Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
Riley
As I stand at the counter peeling potatoes and mashing them, the events of the day run through my mind like an Olympic sprinter dashes toward the finish line. The anxiety of going to my home, the utter heartbreak of finding my house trashed, the overwhelming horror of being shot at, the devastation of having someone die due to your chaos, and then complete knee buckling relief of knowing that Coin is going to make it is consuming every single thought right now. The door to the kitchen opens and Noah walks in looking a little unsure. This is an odd behavior for him because even as a prospect he carries himself with confidence and assurance.
“Noah, you okay?” Blue goes to him.
“Yeah, I just wanted to check and make sure everyone was okay,” he tells her, but his eyes stay on me.
Blue places a hand on his check, telling him, “You really are too good of a man to be acquainted with the rest of these fools. I think we’re as okay as we can be right now.”
Noah gives Blue an endearing smile because he knows that it causes us women to swoon. “No, ma’am. Most days, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. If anyone comes looking for me, I’ll be in the shop.”
Blue waves him off and the need to tell him thank you for protecting me is a force that even my anxiety cannot keep at bay.
I drop the potato peeler and rush around the island where I’m standing. I reach out with a shaky hand, placing it on his arm to grab his attention. “Thank you for protecting me. I don’t know how to repay you for it, but I will one day.”
Noah looks around before bringing his eyes back to me. “You owe me nothing. I did what anyone in my position would do.”
We stand there having a silent conversation, both unsure what to say next.
“Most people would not. So, thank you!” Is all I’m able to come up with without sounding like a quivering mess.
Noah doesn’t say anything in response, just gives me a nod and turns to leave. I stand there staring at the place he had just been. Is he right? Did he really just do what anyone would do? I don’t believe that. I’m starting to understand what everyone has been trying to tell me all along; these men absolutely would not bring harm to any innocent, but go after one of theirs, and they won't hesitate to do away with you.
“Why you?” I hear growled from behind me.
I spin around coming face to face with a very angry Edge. I take a step back, confused, not sure what I’m supposed to do with that question and the heated way she’s stepped up at me.
“I’m sorry? What?” I stutter.
“Why you? Why did you get to live and Candy died?” Edge screams out the question before throwing the tin can in her hand across the room where it bounces off the wall and begins rolling across the linoleum flooring. I’m flabbergasted, I know she and Candy were close, but I believed we were too.
“Edge, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why're you acting like a crazy person?” Vixen demands with her hands planted on her hips.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with all of you?” Edge sweeps her hand around the room. “We’re standing in here making dinner, acting like one of our friends didn’t just get gunned down right in front of us, and for what? Just because she was hanging with us? Candy wasn’t a part of the fucking club, she was here for me because I needed her to be.”
Vixen steps up, looking as if she’s ready for a fight. “You better fucking watch yourself. You’re my cousin and I love you. We get that you’re hurting but you will not put down this club and everything that they’ve done for us because some bitch got herself killed.”
“All I was fucking trying to do was show her that not everyone was out to hurt her. To be the one person that she could count on. And there were days that I thought I was, and then, it was like a completely different person would possess her. She was there when I needed her and I couldn’t do the same for her. So again, why did she get to live and Candy didn’t?” She points at me, not looking away from her cousin.
Edge and Vixen stand there staring at each other. Afraid this is going to get out of hand, I step closer to Edge and place my hand on her shoulder, bringing her attention back to me.
I swallow hard and agree with Edge. Sympathetically, I state, “You’re right, what happened today with Candy was completely uncalled for. I’m so sorry that you lost your friend. What can we do to help?”
Her tear-stained face rips my heart into confetti sized pieces. I act on impulse and pull her into me, wrapping her up in a hug. As soon as Edge’s face is hidden in my chest, the razor thin hold she had on her anger frays and snaps. Sobs wrack her body shaking us both, and before I know it, both Blue and Vixen have us encircled in their arms.
Blue speaks quietly, not letting any of us pull away. “This right here is what she got. She got the love, acceptance, and support of the people in this club. You ladies cannot save everyone. We can only show those who need us that there are people in the world that care about them and are willing to fight for them.”
“You also have to remember that everyone doesn’t always deserve kindness and help. You can’t rescue someone who doesn’t want it,” Pretty Boy grits out from behind us.
Edge spins around, pure shock painted on her face. “Pretty Boy, what do you mean? What do you know?”
Pretty Boy steps up to Edge cupping her face. “All I can say, is not everyone is what they portray themselves as being. Sometimes, we want to help them so bad that we miss all the red flags. Just know she was the luckiest person to have had you as her friend. Never doubt what you did for her.”
“You’ve got about a half second to explain to me why my Ol’ lady has tears running down her face and you’re cupping it before I remind you why my name is Razor,” he rumbles from the door.
I take a large step away from the impending doom, searching the room for another way out, not finding one. Pretty Boy doesn’t answer or say anything before placing a kiss on her forehead and turning toward Razor. “You know you shouldn’t make promises you’re not willing to follow through on,” Pretty Boy jabs before shoulder checking the large man and leaving the room.
“He’s hurting, take it easy on him,” Edge chastises Razor before walking into his arms.
In less than five minutes, Torch comes to get Vixen and Blue goes in hunt for Steel, leaving me alone in the kitchen. Not knowing what else to do, I go back to preparing dinner for the masses. I’m not the best cook, that’s for sure, but I can make basic dishes. A couple of the brothers come in and out asking if I’m okay or need anything. I tell them no, thanking them for the offer. With each brother that comes through, not showing any signs of anger, or becoming upset or aggravated by my scripted answers, I start to relax.
I get so lost in mashing the potatoes, cooking the hamburger meat, and getting the corn ready for shepherd's pie that I stop noticing the people coming and going. I place the first two casseroles into the oven and start washing the dishes when the door opens, and this time, my body takes note of the person entering the room. I take my time finishing the dishes, unable to look at the man who has the capability to easily tear me apart and make me feel like I’m less than I am.
I ask myself the one question that I’ve been petrified to ask, can you forgive the man for everything that he’s done?
“Are you going to continue to ignore me or are you going to face me?” Flyboy huskily breathes into my ear.
“Well, that depends. Am I speaking with the man that wants me or the asshat that likes to lash at everyone around him?” I eye him over my shoulder.
“How about a man that’s been reminded that he’s a fucking asshole and has got himself a pretty fucking amazing woman that deserves better.” He kisses the side of my neck as the timer for the first two pans go off.
“Saved by the bell. Why don’t you take a seat and we’ll talk over some things while we eat.” I slide myself from between him and the sink.
“What exactly did you make that smells so fucking good?” he wonders, going to sit at the bar.
“My momma called it shepherd's pie. I now know that it’s the American version of the dish. It tastes good and goes a long way, so when everyone left, I kinda just decided to make it for everyone,” I tell him as I slide the two pans onto the hot pads on the island to protect their integrity before sliding the next two pans into the oven and resetting the timer.
“Well, it smells fucking fantastic. We should get our plates fixed before the others smell the aroma and come in and eat it all.” Flyboy chuckles.
“Tell me where to find plates, silverware, and a couple of glasses,” I instruct as I wander aimlessly around the kitchen, going where he tells me to.
Once I have everything that we need, I fix us both plates and pour a couple of glasses of Coke before taking my seat next to him. Flyboy takes a large mouth full, moaning with pleasure. I smile before take a small bite of my own. The feeling of home and happiness washes over me.
“This is fucking amazing! I could eat this all day, every day, for the rest of my life,” Flyboy says as he sneaks in bites of food between his words.
“Don’t be dramatic. We both know it’s basic.”
“Not everyone wants overly complicated dishes. Sometimes, simplicity is the best thing for a man.” Flyboy smirks before going back to his plate.
We sit in silence until he finishes his first helping and rushes over to get more as several brothers file in and start fixing their plates. Once the timer goes off again, I stand, going through the brothers standing there and grabbing the two pans out from the oven and onto the island. I reach over, sliding two more pans into the oven, then setting another timer before going back to sit next to Flyboy and finishing my plate. When I make it to my seat, I look over and see Flyboy beaming at me.
“You’re fucking amazing, and I’m so fucking proud of you,” Flyboy murmurs before leaning closer and asking, “Are you done eating?”
I nod at him, shocked by his words.
“Let’s go to my room and talk.” Flyboy kisses me on the lips and then the side of my head before grabbing his crutches and standing.
As we leave the room it hits me that it’s at full capacity of brothers. I stop walking, looking around at them stupefied. Flyboy kisses the back of my head and I look over my shoulder to find him smiling down at me. My heart stutters slightly and my cheeks warm at seeing the first true smile from him since the wedding.
“You got this, Sunshine.” He nods toward the door.
I turn walking through the room, smiling in response when a brother tells me how good the food is. I hold tightly to the feelings coursing through my body to help me get through the main room and down the hall to his room. Once we’re in his room, I fall back on the bed with my eyes closed.
“Fuck me! You’re one fucking gorgeous woman and I’m one lucky son of a bitch.” The reverence and honesty in his voice causes need to pulse through me.
I know we need to talk and that the last thing that we should be doing is anything sexual, but I need this. I need to know what it feels like to make the choice to be touched and not have it forced upon me. Sitting up, I pull my shirt over my head before leaning back on my hands and spreading my legs wider.
“Riley, I—” Flyboy clears his throat, seeming lost for words.
Any other day, I’d let the fact that I’m not skin and bones, and that he might not actually be attracted to me, win. Today though, I don’t care. I want this man to the point of insanity.
“Flyboy, I don’t need pretty words. All I need is to be able to choose what I want.” I stand, closing in on him.
As I step into his space and run my hands up his chest, taking his shirt with me, Flyboy leans back onto the bedroom door allowing his crutches to fall to the floor, giving me room to maneuver and pull his shirt over his head. Once his head is free, Flyboy runs his hand up my back and into my hair, fisting it. I look up into his face, and the need I see burning in his eyes is everything I imagined it would be.
“Do you know how many nights I’ve dreamed of this?” His words slide over me like a soft caress.
“No, tell me,” I whisper, kissing his chest and up his neck.
“I’ve been trying to shake the hold you have on me since the first night you walked into the E.R. with your Wonder Woman scrubs. I tried to run my game like I always did, and when it did nothing but cause you to laugh and walk away, I sunk,” he groans, using the hold he has on my hair to guide my mouth to his.
“It took every ounce of will that I had not to give into you before now. To hold my walls in place to protect all of you. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I want you, Flyboy. Show me what it means to be able to pick the man.” I prod him before claiming his mouth with mine.
Flyboy pulls me tight to him, wrapping his other arm around my waist, pulling me tight to his body. We kiss, fight for dominance and learn each other's needs. Flyboy’s hand in my hair pulls, causing a pinch of pain that causes me to go stiff in his arms. He pulls back watching me. Slowly, I open my eyes looking into his, coming back to the here and now.
“Where did you go?” he wonders quietly.
Deciding that being honest with him is the best way to move this forward, I confess, “The pinch of pain caused my mind to remember my past trauma. I know this isn’t going to be easy, but I want this with you.”
“Okay, let me show you what it means to feel good and for it to be only about you. I want you to undress and lay at the head of the bed.” The tone in Flyboy’s voice makes me shiver.
I step back unlatching my bra, letting it slide down my arms, leaving me bare to this magnificent man. I turn my back to him, slowly sliding my pants over my ass and down my legs once they’re on the floor. I stand taking a few more steps before hooking my thumbs in my panties, leisurely sliding the lace over my ass and letting them slide down on their own.
“Fuck me, you’re one beautiful fucking woman.” Flyboy hisses through his teeth.
I take a calming breath and lean over to climb on the bed, doing as he instructed. Once I’m laid out on the bed, I look over at Flyboy, finding him still in his pants.
“Aren’t you going to get naked with me?” I wonder about sliding my hands down over my breasts, but I’m not quite that sure of myself with him. Yet.
“I told you that this was about you and showing you exactly how good things can be.” Flyboy winks before hopping toward the bed, then sitting on the edge.
Gradually, he slides his hand up my leg, barely grazing my pubic bone, slowly traveling over my belly. His featherlight touch, sends rippling waves of pleasure over my body as his hand reaches my breasts, squeezing first the right and then the left one. My nipples go rock hard and the moan that escapes my mouth is wanton. I arch into his hands as he steadily slides them from breast to breast, pinching my diamond point nipples.
“Shit, Riley, you’re so fucking beautiful. Tell me what you need.” Flyboy leans forward, sucking my right nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.
“Flyboy, please, I need more,” I beg, opening my eyes. “Kiss me, Flyboy.”
“All you have to do is ask, Sunshine.” Flyboy slants his mouth over mine at the same time as he slides his hand down my body and over my mound, running a single finger over my swollen clit.