Chapter Six
C alvin was waving like a crazy person when I pulled into the parking lot at the Faydelle Recreational Center. His brother had to practically hold him back so he didn’t run toward my car while I was parking.
“You are way too excited there, Cal,” I said as I got out of my car.
“I’ve been good forever so I can come today,” he said in a theatrical way that had me laughing. All dramatic, like he had to go through an ordeal.
If that was his only problem at his age, then his family was doing their jobs right, and I loved that. I didn’t really know stability until I met Paxon and his family. Their mom left, but between the three of them, they made it work and I was glad I got to see it. While their dad worked a lot, he was also the type of dad who’d drop everything and come running as soon as his kids needed him. He was present in their lives, talking to them, supporting them in every way needed.
And Paxon was such a great older brother, always willing to take care of Cal, never feeling like it was a chore to him. And he did everything to support his brother in everything he wanted to do. I loved that about him so damn much.
He was truly a Number One Big Brother. I may have helped Cal buy Paxon a coffee mug that said that for Christmas. And his dad was getting the Number One Dad mug.
Paxon came over and pulled me into a nice warm hug. He kissed the side of my mouth, sending warmth through me to chase away the cold of December. All I had to do was turn slightly and our lips would finally meet. The temptation was so dangerously strong, but I held myself still. We hadn’t actually kissed yet, but Paxon made it all feel so easy, like there was no rush, but he still liked me. He showed me that every time I was with him.
I smiled at him, and he returned it, his eyes crinkling in that cute way as his grey eyes looked down at me. Paxon always smiled with all his being, completely genuine, pulling in the people around him to want to be closer to him.
I squeezed him before letting go.
“All right, you ready?” I asked Cal. Paxon kept his arm around my shoulders as we walked into the center.
After signing in, we headed right to the music room. The center was full of kids playing like there was no tomorrow, yelling and screaming at each other as they enjoyed a game of tag. Some adults played with them, others watched. I took in a breath, letting that high energy settle inside of me and calm my nerves.
My dad was there too.
Dad came into my life only recently and we were still awkwardly trying to find our place in each other’s lives after his long absence. So far, he’d been sticking around, and while I battled with the fear of him leaving again, he’d so far only showed me his intent to stay, including renting an apartment here and studio space so he could work.
He still needed to go to Vegas to attend to his studio there, but those were short business trips rather than him trying to split his time between the two states.
“Hi, Dad,” I said.
“Cadence.” He pulled me into a hug. For a moment, it was just him, me, and my childhood memories of who we used to be together. I was living for these moments, this familiarity.
“Ready to try to keep up with these little rappers?” I asked as I pulled away.
He chuckled. “They’ll have to keep up with me.”
“You aren’t as young as you used to be. You even have some grey hair.”
“Hey now, I look good.”
“Uh huh.” Laughing, I went over and unlocked the door. Everyone poured inside.
“Cadence!” Marian came over. She was one of the volunteers here who was always eager to help and have fun. She was full of energy every time I saw her. Considering she was studying to become an elementary school teacher, it made sense. And it was clear she loved children. Last time I was here, she was playing jump rope with a bunch of kids, teaching them some fancy moves I’d never be able to pull off in my lifetime. “Here, these are the final signups and the order they’ll go on stage.”
“Oh, this is perfect, thank you,” I said.
“Feel free to adjust it to better fit the show, just give me the final changes.”
“Yeah, I’ll have this back to you before I leave. The rehearsal will make it easier for me to get a feel of what’s going on.”
“Great. And again, thank you so much for doing this. We truly love having you volunteer and the kids love having a place to explore music.”
Her compliment made me all warm and fuzzy.
She smiled and then got distracted with two girls holding a kickball.
I quickly looked over the list, happy to see so many signups and creativity in what people wanted to do.
“Okay, okay,” I said, walking to the front of the room.
All the kids quieted down instantly. It still felt weird to be acting like a teacher, but it wasn’t a bad feeling either. Dad was over by the piano, with a guitar by him too, just sitting and tracing the piano keys lightly with his fingers. He had no intention to do anything but the accompaniment. He was a great teacher, but he was also respecting that this was my space and something I wanted to do.
“Marian just gave me the final list, so first, let’s figure out who’s here.” I called out the names. Thankfully, everyone was present.
Once we verified that each person matched their assigned role, we got to work. The energy was a mix of excitement and nerves, but it was inspiring to watch them push through, determined to give their best performance.
The songs were upbeat and adorable. Many of them were holiday songs, others just fun.
When Cal performed, he did such an amazing job. And as I promised, I played with him on the piano while he worked on the guitar. He made mistakes and just rolled with it as he sang, grinning wide the entire time as he sang.
He was having fun, and from the expression on Paxon’s face, it was going to be a memory they were going to look back on for a long time. At one point, I was pretty sure Paxon had his phone on and was recording him.
Once we finished running through everyone’s songs, I wrapped it up but stuck around so kids could keep practicing and asking questions.
“You’re an amazing teacher,” Dad said, coming over.
“I feel a bit like a fraud,” I admitted.
He chuckled. “I felt like that when I taught you. Imposter syndrome.”
I raised an eyebrow, not expecting that. “Really?”
“I’m by far not a teacher. If you asked me to teach someone one plus one equals two, I wouldn’t know where to begin.” He shrugged. “But I love music and you clearly do too. When you were little, I wanted to let you explore music how you wanted so I did what needed to be done. Taught you what I could and you picked it up so easily. I’d think I’d have enough materials to teach you for the next month, but then you proved me wrong, mastering it in a week. I tried to rely on lesson plans and you just kept breezing through them. You live and breathe music. I feel it every time you sing, every time you touch an instrument. It’s always been a part of you, and I didn’t want you to lose that. And now look at you. Doing the same thing with all these kids. You are an amazing woman, Cadence. And I’m sad to say I wasn’t a part of the reason why you are.”
I clenched my teeth, struggling to hold myself together as Dad spoke. He was about to make me cry and that wasn’t fair. Not here.
“You’re right in that you can’t take credit for how I turned out,” I said.
He gave me a small smile. We both knew the truth.
“But you do get some credit,” I relented.
His sadness slipped away.
I continued. “A lot of my favorite childhood memories have you in it. You taught me how to go after the things I love. If I didn’t have music, I have no idea how I would have turned out. Not this functional, I imagine.”
“Naw, you’re a good girl, in this universe and in any other. I don’t think you know how to be a bad person.”
His words hit something in me that had been pushed deep down and away, in the darkness that seemed to pull at me every day. That little light in me that had nearly been snuffed out until I met the guys.
One of the conversations I had this past week with Dr. Arason was how I perceived myself. It was eye-opening to say the least and gave me a lot to think about. I truly did think I was a bad person. I destroyed my family as a child. I hurt Lindie, which ultimately led to the miscarriage. I didn’t have a little brother because I opened my mouth at the wrong time.
It was hard to not feel like a murderer when I knew if I had kept my mouth shut, I’d have a little brother like Cal. Hell, maybe they could have become best friends. And because of the miscarriage, Lindie broke. Something inside of her snapped. She wasn’t a great mom growing up, just neglectful, but afterward? I truly broke her. And I was living with that. Knowing that if I had just not said anything, the life she had been growing inside of her would have had a chance. I destroyed that.
I swallowed all those thoughts and gave Dad a shaky nod, letting him know I heard him. I just didn’t believe him. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever believe him.
A girl about my age came over to ask how to hit a singing note, so after giving Dad a smile, I worked with her. She had a beautiful, soft voice, and when she finally hit that high note like she was supposed to, I high-fived her, getting wrapped up in her happiness.
“Cadence?” The smooth voice sent a tendril of discomfort down my spine.
I looked over to see a tall, lean man standing in the doorway in a nice suit. Dark eyes, short military hair, and a confidence in his existence that always set me on edge.
“Mr. Laurens.” I frowned. “Why are you here?”
He chuckled and entered. Paxon had been talking with Cal but stopped when he saw the man. Even my dad was looking at him confusedly.
Mr. Arden Laurens completely stuck out here. I wasn’t even sure if he knew children existed. Probably not in his world. He was a hot shot movie producer I was working with. He had reached out to my favorite charity—Hope’s Embrace—to create a musical meant to bring awareness to domestic violence. Hope’s Embrace only agreed if he worked with me for the music. It’d been stop and go since he was a busy man traveling the world. Last I knew, he was still out of state.
Laurens pulled out an envelope. “I’m dropping off my donation to the center for the fundraiser. Didn’t think I was going to see you here.”
“Oh.” I glanced at the envelope, wondering how much he was donating. And how he even knew about it. But I also knew the center was relentlessly advertising the show, so he probably heard it on the radio, or social media, or in the news. Anywhere really. Almost all the businesses in the Tri-Town had a flier up. Anyone living in Higginham, Faydelle, and Coronac Falls knew this was happening. The main sponsor for this was Seth’s construction company and they had done an amazing job publicizing it.
As far as I knew, we’d already raised more than enough money to do all the repairs on the center and had almost enough to fund its expansion. Community members were now submitting proposals on how to utilize the new space. I was even working on my own with the help of Bryan.
“Well, it’s nice to see you,” I said, hoping he’d realize I didn’t really want to talk to him. I couldn’t be rude, I needed the work he was throwing my way, but he also made me really uncomfortable.
Paxon knew that and was at my side instantly to show that I wasn’t alone. Laurens glanced at him, his lip turning up slightly before he practically dismissed him and turned back to me. “Thought I’d just say hi.” He waved the envelope again before turning and leaving us standing there.
“Who is he?” Dad asked, frowning as he stared after the man.
“Arden Laurens. He’s working with Hope’s Embrace to create a musical. I’m writing the music for it.”
“Oh.” Still Dad kept frowning.
If Dad was picking up on the same bad vibes, then didn’t it mean there was something to be wary about? Maybe it wasn’t just me?
Both my eyebrows rose when my dad and Paxon exchanged a look—a silent moment of understanding, as if their minds had landed on the same exact thought.
“What?” I asked.
“What, what?” Paxon asked, finally looking at me.
I pointed at the two of them. “What just happened?”
“Nothing.” Dad pulled me into a side hug. “I need to get going for an appointment with a potential client.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’m so proud of what you’re doing here. You’re good at it too.”
I snorted. “Imposter syndrome, right?”
“Right.” He chuckled before letting me go and heading out.
“You’re going on a date with Toby, right?” Paxon asked.
“Yeah, I need to head out soon to meet him at my house.”
“Oh.”
I was about to go over to one of the girls working on an instrument, but the way Paxon said that had me pausing.
“Oh?” I frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“No, why would it be?” He even smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners like they always did. But something about it still felt off.
“Cadence!” One of the younger boys came over and grabbed my hand. “Help me.” He didn’t give me time to respond as he pulled me to a guitar. I glanced back at Paxon. He waved before going to his little brother.
“Sure, what’s wrong?” I asked, trying to pivot my thoughts and push away that weird moment with Paxon.
By the time I finished helping the little boy, Paxon and Cal were gone. I stuck around long enough to lock up the music room and then headed home, knowing Toby was waiting for me.