Gabe wound his finger around his ear and mouthed, Women be crazy.
At the moment, Eli felt torn, not certain which one he believed. Obviously he wanted to listen to Josie, but she tended to see the world rosier than it was. And in Eli’s limited experience, women were indeed insane. On the other hand, if he didn’t put himself out there, he couldn’t gain anything. And now that he’d mentioned it to Josie, she wouldn’t give him a choice. Maybe he knew that, and it was why he’d told her, because he needed a push.
When they reached the parking lot, she snagged his shirt and gave it a tug. “Have coffee with me, I have something I need to discuss with you.”
“That’s sus,” Gabe said, eyeing them.
“So is your use of slang,” Josie returned, and Eli snorted a laugh.
“All I’m saying is, I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to have coffee with Eli alone ,” Gabe said.
“That’s because she’s cheated on you three times since you started dating,” Josie reminded him.
“Don’t be jelly,” he returned.
“I can’t even with you, anymore,” Josie said, putting up her hands to block him from her vision. “Go away, we have grownup things to discuss.”
“Fine, but if Tristan asks, I tried to stop this,” Gabe said, pointing between his two friends before walking away.
“On a scale of one to ten, how scared is Gabe of your boyfriend?” Eli asked.
“The limit does not exist,” Josie said.
“How scared should I be?” Eli asked. Was there something wrong with him that he was only mildly threatened by Tristan’s size and stoic silences?
“The limit does not exist,” Josie repeated, but this time she was clearly joking. “He knows I’m having coffee with you,” she said, shaking her phone as she held it up. “He’s going to pop by in a bit, once we’ve had a chance to chat and plot strategy.”
“What sort of strategy?” Eli asked warily.
“Our strategy for finding you Ms. Right. Now that I’m matched, I want to similarly see all my friends well-settled and happy, like an Austen character. Call me Emma .”
“No.”
She clapped her hands together a few times and nodded, blinking rapidly.
“Oh, man. You are adorable-slash-terrifying when you plot,” Eli said, but he wasn’t altogether upset about it. Josie was his closest female friend, and the only one he could talk about online dating with. It felt a little like everything was starting to come together—the gap in his teeth, his dating life. Everything is coming up Eli, he thought, followed quickly by, Never say that out loud. Not even with Josie could he be so corny and ridiculous.
They ordered their drinks and sat down to wait. “How is the mouth?” Josie asked, pointing to his face.
He winced with remembered pain and tenderly touched his finger to his lips. “Still bad but better. I had to have oatmeal for breakfast, but that’s a step up from the smoothie I had yesterday. Tomorrow I’m hoping for the sweet, sweet crunch of toasted cereal.” He gave her a sarcastic thumb’s up.
She laughed. “Dare to dream. Is that why you look tired? Is the pain keeping you up?”
It was weird to be friends with a girl because they were perceptive that way. Not one of his guy friends would notice his exhaustion. “No, it was…I don’t know exactly. I heard some weird sounds that woke me, and then I couldn’t get back to sleep.”
“What kind of weird sounds?” The barista deposited their drinks at the table and Josie took a sip of her frou-frou latte.
Eli had ordered an espresso, and he waited to down it before he answered. “Honestly, I have no idea. When I lived farther out, where we grew up, I had every one of the night sounds catalogued, you know? I knew what the neighbor’s dog sounded like, what a raccoon in the trash can sounded like. In the city, it’s so different. There are so many sounds. I don’t think I could figure them out, and I guess I haven’t acclimated yet. Stuff still wakes me up.” He frowned, not realizing until he said it how often he woke up.
“You’re a country boy,” Josie said fondly, and it was probably true. His uncle lived far outside the city, in what could reasonably be called the country, and Eli had always loved it there.
“I guess so,” he said, shrugging.
“Why don’t you move farther out?” Josie enquired.
He shrugged. “I don’t want the hassle of the commute and, I don’t know, doesn’t it seem like we’re supposed to be here?” He spent a not-so-small portion of his paycheck to live in Adams Morgan, the neighborhood everyone deemed the go-to passport for single people in their twenties.
Josie thought about that before she answered. “I guess I think maybe the point is for us to figure out what we really want and aim for that, not what other people tell us we’re supposed to want.”
“Is it the latte that makes you smart and wise?” Eli asked.
“My brain runs on peppermint mocha,” Josie said solemnly. “Now you know my secret.”
Eli tossed back his espresso and had immediate regrets when Tristan slid silently into the seat beside Josie. He hiccupped and had to press his hand to his mouth to avoid spewing the espresso all over the front of them. How was he so quiet? One minute he wasn’t there, and the next he was; it was freakish, especially given his hulking size.
“Hey,” Josie said cheerfully, giving Tristan’s shoulders an affectionate squeeze, or as much of one as she could. The guy was massive. It was like watching a sugar glider sidle up to a silverback gorilla and latch on.
Tristan pressed an affectionate kiss to her lips and gave Eli a heads up nod of acknowledgement. Usually Eli spoke, but at the moment he was nursing his blistered tongue and espresso-bruised windpipe, so he returned the nod.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Josie announced.
Tristan’s brows rose slightly, which she must have taken as encouragement to continue because she did so undaunted.
“We’re going to help Eli construct the best online dating profile ever.”
Now Tristan trained the raised brows on Eli, and he must be getting to know the guy because he could read the amusement there. “Oh, good, I was hoping it would turn into a fun group project,” Eli said. “I love those. Maybe we could call the jock table from high school, gather their input.”
“You can trust Tristan,” Josie said. “He’s amazing with secrets.”
“This guy? Secretive?” Eli said, pointing at Tristan in what was clearly a joke. The man had barely said five words in the last six months. At the Fourth of July parade, a float ran over his toes and he didn’t even say ouch.
“I know he may not seem like it,” Josie said, draping her arm once again on Tristan’s shoulders so the size difference between them was highlighted, this time even more comically. “But trust me, despite the outward chattiness, he’s solid.”
“I will take your word for it,” Eli said warily. “But if this ends up on some private investigator gossip blog, I am going to be so mad.”
Tristan pretended to ignore them both, but he did pick up Josie’s drink and take a sip of the whipped cream. From what Eli had been able to discern, that was like full acceptance of their shenanigans.
“I know what I want to see on Eli’s profile, but from a guy’s point of view, what should we put?” Josie asked Tristan, eyeing him.
Tristan was thoughtfully quiet for so long, Eli assumed he wouldn’t answer. Or maybe Josie would parse his answer by discerning his grunts and squints, some kind of primitive couple code or something. But after another sip of Josie’s latte foam, he actually spoke.
“You need to be careful with your privacy. Nothing to indicate your real name, job, or address. These sites are notorious for attracting fleecers and lowlifes.”
Eli hadn’t thought of that, and he appreciated the heads up. “Maybe I shouldn’t do it.”
“What? No, you’re scaring him,” she accused Tristan, who shrugged, expressionless. “Eli, it’s fine. Obviously there are scammers, but you’ll have that anywhere. And that’s why we’re here, to help keep you safe and point you toward a real person, someone warm and loving and perfect.” She did the thing again, where she clasped her hands under her chin and gave him big eyes. This time they weren’t filled with pleading; they were filled with rosy hopes and dreams for his future. As much as he appreciated her enthusiasm, it was hard to share it. All he hoped for from this scenario was the chance to meet a nice girl and build some momentum, to lay some groundwork for future dating. Not to actually meet his soulmate. No one got that lucky. Did they?
He glanced at Tristan, trying to get a reasonable take, but Tristan stared at Josie, clearly besotted by her rapturous delight.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m kind of missing Gabe right now,” Eli said. For all of his faults, Gabe kept him level. It was hard to be too happy or believe in happily ever after when Gabe always brought you back to earth with his cynical self-centeredness. If you believed true love and happiness could be found, Gabe was always able to disillusion you. But with Josie, rosy-cheeked and dewy with love and happiness, it was all too easy to envision a similar future for himself, one where he found his person and rode off into the sunset, hand in hand while feeding each other frozen grapes.
“Honest opinion, Tristan,” Eli said, demanding Tristan’s focus on him instead of his walking emoji girlfriend. “Do you think online dating is a horrible idea for me?”
Tristan regarded him stoically a few seconds, glanced at Josie, fastened on Eli and said, “No, I think it’s terrific,” so deadpan that he might have been talking about the mold he found on that morning’s milk.
“See?” Josie said, with impossibly more enthusiasm. “With us as your wingmen, you can’t fail.” She held out her hand toward Tristan for a fist bump, and he actually did it. For kicks, Eli also held out his hand for a bump and Tristan stared at it like he wished it was made of metal so he could melt it down and make something useful from it. A gun, perhaps, or possibly a barbell.
“Okay, let’s see, what rhymes with braces?” Josie asked, going doe-eyed again as she once again clasped her hands beneath her chin.
“Maces,” Tristan supplied, so quickly it was as if he’d been waiting for it.
“This is going to go well,” Eli said, staring between them.
“We bring balance,” Josie said, pointing between herself and Tristan.
“Great. Between the two of you I’m going to get a munitions expert who likes to bake cupcakes,” Eli said.
“She sounds amazing,” Tristan deadpanned.
“Squee,” Josie exclaimed.
“She squeed,” Eli noted.
“She does that,” Tristan agreed as Josie got out a piece of paper and began to make a list. As soon as Eli heard her mutter “kisser/mister” under her breath, he stood to grab another espresso.