Chapter 24
24
S adie couldn’t care less what she wore to the funeral of her own career, as Ginny had so tactfully put it. She threw on an old white skort she’d worn jogging the previous day and topped it with an ancient white blouse. Yellowish stains peaked out from the armpits, and she reminded herself again that the shirt belonged in the dumpster, not her closet. But as she only needed to knock on Ronny’s door, explain her decision in person as he’d demanded, and drive home to yet another tub of therapeutic frozen yogurt, the stained blouse would do. She just wouldn’t lift her arms over her head.
As if to contrast with the torment ravaging her soul, LA gave Sadie a pleasant, low-traffic drive to Ronny’s house. Every happy couple in the city and their cute, fluffy dog strolled the streets and avenues beneath an azure sky dotted with palm tree poofs and purple-tinged clouds. Evenings like this explained why so many people sacrificed so much to live in her hometown.
Ronny lived in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in LA, and the houses and landscaping became “LA fancier” with every winding, hilly mile she ascended. Once the homes reached peak fancy, however, she couldn’t see them anymore. They were all set far back from the street and protected by tall stone or stucco walls and metal gates.
Arriving at Ronny’s front gate, she found it swung wide. Also, one of his neighbors was holding a massive party, because cars lined the street on both sides and live music played from somewhere. She managed to ever-so-carefully tuck her car between a Benz and a Rolls Royce.
“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity,” she muttered to herself by way of practice as she strode, head down, toward the gate. She was concentrating so hard on how best to flatter Ronny and keep her future acting options open, that it took her quite a while to notice the dozens of other people heading in the same direction. Judging by the number of people flooding through his gate, the party was at Ronny’s house and half of Hollywood was there. Not only that, but she’d missed the memo on the dress code. Though, even if she had gotten the memo, her closet offered no loud Hawaiian print shirts or grass skirts.
What the…?
She had just spun on her heels, planning to come back another time, when Ronny appeared at her side and clamped a hand on her shoulder.
“You made it!” he said, his breath smelling sweetly of gin and tonic. Even more surprising was his costume, which, with its loosely tied Hawaiian print toga and golden crown and trident, appeared to be a questionable amalgamation of surfer dude and King Neptune, complete with plastic abs.
“You told me to come,” she said, becoming more confused by the millisecond.
“I did. I did,” he said jovially. After shifting his arm to across her shoulders, he led her through the gate. With his free hand, he waved his golden trident at arriving guests. One couple had reversed their costumes, with the woman in a neon flowered button-down shirt and shorts and the man in a flowing grass skirt and coconut husk bra. “Now, Fred, where have you been hiding those legs?” Ronny quipped to the man, and the couple laughed.
Up ahead, the top half of Ronny’s home gleamed above the landscaping like a monument to wealth. The stunning, mid-century modern in whites and grays did remind her, as Grant had said, of a futuristic house. The live music she’d heard faintly before rang out clearly now—a Beach Boys cover band. Or, knowing Ronny’s resources, maybe whatever was left of the original band?
“What’s…what’s happening here? Are you throwing a party?” Sadie asked.
Ronny’s mouth flew open. “My dear, you are at the Hollywood party of the year! My Surf Summer reveal.”
Like Dorothy’s tinman running out of oil, Sadie’s legs came to an instant and complete standstill.
Surf Summer reveal meant Julia .
Surf Summ er reveal meant Grant .
Surf Summer reveal meant Julia and Grant together.
Pulling away from Ronny, she took a step backward toward the gate. “I…I can’t be here. Let’s meet another time.”
Stepping forward, Ronny gripped her upper arm with surprising firmness. “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Look, we’ll just pop over here to the side and have our quiet convo, and then you can be on your way.” He gestured toward a picturesque, cobblestone pathway. Edged with flowery landscaping to the left, a wall of dense, tall greenery shielded it from the house on the right. “You don’t want to drive all the way up here again.”
The path looked empty, and the party guests around them were all headed straight for the house. Grant and Julia, the guests of honor, must be there already, enjoying the spotlight of their party. On the other hand, knowing Julia, their arrival might be as late possible—all the better to create a grand entrance. What Sadie needed to say to Ronny would take less than a minute. If she kept the wall of greenery between her and the house, she should be safe.
She nodded and headed down the path, Ronny close behind.
As they walked, the sounds of happy party guests and music trickled through the leaves and branches of the towering hedge wall to her right. Ten yards in, the path opened onto a small stone patio, at the center of which stood a large, carved-stone fountain. It’s plume of water rose well over her head. The lowering, golden sun blinded her momentarily as it glinted off the droplets, but she gradually saw that a person stood facing away from her on the opposite side of the fountain.
Like a slow-motion scene in some kitschy romantic movie, the person turned. Sadie’s already-weakened heart threatened to snap apart. It was Grant. The scattered rays surrounded him in sparkling stars. His pure white, simple Hawaiian shirt with vertical rows of narrow, cream lace edging down the front accentuated the stunning whites of his eyes and teeth.
His blue eyes twinkled, and she found herself loosed from the strictures of ordinary place and time. It felt as if they were on their first fake date—no, their first meeting in his dorm room—the entire unblemished span of their lives together stretching before them. She had not betrayed him and never would. She had only to run to him and he would enfold her in his strong arms—the ones that had arranged pillows for her and rubbed her shoulders and handed her those perfect earrings—because he’d already fallen in love with her at first sight.
But as his pupils narrowed into focus, the outer corners of his eyes crinkled with unhappy surprise and his jaw tightened. Sadie’s dream world collapsed in on itself. This was not their first date, and she had betrayed him, over and over again. She’d even humiliated him on her own front step when he’d attempted to explain himself to her. He was no longer the innocent boy she’d met in the dorms, nor the impossibly hopeful young man she’d taken to the temple festival, and she was the reason for his lost innocence . She longed to bolt back down the cobblestones walk and straight into the path of an oncoming truck.
Ronny must have been expecting her reaction because, instantly, his arm was round her shoulders again, holding her fast in place.
“Now look,” he said, his party tone replaced with one that sounded as if it had been well-practiced on recalcitrant children, or more likely recalcitrant actors. “Both of you called me today to inform me you wanted out of Surf Summer . I’m no Einstein, but something tells me those two things are connected.”
“Mr. Widner, I—” Sadie started to say.
“Actually, it’s—” Grant said at the same time.
Ronny lifted the palm of his free hand in the air forcefully, cutting them both off. “Whatever it is, I do not care. Work it out, because I don’t want to lose either of you, and I am definitely not losing both of you. One, okay, but not both. Now, I have a party to host. We’re expecting another truckload of sand any minute.” With that, he spun round and strode away down a path heading in the direction of the house and music.
Sadie’s urge to flee magnified, but Grant took the few steps around the fountain to face her. If he had the grace to do that, she could manage the apology she owed him.
She screwed up whatever crumb of courage she had remaining. “I’m so sorry for being so rude to you all through college. I checked with Trish and Abby and Carly, and everything you said was true. They aren’t upset with you at all. It was all in my head. I made it all up.”
“Okay,” Grant said in a tone that sounded more like “keep going.”
She struggled to swallow around the lump in her throat as she readied herself for the rest of it. “And I’m especially sorry for how I’ve treated you these last few weeks. I don’t know if you know, but these dates…I…”
“I know,” Grant said. Despite the warm evening, the chill coming off him made her wish she had a polar fleece coat.
“You know ?” she repeated, keenly aware of the tremble in her voice. Part of her felt relief in not having to be the one to tell him, but another part was mortified at the thought of him figuring it out on his own, of realizing the woman he’d once loved so deeply had been doing her best to destroy his every chance at happiness. “I can’t believe I tried to do that to you. I’ve always strived to be kind to others, to support them and their dreams, because I have dreams too, and I know how important they are but…but…my sister Ginny helped me to see something, what I was doing, what I…what I...” All this babbling. If only she could die on the spot. Her lower lip quivered. “You probably don’t even want to hear it.”
“I shouldn’t,” he said, “but I do.”
His expression remained clouded with doubt, but his voice emanated the faintest wisp of warmth. It was just enough to keep her talking. The random patter of the fountain matched the chaotic beating of her heart. She brought a hand up to her chest in a futile attempt to calm it. “When I told you why I nearly quit theater—the Romeo who cheated on me—that wasn’t the whole story. Both my parents were killed by a drunk driver the day I graduated from high school. They were…they were…so in love, from the first day they met. And all these years I’ve blamed myself for taking them away from each other. Since it was all my fault, of course I didn’t deserve anything like that myself. So, when…so when…”
“When we saw each other on move-in day,” he said.
Her eyes prickled and she fought down the sob building in her chest. “Yes. I think I, I unconsciously…” The absolute stupidity and regret of what she had to say threatened to buckle her at the knees. “I had to hate you or else…” She bit back the words I’d have loved you . Though achingly true, telling him that now didn’t feel right, not after what she’d tried to do to him. “And when you broke up with my roommates, well, that just gave me an excuse to keep hating you, and even to?—”
“Want revenge all these years later,” he said.
She sucked on her lower lip, feeling smaller than the tiniest leaf on the lowliest plant in the nearby greenery. “But I’m so glad it didn’t work. And of course it didn’t, because you’re so talented and kind. Every time I tried to make you look terrible, you came off even more amazing.”
“Sadie—” he started to say, but she wasn’t done.
Her words came out in a rush. “And so, you can’t quit Surf Summer . You just can’t!” She reached for him but quickly lowered her arms again. She didn’t deserve to touch him. “You’ve worked hard for it, and you’ve earned it. And as hard as it will be to see you playing opposite Julia, I’ll never be able to forgive myself if you don’t star in this movie.”
“Sadie—”
But she interrupted him again. She couldn’t bear hearing her horrible name on his sweet lips. “And I certainly don’t expect you to forgive me. It’s not forgivable, what I did, what I tried to do. I want you to be successful and happy, because I couldn’t stand it if anything I’ve done hurt your future. That’s why I told Ronny I couldn’t be in Surf Summer , and nothing is going to change my mind about that.” A tear squeezed onto her cheek. She wiped it away with a trembling hand, waiting for his reply but dreading it too.
In a tight voice, he said, “Can I talk now?”
She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. “Yes, yes. Let me have it.”
“Honestly, I don't even care about the festival or the mud wrestling. It was mean of you I guess, but I’ve done some questionable things also, as we both know. Besides, there was no harm done, and I had fun at both of those.”
“Me too,” she said meekly.
He flexed his hands, and she could see the little red halfmoons where his fingernails had bitten into his palms. “But I have to know—how could you have hired those women?”
The question shocked Sadie clear out of her guilt. Her blue eyes blinked wide. “Women? What women?”
The staccato of rapidly approaching heels startled them both, quickly followed by a voice that needed no introduction. “Grant, sweetheart, is that you? It’s almost time for our reveal!”
The tip of a gleaming gold shoe came into view. Sadie couldn't let jealous Julia see them together in the quaint garden and suspect something was up between her and Grant, because Sadie absolutely, positively, wasn't going to do anything to hurt Grant’s career ever again. But it was too late to run—she’d never make it down the path without being spotted.
She took one last look at Grant, at the man who would have offered her everything had she not forced him away as a means of punishing herself. Her regret, she knew, would be lifelong. His hands were tented over his tilted down face, hiding whatever he might be feeling or thinking.
She barely felt the twigs digging into her skin from every angle as she drove herself deep between the nearest two sections of hedge, becoming one with the shrubbery.