Chapter 7 Message Me
KANG IS BACK and once again I have something to look forward to every other day. I decide to do things differently: Instead of staying cooped up in my room, I go out into the backyard and watch the puppies play as I get ready to listen to tonight’s program.
“Good evening, folks. This is Kang, your friend and companion for this evening’s radio program, Follow My Voice . I missed you all this past week.”
I missed you more , I think.
“But I’m back now, ready to play you some songs and discuss some important topics with you, as usual.
Today I want to piggyback off a previous topic and talk about the people we miss when they’re not around, whether it be a partner, a friend, or someone who is no longer with us.
But, before we get into it, I want to welcome a special guest who’s stopped by to visit us tonight.
You already know him, none other than Erick Lamb, who was gracious enough to sub for me on the show while I was away. ”
I frown.
“Hey, guys, it’s me, Erick, hangin’ out with my man Kang tonight.”
Kang laughs. “So, in case you’re wondering what’s going on, I’ve decided to have special guests on the show every now and then, so we can get different perspectives on our daily topics.”
Why? You’re perfect all by yourself , I think.
Erick clears his throat. “Don’t worry, I won’t steal all your time with Kang. I’ll just chime in every once in a while.”
Kang starts talking about what it feels like to miss someone, but just as I’m beginning to relax and enjoy his voice, Erick interrupts, spoiling everything.
I send a message to the show, praying that Kang will read it . You don’t need Erick. The show is perfect with just you. —K.
Kang reads out some messages without mentioning mine. But then, unfortunately, Erick speaks up. “Wow, okay, we have a message here from K and, apparently, she is not too happy to have me here.”
“She?” Kang asks. “What makes you think K is female?”
“It’s crystal clear. I’ve seen all the messages she sends you and this last one talks about how perfect you are… I mean, the show is. It’s obvious that she’s a chick. And I think the audience would agree with me.”
I’m mortified. I wrote that message for Kang. Even though I wanted him to see it, I knew he wouldn’t read it out on the air, because that’s just not the way he is. Erick is another story; he likes drama and is constantly creating awkward situations.
Kang is silent for a few seconds. “Well, K, is Erick’s sixth sense correct?” he finally says.
Erick laughs and the sound is grating to my ears. “Yeah, babe, just confirm for everyone that I’m right and I promise not to interfere with your darling Kang’s show ever again.”
I bite my lower lip. I really don’t want Kang to have Erick back on the show, and confirming that I’m female doesn’t seem like a big deal.
“We have a message from K,” Erick says. “But, since I like to keep you on the edge of your seats, we’ll play the next song and when we come back, we’ll read it to you.”
Fear…
In your world of love, and sadness,
let me fear you.
Let me heal you.
The song continues and I like it; Kang always chooses great songs. But I’m finding it hard to listen, kicking myself for having sent that message to the show.
The song ends and Erick begins speaking: “Well, we’re back, and I know you can’t take the suspense any longer.
The message from our darling K says, ‘Yes, I’m female.
Now, Erick, will you keep your promise?’?” Erick lets out a chuckle.
“Apparently K is not a big fan of mine… Too bad, babe, your loss! But, all right, let’s get back to our topic for today. ”
Kang talks more about the feeling of missing someone. “People sometimes struggle to admit how much they miss someone, thinking it’s a sign of weakness. But as Fyodor Dostoevsky writes in The Brothers Karamazov : ‘What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.’?”
“Well, I’ll just come out and ask the question on everyone’s minds right now,” says Erick. “Kang, have you ever missed anyone?”
“Of course.”
“A friend? A family member? Or a girl you like?”
My heart stops. I don’t want to hear about a girl Kang misses, but I’m unable to take off my headphones.
Silence.
Erick laughs and continues, “I wish you could see the expression on Kang’s face right now; I really think it’s a girl.”
Ouch.
Kang finally speaks. “I don’t think people are interested in that, Erick.
It’s time to say goodbye for tonight. But before we go out with a song, I’d like to read a quote from one of my favorite poems, ‘Annabel Lee’ by Edgar Allan Poe.
‘We loved with a love that was more than love.’ Now, to our song.
It’s about missing someone, to go with our topic of the day.
I hope it makes you feel something, anything, even if it’s pain, for it’s better to feel any emotion than to keep it locked inside. Enjoy, and have a good night.”
The song begins and I listen to it as I go back to my room.
I lie down on the bed, close my eyes, and start to doze off before I’m woken up by the feeling of my phone vibrating on my chest. I’m a very light sleeper, something left over from the nights when I had to stay alert to care for my mother when she was sick.
Soothing music is playing in my ears; I take off my headphones and sit up to check the message, the light from the screen so bright it blinds me for a second. Kamila and Andy are the only people who text me. Pathetic, I know. But, to my surprise, it’s a message from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hello.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Kang.
And right there, lying in the darkness of my room, I forget how to breathe.