34. Waking Up Alone
Waking Up Alone
Sheridan
The world is too silent. Where’s the movie?
Where are Fly’s arms? His warmth?
Something’s wrong.
My eyes pop open.
I’m in a car. “What happened? Where am I?”
“Fly had to go.”
What? “You aren’t Fly. Where is he? What happened? Am I about to be killed?” Should I jump out of the door?
“You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you. My name is Integer. I’m a friend of Fly’s. Something came up, and Fly had to go. You were so deeply asleep that he didn’t want to wake you up.” Integer doesn’t look away from the road as he answers.
My sleep-addled brain tries to identify him. “Have I met you? Where did Fly go? I should call him. Where’s my purse?”
“It’s right there by your feet. Your phone should be in it. Fly had something to take care of. He’ll be unavailable for several hours. But feel free to call anyone else. Dylan and Greer should be able to identify me. Go ahead and give them a call.”
That doesn’t sound like the way any thriller starts. I twist my body as I reach for my purse. He doesn’t try to stop me. Integer has one of those honest, open-looking faces…though he gives off nerdy vibes. That could be because he’s wearing glasses. “Tell me about Fly’s house.”
“Which one?”
Which one? He has more than one mansion.
“He has three that I know of, but he probably has a few more around the world. Though he doesn’t travel as much as he used to. The one in Silent Valley is contemporary in design. Shall I go on?”
“You could know that via legal records. Tell me something not public.”
“Do you want to know how he got his name, or—”
“Wait. You know the story behind his name?”
“All of the brothers do.” He turns to glance at me briefly. “But you don’t, do you?”
“No. And don’t tell me.”
“Wasn’t going to, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me ma’am. My name is Sheri.”
“I know, ma’am. But I also know you’re claimed. And I really don’t want to get on Fly’s bad side. He’s a good friend to have.”
“Claimed. I’m not some object that can be claimed. Nor am I a fifty-year-old ma’am, do you hear me?”
He smirks. “Loud and clear, ma’am. Today isn’t the day I want to die. And I have enough to worry about without you being insulted by me trying to show you some respect.”
“Why are you worried about dying?”
Integer coughs and looks down.
“You know, men are crazy. Fly won’t kill you for calling me Sheridan.”
“He won’t. But I don’t know about your…um…hosts.”
My hosts? “Dahlia is the sweetest person ever.”
Integer clears his throat. “I didn’t mean her.”
“Maverick is a little intense—”
Integer coughs.
“—but he seems like a very loving and kind husband.”
“Do you see the good in everyone?”
“Not really, though I try to. Doesn’t everyone?”
“No.”
“Well, they should. It makes a hard life easier.” At least I can pretend it does.
“What is hard in your life?”
Huh? The intensity of his response throws me off more than I care to admit. “Everyone has challenges in their life.”
“That’s not what I asked. What’s hard in your life?”
Lie. A lie should slide off your tongue pretty easily. You don’t know this man. And this man doesn’t know you. “The same as everyone else.”
“What is hard in your life right now? You don’t have to tell me, but if you hide it from Fly, he’s not going to be happy.”
“Fly isn’t entitled to know my private information.”
Integer raises an eyebrow at me. “Fly acts easygoing, but that man is a deep well. You don’t want to see him when he finds out something is wrong with you, and you hid it from him.”
“I’m not hiding it from him.” Wow, that made me sound guilty. “I’m not hiding anything.”
“I know a woman hiding something when I see her. And whatever it is you’re hiding behind that pretty smile and those big eyes keeps you up at night.
People don’t sleep as hard as you did on their first date unless they haven’t slept in a long time and finally found a safe place to rest their heads.
Fly gave you a safe space then, and he’ll do it again.
But he’s going to lose his mind if he finds it out from someone else and not out of your mouth. ”
“How can you say things like that to a total stranger?”
“You aren’t a stranger.”
“Excuse me. This is the first time we’ve said more than two words in passing to each other. And I’m pretty sure we didn’t even say two words before this.”
“Doesn’t make you a stranger. And I’m pretty sure you won’t stay a stranger long.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re an odd man?”
Integer chuckles. “All the time. I joined Children of Chaos to feel normal, and it was the best decision I ever made.”
“Most people don’t say that about joining a gang.”
“That’s because we’re a motorcycle club and not a gang.”
I’ve heard that before. “Why would a motorcycle club make you feel normal? There’s nothing wrong with being different.”
“Because I have people I can trust. Brothers who have my back regardless of what might happen. The brotherhood is like that. We aren’t just people who pay dues. These are men I trust my life with, and you can too.”
That means…“You were alone.”
He nods. “Foster kid in a group home for most of my life. Then I went to college, got a good job, and thought everything would be okay.”
“But you were still alone.” Always alone in a sea of people.
“Tried the marriage thing briefly. But the problem was with me. I was looking for her to fill a hole inside of me instead of looking to fill her life with love.”
“No one can fix your life except for you.”
“Figured that out, but I will tell you, my brother can fix your problems. Give him your trust.”
‘No one would ever want trash like you. You better pretend real good, little girl, to be better than you are, or people will see the trash inside of you.’ Grammie’s words ring out as clear as the first day she said them. The day my mother left us. Then again, the day my brother left me.
The only one you can rely on is yourself.
“You aren’t going to tell him.”
“No. And I wish you wouldn’t.”
“Can’t do that, Sheridan. Fly is my brother. I would die to protect him, and that protection extends to his woman.”
“I won’t be that for long,” I mutter the words under my breath.
“I wouldn’t bet on that.” Integer’s focus turns back to the heavy traffic.
Noise will help. Music will distract. I need a run. Is it too late to go for one tonight?
***
Integer stops the SUV in front of Dahlia’s house.
“Thank you for the ride home.”
Integer unbuckles his belt and hops out.
I open the door before he can get around the car. “You don’t have to walk me to the door. I appreciate the ride.”
Integer ignores me, squaring his shoulders as we walk up the steps.
Why is he acting like he’s going to a firing squad?
“Really, I appreciate everythi—”
The front door is flung open. Maverick stands there, glowering. “Where is he?”
Integer visibly starts shaking.
Men are so weird. “This is Integer. He gave me a ride home. Wasn’t that nice of him?” I step between Integer and Maverick.
Integer’s arms go around me as he shifts me until I’m standing behind him. “Fly was pulled away to handle an issue. He asked me to deliver her to you safely.”
“An issue I would be interested in?” Maverick raises an eyebrow.
Integer shakes as he holds me firmly behind his back, which makes no sense.
“Possibly. Though he would appreciate it if you ensured her safety and that of the others while he handles this issue.”
Maverick nods.
What others?
Why are they talking in some sort of man code?
This is edging towards rudeness. Integer seemed blunt, but not rude.
“Then I will go.” Integer turns to me. “Think about what I said.” He walks away without another word.
Men are infuriating.
What do I do?
“Are you okay?” Maverick’s voice is softer than I’ve ever heard, except when he’s talking to Dahlia.
“I’m fine.” Tears fill my eyes. “Thank you. I think I’ll go for a run. You have a nice night.” I sneak past him and dash up the stairs, brushing away tears that I can’t explain.
A knock sounds at the door just as I pull on my sweats. “Come in.”
Dahlia opens the door and pokes her head in. “Hi. Is everything alright?
For once, I really appreciate my tendency towards chaos since clothes completely cover the food in my suitcase.
“I brought up some milk and cookies and thought you might want to talk about your date.”
Milk and cookies…I start bawling my eyes out for no reason at all.
Dahlia rushes over and wraps her arms around me. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Was he mean to you? Did he hurt you?”
What? “No. I fell asleep in his arms.”
“Oh…OH.” She steps over to my bed and sinks down. “Are we happy about that or sad?”
“Terrified.”
She nods. “Ahh.”
What does that mean? What does any of this mean? “I think I might be falling for him.”
“I did the same thing. There’s nothing in the world like falling asleep in the arms of the man you love. Still to this day, it’s one of the best parts of being married to Maverick.”
“That’s the thing. This relationship isn’t going anywhere. I’m falling in love with a man, and I’m going to have to walk away from him in a few days.”
“It doesn’t have to end. There are phones, cars, and planes.”
Like I can afford any of those things.
“You can figure out a way to make it work. Or you could always move up here closer to him.”
Move here. I doubt they will let me live in my car in this neighborhood, and it’s not exactly safe to do it anywhere else in Urbium. “It won’t work. It can’t work. I should just cut it off now before it gets even more painful to walk away.”
“You can try that.” She gives a little secret smirk.
“What does that mean?”
“I’ve seen stuff like this happen several times. There’s a chance that Fly might be different, but I doubt it, and I doubt he’s going to just let you walk away without a good reason.”
“He doesn’t let me do anything. I’m a grown adult who makes her own decisions regardless of what he might think.”
“You are, but men like Fly and my husband have a way of convincing us to see their way of things.”
“That’s what Integer inferred.” I sink down onto the floor. “He’s going to shatter my heart.”
“The question is, what will you do if he doesn’t? How would you feel walking away from a man who will cherish and protect your heart like it’s more valuable than his own?” She stands up. “Answer those questions, and you’ll know what to do.”
The only thing I want to do is run until my stress fades away. Until all of this fades away.