Chapter Three
“W e have some gifts for you,” I said. “Some things we wanted to make sure you had.”
Aunt Laura and George joined us as we led Justin into the dining room, seeking a more private space. We wanted him to feel comfortable, free to react however he needed when we gave him the gifts.
I ran into the kitchen and dug out the presents. I had slipped them into a cupboard. When I came back, Aunt Laura was kneeling in front of him, whispering softly. Justin nodded, his eyes a little bloodshot. Again, tears were falling.
“Are you ready?” I asked as Bryan, Toby, Paxon, and Seth also joined us.
Justin cleared his throat. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” I handed each of the guys the present they brought. Present wasn’t quite the right word, but they were still wrapped and ready to be passed down to Justin. We had worked it out ahead of time. Even Aunt Laura and George had something.
We all stared at each other for a moment, daring someone to go first.
George stepped forward again to get things moving, handing over a simply wrapped gift. It ended up being an album full of photos of not only Justin and his family, but also of all the guys too as children. Justin blew out a breath. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” George squeezed Justin’s shoulder and stepped back.
Bryan went next, handing over a jewelry box. Justin opened it to a black bracelet made of rope twined together. There was a black bead in the middle.
“A family photo is in the bead, but if you want to switch it, we can do that easily,” Bryan said.
“Thanks.” Justin looked closer at the photo and even smiled.
Toby went next and practically shoved the present at Justin. “Hurry. Open it.”
“Calm down,” Paxon warned.
Toby huffed and sat down on the floor in front of Justin, his hands tucked under him so his nerves would settle a little and stop getting the best of him.
Justin slowly unwrapped a stuffed turtle. The body was a soft green with the shell a deeper blue. In the middle of the shell was the name Shelly, carefully sewn in white letters.
“I didn’t forget.” Toby’s voice was gruff and nearly cracked as he spoke. “I don’t have many memories of her, but I do remember the turtle. She always had it whenever I saw her.”
“She loved Shelly. Went everywhere with her. She was buried with it,” Justin said.
Paxon was up next with what he called a memorial garden stone. It was a flat stone, all black with a huge tree carved into it, painted white. At the bottom was a sweet poem, and the edges were engraved with his family members’ names.
Justin traced their names with his thumb and stared at it for a while. He cleared his throat and gave Paxon a jerky nod. I wasn’t sure how much longer Justin was going to last. His body was stiff, and he seemed absolutely overwhelmed, but in a way that was good.
Seth took Paxon’s spot and carefully handed over his gift. It was a carefully crafted picture frame made out of wood, with his family’s names etched into the edges. The frame was empty, but held so many possibilities. He’d be able to put whatever photo he wanted in there.
“Is this my mom’s handwriting?” Justin whispered.
“Yeah, I found a note she had written to my dad and he let me use it as the font for their names.” Seth’s lip twitched in amusement as he jokingly said, “Apparently, people used to handwrite notes to each other.”
“Thank you.”
“I wish I could give you more.”
Justin traced the etched letters. “This is more than enough.”
The two of them hugged each other, fighting their emotions. Seth cleared his throat as he stepped back. It was my turn now.
I nervously knelt in front of Justin and held out the small box. With shaking hands, he grabbed it and slowly opened it. When he popped open the box, he took in a breath and pulled out the necklace. They were actually dog tags. Three of them. The front had an etched version of the same individual photos we used for the altar and then on the back were their names. Justin slowly flipped through them, running his thumb over the etched images. It wasn’t a photo—more of an outline of their features—but clear enough for him to know who it was.
I cleared my throat, feeling like I was choking on emotions. “I may not have known your family, but from what I’ve seen and heard, I know that your mom and Ariel loved you unconditionally. I’m sad I don’t have the pleasure of meeting them, but I’m glad they were in your life, no matter how brief. You are who you are because of the influence they had on your life. It’s clear to me that they showered you with so much love that you drowned in it. I’m sorry that they left your life too quickly.”
Justin leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his breath shallow as he fought to keep his emotions in check. When he finally opened his eyes, I stared into the storm within them.
When he pulled away, I climbed to my feet and stepped back.
Aunt Laura took my spot, holding out the bag I’d prepared for her. His final present. Justin slowly took it, at this point clearly having no idea what to expect. I had wrapped it in thin gift paper so he had to rustle through it. Once he pulled out what it was, he froze, eyes widening. And then he completely pulled out the blanket his mother used to use.
Justin made a choking sound and then his face was buried in the blanket. Aunt Laura rubbed his back slowly, whispering comfort to him as his whole body shook and he cried. Hard. The sound was muffled by the blanket, but it still felt like a punch to my gut. I wish I could take all that pain away from him and chuck it a million miles away so he’d never have to be near it again.
I also knew he needed this. More than anything else in the world, this was exactly what he needed. So we settled around him and let him release all those emotions that had been brewing for the last twelve years. All of it.
“I need to step outside,” Justin said, slowly getting to his feet.
“All right.” George squeezed his shoulder. “If you need us, we’re here.”
Justin gave him a jerky nod before slipping by everyone and heading to the front door. He slipped out with no one else the wiser.
“I’ll go—”
George interrupted Paxon. “Give him some space. I can’t imagine how overwhelming all this is for him.”
Paxon’s shoulders slumped.
“We’ll give him a few minutes and then take a peek in on him,” Seth said, wrapping his arm around Paxon and leading him toward the living room. George and Aunt Laura followed, whispering to each other.
“I need the bathroom,” Bryan mumbled before heading upstairs.
“Ten bucks, he’s going to hide up there for the rest of the party,” Toby said.
I held back a snort. “I know a losing bet when I see one. He’ll probably go to my studio. It’s quieter there.”
Toby grunted his agreement and wrapped me into a hug. I bit back a grimace, finally noticing how the dull ache in my back was now pulsing with pain going down my spine. I had been pushing it back all day as I put the party together, but now it was demanding attention.
Toby of course noticed as he pulled back and frowned. “Do you need your medication?”
Sighing, I nodded, my shoulders slumping. If I didn’t take it now, it was only going to torture me later in retribution. My doctor was always warning me to listen to my body.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He practically ran up the stairs to my bedroom. It had an attached bathroom where I kept my pills.
“Everything okay?” George came back into the room.
“Yeah. Toby is just getting my pain meds for me.”
“Outside of the pain, how is everything going?” He pulled out a chair from the table and sat, facing me. Everything about him was attentive and genuine. He made it so easy for me to want to bare my soul to him. It probably came with a ton of practice considering he worked at my mom’s hospital as one of the doctors. Thankfully, not my mom’s doctor. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to handle that kind of connection.
“Quiet, which I’m thankful for. It’s been giving me time to catch up.” The chuckle I released at the end made me grimace. It sounded tired and a bit fake.
“Quiet is good. I hope it stays that way for you. With everything that has happened to you in what, the last half a year, you deserve it. Your mind and body need time to catch up.”
“You know, Dr. Arason told me the same thing this month.”
“She’s a smart woman.”
I nodded in agreement as I began fiddling with my fingers. “A little too smart, I think.”
“I’m here! I’m here!” Toby came into the room with a cup of water. “Here.” He held out his hand and dropped the pills into mine.
“Thank you,” I said and quickly took them.
Toby rubbed my back before grabbing the glass and going to put it in the kitchen.
George had a weird expression when he stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Relax and when you’re feeling better, come join us.” As he left the room, he glanced back at me before disappearing from sight.
I stayed until I saw Paxon and Seth walk by the door, heading to the front, clearly going to check in on Justin. I was tempted to go with them, but didn’t want to crowd Justin. He went outside for space and everyone showing up was the exact opposite of what he needed.
Toby was still in the kitchen, but so were two others. They were off in the corner, talking in hushed voices. Toby was frowning hard as they talked.
The woman was pretty, with hair similar to Toby’s—light brown. The guy had dark brown hair.
Toby’s energy was gone as he finally blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. This was a part of Toby I hadn’t seen before. It was a combination of stress and sadness and something else all mish-mashed together. “I’ll do it. Of course, I will.”
The woman let out a quiet sob and pulled Toby in for a hug. That was when he spotted me. His eyes widened, and he abruptly pulled back from the woman. She followed his gaze, as did the man beside her—Toby’s hazel eyes were the same shade as the man’s.
“Hello,” I said, suddenly feeling too embarrassed. I’d definitely walked into a private moment I shouldn’t have.
“Mom, Dad. This is Cadence,” Toby said.
My eyes widened as I looked at Toby’s parents. They seemed exhausted, some darkness underneath their eyes. His dad’s unkempt scruff trailed down his jaw and along his neck.
“Oh, nice to meet you,” Toby’s mom said. She stepped further back from Toby and ran her hands down her shirt. “We need to go, but this was such a precious event you put on. Good job.” She grabbed her husband’s hand and pulled him along as she slipped by me. She offered me a small, tired smile to be polite before heading out the door.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Candy Puff. How are you feeling?” Toby wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m fine. But what about you? I didn’t realize your parents were coming.”
“Well, we all knew each other growing up. They only stopped by on their way to pick up Austin from the hospital.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be.”
He answered too fast and his body was stiff against me. All of Toby’s normal energy was gone.
“Toby.”
He shook his head. “Nope. We are here for Justin and to honor his mom and sister. That’s what we need to focus on.”
His response felt a little bit like Lindie’s slap. Sharp. Burning.
I bit my lip hard to keep from reacting viscerally to his words. He didn’t mean them that way.
Yet, somehow his rejection hurt more than any time Lindie had slapped me. Like he was drawing this thick, black line between us, as thick as possible to separate us. And it wasn’t nothing. Whatever that was, was definitely important. It had completely drained Toby. While I knew we were all feeling a bit raw, this wasn’t something that should have time to settle. It’d eat at him.
“Toby, don’t do that.”
“Do what?” he asked.
“Dismiss it. Whatever is going on, it isn’t nothing.” I licked my lips, trying to form my words. Toby looked like he was about to run, and I didn’t want to give him that chance. I reached over and gripped his forearms before he could pull away from me. “If we want our relationship to work, then there is something you need to remember.”
Toby stiffened as if prepared to hate what I was about to say. Every inch of him radiated fear, as if he knew—deep down—that whatever I said next had the power to turn his world upside down.
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, needing him to relax. It wasn’t that scary.
“If you need me to stop bugging you, then just tell me. Isn’t that what Seth is always saying to us. To be open and communicate with each other. If I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell me. I promise I won’t let it hurt my feelings. Just don’t push me away like that.”
He squeezed my hand back and finally met my eyes. In a low voice, he said, “Cadence, can we please not talk about this right now. I just want to be here for Justin. He needs us the most right now. And I’m not ready to talk about it.”
I gave him a sad smile. “Okay. I’ll stop. But I do have a but to add on to what I said.”
“What?” he asked, clearly wary now.
“But while I say it’s okay to tell me to stop bugging you, I still want you to know that no matter what is going on with you, I’m here. We all are. Don’t dismiss your problems so easily. You can need us now too even if you think someone else needs us more. Don’t let your emotions fester.”
He swallowed hard and his bottom lip trembled slightly. “Thanks, Cadence. Let’s just go make sure Justin is taken care of first.” He let me go and walked away, leaving me standing there to stare after him and worry.
I had been doing a lot of worrying lately. It was weird to have so many people consuming my thoughts.