For Keeps

30. Twenty-six

Twenty-six

Beau

W hy’d he have to say it?

“We got our girl to squirt!”

“Wow, look at that flow. It’s practically gushing.” My mom cupped her cheeks, shaking her head in disbelief. “Look at this puddle. How is this even possible?”

My dad sighed, tucking a rag into the back pocket of his coveralls as he fixed his eyes on me. Displeasure held steady in that glare, ignited the moment I parked my sputtering and steaming car outside the open bays of his shop.

Tugging at my shirt collar, I cleared my throat and diverted my attention elsewhere. Plenty of motor oil spills to study.

“Where’s Adam?” And can he save me?

I’d spent a couple of days replaying the night at the cabin in my head—every toe-curling, spine-bending second of pleasure and excitement.

Dying between Fallon’s thighs and floating right on up to dirty heaven, rubbing Jake’s solid frame and his tongue… God. His tongue against mine. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

But hearing my mom use words that overlapped with my filthy fantasies… Gross.

“It’s a slow day. I sent Adam home,” my dad mumbled, stepping over scattered tools beside a lifted Chevy.

I leaned against a workbench and took in the shop.

Quiet.

Odd when summer was always the busiest season for my dad. But sure enough, the Chevy aside, lifts were empty, and the lot out back was only half full with vehicles in the queue for diagnostics. No wonder I booked mine in so easily.

“To answer your question, his water pump is a disaster. A bearing failure likely opened along the shaft.”

I might choke on disgust with this entire conversation.

The foul air laden with the scent of oil did little to help, nor did the rattle of my heart when my eyes landed on the old sofa in the corner of the garage.

“We got our girl to squirt!”

That sofa could have said the same.

He didn’t notice. Jake. He didn’t catch it, but I did.

Our girl.

For a moment, the briefest of moments, my heart swelled. Then it cracked.

Fallon wasn’t our girl. She was his, and watching him clean her up as she slept like the dead, proud of her and love pouring off of him like this was the fucking life… It was the fucking life. His life.

“I’m guessing it’s been dripping for a while,” my dad said, ducking to examine the liquid pooling beneath my exhausted Honda. “ Someone continued driving, anyway.”

“I thought it was a drip from the A.C.,” I mumbled. No wonder he didn’t want me to help at his shop this summer. Not that he needed it. “Why so quiet in here today?”

My dad ignored me, likely annoyed with my automotive ineptitude. “Fortunately, it’s an easy fix. I’ll install a new one, which will take a few days. I have an inventory run.”He closed the hood, wiping his hands on his coveralls. “You’re lucky you weren’t driving to California when this happened. Would have been a bigger pain in the ass than your mom acting as your chauffeur when you’re a thirty-one-year-old man.”

Of all the pathetic elements of my life, that one didn’t even make the list.

“Okay. Thanks, Dad.”

With a hint of a grimace, he gave a solemn nod. His eyes studied me for a moment longer before he turned away and stalked back to the Chevy, his thick-soled work boots the only visible sign of him when he shimmied beneath it.

“See you at home, Henry.”

My dad’s only reply was a grunt. My mom grabbed my elbow and hauled me off to allow him to work in peace.

“What should we do, my little hostage? Without your car, you can’t escape me.”

I patted her hand as I took it in mine. “I love a challenge.”

Fallon: We miss you. Are you sure you can’t meet us tonight? Hope the car gets sorted. Let me know if I can help.

A heart and kissy face emoji, just to murder my mood.

We miss you.

We.

Stupid. I was being stupid. Stupid to let my heart get caught up in a temporary situation. They wanted me because I was a good time. I wasn’t part of this, of them. There was no we with me.

“It ends when you leave. Everything, Beau. You leave her alone after that. You understand?”

Jake was crystal clear. This was on me for being the dipshit who forgot.

Jason: Please ensure you get insurance when you mail Tiffany. Roll, don ’ t fold .

I didn’t answer Fallon or my best friend, dropping my phone onto the table and rolling my shoulder. Stiff and tight, it’d been a nightmare since the cabin. I must have tweaked it when eating her out.

“We got our girl to squirt!”

Squeezing the tender joint, I smiled. Was worth it.

I would smile through the pain—the physical and the emotional. Nothing could bandage the crack struck by the reality of my situation, but a smile at least hid it enough to nurse the wounds alone in L.A. Everyone expected it, even when my heart was breaking.

It started with the ping of a text after lunch.

Sasha: IT’S OVER.

I exhaled, running a hand through my hair as I re-read the text at my parents’ kitchen table. The strike was officially over.

But the subsequent message from Richy Purdue cut all my excuses off at the knees.

Richy: My buddy needs someone solid and available at the end of the month. It’s consistent work. Option to renegotiate if the show is picked up for a second season. It’s not movie-level stunts, and it’s new, no-name talent. Less cool or physically trying, but it’s regular work.

Richy offered to connect me with a director-friend needing a supervising stunt double to assist the coordinator and fill in as needed. It was perfect.

Less cool or physically trying, but it’s regular work.

Easier on my body and steady pay? The solution to my problems. Some of them, anyway.

I should have tap-danced my way to my suitcase, and maybe I would have if I didn’t get another text minutes later.

BBFF: Been quiet.

Fucker rarely used complete sentences. This one more confusing because of it. Did he mean I’d been quiet? Was he asking why? Or maybe things had been quiet for him?

Driving home from the fishing cabin, I tried to joke and tease like normal. Fallon sat between Jake and me as he drove, one hand on the wheel, one on her knee.

She was chatty once she overcame the embarrassment of ruining my grandma’s hand-knit quilt. She made plans for the week, inviting me along. Jake shot me occasional glances. Shy smiles.

He brought us back to Fallon’s house, always her house. Her house, because he didn’t want me in his. Didn’t want this in his. Her lease ended in March, and she planned to move back into Jake’s house—into their house. Can’t taint it with my bodily fluids, let alone my existence.

He’d been fixing it up for their life together. We. Them.

Dumbass that I was, I made some stupid joke instead of confessing that I wanted to go home and think a bit. Because what could I say? I agreed to this. I agreed to the conditions of their play, and then… what? Got sad?

Good Time Beau was actually Can’t Learn a Lesson Beau. I should cry my way right to therapy.

Fallon wasn’t mine at Christmas. She wasn’t mine in high school. She wasn’t mine now. But I went inside with them, anyway. I peeled off my clothes and kept my eyes locked on hers as she sucked my dick, and Jake jerked off.

He didn’t get naked, pulling his shorts only low enough to palm himself discreetly.

It was my fault for getting ahead of myself with my feelings. My fault for not moving away when he slid down her body to eat her cunt beside me. My fault for touching his tongue and then his cock and thinking it wouldn’t mess with his head.

Because even if he wanted it, even if I pretended for a moment that it wasn’t me pushing him because I was a selfish bastard, we should have talked about it first.

We should have talked about it on the drive back. Walking through the door of Fallon’s house. Undressing in the bedroom. Hell, the quiet car ride home when he dropped me off after.

But talking about it meant I felt more than I was supposed to. I’d broken the rules. Casual, fun, unserious, and temporary.

I should have called Richy right that minute and accepted the gig. He offered me an anchor to a pathetic life adrift—something to tether me somewhere.

Stable. Stable and secure…

Fallon and Jake were stable and secure. I was a bonus that worked for them because I didn’t threaten their foundation. They knew what they wanted—each other.

Then here comes Beau, barreling in like a reckless asshole with his feelings .

And fuck me, I was woefully ill-equipped to handle that. Jake sure as hell wasn’t ready.

The sex had been hot, but Jake’s private jerking was a clear sign that I freaked him out.

Besides, everyone gets hot during sex. Dicks get hard for all kinds of shit. Didn’t mean he wanted my dick. Didn’t mean I wanted his dick. I mean, I did, still do, but I didn’t just want his dick. I wanted him.

It startled me, and then he called Fallon our girl, and I knew it wasn’t true. None of it was true—I panicked.

Now, I had no reason to stay. My gut twisted, my eyes lining with tears as I puffed a long breath.I didn’t want it to be over.

“Fucking idiot,” I ground out, tugging on my hair. “Fucking, fucking idiot.”

I got ahead of myself and wanted more than anyone would give me, more than anyone wanted me to give them. Laughs. Smiles. Jokes. My dick. All I had to offer when there was nothing serious about my potential in someone else’s life.

Angrily wiping the tears, I clenched my jaw and willed myself to get a grip before my mom or dad walked in. I blinked a few times, sniffling and padding beneath my eyes .

Hands trembling slightly, I sent a text to Jake.

Me: Yeah.

Immediate ellipses registered like he’d been waiting, but that seemed doubtful. He was probably watching porn on his phone or something, and I interrupted.

BBFF: What are you up to?

Thinking about how much I want you guys to let me into something that doesn’t belong to me. Never will belong to me.

What do you say? Three people can fall in love, right? Maybe? No? Just me? All right, then. I’m totally fine dying lonely and alone, but don’t worry. I’ll have a smile on my face when I do. Cheers!

Me: Having a panic attack.

BBFF: Nice. Keep me posted.

I gaped, staring at the screen. Was he for real? That was his response? That mother—

The doorbell rang, and my head darted up. “Mom?” I called.

She shouted something from upstairs, the location indicating she was in my room. I sighed, dropped my phone, and lumbered to the door. A quick glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror confirmed my breakdown wasn’t noticeable.

With a fake smile, I threw open the door.

“Hey, asshole,” Jake greeted, those dark eyes flashing beneath even darker lashes.

Nope.

I made to slam the door shut, but his foot shot out and stopped it from closing.

Ignoring his bulldozing into the house, I headed toward the kitchen.

“Beau,” he called behind me.

“Not having a panic attack.” Not really. I usually got a handle on shit. Rarely did I spiral.

“Beau.” His hand landed on my shoulder as I rounded the corner. “Come on, man. This… I’m…” he trailed off, sighing. “Grab your shit.”

Facing him was both brave and stupid. The moment I registered the tension pinching in the lines of his face, the worried furrow in his brows, the softness in his eyes…

I’d do anything he wanted.

Hardly a second of hesitation before I asked, “Why?”

“I want to show you something.”

“Holy shit,” I breathed, taking in the expansive vista.

“Gorgeous, right?” Jake murmured, gazing at the worn rock faces in the distance, dancing with an orange glow from the setting sun behind them.

Low-hanging clouds covered the craggy top of Chapman’s Peak across the lookout, hints of pink and purple lining the sky.

We sat side by side on a fallen log, staring at a view that couldn’t be matched. Then Jake smiled at the sunset, the soft radiance of the fading light making me think I was wrong about that when I glimpsed his profile.

He pulled up his heels to rest on the edge of the splintered wood, his knees tucked beneath his chin and arms wrapped around them. Tufts of wildflowers bloomed along the forest floor near the downed tree. The entire scene was serenely beautiful.

I faced him. “How did I not know about this place? I grew up here.”

He shrugged. “The Dunning-Kruger effect. Those who know the least think they know the most. You miss out on a lot of stuff that way.”

“Dick.” I took a deep breath. Speaking of dick, do you hate me for touching yours?

“Where’d you learn about this… Dummy Freddy Krueger thing?”

Jake burst into laughter. So unexpected in the quiet that I jumped. Made me laugh, too.

He gave a sidelong glance, dropping his eyes to his fingers as they picked at the spongy moss coating the bark beneath us. “I read a lot on the boat. Pretty boring on the water.”

“Why’d you bring me here?”

He plucked harder at the moss, pulling up a chunk and picking it apart. “You said you were panicking. This place always calms me down.”

“You got there fast.”

“I was already on my way after leaving Adam’s house. I’d planned to stop by and check on you, regardless. Lucky timing, I guess. Why were you panicking?”

I should have told him the strike ended. But then he’d know, and it would be real because, without a reason to stay, Jake expected me gone.

“Wasn’t a panic attack,” I said.

He gave me a skeptical look. “I saw you, Beau. You don’t hide as well as you think.”

“Hanging with Adam, huh?” I said instead of commenting on that observation. Changing the subject proved safer. “BFF, do I need to be worried?”

“No need to be jealous. I was dropping off some stuff from Fal for their game night. He had a rare day off, and we hung out.” He smiled, resting his cheek on his knee and studying me. “You are jealous.”

“Not even a little,” I grumbled.

Adam was a solid dude, exceptionally cool, and obscenely good at strategic board games. Of course, I was jealous.

He stood and stretched, pressing against his lower back and groaning as he nodded to return to the car.“Ready?”

“Yep.” Gesturing to his back, I asked, “Bugging you?”

“A bit,” he admitted. “Been killing me since…” He didn’t finish that thought, scratching the stubble on his neck.

I grinned, understanding. “Since you ate Fallon’s pussy at the cabin?”

He puffed his cheeks. “It’s tough getting old. Hate to say it.”

“Want me to give you a rub?” I offered.

Jake burst into laughter. “Not when you say it like that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let me have a go, buddy. I’ve had a lot of injuries in my time and learned some tricks.” I patted the log. “Straddle this thick wood, and I’ll rub you from behind.”

He snorted. “Indecent fool.”

“I said I’ll rub you from behind, not that I’ll rub your behind. We’re good, bestie. This is something super straight bros do.”

Surprisingly, he didn’t protest, sitting and sighing in resignation. “Never thought I’d be here.”

“Here?” I asked, digging my knuckles into his lower back. He moaned in appreciation as I pressed into the grooves of his muscle. “Getting the BFF rubdown?”

He grunted and dropped his head, a sexy sound of relief. “I mean, yes. Literally here, but here . Laughing at your dumbass jokes, hanging out like…” He lowered his voice to an almost imperceptible whisper. “Friends.”

And suddenly, all those thoughts of sliding closer to rub my cock between his ass cheeks and hear more of his needy groans and muffled curses when I really worked him… dissipated.

“Friends,” I whispered back, a tremendous feat when I wanted to shout it from this mountaintop.