Chapter 12
CASSIDY
To tell Weston, or to not tell him. That was the question that lurked in the back of my mind. The finite details of the situation Briar breezed through could come later. Right now, what she’d given me confirmed my suspicions but also brought new ones boiling to the surface. One of which, seemed like there was no right or wrong answer to.
“Cassidy?” Briar’s voice trickled through my thoughts as I trudged along in front of my horse.
“Hmm?” I mumbled, scouring the ground for a sign that Bud had passed through here.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just thinkin’,” I answered.
“About my situation?”
“Yes.” My eyes caught sight of a twig, snapped in half as if something stomped on top of it. Just ahead of that branch was a shredded piece of leather. Yep, Bud had come this way.
“What about my situation, exactly?” she pressed.
“I thought you didn’t wanna talk.”
“About the kiss, dummy. This is different.”
“Mighty fine kiss, if I say so myself,” I mindlessly muttered, following the panicked path the horse had left. Though he seemed to be moving a bit more deliberately and a little less scattered now.
“Really?” she gasped behind me, and I nodded. “Even though I bet you’ve kissed a lot of girls before, it was still a nice kiss?”
“Why would it matter if I’ve kissed a lot of girls before?” I nonchalantly replied, running a hand over the back of my neck as my stomach growled. Food. Food was going to be an issue. Water, there were a couple of canteens packed on my horse, but there was only a bit of jerky left.
“Well, I…” she paused. “I want to know where I rank.”
“Rank with what?” I pushed through some branches Bud had broken off and subsequently squished the plants below.
“The kiss? Are you paying attention to me?” she grumpily asked.
“Goldie, I am trying to make sure we find that horse.” I chuckled, and then I heard a humph coming from her direction. “Besides, you said you didn’t wanna talk about it.”
“Okay, well, yes, but—”
I stopped and spun around. “Why is this such a big deal to you?”
She blinked, her rosy cheeks turning a deep shade of red. “Well, we kissed, and I just want to know how good I was.”
“You want feedback on how good of a kisser you are? Wouldn’t—” I stopped talking as the blush covered her entire face, and she turned away. “That was your first kiss. Ever. Wasn’t it?”
As she spun her head in the opposite direction of me, her braid swung around her waist and smacked her side. “Just focus on finding Bud,” she snarled.
“No, no, no, Goldie. We are talking about this.” I grinned. Could she not get any cuter? And confusing, but that was for a different day to deal with.
“I don’t want to talk about it!” she snapped and whipped her narrowed, doe eyes back to me. She was trying to intimidate me, but I was still running on the glee from kissing her, and this new information only added to my rather peachy, blissful feeling.
“I don’t get it, though,” I said, wandering around a bend as the sun began to sink on the horizon.
“Get what? That it took twenty-eight years of me living to get my first kiss?”
“Yeah, actually. A girl as pretty as you?”
She shook her head. “I’m surprised you kissed me. I mean, look at you. Besides, it’s not like I’ve been that nice to you, and I told you I don’t like you.”
“All things I got past, fairly quickly,” I teased, and she rolled her eyes. The soft orange of the sunset set her golden hair on fire.
“Well, you wouldn’t have been so eager to kiss me had we met in high school. I was a few inches shy of six feet tall by the time I was a sophomore. Let’s just say the number of high school boys that wanted to date someone taller than them was a big fat zero. Add onto that my lack of curves in any form, and even after high school, people weren’t lining up at my front door,” she said, her voice quiet and defeated.
“Well, you’re wrong about something, Goldie.” I pushed some branches back.
“And what’s that?”
“I was six feet tall by the time I was fifteen, and I was homeschooled. But regardless of that fact, we wouldn’t have met in high school no matter what.”
“That’s not as reassuring as you think it is,” she mumbled.
“Goldie, I haven’t looked at a girl twice in over three years, and I’ve definitely looked at you at least twice,” I explained and turned to her. “And you are also wrong about something else.”
“What’s that?” she timidly asked.
“I was already taller than you when you were sixteen and would’ve had no issue kissing you then. But be glad we didn’t meet while you were in high school.”
“Why? Because you wouldn’t have been attracted to me enough to kiss me?” she snarled, and I turned around.
“It would’ve been illegal for me to kiss you. I was an adult when you were fourteen,” I replied and lifted a brow.
She opened her mouth as the loudest grumble, full of vengeance like a bear that just lost his final meal before hibernation, echoed in the darkening clearing.
“What…” I stared at her in shock. “What in the world was that?”
“My stomach…” Briar whined on top of the horse and pushed her bottom lip out. It took every ounce of self-control, all the strength left in my bones from walking this long, to not laugh. Tears pushed against the edges of my eyes as I choked down the jokes that were begging to be released into the world.
“Let’s—” I cleared my throat. “Let’s get some food and make camp for the night.”
“But what about Bud?!” she cried out, and I sighed.
“Briar.”
“What?”
“Look.” I pointed at the river a few hundred yards ahead. Her eyes widened, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.
“There he is!” she shrieked, her eyes studying the horse, whose nose was dipped in the water. “Wait, why do we have to make camp? Can’t we just ride an hour or so more and make it home now that we have Bud?”
“You have no idea where we are, do you?” I asked and glanced up at the girl sitting quietly in the saddle. “Goldie, when you ran away—as asked by me so this isn’t me blaming you—but when you ran away, you ran in the opposite direction of home. We’ve got at least a four, maybe five-hour ride to still get back down to the main ranch.”
She blew her cheeks up and looked away from me. “Oooh, my bad,” she mumbled sheepishly.
“It’s fine. Let’s go get Bud, and I’ll do some fishin’. There’s a spot further up the river that’s got quite a bit of trout. I should manage to catch one or two without a rod.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and began walking over to the lone horse, my spurs ringing out behind me.
∞∞∞
Crouching beside the river, my mind swam as rapidly as the trout darting beneath the surface. The bank was a bit muddier than normal from the rain last night, which raised the height of the water. And I wondered what in the world I was doing.
Having this moment to myself was toeing on the line of productive thoughts and those of Briar. I knew I should’ve been thinking about what to do next with these illegal hunters—possible poachers—who had probably killed that poor cow and then tried to destroy her carcass and her two-headed baby to make it look like coyotes or something.
But all that was swirling in my mind was that kiss. Briar’s silky lips against mine.
There was this desperate need to feel that again. To hold her tightly against my body and kiss her more deeply than I’d ever kissed another woman before. If I wasn’t careful, I’d step over the line she was clearly trying to draw between us. A line that confused me, made me wonder what her intentions were behind both the boundaries as well as the motivation of her kissing me in the first place. That kiss must’ve only been her way of expressing gratitude that I didn’t leave her stranded out here.
Groaning, I rammed my eyes closed, ignoring the prickling cold sensation of the brisk water turning my hand numb. Wet fish scales slithered against my palm, close enough that I should be able to snatch a second trout out of the river in another second.
But first, I needed to convince myself of that lie.
The only reason she’d kissed me was because I’d rescued her.
Her feelings for me had been made clear—she did not like me, even if her reasoning was very much unclear. She said that right before I kissed her. That was right. I kissed her.
But she kissed me back.
Since when were women confusing for me. It had always been straight forward before; in every interaction with the opposite gender, I knew exactly what to say or do to get what I wanted from a woman. How conceited am I? But it was true, I never had any issue with things like that.
Until now.
I thought I’d been able to learn from my past mistakes, but now, I wasn’t sure how they were helpful at all. She made me feel… strange. So, indescribable…
Was this what Weston meant when—
“Cassidy?” her sweet voice called out, and my eyes snapped open. As I shifted to raise my gaze to meet hers, a smile tugged at my lips.
Just as my boot slipped.
And my entire body plummeted into the cold river.
Like daggers stabbing into my skin, the bullet wound screamed with pain as it scraped against the rocky bed. My fingers tightened around a fish, and I thrashed about. Spinning uncontrollably, the current tore me down the river.
My free hand reached toward the silver light dancing across the surface of the rapidly moving water, and I sputtered. My lungs convulsed, begging for oxygen.
My fingers briefly broke through the surface. As air brushed against my exposed skin, the summer warmth drew blood to my outstretched hand. Pushing my feet as hard as I could against the bottom of the river, I shot through the grave that had unsuccessfully tried to bury me.
Swimming gangly with one arm, I kicked toward the bank and dug my fingers into the muddy bed. It wasn’t too difficult to drag myself out of the river, and I plopped myself on my back. Cold and wet.
And annoyed.
Laughter erupted around me, and the most angelic face popped into my vision.
Alright, I was also slightly embarrassed, but she would never get to know that.
“Ha, ha. I’m glad you found that funny,” I grumbled, and she doubled over, bellowing even harder.
“You thought… You were… I bet you thought you were going to die. Which isn’t funny, but you slipping…” she giggled and slapped her knee.
“Do you want dinner or not?” I narrowed my gaze at her, and she snapped her mouth closed.
“Yes, I do.” She coughed, choking down a laugh. I fought against the smirk rising on my lips.
“Then knock it off, Goldie.”
“But—”
“No. I will toss this dadgum fish back in that river,” I threatened and raised the large trout that twitched in my hand. I was finding this rather fun and much less embarrassing. “And I didn’t think I was going to die. My shoulder hit the bottom of the river first, and that actually hurt a bit, alright?”
“Awwww, you poor baby. Would a kiss make the boo boo feel better?” she teased.
“If it’s on the lips, you best believe it will.” I winked, and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t—That’s not—” she stammered and slapped a hand over her mouth.
Chuckling, I pushed myself upright and grinned as the water trickled a little uncomfortably down my back. My clothes stuck to my body, but at least I’d thought to take my chaps off before coming over here. “It’s fine, Goldie. Now, there’s another good-sized fish up on the bank where I definitely didn’t fall off at.”
She sighed and stood upright. “Good because I came over here to let you know the fire is going.” She offered a hand to help me up as I pushed off from the wet ground. But instead of accepting, I narrowed my eyes teasingly and stood up on my own. Brushing myself off was not going to help, and I frowned but ignored the squishy sound that occurred while we walked back to the other fish.
“How’s Bud?” I asked, stooping down to snatch up the rest of our dinner.
She sighed and pushed some blonde hair behind her ear. “Bud has a gash on his side that is pretty deep. He probably got it when he ran and it ripped through the back cinch. Which, we can obviously take that off and still have a functional saddle—”
“But if you slide your leg back even half an inch it’ll brush over his wound…” My voice trailed off, and she nodded. We wandered around a few trees and emerged in our little makeshift campground.
“Yeah,” she agreed. Flames flickered in a fire pit, stones circling the low-roaring coals that danced along logs itching to erupt in warmth that I craved. Luckily, the chill wasn’t deep nor too bad since it was summer, but there wasn’t much else helping me dry seeing as the sun had already set.
“I applied some of the cream that you have in a bottle that I’m not going to question how you got it, but he needs actual veterinarian care. Probably some stitches, too,” she continued as I slapped the fish down on two large, stone slabs near the fire.
“Tenley being a vet helps in these situations,” I replied and winked.
“So, the ointment isn’t over-the-counter. Just like I thought.” She tossed her hands on her hips as I pulled out the knife hooked to my waistband. One that was there so often, every pair of pants I owned had indentations from that and the gun I carried on my other hip.
“And?” I teased and slapped the blade down on the fish, cutting its head clean off.
“And, who’s the criminal now?” She sat down on part of a log beside me.
“We received the ointment legally as a prescription from a one Doctor Tenley Mayn Duke. So, I’ll have you know, you are, Goldie. You’re still the criminal,” I flirted, and then whacked the tail off the fish.
She didn’t flinch at the sight, nor was she squeamish as I began gutting the fish and cleaning off the scales. “I hate you,” she grumbled and pouted.
A chuckle rumbled from my throat as I prepared the next fish. “To which, you know your reasoning is conflicting.”
“I know,” she added with a heavy sigh. “But don’t ask me to explain it, ’cause even I don’t get it.” The flames of the fire weren’t reaching quite as high into the night sky, but the coals roared hotter than ever as I finished preparing the fish.
“Do we still got some foil left that the sandwiches were wrapped in earlier?” I asked, glancing at Briar.
Her fingers stopped twisting the braid that really wasn’t looking much like a braid anymore. “Actually, yeah, I think so.”
“Mind grabbing some for me? I’ll wrap these babies in there and toss them straight onto the coals,” I answered.
She stood up and darted away. The low glow of the fire combined with the silver stars sparkling overhead outlined her figure. One that, while not as curvy as some girls I’d dated, was delicious all on her own.
Part of me devoured the attitude that she gave me, lapping it up like a puppy to a treat. She held her ground against me, which was such a nice and refreshing change. Briar pushed me out of my comfort zone, got under my skin, and made me lose all control. Control that I was willing to let go for her.
Only for her. She could make a mess of me, and I’d have zero hesitation diving headfirst into the chaos.
Correction, I already dove headfirst into that chaos.
Studying her as she dug through the saddlebags, which were carefully placed near the saddles resting on top of one of our blankets from the bedroll, I couldn’t help but also realize I should probably give her some space.
If I had any hope of gaining her favor, clinging to her and continually annoying her like I had was probably not the way to win her heart. Especially after her reaction to kissing me, she needed time to sort through her thoughts that seemed to overwhelm her. Thoughts and feelings she’d vocally admitted bewildered even herself. That was why she’d given me such confusing and conflicting instructions after we’d made out. She needed time.
Goldie needed to want me on her own terms.
I needed her to want me on her own terms. No matter how badly I already wanted her.
A tight smile tugged at my lips as she jogged back, her ashy hair swinging behind her legs. She danced up beside me and plopped herself down once more. “Got them!” she exclaimed, handing me very wrinkled foil.
“Thanks, Goldie,” I softly said and smoothed them out to the best of my ability. I could feel her gaze burning into me as I shoveled the fish on the foil and then wrapped it up to the best of my ability.
“What was that?” she blurted out as I gently placed the packet onto the hot coals.
“What was what?” I asked, standing up.
“Your ‘thanks, Goldie.’ It sounded different.” She narrowed her beautiful eyes. My heart swelled, wanting to jump out of my chest and land in her hands, but it also knew that was not the way to go about this. She had to be in control. I had to do this right for her. If I desired any chance of having her, of being with her, all of it had to be her choice.
And I had to go about this differently than I’d ever done with another woman.
“It was nothin’,” I replied and turned around.
“Where are you going?”
“To dispose of the fish guts, then rinse my hands and knife off,” I teased as lightheartedly as I could.
“Oh.” Her voice softened. “Okay, be quick.”
“Worried about me?” I lifted a mischievous brow and glanced back at her. She simply watched me, studying me for a moment. Whatever was going through her mind was lost on me as she gently pulled her braid back between her fingers and mindlessly began twisting.
And just as I turned around to walk away, she nodded once.