Chapter 17
Miles
D ax follows me to the canvas.
Aside from what Tatum and I do for cash, I don’t normally share my work with people.
It’s not insecurity because I know I’m good, but it’s one thing to share an anonymous video where no one knows it’s me, another when they do and can look, maybe even probe, for what’s really under the surface.
However, I’m not uneasy as I share this with Dax.
I want him to see himself as I see him, not like his dad sees him; although, I doubt his dad sees him at all.
I give him a moment to absorb it, hoping he’ll see what lies behind each brushstroke, every carefully executed movement to get it precisely as it needed to be.
But yes, this is right. There’s the bright yellow of the face, green eyes looking out at us as he wears a familiar smile that doesn’t irritate me nearly as much now that I know him better.
Eventually, I ask, “Do you see it?”
Why does it feel so important to me? It’s not that I expect him to see it, but I want him to.
“Yes,” he whispers.
“What do you see?”
“It’s all very bright, but there’s something sad here too. These dark streaks here.” He gestures to the gray around the face. “It’s like clouds looming over me.”
“It’s not just sadness.”
“No, grief.”
There’s so much relief in knowing he gets it, it feels like I just took a hit from a joint.
But there’s also pain because now I know why the grief is there, which is all too familiar.
When he said she had the world’s best laugh, it cut deep.
Made me remember all the wonderful times I shared with my mom.
In some ways, we were lucky to have them.
Or maybe unlucky because of how much more painful it was to have them ripped from our lives so cruelly.
“Even with the grief, it’s still beautiful,” he murmurs, as though he can’t quite understand why.
“Because you are beautiful.” I don’t hesitate.
The words come out like they’re the most natural thing in the world because they’re true.
I’m so pleased with how I managed to capture it all, carefully, perfectly, in such a quick production.
“I wonder if all that light from you is to drown out the darkness,” I muse.
“Maybe you hope that people won’t catch a glimpse of it, see things they shouldn’t. ”
He looks shocked by what I’ve said, though I can’t imagine why.
“Am I wrong?” I’m starting to worry it’s all something I made up in my head. Maybe it’s not about him at all, but me projecting.
He’s quiet. Too quiet.
“Am I?” I press, fear gripping me. I don’t know why it feels so damned important to me to understand him.
He shakes his head, saying softly, “At first, I was thinking the grief was about my mom, but it’s about my dad too…and a life I thought my family would have together.”
Chills rush up my spine as my eyes water.
“Guess it’s easy to see when it’s something you understand,” he says.
Now he’s seeing more than he should, and I consider turning away, but I just keep looking into his eyes, allowing him to see this part of me.
There’s so much there, things right on the tip of my tongue, things I want to share with him the way he shared with me.
But there’s a lump in my throat, something within me fighting to keep it all tucked away, fearing that if I let it out, the screaming will never stop.
“But you don’t hide yours by being bright,” he adds.
“No one tries to get too close if you don’t let them.” There’s a hollow sensation in my chest, this empty void where the screaming reverberates.
“Sounds awfully lonely.”
“Is it less lonely for you? Or do you just have more people around?”
He breaks eye contact, his gaze drifting as he considers my point, surely knowing I’m right.
“Don’t look away from me.” I say it as a command, surprising even myself, and when he turns back, there’s vulnerability in his expression, totally honest, not hiding behind his charm or that friendly smile, letting me see the real him, fully.
I place my hand against his cheek, and he leans into my touch, still maintaining eye contact.
“I feel less lonely with you,” I confess.
“I—”
I’m not sure if he was about to agree or ask a question, but before I know it, my mouth is on his, our jaws clashing as I shove him back against the wall. He goes willingly.
“I need…you…Dax,” I manage between kisses. “Right now.”
“I need—”
I don’t let him finish, relentlessly kissing him, not allowing him to get the words out. I’m too selfish, too greedy. I was the one who brought this out in him, and now it’s my job to help take his suffering away.
It’s a messy wrestling match, us versus my clothes, as I get my shirt off and my pants to my ankles before spinning him around.
I wrap my hand around his throat, tugging him back for a kiss before saying, “I want to be inside you. I want to come in you, but I don’t want anything between us this time. ”
“I’m on PrEP. Tested all negatives the day I went to that appointment.”
His words reassure me he wants the same thing.
“Same, two weeks ago. You want some lube?”
“I want that dick in me now ,” he says urgently.
“You’re starting to sound like the bossy one.”
As he glances back at me, that playful smirk returns.
“Yeah, you like it a little rough?”
“I don’t mind rougher,” he says.
I tighten my hold on his throat, keeping it confined to the side rather than applying pressure to his windpipe.
“You liked when it stung a bit last time, but now you want it to sting more. Because you trust me, don’t you?
Trust that I’ll be careful? That I’ll make sure it only hurts as much as you want it to. ”
“Fuck, Miles, don’t torture me anymore. Just fuck me.”
I don’t have to be told twice. I spit in my palm, slathering it across my dick before giving two more. It doesn’t feel like nearly enough.
“That’s good,” he insists.
“You need me that bad?”
“Yes,” he admits, and though I’ve always known I’m good at fucking, he makes me feel like a sex god.
With my free hand, I push the head against his hole, becoming even harder when I can tell how damn tight he is. “Gonna get a nice grip on me, aren’t you?”
He takes deep, controlled breaths.
“That’s right. Be a good boy and relax so you can let me in.”
It’s like my words are hardwired to his body because his muscles ease up enough, allowing the head to breach through, holding it tightly.
“Let me see you while you take me,” I tell him, tugging on his throat as he glances over his shoulder. “Keep your eyes open.”
He continues pacing his breaths, opening up for me, being as vulnerable to me now as he was when he was sharing so much with me about himself.
It’s not enough, though. I want to be inside him in every way—emotionally, physically, fucking spiritually. I want to be totally consumed by everything he has to offer, from his brightest smile to his darkest secrets.
His body is slow to welcome me, and some of the spit has dried up, so I’m expecting him to complain, but he doesn’t so much as flinch.
“Just like that,” I say as I pull his ass cheek to the side, stretching his hole that much more for me to get in farther. His body vibrates, and I can tell by the way his breath hitches that I’ve hit his prostate, which makes me swell even more.
His eyes widen as he gasps. “Wow,” is all he manages to say.
“How does that feel? My cock expanding in you, opening you up for me, knowing it’s just a little spit between us?”
“It feels amaz—” His word breaks off into a moan, so that’s clearly doing the trick for him.
As I slide into him, he trembles in my hold, and I can feel him swallow beneath my hand on his throat. Finally, I’m all the way in. “It feels even better than I imagined.” I nibble his earlobe.
“Just fuck me, Miles. I can’t take you teasing me anymore.”
I tug at his ear again before whispering, “Uh-uh. You’re not ready for it yet.”
“Please. I don’t care. Just fuck me. I need it. You don’t understand.”
“If you think I want anything other than to be drilling my cum up inside you, then you really don’t get me at all.”
His body vibrates again for me. Every nerve in me is on edge, wanting to grant him his wish, but I know better.
“We’re already playing with fire,” I tell him. “And I’m not about to let you get burned. At least, not too badly.”
That playful smile returns, assuring me I’m succeeding in pulling his attention away from all that dark shit that came up, and I love knowing I’m the reason he’s feeling relief.
As his body relaxes, I explore his neck with my mouth, starting behind his ear, traveling down to his shoulder, which I take a bite of, like an animal.
That’s what he’s making me feel like. We’re just feral creatures that have come across each other in the woods and need to fuck because of some instinct that controls us.
That’s why I have to be even more in control than usual, make sure our lust doesn’t make me move too quickly, no matter how bad he wants it.
I move in gradually, in gentle motions, gauging if his body is ready for more. “This is what you needed, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
His validation is everything, and as I stroke myself inside him, I revel in the sensation, how fucking tight he is, before steadily picking up the pace until I’m able to build into a decent stride, hammering away at that ass, locking eyes with him once again.
“Taking me like the excellent bottom you are,” I say as he begins pushing his ass back to greet my thrusts. “You like the thought of me shooting inside you, carrying me deep, walking around your frat and nobody knowing I filled you up?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“I like that too. Owning this Alpha Theta Mu ass. Making it mine. Staining it with me.”
I must’ve hit just right with that thrust because his eyes roll back. I smile, but not from pleasure—no, it’s something sadistic, something enjoying what I’m putting his body through, knowing I have this power over him. That he’s surrendering to me.
There’s a rush, the warning I fear is coming too soon. “Dax… You’re gonna make me come like this.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Not until I’ve given you the best orgasm of your fucking life.”
“We could always go for round two.”
“No. This is the one, Dax. This is where I claim you, and once I’ve bred you, if you fuck with anyone else, I’m wrapping it up. You only keep getting this if you’re exclusive to this cock. Do you understand?”
I’m being so controlling and greedy… It’s something sinister in me, especially to catch him in a moment of pure pleasure. But he pulls it right from me, and the way his eyes flare assures me he’s loving every second of it.
“I understand. This ass is yours once you come in it. However long you want it.”
I claw my fingers into his hip as I keep building, grinding my teeth as I jerk forward in quick succession.
“I’m gonna come too,” he warns, and I halt in an instant, panicked.
“No!” I shout, which catches him by surprise.
“I don’t know if I can help it.”
“Stop. Not until I say.”
He grits his teeth, his face bunching up. Damn, he must really be about to lose it.
I should be understanding. I should let him, but I’m not fucking finished with him. Not yet.
I release his hip and take his hand, threading my fingers with his. “Hold on to me. Like this. Control it.”
I can feel by the way his body twists, his muscles twitching, that I might be too late.
“Come on, Dax. Obey me.”
He groans, holding my hand in a death grip as he battles the urge. “I—I—”
It’s clearly too much for him, so I reach around and grab his shaft at the base, tightening my hold, his cock swelling as it tries to end his agony.
“Oh hell.” His body’s all shivers as his ass moves subtly, as if trying to force him to the end against my will.
“Come on, Dax. Control it. Control it for me.”
It doesn’t just feel like fun, but like life or death as he grips me tight, whimpering as he stirs against the wall, like his body’s trying to climb it, just acting off desperate impulses.
He strains in my hold, blinking a few times as he gasps, his expression revealing just how pleasurable this really is.
“What does it feel like?” I ask.
“I’m right there, just suspended in it… I can’t fucking see straight…fuck, it feels so amazing, Miles. I’ve never felt anything like it…”
He can’t know what that does to me.
“Just get it together,” I tell him. “Come back down. Breathe with me. Just like a panic attack. You know how to do this.”
It’s similar, only now I’m the one helping him. He follows my orders, steadily relaxing, taking deep breaths, his eyes still bulging like his body’s in shock that he can feel all this without coming.
“How are you fucking doing this?” he asks, breaking eye contact.
I lean close to his ear, whispering, “You’re not the only one with skills, Dax.”
“You talking by my ear like that really isn’t helping me not want to release.”
His ass twitches again, legs trembling, and I nestle my face against his neck. “I’m not trying to make it stop. I’m trying to make it keep going until you can’t bear it anymore, until the only option is release.”
“I think we’re already there,” he insists. “I don’t know how it could be any worse than this.”
His body shifts in my hold, his cock throbbing as it resists the cruel edging I’m putting it through, but I feel him settle, and we breathe together, perfectly in sync.
“Excellent. That’s it,” I say, so proud of my hold for keeping his climax at bay. “Now, you ready?”
“Please, please, please…”
I’ve tortured him enough, so I give him a few quick thrusts before releasing his shaft, and he calls out with a war cry I haven’t heard him make before, his body thrashing, as wild as I’ve ever seen him.
This isn’t the cool, controlled Dax. This is the Dax I want to see, recklessly free as he releases his load.
The jolt it sends through me has me shooting up into him, and I let it rip, our bodies a frenzy of thrusts as he takes everything I have to give, his cry shifting to moans and then heavy breaths like he’s been running sprints.
As he collapses against the wall, I rest my chest against his back, biting at his neck.
“Holy hell,” he mutters, sounding shocked.
There’s this wicked thing in me celebrating now because not only did I give Dax Armstrong the time of his life, but I’ve got my seed buried inside him. I continue with subtle thrusts, like my body’s trying to get it as far into him as possible, fully painting his insides with me.
“I’m glad you came over tonight,” I say, which gets us both chuckling. Fucking chuckling.
What the fuck is this guy doing to me?