Chapter 6
Dax
I mostly play things safe.
Sure, when it comes to sex, I’m open to almost anything, but almost anything has never been someone like Miles before. Typically, I’m a nice guy who likes nice guys. I want things light and fun, don’t deal with anything too intense because everything at home has always felt too intense for me.
There’s not a single reason the shit with Miles should have turned me on so much last night, why I should have gone home and fucked myself with my dildo until I shot my load all over my bed, but I’d done that too.
I should be disgusted with myself, but then I try to reconcile the guy who followed me with the one who took a punch for me.
The guy who said “you smile and the world is a different color, lighter.” It’s maybe the most incredible compliment I’ve ever gotten, and I can’t get it out of my head.
He said he was watching me like a predator, but predators don’t think things like that, don’t tell me that my smiles lighten their world.
How is it Miles— Miles —who said that to me…and what color is my smile to him? Lighter, yes, but what is it? The fact that he’s so different turns me on. Makes me curious. Everything about him is such a dichotomy.
“You get it now, why you need to stay away from me?”
Did he tell me because in a weird, ass-backward way he’s trying to take care of me? Because he thinks he’s bad news?
I roll over on my mattress, which is on the floor. The guys from the frat will be here soon to help me move in, but I’m still thinking about fucking Miles.
“…you think I like this part of myself? You think I enjoy thinking that I want to fuck shit up? Fuck no. It’s just this demon in me, and I’m the only one who can stop it.”
What is going on inside that head of his? And why am I so fucking determined to figure it out?
I grab my cell off the nightstand and call my brother. He’s always been more levelheaded. It’s one of the reasons my father always preferred him, why Cedric is the one he trusts and depends on.
Cedric answers on the first ring. “Hey, little bro. What’s up?”
“I’m in a predicament,” I say, trying to choose my words carefully because I want his advice but without letting him know that Miles is a possible stalker with a metaphorical demon inside him.
“Uh-oh. This doesn’t sound good. What’s it about?”
“A guy.”
“You’re in the middle of a messy love triangle, aren’t you?”
I chuckle. “Funnily enough, I did find myself in such a situation last night, though it wasn’t my fault—and we both know how much I like being between two men.”
“Too much information for your brother,” he replies, but I know he doesn’t mean it. Not that I tell Cedric all the shit I do in detail, but he knows more about me than anyone in this world. “What’s going on with this guy?”
I don’t fucking know, which is part of my problem.
“He’s super hot and cold with me. One minute he hates me, the next he’s swooping in to save the day.
Then he’s warning me to stay away from him, and a second later he’s kissing the hell out of me.
” And Miles Tanner can kiss. My dick twitches just thinking about the feel of his skilled mouth and the way his tongue swept me up in a lust-filled vortex that honestly, despite all the weird shit he’d said, I hadn’t wanted to get out of.
“Well, if you were eight, I would tell you that means he likes you, which is fucked up if you think about it. Why do we tell kids that the sign of someone being into you is the fact that they’re mean to you sometimes?”
He has a point, which is another tally mark in the column telling me to stay the hell away from Miles. “I don’t know. People are weird.”
“That they are,” he agrees.
I can’t help but pull the attention back to the topic at hand, needing his advice.
“I’m usually really good at reading people, and I’m not with him.
I have no idea which way is up, and logically I know I should stay away, but let’s be real here, I’m probably not going to.
I think…fuck, I think there’s more to him than most people see. ”
“And you want to be the one to figure him out? The one to save him? Does that really come as a surprise to you?”
Affronted, I say, “Yes,” but really, deep down, I know he’s right.
Cedric laughs, but then sobers quickly. “Dax, I know you, and everyone might not see it, but you’re always, always , thinking about other people.”
“To be fair, I spend a whole lot of time thinking about myself too.” It’s true. I do what I want, when I want. I’m always down for a good time because it makes me feel good. I’m not the martyr my brother thinks I am.
“You do, yes, but you would also do anything for another person. You’re always trying to find a way to help someone else or make other people feel good.
Does it really surprise you that you’re so intrigued by a guy who clearly has some shit going on in his head?
That you want to be the one to help him see whatever it is you think you see in him?
That’s usually a dangerous game, though… ”
It is. But why is it so bad to give someone a chance? “So your advice is to stay away.”
“Yes.”
I sigh. “Ced…he’s really fucking hot. And he’s a fan-fucking-tastic kisser.”
“Who isn’t always very nice to you. I don’t want that for you. You deserve better. Fuck, even with Dad, I—”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I cut Cedric off.
He always hates on himself for not standing up for me with Dad more, for working with him and following in his footsteps, when Dad has never wanted that from me—but I don’t want it from him either.
Even if it’s what Dad wanted, I wouldn’t go into real estate.
But it wouldn’t be so bad if he at least wanted me to…wanted anything from me.
I push those thoughts away, stuff them in that deep hole where I can pretend they don’t exist.
“I’m sorry I’m not a better brother,” Cedric says.
“You’re the best bother. You literally listen to me talking about being between two men as often as I can.
” That earns me another laugh, and before the conversation can go somewhere I don’t want it to go, I say, “Fine, I’ll stay away from him.
” Lies, lies, lies. “I gotta go. My frat brothers will be here soon to help me move back into Alpha Theta Mu.”
“Okay, be safe, have fun, and call me if you need anything.”
“I always have fun,” I tease, then end the call.
I shower, strip the mattress of my sheets and blankets, and just as I finish, there’s a knock.
“Thank fuck my moving crew has arrived!” I say, opening the door. “I’ll direct, you guys load the truck.”
Jaxon flips me off as he comes in, followed by Leo, Damien, Andy, Teddy, and Keegan, with Aiden bringing up the rear. He’s Marty’s brother and a freshman at Peach State. He plans to rush Alpha Theta Mu, but has already been hanging out with us sometimes because of his brother.
“I brought donuts.” Aiden points to the box in his lap as he wheels himself closer.
It’s then I realize Andy has a ramp, which he lays down on the lip of the door so Aiden can get inside.
“Aw, freshman rush is sucking up,” I tease.
“Obviously. I’m not an idiot,” Aiden counters, and not for the first time, I’m reminded how different he is from his brother. Where Marty has always been a rule follower, something about Aiden tells me he’s not.
They all come inside, and we stuff our faces with food and then start loading.
We put everything that’s going to the house in the back of the moving truck, leaving the things for storage in the front.
I won’t need any of my living room furniture at the house.
We make quick work of it, and before I know it, the apartment is empty.
I drive the truck to the storage first, and after we unload there, it’s off to the frat house.
“I can’t fucking believe Miles was here last night,” Damien complains when we arrive at the house.
“And that he got involved in a fight,” Teddy adds.
Seems they weren’t close enough to understand what went down—either that or they don’t care. “He was actually defending me,” I tell them.
“Shut the fuck up,” Andy laughs.
“I’m serious. I was dancing with these two guys I thought I was going to hook up with.
I went to get a drink, and when I came back, one was gone and the other was there.
He got handsy, and then his fucking boyfriend like, fell from the sky or some shit, accusing me of trying to fuck his man—who clearly has an issue with cheating. ”
“What a prick,” Leo says.
“No shit. Anyway, the boyfriend wanted to rearrange my face, but Miles was there to save the day.”
“I wonder what the hell got into him,” Keeg says. “He hates you.”
“From what I’ve heard, he hates everyone,” Aiden adds, probably having heard stories from Marty.
“I thought Ryan was going to kill him for starting shit with your brother,” Jaxon says.
They’re not wrong, but what they don’t see—and what I’m pretty sure of—is that more than anyone else, Miles hates himself.
Stay away, stay away, stay away.
I don’t know who I’m kidding. There’s not a chance in hell I’m doing that.
“So anyway, don’t give him shit. He was trying to do a good thing.” I’m hoping to soften them toward Miles, though I’m not sure how soft I should be toward him myself. All the shit that went down last night was…fucked up? Hot? Warning signs all over the place? Intriguing? All of the above.
“I don’t know why you’re defending him. He lost his shit on you for tripping and then ignored you all summer,” Keegan points out.
Again, he’s not wrong, but they don’t know about him helping me home.
“You’re too nice.” Leo crosses his arms. “I don’t trust that guy.”
“You smile and the world is a different color, lighter.”
Yeah, I don’t know if I trust him either, but I want more of him, maybe for the reasons Cedric said, and maybe simply because I can’t stand the thought of being disliked, or maybe because there really is more to him than people see.
All I know is, I can’t wait to see him in class this week.
I never know what to expect with Miles, and the masochistic part of me wants more.