Chapter 43
Billy drove Kitty to the hospital in his old Renault van. Kitty had Romeo wrapped in a blanket on her lap. There was no way she was leaving Romeo with Dave or Maureen, who seemed hell-bent on finishing him off. But Romeo was looking a little better, his trembling had ceased, and his breathing was more regular, and the bleeding had stopped.
‘Look, sorry again about the other night…’ Billy said.
Kitty, now completely sober, was in no mood for small talk. The thought of Annie being in the hospital was too dreadful. ‘So what happened to Annie?’
‘Not sure of the details, but she collapsed earlier… I don’t know anything more than that.’
Kitty held Romeo close to her chest. It was all her fault because she shouldn’t have allowed him outside.
Billy pulled up to the front of the hospital. ‘Do you want me to park and come in with you?’
She couldn’t take Romeo into AE. She hadn’t thought clearly and had just wanted to keep him away from those cat-snatchers.
‘Look, Dad,’ she began. ‘I need you to do something for me. Something really important…’
‘I know I’ve let you down,’ he began. ‘I just forget things…’
‘I don’t care about me,’ she said. ‘It’s Romeo. I need you to mind him for tonight and I’ll take him to the vets in the morning. Can you do that for me?’
‘Your cat?’ Billy looked startled at this turn of events.
She placed Romeo in his arms. ‘Just mind him, okay? Don’t let me down. I can’t take him in. Make sure he’s warm and comfortable. Just look after him, promise?’
Kitty had no choice but to trust Billy yet again but she couldn’t leave Romeo on his own. He had to be with someone and that someone turned out to be Billy. But he nodded. ‘I promise,’ he said. ‘Stay in touch, okay?’
In AE, Kitty spotted her mum, sitting in the corner.
She looked up and smiled. ‘Ah, Kitty… your father found you… I just thought you’d want to know. I was so worried.’
‘How is she?’
Catherine shook her head. ‘Not good… not good at all… she’s not been feeling well… tired, so exhausted, she says she doesn’t even want to get out of bed. She thought the holiday might do her the world of good, but it made her worse, she was saying…’
‘What was it?’
‘Pain. Everywhere. Kept getting tests. All clear. MRIs. Clear. Lungs clear. But it’s her heart, I think… she says it’s been beating so hard out of her chest. This is my little sister. The life and soul, the heart and soul of every gathering. But when she collapsed…’ Catherine closed her eyes for a moment.
‘I can’t believe I said what I said to her,’ Kitty sighed. ‘What if she doesn’t make it?’
‘We all say things we don’t mean,’ said Catherine. ‘She knows you love her.’
‘I hope so.’ Life was short, she knew. She hadn’t treasured the things which made life worth living, like best friends or best aunts, or sailing on a warm Saturday. Or drinking cocktails or playing five-a-side football. Or laughing so much at something Shazza had said her stomach hurt. What if she actively pursued happiness, found joy in the small things and stopped waiting around for the big things? What if there was gold to be found in the cracks?
Except… Kitty was stuck with Dave and Maureen, which made her become so angry, she had attacked Shazza and Annie. She had unceremoniously dumped Tom. And Dave was marrying a woman who couldn’t stand him.
She gasped. Was that really how she felt? Yes, yes it was. Lacklustre as Dave was, he deserved better. But she was going to take a leaf out of Annie’s book and bring heart and soul to everything she did. It was time for a new approach. It was time to start taking the lead role in her own life.
She thought of Annie and Kitty’s eyes filled with tears. And of course Shazza… the thought of not seeing her, or being together. They were meant to be growing old together, they’d made the pact. They were going to buy a retirement home and live there forever and ever. Kitty had to change and do everything differently. Starting with Dave. It was time to move on, for both of their sakes. And work, she would have to find a way of saving the pitch and keeping them all together. And Billy… she had to make peace with him and find a way of loving him with no judgement.
‘Look,’ said Catherine. ‘I wanted to say something about Annie. She’s my little sister and I have taken care of her all my life and I will always take care of her. And does she take advantage of me? Absolutely! Does she take me for granted? Of course. Will she ever change? Never. Do I mind about any of it? Not at all. Because taking care of Annie was what kept me steady when we were growing up, having to be home from school to make sure she was okay… Mam wasn’t well, at all… now it would be diagnosed, but we didn’t know why she was in bed all the time or what was wrong with her and why she couldn’t be like all the other mams on the road. But Annie was there and she was my little family. She was enough. And so I’ve brought her with me into adult life… and she doesn’t understand what it’s like to be the carer, but she lost out on her mam…’
‘I was trying to protect you,’ Kitty explained, but feeling something shift in her mind as her mother spoke.
‘I know you were, and thank you.’ Catherine looked over at her. ‘You’re my heart, my soul, my life… I’m so lucky to have you. But I like taking care of Annie,’ said Catherine. ‘It made me feel capable and grown-up, it gave me a sense that I was able to bring order to the world, that amid chaos, I could control some of it and make our lives better.’ She reached over and took Kitty’s hand. ‘I think you may have inherited some of my genes…’
‘I think so too…’ Kitty smiled at her.
‘But I also think you’ve inherited some of your father’s too. All his good ones…’
‘I’m not as bad at football as I thought,’ admitted Kitty. ‘But hopefully not as unreliable.’
‘No, you’re definitely not that.’ Catherine smiled at her again.
When a doctor came over to them, Catherine looked up.
‘How is she?’
She and Kitty clutched hands.
‘She’s completely fine,’ he said. ‘I think it’s just a case of burning the candle at both ends. Overdoing-it-itis. Has she been gallivanting?’
Catherine nodded.
‘She needs a rest,’ he said. ‘A few days of peace. No rushing about. And a break from gallivanting. She can go home immediately.’
Catherine slipped her arm through Kitty’s. ‘You’re my heart and soul,’ she said. ‘From the moment I laid eyes on you, thirty-two years ago, in a dingy room in Holles Street Hospital, I thought to myself, this baby has my heart and soul in the palm of her hand. And it’s true.’
Catherine smiled at her, but Kitty was staring back at her. ‘I have heart and soul already? I don’t need to find it. No, I have it already. It’s always been there. I have it!’ She began laughing again, as Catherine shook her head, puzzled.
‘Of course you have it, you’ve always had it.’
‘It’s everywhere,’ said Kitty. ‘Don’t you see? It’s everywhere, it’s all around. We all have it. We just have to know it to feel it…’
Catherine was smiling. ‘I suppose…’
‘So, I can just harness it… like an energy…’ She grabbed Catherine’s arm. ‘I have an idea,’ she said. ‘I have an idea for the Welcome Ireland pitch. I have an idea and I think it has everything…’