57. Now
FIFTY-SEVEN
now
By the time my logic catches up to my adrenaline, the elevator is spitting me onto the top floor of the building. The second the doors slide open, I leap out, needing fresh air and room to breathe.
All too late, it occurs to me that I should have gone down instead of up. When I hear a different cart ding behind me, I rush forward into whatever dark floor I selected in my blind panic. My knees give out, sending me to the ground. My body doubles over until I feel cold marble against my forehead .
Another ping sounds at my back. Renewed horror surges through me.
“Ella!”
I recognize the voice but not the fury. In all the time Grayson and I spent together, he never said my name with such violent bitterness.
“Ella!” he shouts again. “Goddamn you! I know you’re up here.”
I try to breathe. To squeak. Anything. But every muscle in my body clenches tightly.
Footsteps surge toward me, coming closer. Suddenly, they stop, then break into a run. “Ella? Jesus. Did you fall?”
He drops to his knees at my side, his hand going to my curved spine. “Talk to me,” he orders, gruff with concern and frustration. “Say something, Ellie.”
I try, but sobs wrack my body. Grayson sighs quietly. “Oh, baby.” His hand slides up to cup the back of my head. “You’re okay.”
He doesn’t know how wrong he is. I’ve never been less okay. But he continues anyway.
“You’re safe,” he murmurs, bending close. “We’re safe. I’m here with you, and I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Little does he know, he is the bad thing happening to me.
But his deep, even voice and the warmth of his touch start to dissolve my hysteria. Because, danger or not, he’s Gray—sure and steady and oh-so-beloved.
Gradually, he unfolds me and pulls me upright. My terror drains away, leaving me chilled and mortified. “I’m so sorry,” I mumble, moving to give him space. “I’m so, so sorry, Gray.”
In the unlit gloom of the abandoned office floor, shadows fill his features, shading under his sculpted cheekbones, around the stubble kissing his wide jaw and his etched lips. He grinds his teeth together as his emerald eyes shift, full of turmoil.
His pain slices my soul, carving it to tatters. Tears slide down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry for all of it, Grayson. I never wanted to hurt you. I hate myself for it. And I hate myself for being here now, putting you through it all over again.”
The ledge of his dark brow lowers over his eyes. They flash at me, betraying his wrath once more. “Then don’t .”
He shoves to his feet, pushing both hands through the thick waves on top of his head before he starts to pace. “Christ, Ella, you can stop this bullshit anytime you want! Just tell me what the fuck happened to us. Tell me so I can finally fix it or forget it or accept , instead of keeping me wrapped up in this mystery and all of the misery that comes with it.”
I rise unsteadily, trailing after him as I plead for understanding. “I can’t, Gray!” I weep, tripping over my heels. “I told you that. It isn’t that I don’t want to— I can’t explain .”
It’s too dangerous.
For him.
For me.
For the people we love .
But, as much as I wish he could comprehend… he can’t. Outrage twists his gorgeous face, turning his expression into a cruel sneer I’ve never seen before.
“I suppose you can’t answer my other question either, right ?” he bellows, his baritone echoing off the semicircle of glass partitions dividing the vacant floor. “All these years. All this fucking torture you put me through. And you still won’t even tell me if what we had was real! If what I spent months mourning was ever even there to start with!”
He asked me as much on Saturday morning. And I declined to answer, hoping to spare him from further heartache. Even though it killed me.
But he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks I refused out of some selfish fear. An instinctive rush of indignation rises inside of me, pushing out the truth.
“ Of course it was real!” I shriek. “How can you even ask me that? I loved you, Gray! And I know you felt it. What you and I had… it was always real . ”
Deafening silence presses down around us. My words sink in, knocking him back a step. His entire frame goes taut as his chest heaves, dragging in air.
Then, with a desperate growl, Grayson lunges.
His arms haul me up into his large, powerful chest, pinning me there. His lips crush into mine with bruising force. My nails claw at his tuxedo jacket, somewhere between shoving him away and holding on for dear life. When I gasp, he invades my mouth, sliding deep on a possessive plunge.
The dam holding me together collapses.
Years’ worth of longing and love and passion spill over, soaking into my soul. Alive with the joy of being in his arms again, every nerve sings out, tingling in my toes, my fingertips, the tips of my breasts. He chases the tremors with his large, warm hands, smoothing them over my arms and clutching at my back to bring our chests flush.
A simmer starts low in my belly as he strokes his tongue over mine in lush licks. My hands slide over the broad strength of his shoulders. I grasp the hair neatly combed at his nape and tug it until he emits a low groan so carnal that it sends a rush of wetness down my thighs. When I moan in response, he yanks me higher against his torso, holding me there as he turns and strides deeper into the office.
I try to wrap my legs around his body, seeking pressure for the ache at the apex of my thighs, but my dress traps my legs together. With a grunt, Grayson sets me against the cool glass of the nearest partition and drops to his knees to fist my hem. Tugging hard, he tears the whole thing up to my hip.
Oh my…
I don’t have time to react. He rises just as swiftly, reaching up to capture my chin in an iron grip. Hungry eyes smolder down at me, his jaw working while he grits, “I am so fucking mad at you.”
My breasts graze his chest as I force my lungs to expand. “Do you want me to go?”
I would understand if he sent me away, ripped dress and all. In his shoes, most people w ould. But instead of snapping back or shoving away, Grayson sinks his gaze into me for an endless moment, searching. Whatever he finds leaves a sharp, bright gleam in his eye.
One breath later, I’m back in his solid grasp. His hands skim down my legs, hitching them up and bending them around his abdomen as he carries me over one final threshold. A heavy glass door swings shut behind us.
Dizzy from desire, I pull back just long enough to get a fuzzy image of our surroundings. An office. His, if the size and view are any indication. Not to mention the way he promptly pushes the contents of the desk aside without a second thought.
He settles me on the edge of the smoked glass, parting my thighs to step between them while he pants down at me. His verdant eyes burn into mine. “I don’t care if it kills me later. I need you now.”
But he’s still. Waiting. Asking me for permission, giving me a chance to stop him.
Love washes over me in a heated rush. I reach up to stroke his cheek, committing the fierce lines of his face to memory. He surprises me by nuzzling roughly into my touch, his stubble scraping the sensitive spot along my wrist where my pulse thrums.
I sense the struggle within him. He doesn’t know whether he wants to pleasure me or punish me. For a brief moment, while our gazes meld, his gentler instincts take over. When he presses his lips against the center of my palm, the familiar gesture breaks me.
“Take me,” I whisper, going for his fly. “I need you, too.”
On a gruff moan, he seals our mouths together, slanting his open lips over mine in the delicious way that never failed to make my nipples pucker. His fingers make quick work of the zipper at my back while I shove his boxers and pants out of my way.
His cock springs out, just as large and magnificent as I remember. Thick, with veins visibly throbbing up to the wide head. I take him in my hand the same second I see him, tugging on the pulsing shaft until he groans against my tongue. I work him harder, closing my fist over the crown every time I slide my touch over him.
While I glory in his perfect body, Grayson tears into mine. I feel his rage in every move he makes. The tender, sensual man who used to take me to my limits is gone, replaced by a thundering tempest.
He yanks my dress down, tearing the straps of my bra from my shoulders and cupping his hands around my breasts roughly. When I increase the pace of my hand, he growls and bites my lower lip hard enough to bruise.
His fingers fall from kneading my tits to pushing past my panties. When he finds my slick center, he snarls and pulls back to stare down at me. Watching with turbulent eyes, Gray plays over my swollen folds until I whimper.
The sound brings a haughty smirk to his sculpted mouth. Any trace of affection drains from his gaze. “You’re soaking wet,” he tells me. “Like you haven’t had any in ages. Doesn’t your boyfriend ever get you off?”
His callous derision steals my breath just as much as his fingers on my aching center. I swallow against a hoarse lump of hurt while the muscles in my core give a vicious twinge.
“Doesn’t he rub you here?” The pad of his forefinger glances over my throbbing clit. I gasp, pushing into his expert strokes.
“Or… here?” He slides back to dip the tip of his middle finger into my trembling pussy. It clutches at him, trying to pull his touch deeper. He gives a tormented groan.
“Goddamn it, your pussy is so greedy. What’s the matter? Your new guy doesn’t fuck you the way I used to?”
Pain slashes into my heart, piercing the most tender place. “Gray,” I cry, my eyes filling. “I?—”
What can I say? I know I’ll shatter into a million pieces if he keeps taunting me, but I’ll die if he stops touching me.
“You what ?” he demands, swirling his fingers over me again. “Let me guess. You’re sorry ? Just not sorry enough to do anything about it, though, right, sweetheart? ”
Despite the agony pinching my stomach, my clit sends tingles down my legs. I shake while I reply, “I am sorry.”
He presses harder, eliciting a moan I can’t control. “I don’t believe you, Ella,” he growls. “But, right now, I don’t give a damn. I’m going to fuck you over this desk anyway. Give this needy pussy something to remember me by.”
I hate that he makes it sound like a threat. The pain in my chest and the pleasure trembling through my core fight for supremacy. Like he’s ripping me in half.
Still, I can’t resist giving him the affection he deserves. Even if he doesn’t think I’m worthy of the same reverence.
I start at the hard line of his jaw, brushing my lips up to his ear. I press my face against his neck, humming softly while my hands go back to stroking his burgeoning cock. Gripping him exactly the way he likes, I relish the steely velvet feel of him and tighten my grip slightly on every pass.
His body starts to sway into my hand, pushing his shaft through my fingers faster and faster while he increases the pressure against my pulsing clit. He teases my slit again, groaning when I spasm around his fingertips. His balls draw tight.
“Goddamn you, Ella,” he murmurs, his eyes shifting while his features harden. “I hate you for doing this to me.”
I’ve never known such pain. A sob breaks from my lips before I can help it. Then another, and one more after that. “I’m so sor?—”
“Don’t.” His voice whips between us. “Stop apologizing and take off your panties. Now.”
My heart hammers against my ribs as I hurry to obey him. Still fully dressed aside from his open trousers, Gray stretches over the expanse of his desk and slides a drawer open. The same moment my underwear hits the floor, a condom lands in my lap.
“Put it on me.”
I hate the cold bite of his voice. But I love him . So desperately, I can barely breathe.
Blinking back tears, I tear the foil wrapper open. His hips shift restlessly as I sheath h is erection. Before I draw another unsteady breath, he pulls me forward and thrusts into me.
Just like the rest of our encounter, pain-filled pleasure marks the moment we collide. After years without him, his thick cock takes my body to its absolute limit. He stretches me full, quelling the empty ache inside of me while sending a burn through the tender tissue. The stab pushes a fresh round of wetness to my eyes, and they finally spill over.
I expect Gray’s hands to fall to my hips and position me the way he wants, but, instead, they cup my cheeks, raising my face to his. Our eyes lock, and he sees my tears.
All of his harsh lines fade, revealing anguish that saturates every plane of his perfect face. Shame swirls over me, squeezing my eyes shut. More tears rain down onto my bare chest.
“Ellie.”
I think I’m imagining him whispering my nickname. But then his arm bands around me, holding me tightly against his torso while his other hand strokes over my cheek.
“Look at me.”
Unable to resist the unexpected warmth in his words, I lift my eyes back to his. Gray stares right into me, offering wounded windows into his battered soul. His fingertips chase the tears from my face.
Without another word, he starts to move, giving small, gentle thrusts while holding my gaze. The sting persists, but I can’t focus on it. Not when I have the only man I’ve ever loved pressing his forehead against mine, watching my every move with tender concern.
One of his hands falls to my lap, slipping between our bodies. He circles his thumb over the aching bud at the top of my folds. I lose my breath, biting my lip while my eyes flutter closed.
He nuzzles our temples together. “Good girl. You’re pulling me in deeper,” he rumbles. “And pulsing . Fuck, you feel so perfect. ”
I turn my face into his cheek, panting. “So do you. I’ve missed you.”
I throb all around him while my body tugs his in further, desperate to clench down on him when I come. His thumb slides slightly lower, rubbing the very bottom of my clit. Everything inside of me seizes, then bursts. A rush of liquid heat melts through my core, bathing his cock while he rocks into my release.
“Dear God , Ellie,” he gasps, pumping his hips harder. His voice tightens along with all the muscles in his back. “You came so hard, but your pussy wants more. It’s still gripping me. Begging me to keep fucking you.”
“Yes,” I admit, breathless. “Please don’t stop.”
He adjusts the angle of his thrusts, stroking over the bundle of nerves hidden deep inside my pussy. My head falls back as a fresh round of need surges through my center. I buck against him, grinding into his touch and the rock-hard slide of his erection.
“Gray,” I cry, mindless. “Oh my God. Gray! ”
My core clutches him, drawing ravenously at his thickness as I come for the second time in as many minutes. Grayson’s answering roar echoes off the walls of his office as he fucks me through my climax and buries his face against my shoulder before giving into his own.
A mournful moan rolls out of him. The serrated sound makes my heart stutter. I reach up, stroking my hands over his hair to soothe him while he shakes.
For one sweet moment, he stays in my arms and lets me love him. I hold him as close as I can, knowing it might be the last time I ever have the chance. He seems to feel the same way—his muscled arms envelop my entire frame, pulling me into him and holding fast.
A sudden crash ricochets through the empty floor. Grayson springs back, disengaging with a brutal curse. “Someone’s here. We need to go.”