Chapter 32
32
E z resists the urge to tap her foot impatiently while Cass squints down at her counterspell, making notes in the margins and occasionally muttering to himself. She knows that spellcasting isn’t his specialty, but it’s abundantly clear that he’s wracking his brain for every magic principle he’s learned in his two hundred fifty years?—and taking his sweet time doing it.
Right now, the two of them are sitting across from each other at Cass’s kitchen table, as is their custom. Tonight, though, the custom is slightly different from usual: true to his word, Obie commandeered Desi for Bring Your Child Bowling Day, and JJ, being the good sport that he is, decided to join them. Now, the suitably glamoured half-demon father and his demon daughter are probably struggling to do math just like Ez always does at Redwater Bowl, and Ez and Cass are taking some time to review the reversal that she and Roma created.
A very long amount of time, if Ez does say so herself. She almost cheers when Cass finally reaches the end of his annotations and gives the spell one final skim. “Well, you know my spellcasting is much less refined than yours,” he says, his eyes shifting from the incantation back to Ez’s face. “But it looks solid to me.”
Ez doesn’t know whether to be happy or disappointed. She settles for a theatric sigh, resting her head in her hands. “All right. Thanks.”
“You’re annoyed that your spell isn’t bad?” Cass asks, squinting at her. “That’s an unusual attitude from Esmeralda Laguerre.”
“Because this is probably the most important spell of my life, Chin,” Ez says emphatically. “It’s one of the few spells I’ve ever created from scratch??—?”
“I wouldn’t call a point-by-point reversal ‘from scratch.’”
“?—?I’m going to be using it to access an ancient and barely understood magic reservoir??—?”
“Which you’ve already done on more than one occasion.”
“?—?and the literal fate of Redwater is hanging in the balance, along with the literal fate of my life,” she finishes relentlessly. “And yet the only feedback I’ve gotten so far, from you and Obie and Maggie and everyone, has just been ‘oh, yeah, it’s fine.’”
“Well, what did you expect?” Cass says, draping one arm over the back of his chair. “You and Roma put that counterspell together, and you’re the best spellcasters in Redwater. It makes sense that there aren’t any mistakes.”
Ez ignores the squiggly feeling in her chest at the mention of her and Roma as a team. It’s an unfortunately common sensation for her nowadays. “But I’d still appreciate it if someone pointed out some kind of error. Even a small one. That way, I could be sure we’re not missing an obvious mistake that’ll lead to all of us being summarily blown up.”
Dutifully, Cass leans over the counterspell again, tapping his pen against the table. “Well, you didn’t use the Oxford comma here,” he says, pointing at the offending list of three items. “Which is a heinous crime against the English language that you should probably rectify at your earliest convenience.”
“I hate you so much.”
“Love you, too, Laguerre.”
“And we didn’t use the Oxford comma because we’re not pausing there,” Ez adds. “While I agree with it as a grammatical construct, we’re trying to keep the cadence of each line the same. If we put a comma there, then there’ll be too much of a pause between those words when compared to the corresponding words in the rest of the counterspell.”
Cass opens his mouth, closes it, and says, “See, tiny details like that are why no one can find any issues with your counterspell. It’s foolproof.”
Ez groans, dropping her head back into her hands. “Do not use the f-word around my spells. I beg of you.”
Cass reaches across the table to pat her shoulder. “Listen,” he says, a note of seriousness dropping into his voice, “all of us understand what you’re risking here, and none of us want you to die from a preventable error. If we can’t find any mistakes, it’s because we’re specifically looking for them, but they’re just not there.” He raises his eyebrows. “Like I said, you and Roma put together a good spell. And Maggie signed off on it, right? I’d trust her opinion almost as much as Obie’s.”
“Which is hilarious,” Ez says, “because they both repeatedly insisted that they’re bad at spellcasting when I asked them.”
“Well, Obie’s just a liar,” Cass says, shooting her a crooked smile. “And I think Maggie only knows a handful of spells off the top of her head, but she knows them incredibly well. Three thousand years on Earth will do that to a demon.”
“Yeah,” Ez says, and a strange pang twists through her. Maggie looked utterly bewildered when Ez asked her for feedback, and she doesn’t think it’s just because Maggie is more comfortable around a broadsword than magic.
Actually, it looked like she was more surprised to be included in the first place. Like she didn’t even think she would rank on Ez’s list of trusted confidants, much less that Ez would take her comments seriously.
Maggie’s always been a bit of a loner, but sometimes, Ez wonders if that’s really good for her. “In any case,” Ez continues, glancing at the clock, “I’ll just ask JJ when he gets home, and then I’ll be finished on my end. I’ve only asked demons so far, so getting a trained hunter’s opinion will be helpful.”
Especially because, when she talked to Micah and Gregorio, neither of them offered to pass the counterspell along to their resident ex-hunters. Part of Ez is glad that the decision to reach out to Naomi is firmly in Roma’s hands, but her heart hurts at how Roma is clearly struggling with how to handle that decision.
Cass’s eyebrows furrow. “Isn’t Roma asking the Sanctum’s spellcasters?”
“They already signed off on it,” Ez confirms. “But I actually trust JJ, so even if his spellcasting is subpar, it’ll still ease my anxiety a bit.”
Cass grins. “Valid,” he says, following Ez’s gaze towards the clock. If Ez isn’t mistaken, he actually looks a little disappointed that they still have another few hours until Obie brings JJ and Desi home.
“Don’t tell me you miss them already,” Ez says, rolling her eyes. “They’ve barely been gone for half an hour.”
“What, I’m not allowed to love my boyfriend and our daughter?” Cass’s eyes flicker back to Ez. “Although I will admit that it’s nice to have an adult conversation for more than five minutes. Now that JJ and I both need to sleep, it’s like?—like we have less time to be ourselves, you know?” He shrugs one shoulder. “Not that I’d change any of it, of course. It’s just strange to share my life with people after living it solo for so long.”
Unbidden, Ez’s thoughts snap to Roma, her spellcasting buddy and companion for all her daylight hours. “What do you mean?” she asks carefully, shoving the hunter from her mind.
“I was never alone, obviously,” Cass says, and he shoots Ez a smile. “I always had you and Obie. I was never lonely. But I never really had anyone in my home, in my space. Never really had anyone relying on me. And I don’t think I ever realized just how nice it is to be needed?—needed and wanted?—until I got Desi and JJ. I mean, I just love watching Desi learn about the world and everything in it, and I love how she’s so excited to meet new people and learn new things, and I love how she always looks back at us to check if we’re excited, too. She’s growing into her own person, and it’s honestly incredible to watch.
“And JJ…” Cass’s eyes soften. “JJ is amazing. He’s a great dad, of course, but there’s so much more to him than I ever would’ve imagined. He’s only been alive for twenty-two years, but Ez, he contains magnitudes. And I want to learn everything about him, from his favorite childhood memories to why he drowns his coffee with milk every morning. I want to know what makes him him.” He hesitates. “Sometimes, late at night, he’ll look at me and say, ‘I’ve never told this to anyone before, but…’ And those are my absolute favorite moments, because he’s giving me a gift that he’s never given anyone else. He’s giving me a piece of himself, and he’s trusting me to handle it with care.”
Ez’s chest twinges. “Sounds perfect.”
To her surprise, Cass snorts. “It’s not. Trust me. Don’t get me wrong?—I love JJ with all my heart, but the man is a piece of work. He has no idea how to compromise, so he’ll just let me get my way and then be bitter about it without telling me why he’s upset, and he never learned how to ask for help, so he’ll get frustrated when he can’t accomplish something and not tell me that he’s struggling, and?—?” His smile wavers. “I know that a lot of it is residual trauma from the Sanctum. He wasn’t really allowed to have his own opinions, and they looked down on him if he showed any weakness. Honestly, I feel like we’re going to be unpacking what he went through for years to come, and?—and it’s not always a neat process. It’s messy. It’s complicated. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it all better, but my magic can’t fix that. All I can do is try to be there for him when he backslides or lashes out.”
Suddenly, Ez realizes that she’s holding her breath. “But he’s getting better?”
“I’m starting to think that ‘getting better’ is more of an ongoing process than a final destination,” Cass admits. “But yeah. Yeah, I think he’s getting better. Day by day. And I think part of why I see him at his worst is because he trusts me to see him at his worst, you know? I remember one night, after a particularly bad fight, we were on opposite sides of the bed and not even looking at each other, and out of nowhere, he just whispered, ‘Thank you for not leaving me.’” He looks away. “That broke my heart, honestly. Because he’s not used to the idea of someone loving him unconditionally anymore. Not since the Sanctum took that away from him.”
Ez’s chest hurts. “You two are good for each other.”
“Yeah. I think we are.” He arches an eyebrow. “And you?”
Instantly, Ez’s defenses shoot up. “What about me?”
Cass scoffs. “Did you think I was just sharing and caring about my relationship with an ex-hunter for my own health? No.” He leans forward. “What’s going on with you and your lackey?”
“Roma’s not my lackey,” Ez stresses, her stomach churning uncomfortably. “She’s just, you know, a lackey that I happen to associate with. She’s tolerable.”
Cass narrows his eyes at her.
Ez scowls back. “What?”
“Listen, Ez,” he says, leaning back in his chair, “I know that we were all suspicious when Roma first came back into our lives, but from what I can see, she’s really proven her goodwill over the past few weeks. I feel like we’re past the ‘enemies’ stage at this point, so it’s not out of line to admit that you enjoy her company.” He winces. “JJ is struggling with that, too. He wants to trust her again?—wants to believe that she’s still his friend, and that they can move on from the past together?—but he’s still licking his wounds from the last time he trusted her and everything went wrong. That hurt him more than he wants to admit.”
A pang twists through Ez. “For what it’s worth,” she says quietly, “Roma still asks about him sometimes. And not in a creepy, ‘authorized by the Sanctum’ way. More like?—like she genuinely wants to know how he is. And when she chewed out Naomi and Sawyer for trying to use JJ for their own ends, that didn’t feel fake, either.”
Cass searches Ez’s face. “So you trust her?”
Ez grimaces, looking away. “‘Trust’ is a strong word, but?—but it’s been getting more and more true every day. I can always rely on her, you know? Always count on her. We work really well together, and she has this deep respect for magic that I don’t see in many humans, and…” She trails off, thinking back to Roma’s awestruck expression when they checked the Deep together. “I almost feel like she trusts me, and that makes me want to trust her, too. You know?”
“Yeah. I know.” Cass rests his chin on his palm, scrutinizing her closely. “What about, ah, things beyond trust?”
Heat flames up the back of Ez’s neck. “Don’t even go there, Chin. We’re not going to be the next you and JJ.”
“Are you suuuuure?” Cass wheedles, dragging out the last word for longer than strictly necessary. “Because you do spend quite a lot of time together, and you always talk about her??—?”
“I do not!”
“?—?and there’s just something about the two of you that seems to… to fit, you know?” He hesitates. “Even JJ thinks so. He’s actually mentioned that you two are probably the only ones skilled enough?—and stubborn enough?—to handle each other.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Cass’s lips twitch. “And I know that JJ and I had a unique situation,” he adds, pulling one knee up to his chest and wrapping his arms around it. “If it weren’t for Desi, we never even would’ve met, let alone fallen in love. I’m not saying that we got together for the kid, but the kid was a strong contributing factor in why we got together.”
“Pity that Roma and I don’t have a small child to unite us,” Ez drawls, going for teasing and realizing too late that she sounds just a bit more serious than she intended.
Cass looks surprised. “But you do?—in an abstract sense, at least. Yeah, JJ and I had an actual toddler to raise, but in the end, she was our shared goal. Care for the kid. Protect the kid. Make sure the kid has a childhood and a normal life.” He raises his eyebrows. “You and Roma have a shared goal, too, remember? You’re protecting Redwater together. And Redwater might not be a person, but you still both care about it enough to put aside your differences to save it. Honestly, I think that might make you and Roma even more compatible than JJ and I were. After all, anyone would’ve wanted to adopt Desi. She’s very adoptable. But caring so deeply about your hometown that you’re willing to work with your worst enemy to defend it? That’s a very specific personality trait that not many people share.”
Ez’s heart flutters. Hastily, she shoos the sensation away. “Well, it’s definitely a solid alliance,” she allows, slouching down in her seat. “But I don’t think it’s going to go beyond that. Roma isn’t like JJ, Cass. She was born a hunter, and I’m pretty sure she’s going to die a hunter, too. The Sanctum is her entire life.” She scowls. “I’m just praying that the Council won’t try to give a purebred spellcaster the ‘glory’ of casting the counterspell. Roma knows what she’s doing, but I can’t say the same for the rest of them.”
“I don’t know, Ez,” Cass says, his eyes dancing. “Sounds like you have a bit of a crush to me.”
“Mutual respect for each other’s spellcasting does not equal a crush,” Ez insists, and she looks away. “And she’s different from other hunters, you know? Observant. Patient. Scholarly. She doesn’t make assumptions. I really like that about her.” She notices Cass’s smirk and glares at him. “Shut up.”
Cass raises his hands in surrender. “Don’t worry. Shutting up.” His smile falters. “After one last comment. You do understand that if this counterspell works as planned, then?—then that’s it, right? No more mega-rifts. No more spellcasting shifts. No more of you and Roma working as a team. So if you’re thinking even a little bit about a long-term relationship with her?—even if that relationship isn’t necessarily romantic?—then you need to do something about it soon.”
Ez’s stomach flip-flops. She forces a smile. “I’ll take that under advisement,” she says, and decisively, she changes the subject. “But enough about that. Do you think Desi will want to do the kids’ bowling camp this summer? Obie mentioned that he volunteers to help to run it, so…”
And as Ez and Cass drift back into the safe, neutral waters of talking about Desi, Ez determinedly doesn’t think about how quickly her long days with Roma will become a thing of the past once they cast this counterspell.