CHAPTER TWO #2
I was following most of the cast on Instagram before the end credits, got a Lila Murphy cut (but grew it out immediately as bangs only work if you have cheekbones; I looked like a doughy-faced pre-pubescent boy when I put my hair in a ponytail) and took up stage combat the following month.
Roxy also fell hard after I made her watch the first episode, and Mum took us to our first convention that year.
I joined Wattpad and started writing fan fiction under the username of FallerForever.
I’d always enjoyed scribbling stories in my notepads, but once I discovered Vampire Falls I wrote words for those characters with total focus, respect and passion. Life finally felt like it made sense.
“Give me a cola bottle,” Roxy says, turning into the retail park. “Not a gummy bear.”
I root around the packet and stick a cola bottle in Roxy’s mouth. Charlie Chamberlain’s favourite are the bears. Or they used to be. He’s probably too cool for Haribo now. Not one of his macros.
Urgh. Charlie Chamberlain. He just lurks in the subconscious of my Haribo packet, waiting to annoy me.
“Did you see Charlie Chamberlain yesterday with the rest of the Awfuls? I hate the way they just stand around talking to each other.”
“We stand around talking to each other,” says Roxy, disinterested. I should really talk to her about her tone when I’ve finished ranting.
“But we don’t do it in a worship-our-perfect-bone-structure-and-lucky-genes way. I mean, that’s all good looks are anyway. Luck. It’s nothing to be proud of.”
“You didn’t think that when we were friends with him.”
“He didn’t look like that when we were friends with him,” I say, folding my arms.
“Yes, he did.”
“Well, yes, if you want to get technical, but he wasn’t all groomed and in proportion, and he couldn’t shave properly because of his acne.”
“If you say so.”
“Remember that Halloween he was so embarrassed of his acne he wore a McKinley the Pessimistic Werewolf mask to take Sadie trick or treating and then kept it on for days? He hated McKinley the Pessimistic Werewolf.”
Sadie is Charlie’s little sister and Vampire Falls superfan in training. She’s seriously cute and I miss seeing her, but that’s what happens when best friends ditch you and move on. They take their cute little sister out of your life too.
“McKinley’s the worst,” says Roxy, shaking her head at the mention of everyone’s least favourite Vampire Falls character. “Everyone hates McKinley.”
“Duh, that’s why there’s a song called ‘Everyone Hates McKinley’ in the musical episode.”
Roxy immediately bursts into song.
“McKinley, McKinley, you sing out of tune, don’t blame the full moon,” she sings, tapping her hand on the steering wheel.
I obviously must join in.
“We know it’s a curse, but your pessimism’s the worst. Everyone hates McKinleeeey.”
We finish the song on a horrific crescendo and pull into the Costa drive-thru.
Roxy doesn’t even pause at the menu; we have the same thing every year.
It’s a tradition my mum started when she took us to our first convention five years ago.
Mum always had a triple-shot of espresso in her iced mocha (we could get very squealy on the journey) and Roxy and I have since graduated from decaf.
You don’t mess with tradition, even when your chaperone has let you fly free. I clear my throat and continue.
“And what does he even talk to them about anyway? He can’t talk to them about what we used to talk about, can he? Did he get a handbook or something when he went to the dark side?”
“He didn’t go to the dark side, Eliza, he—”
“He abandoned us and started hanging out with the Awfuls: that’s the dark side, Roxy,” I say. “Uh, and did you see Vivian hanging off him? Made for each other in an evil laboratory.”
“You just don’t like her because of that time she got gold on the balance beam, and you came last.”
“Because she was twice my height when we were eleven! I could barely get on the thing properly. Super-rich bitch.”
“I don’t think she’s super-rich, babe,” says Roxy, frowning. “Her parents run an events company or something. She’s not that bad. She actually invited us to that party.”
“Well, I didn’t actually want to go.”
“But then you would never have met Kit Connor,” she says, fluttering her eyelashes.
“Don’t,” I say, my stomach bubbling with embarrassment. “I can’t believe Charlie Chamberlain witnessed me barfing everywhere. I bet he’s told everyone.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I bet he filmed it. Did he film it?”
“Here’s an idea we haven’t tried,” says Roxy, showing her perfect teeth in a fake open-mouthed smile. “If you talk about Charlie again, I will stop the car.”
“You brought him up, buddy, but fine with me.” I peer down and pull the seatbelt tight across my T-shirt. “Are you sure you can’t see my bra?”
Roxy purses her lips and raises her eyebrows at me. That’s bad. We’ve been in the car for less than five minutes and she’s already getting annoyed with me (or my shit, as she lovingly refers to it). I undo my seatbelt and lean over her as we pull up to the speaker thing at the drive-thru.
“Hi, Costa! Eliza here, of Eliza and Roxy.”
“Um . . . can I take your order?” says a monotone voice.
Jeez, you’d think people would be aching for witty banter at this time of the morning.
“Listen good, Costa, for our order is threefold.” Roxy shakes her head and I waggle my eyebrows at her. “Actually, two lots of threefold so that’s . . . sixfold.”
Silence from the speaker thing.
“Costa? Are you receiving me, Costa?”
Roxy elbows me back into my seat and takes control of the speaker thing, but I don’t mind because she loves me again.
“Have you heard from anyone else? What time is Iris arriving?” I ask.
Iris is Roxy’s girlfriend. She lives a couple of hours’ drive from us so they see each other when they can. I’m happy to confirm that she’s lovely and good enough for my best friend.
Roxy shakes her head as she stops at the next window.
“I wonder if Charlie Chamberlain will remember the convention is usually this weekend?”
“Eliza.”
Eek. Warning tone.
“Sorry. But how lucky are we? Bunking off school and leaving the Awfuls and their drama, and, frankly, the uncreative name-calling behind? I mean, Viggo the Virgin? It doesn’t even make any sense.
Firstly, Viggo is male, and secondly, he screwed every warm- and cold-blooded character from season one through five, and that’s what they decide to call me?
Like, do your research, guys. Just because they don’t appreciate the genius of Vampire Falls, or what it means to pledge your allegiance to fictious characters, they try to make me feel bad for it? Which I will never.”
It might shock you to know that I’m not exactly Miss Popular at school.
Apparently, being obsessed with football is totally acceptable by general society, but being passionate about a TV show is not.
I still don’t see the difference between wearing your team’s football shirt and dressing as your favourite character.
But when I came into school in full cosplay on a non-uniform day once, the rest of my year (and a couple of teachers) made it perfectly clear that there is a difference.
I went as a Clopwyck witch from season three, so I didn’t even have any weapons (their eyeballs are their weapons), but I was still told to change.
That day, I graduated from being sort-of weird to everyone’s favourite target, but the fandom and my love for Vampire Falls act like a cloak of armour.
Which is what I wore when I wasa Clopwyck witch, specifically dragon hide.
Roxy takes the drinks from the Costa guy and hands them to me. I put hers in the drinks holder and take a long slurp from mine. Mmmm. Icy caffeinated goodness. She dumps the food in my lap then pulls away from the window.
“And like the word virgin is some big insult anyway,” I say. “Charlie Chamberlain should—”
“Eliza!” Roxy smacks the steering wheel.
“I know it’s my fault for mentioning Haribo bears, therefore referring to him indirectly, and believe me I’m kicking myself that I did, but stop talking about him.
It makes you sulky and I refuse to have a sulky weekend, OK?
If you mention his name one more time, I will stop this car and you can sit in the back where Daisy pissed all over the seat. ”
Don’t panic. Daisy is Roxy’s Labrador. But still, gross.
“OK, fine, I’m sorry. I’m just being wistful, you know?
” I take the lid off my latte and give the ice cubes a good swirl around.
Don’t you just love that sound? “You can’t look forward without looking back, Roxy – and I’m looking forward to the best, most perfect, weekend of the year and that involves considering what we’re leaving behind, which is Charlie Chamberlain and the— UUUUHHHHH! ”
Just so you’re up to speed, Roxy has slammed on the brakes like her driving test depends on it and my entire iced latte has saturated my T-shirt, my bra and my general crotchal area.
“Roxanne Fu!” I scream, trying to keep as still as possible to not aggravate the seepage. “What the actual fucking fuck?!”
She stares at me, her hands over her mouth.
“Eliza, I’m so, so sorry.” She grabs a tiny travel tissue and dabs at me. I smack her hand away. “Hey, I’m trying to help before it stains.”
“Before it stains? We’re a bit beyond that, don’t you think?” I pull my T-shirt away from my skin. Ew. Moist. “You did that on purpose.”
Roxy sighs and folds her arms.
“Not the spillage part but yes, yes, I stopped the car on purpose, after I told you that I was going to stop the car if you didn’t stop talking about Charlie.
I didn’t know you’d taken the lid off. I mean, why would you do that in a moving car?
” She looks me up and down, and her face softens.
“I really am sorry, babe. Shall we go back to Costa so you can get changed?”
I am burning with absolute rage, but my entire front half is freezing cold and squelchy. It’s quite the juxtaposition.
“I don’t have anything else to wear!”
“How can you not? Your suitcase is bulging with clothes.”
“Yes: cosplay clothes and my scheduled outfits. I didn’t pack anything in case my friend drowned me in iced latte, Roxy.”
“Sorry. Again. Truly sorry.”
I ignore her and shift in my seat. Yes. Yes, it’s now soaking through to my knickers. Amazing.
“Eliza?”
“What?” I snap, and glare at her.
Roxy’s looking at me, biting her lip like her life depends on it, and even in my fury I can tell she’s trying to suppress laughter.
“Um . . . I can totally see your bra.”