20. “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou
Chapter 20
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou
Austin
I was dead on my feet. It had been such a long night that I’d barely noticed when Teddy slapped his hands on the table in front of us, only slightly startling me out of my thoughts and what felt like a waking dream.
“This is good news!” Teddy’s booming voice echoed around the room.
In the car on the way over, we had all imagined that the Rainbow Room would have been bustling with celebrities and executives milling about, drinking glasses of the most expensive champagne and liquors as some mega superstar sang with a band on a stage in front of the amazing panoramic views of the Manhattan Skyline. We couldn’t have been more wrong.
They had changed the normal layout for the Filmflix private function. As we entered the grand space, we were greeted by a giant round table positioned under a small dome that housed a huge, elegant crystal chandelier. The dome was lit up with brilliant silver lights that cast an ethereal glow down on the white tablecloth-covered surface below. There was a beautiful large floral centerpiece containing white lilies, daisies, and petunias, which must have been artificially scented as the powerful aroma of flowers permeated the air. Around the table, people wearing expensive suits and ballgowns sat in front of elaborate place settings with beautifully decorated china and cut-glass champagne flutes filled with pale yellow nectar.
Several spaces on the far side of the table had been reserved for us. Me and my castmates had taken our seats as Hank, the CEO of FilmFlix, had lain out the vision he had for our play and its transition to his streaming platform. It was very much a once in a lifetime opportunity for all of us, and a big risk on the side of production by wanting to move forward with four relative unknowns rather than buying the concept and casting more established actors.
“There’s just something about the chemistry between you four that we want to capture on screen, and we believe we can,” Hank had said, lifting his glass for a server behind him to fill. “We are fine to wait for the rest of the run of the stage play to finish before commencing with production, but we want to move quite fast after that.”
Of course, Lisa had had a million and one questions which she’d levelled at the executives about contracts and pay which we’d been assured would be handled by our agents. It had annoyed me that Mitchell hadn’t thought to contact our representatives and had sprung this meeting on us. However, if I knew my agent, Ruby, as well as I think I did, she would just see all the additional zeros at the end of my cheque and would push me to sign on the dotted line.
There were some sticking points I would need to iron out with Dylan, but he had always been supportive of my career, so I didn’t really foresee any major issues. I had tried several times throughout the evening to get in touch with him, but his phone must have died as my calls kept being sent to voicemail.
“Okay, so I think we have covered everything,” Hank said, slamming both palms against the table and scraping his chair back loudly as he stood. “Now why don’t you kids get to getting While me and the other oldies here finish our meeting?” We said our farewells and made a move to leave.
“Can you believe this?” Lisa tugged on my arm as we made our way towards the bank of elevators. “We are gonna be like famous, famous.”
“We should not put all chickens in one basket, my little katyonak ,” Teddy cooed, ruffling Lisa’s hair. “Let us wait till we see what suits say after negotiation, yes?”
Teddy was right, but I was with Lisa in the sense that it was hard not to get excited. This was what we had all worked for. This was also an opportunity that was not afforded to all theatre actors. Some players spent years treading the boards, While some never made the break into screen acting.
After what seemed like an eternity of dropping the other guys off in different parts of the city, the town car that Mitchell had organized for us finally pulled up outside the house where Dylan was now sure to be asleep inside. I checked my watch and winced as it showed it was a few minutes before three am. I paid the guy and made my way up the small path towards the front door. I briefly considered going in through the side entrance through the kitchen, but I changed my mind because of the neighbor’s demon pet. Pookie and I shared an equal dislike for each other. I showed mine by scowling at the demon hound, While it showed its displeasure by barking bloody murder whenever it sensed me nearby.
All the lights were out in the house. I frowned as normally Dylan would leave the kitchen light on in the back to deter burglars, and also so I would have some light as I was climbing the stairs. There had been several occasions when I had come home a bit more than tipsy and tripped on the bottom stairs, cursing loudly and waking him from his sleep. Rather than suffer the wrath of a sleep-deprived Dylan, I’d suggested that we leave a small light on just in case.
As I made my way quietly through the house, there was an eerie quietness about the place that made my gut clench. Normally, I would be soothed by Dylan’s soft snoring. There wasn’t a sound in the house: no snoring, no almost muted hum of phones charging, just a stillness that chilled me. I pushed the door to our bedroom open slowly, expecting to find him snuggled up under a mound of blankets and pillows, only to find an empty, fully made bed.
A chill burrowed deep into my bones as I tried not to panic. It’s fine! Maybe he went to see Natalie rather than coming home. Maybe he stayed at the cast party, and it ran a bit late. I dug out my cell from my pocket, but once again it went to voicemail. The panic rose in my chest, my heart pounding heavily at an almost painful rate. Not caring about the late hour, I began to text.
Me: Hey Natalie, Dylan isn’t with you tonight, is he?
It only took a couple of minutes for the reply to come through.
Natalie: No, I thought you guys were out in the city tonight. I was pissed not to be invited along, actually. Why isn’t he with you?
Me: We got a bit separated early in the evening, and I thought he was coming home. Maybe he’s just still out with the rest of the cast.
Natalie: Yeah, maybe, but hey can you let me know when you get hold of him?
Me: Sure thing.
I texted Hailey, who said she had spoken to him earlier in the evening, and he was still at the party at that point, but I was as well. I knew he wouldn’t have gone to the office at this hour as his pass didn’t allow him unsanctioned afterhours access to the studios or the writers’ offices.
I wracked my brain thinking of all the places he could be, as well as all the different ditches he could be in. I considered calling the police for a crazy minute until I realized they wouldn’t even take a report for the first twenty-four hours. While I was deciding on grabbing a taxi back into the city to look for him at the cast party, a text message popped up on my cell.
Dylan: Hey Natalie called me and said that you were looking for me.
Dylan: Listen, I don’t want to fight, but I also don’t want to talk right now. I’ll be back first thing in the morning.
Dylan: If you’re home now, then go get some sleep. It’s been a long day for us both.
Dylan: I’m turning my phone off now, so I won’t be answering anyone’s calls.
Dylan: Goodnight.
I stared down at my phone in a state of confusion. What the hell had happened from the time he told me he would be okay by himself at the party While I talked with my colleagues and now? I tried his cell anyway, but sure enough, my calls just went to voicemail. Where the hell could he be? I threw my cell down on the bed in front of me.
My cell creaked in my hands. I looked down to see my hands gripping and twisting the plastic between my fingers. My knuckle stretched and white as my fingers gripped around the phone. Had I said something that had pissed him off and he was just too stubborn to tell me? Was he annoyed that tonight was all about me and there was some underlying jealousy there that he just couldn’t get over?
Well, obviously he was taking Natalie’s calls, or maybe she had lied before when she said she didn’t know where he was. Maybe he was with her right at that moment and they were having a good old laugh about me. I snatched my cell off the pillow and opened my contacts.
An hour later, I opened the front door. Kyle stood on the stoop, still looking sleep-rumpled and barely awake.
“I told you that you didn’t have to come all this way in the middle of the night,” I laughed, pulling him across the threshold.
“My boy’s having woman troubles. Of course I’m gonna be here,” he laughed, pulling me into a quick hug.
“I appreciate it.” I ruffle the top of his hair before nodding towards the kitchen. He pulled out a chair at the table and dropped unceremoniously onto the wooden seat, oofing as he landed hard against his ass.
“They’re called cushions, bro,” he said, reaching down to rub his butt. “Look into it.”
I chuckled as I pulled two beers out of the fridge, popping the tops off both. I handed one to Kyle.
“So, wanna fill me in?”
“I don’t think of you that way, man,” I said, winking at him across the table as I took a seat.
“I know, and it eats me up every day, “ he sighed. “But maybe tell me what happened tonight?”
So Kyle sat there and listened to me as I told him about opening night, the cast party after, and leaving to go meet with the executives. I had to temper down Kyle’s ecstatic enthusiasm after I told him about the show being picked up by the network, and the opportunities that were opening up for me.
After he’d finished giving me his congratulations and taking a series of selfies that he’d said I would appreciate in years to come to commemorate the day I’d made it, I looked at a picture of my smiling face next to Kyle’s cheesy grin and lamented on the fact that it should have been Dylan here with me celebrating, rather that throwing some type of hissy fit over something that I wasn’t even aware of.
“Penny for em?” Kyle prodded me with his foot.
“It’s all good man.” His raised eyebrows and gesture for me to go on had me rolling my eyes at him. “I’m bummed that I want to celebrate and all I can do is worry about what’s going on in my relationship. Only one of us seems to know what’s going on at any point, and it’s pretty stressful, you know?”
“This is one of the many reasons that I’m not in a relationship myself, Austin.” Kyle shrugged.
“That, and you are a certified man whore?” I threw him a wink which earned me a swift kick to my shin under the table. I reached down and rubbed the spot, chuckling as I did.
“Listen, you will not like what I have to say, but I’m going to say it anyway.” Kyle sat up straight in his chair, pushing his beer away from him. “You know that there have been issues in the past between myself and Dylan, but what I have to say isn’t anything to do with what’s gone on before.”
“What…”
“Let me finish. I think it was great that you had each other during high school. I think it was really positive that two gay kids who maybe felt a little alone in school for different reasons found each other, and were supportive of one another. I think when you guys got to college, there was a co-dependency there that didn’t really ever go away. I think there was a fear, for Dylan, about who would be there for him if he didn’t have you.”
“I don’t think…” I started.
“And for you, man, I think you always felt a certain level of obligation to protect him. I think you loved each other but you have to ask yourself, even if you both started out on the same path, can you truly say that you are both still on that same path?”
“He’s my everything, man.” I slowly peeled the label from the glass bottle in my hands.
“That’s my point Austin.” He reached across and pulled the bottle from between my fingers, and rested a hand over my own. “You have an opportunity for something great, and I can see that you’re concerned Dylan will not like what that opportunity might entail for you both. It’s also worrying that I don’t know whether you would turn down this opportunity if Dylan decided it wasn’t something he could support right now.”
Was he right? Was I worried that my big break might have to be put on hold if it wasn’t right for the both of us? I’d already missed out on the role of a lifetime because of my relationship, and here I was again with the possibility of something great before me, but faced with the possibility of having to say no if it wasn’t beneficial for us both.
“I want you to do great things, bro.” Kyle shook my fist. “You’re destined for the stars, you know?”
“So what do I do?”
“It’s simple, really. You need to ask yourself one question. If you have to turn down this opportunity of a lifetime, will you be able to live with that, or will you resent him for it?”
“Dylan would never tell me to turn it down.” I shook my head.
“He wouldn’t have to though, would he?” Kyle smiled tightly. “Also, it sounds as if Dylan is doing something he loves. Would you really want to take that from him? Will he get this chance to do what he has worked so hard for again?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, luckily you don’t have to decide anything right now. It’s nearly morning, and you need to get some sleep. I have never made no good decisions before the sun comes up. Get some sleep and think about it with a clear head.”
“You’re right.” I yawned. “I’m lucky to have you.”
“Damn straight.” Kyle grinned. “Now get.”
I took a little while to finally fall asleep after I curled up in bed. Questions swirled in my head, with answers that I don’t want to look at because I feared what it would mean for the rest of my life.