Chapter 39 #2
“Because I had to be. I had to go and make new friends. The worst thing . . .” He pauses and I blink at Frank, wondering what he’s going to say.
Charlie Chamberlain, not Frank. I haven’t got cabin fever yet.
“I didn’t want to lose you as a friend but that’s exactly what happened.
You punished me by taking that away because you knew how much itwould hurt. ”
“I punished you?” I repeat, tears pricking my eyes. “How can you say that? How can you say I hurt you, Charlie? All you’ve done since then is make fun of me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“It’s just banter, Eliza.”
“Using my favourite thing to make me feel shit about myself isn’t banter, Charlie.”
“I was just messing around?” It comes out as a question, like he’s not sure if he was or not. I’m not sure either. “It was the only . . . it was . . .”
“It was what, Charlie?” says Rashawn. “Tell her.”
“It’s the only interaction I get with you. We used to make fun of each other all the time . . . I just . . . I just miss messing around with my friend.”
I thought lying inside a coffin was torture, but hearing Charlie Chamberlain saying all this is worse.
“But you just laugh when your mates do it. When Vivian does it.”
“When has Vivian ever made fun of you?” he says.
I spin round to look at Frank, the shadow of sentimentality retreating in the wake of instantaneous rage.
“All the time! I’ve seen her whispering to you about me. She hasn’t stopped since she got here. I don’t know why you had to bring her.”
“What’s Vivian got to do with this anyway? I thoughtwe were talking about us?”
“We’re not talking about us,” I say, chewing the inside of my cheek.
“Fine, ignore this conversation just like you ignored me. Shit, Eliza, when did you get so cold.”
“Cold?” Tears spring in my eyes as I blink at Frank. “How can you say I’m cold? You didn’t . . . you didn’t even contact me when my nanna died, Charlie. I’m sorry youfelt pushed out, that I pushed you out, but I thought you would, despite how things had changed.”
I’m glad of the darkness and the privacy as my face completely crumbles and I don’t know if the tears are for Nanna or for Charlie. Maybe they’re for both.
“Eliza,” Charlie Chamberlain says, his soft voice sending a little crack tearing through my left ventricle.
“Forget it,” I say, trying to keep control of my voice.
I take a deep breath and search my pockets for a tissue which, of course, is fruitless as I hadn’t planned on having a meltdown inside a coffin today.
“I . . . I . . .” Charlie Chamberlain’s voice is quiet, like it’s tiptoeing towards me. “I came to your house, Eliza. Of course I came to your house. I wouldn’t have . . .”
I lift my head, waiting for the rest of his words.
“What?”
“You were asleep, and your mum said you’d been awake all night, so I didn’t want to . . . I just . . . I wanted to . . . but I left what I’d brought and . . . maybe I should have waited but it had been so long, and your mum was upset. I didn’t want to intrude.”
I swallow, blinking at the back of Frank’s head, then press my cheek against the cool, white plastic. We don’t say anything for a while, and I let Charlie Chamberlain’s words swirl around the fake coffin dust and paint fumes.
“Guys,” sniffles Rashawn. “Eliza, I’m sorry about your nanna.”
“Thank you,” I squeak, also sniffling.
A sliver of light slips into the coffin as my lid lifts and a hand emerges holding a travel tissue.
“Thank you,” I say to the hand.
“You’re welcome, love,” says Headset Lady.
I dab my face and blow my nose, then lie back. My chest feels lighter, like I’ve dropped something I’ve been carrying around for ages. Or let it go.
“Charlie, I . . .” I pull myself up onto my elbows a little and look down at Frank.
“You’re right, I . . . I did push you out of our friendship.
I shouldn’t have done that, but . . . I’m sorry, OK?
I’m sorry for what happened, and I’m sorry I pushed you away.
Most of all, I’m sorry that I don’t have you any more; I’m sorry you’re not a part of my life.
You were my favourite part of my life for a while.
I miss that, and I miss you. That’s what I’m most sorry about. ”
“Don’t you want to know what he brought you, Eliza?” whispers Rashawn after a while.
“Huh?”
“He said he brought you something when he came to your house.”
I look round.
“What did you bring me, Charlie?” I say, waiting for him to respond, but there’s nothing. “Charlie?”
The competition doesn’t seem as important suddenly, and I sit up, pushing the coffin lid off to the side. I blink in the light then find that Charlie’s lid is also at an angle and his coffin is empty. I look up at Headset Lady.
“He left,” she says.
“When?” Rashawn and I ask in unison.
Headset Lady looks down at me, her eyebrows tilting up in sorrow.
“Just before you told him you’re sorry, and that you miss him. Sorry, love.”
I nod and look around. There are still quite a few in the audience, including my lot and Vivian and Sadie, who’re all frowning at me. Roxy looks over her shoulder at the double doors, so I guess Charlie Chamberlain is long gone. I sigh and look back at his coffin.
“I’m so sorry he wasn’t here for all that, Eliza,” says Rashawn, “but I guess that makes me the winner now, though, right?”