Chapter 20
20
D ull, charcoal clouds lidded the Hollywood sky the next morning as Grant slouched up the exterior metal stairs leading to Sadie’s second floor apartment. The night before, it had taken hours to still his mind so he could get some sleep. Nearing the top, he stopped to smooth the small white paper bag in his hand. He tucked it into his pants pocket.
Debating the best time to arrive, he’d settled on 10:00 am, but her apartment showed no signs of life. A curtain obscured the large window to the left of her door, and he could see no lights on inside. His finger hesitated over the doorbell. She was either there, or she wasn’t, and the longer he put this off, the greater the torture. He pressed the button and waited, but nothing happened. The air went out of him like a punctured tire and his head clonked against her apartment door. Would he have the guts to come here a second time and try again when she might be home?
His head snapped back up as the door swung open, revealing Sadie barefoot and in a pink bathrobe, her hair askew as if she’d just leapt out of bed.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her face muscles lax and her eyes unfocused. “I slept in. Give me a minute to…” She blinked up at him with obvious surprise. “Grant?” The red rimming her eyes suggested she hadn’t slept well either.
“Are you expecting someone? I—” he started to say.
“Why are you here?”
Despite rehearsing this moment a hundred times since leaving the beach, her sudden nearness and the intimacy of her appearance made a clean slate of Grant mind. He blinked stupidly at her. Why was he here?
Sadie filled the empty space. “I'm sorry I didn’t say goodbye before I left, I just…you looked?—”
“No, it’s okay,” Grant said, managing to regain some mental footing. “I wanted to explain something?—”
She gave her head a little shake of protest. “I don’t need to know. I don’t. I fell asleep under the umbrella and, when I woke up, you weren’t there and I wanted to go home.” Her words came out pressured, insistent, as if she couldn’t wait to get rid of him. “The dates are done, and I think we did a good job, so I guess I’ll see you on the set of Surf Summer , kay?”
“Actually, I didn’t come here to talk about why you left the beach. Can I come in?”
Sadie’s forehead buckled into horizontal lines, and her eyes darted past him as if scanning the area. “That’s…maybe not a good idea.”
Grant took in a steadying breath. She was expecting someone, but who? Some guy named Max or Aaron who wouldn’t be happy encountering Grant at her doorstep with her in her bathrobe? The man had probably spent the night and just stepped out to fetch coffee and muffins. Grant could kick himself. Of course, Sadie Heppner would be dating someone! How had that thought never once occurred to him over all these weeks? How had he never asked her that question? He was too late, and probably years too late. He had no business here in the first place. “Oh, okay.”
“But thanks again for the California rolls,” she said, “and the wasabi.”
The barest hint of a smile played at the corners of her bow lips as she said the word wasabi, and it flipped a switch in Grant. Had there been a connection between them on the beach after all? If so, and even if that connection were only about friendship, he couldn’t simply leave. He couldn’t bear for her to think of him the way she obviously did, as a man who used women and didn’t care about their feelings. “I only need a minute.”
She glanced again behind him but kept the door open.
“Back at the beach, you said I’d hurt your roommates’ feelings. I had no idea you were upset with me over it, or I would have explained sooner. No wonder you’ve been so distant with me on these dates.”
Confusion crossed her features, but annoyance soon replaced it. “My roommates? You certainly did.”
“I guess I did, but people date and break up all the time in college. For what it’s worth, I’m still friends with all of them.”
Sadie pulled her chin back in surprise. “They’re friends with you? They never mention you.”
“Trish is in grad school, Abby is starting her own sewing business while she takes care of her mom with Alzheimer’s, and Carly is married with a baby on the way. We aren’t close or anything, but we check in with each other now and then.”
The look in Sadie’s eyes hardened. “You could have found all that out by trolling their social media. The fact is, you dated all three of them and broke up with all three of them.”
Grant felt his moment slipping away. It didn’t help that he sounded, even to himself, like he was making excuses for his behavior—or worse—deciding on his own whether he’d hurt their mutual friends. Why couldn’t life be like theater, where you get a script, and everything works out the way it’s supposed to? “I know, but I…I had a reason.”
Her nostrils flared, and she squinted at him as she spat, “Being a player is not a reason to treat women cruelly. Now, if that’s all you came to talk to me about, I’ve heard enough.”
“No, it’s not. I’m…I’m not saying any of this right. I’m not a player. I’ve never been like that. You still don't understand.”
“No, Grant, I think I do.” She lowered her head for a second, then looked him straight in the eyes. “But you were young. Let’s put this behind us now. I’ll see you on the set of Surf Summer .”
She started to pull the door closed, but Grant, his desperation taking over, put his hand against it. “Dating them was the only way I could be near you ,” he blurted.
Sadie froze. “Near me?”
His chest shrunk with a massive exhale. “It wasn’t intentional with Trish. I did like her. We got along, but it was more of a friendship than actual dating. Eventually, we both realized it wasn’t going anywhere, but then…then I was out of your life again, so...”
“But why did you want to be near me? I certainly didn’t lead you on.”
“No, no you didn’t. Absolutely not, but…” He put his hands together as if praying, took a ragged breath, and hoped his voice wouldn’t crack. “…I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I don’t know why. It just happened. I tried and tried, but you wouldn’t even talk to me. Like I said, I did like Trish. And I liked Abby and Carly, too.”
She shook her head, her bed-tousled curls following suit. “No. No! This doesn’t make sense. None of it makes any sense.” Her face scrunched tight, as if trying to keep his words from reaching her.
“Please, I was an idiot college student. Now I’m an idiot actor, but I swear it's the truth. I can’t handle the thought of you believing something so terrible of me.”
A silence crackled between them. He’d spoken his piece. He’d bared his heart. The rest was up to her. Could she forgive him? Would she even try to understand?
“Grant, I—” she started to say, but stopped abruptly. Her eyes narrowed and then widened as she looked past him. He spun to look too, but the stairs were empty. “You have to go. Right now,” she said, her tone filled with sudden urgency.
“But—”
She made a pushing motion with her hands. “Please, just go.”
He sent her pleading eyes. “Can’t we?—”
She put a hand to his shoulder and gave him a gentle but steady shove to turn him around. “Right now. You have to go.”
Defeated, he slunk a few steps toward the stairs. What else could he do? She’d ordered him to leave.
A second later, she called out to him. He turned back, hope re-igniting.
“You can’t use those stairs.” She pointed in the opposite direction. “There’s another set on the back of the building. Use the balcony to walk around.”
Wishing he could step straight off the balcony and into those low, brooding clouds, he nodded and moved toward her, headed for the back stairs. Sadie hadn’t believed a word he’d said. She thought he was a player.
As he passed her, he heard a crinkling from his pants pocket. She’d probably just throw it away, but he certainly didn’t want a lingering reminder of his loss. “Here,” he said, taking out the little paper bag and handing it to her.
“What?” She took it distractedly, her attention still fixed on the space behind him. “Hurry and go!”
He saw her shove the little bag into the pocket of her bathrobe as he rounded the corner of her building. If he lingered there, he might get a glimpse of her boyfriend, the one she’d never mentioned but who was obviously on his way to her apartment this moment. But no. His heart couldn’t take the agony. He didn’t need to be haunted by visions of Sadie with another man for the rest of his life.