Chapter 30
30
Valerie
The crowd falls silent.
It’s chilling, like the stadium is haunted, and instead of the ghosts being in our song they’re out in the arena, looming. There are a few coughs, and even a couple boos, but other than that, it’s eerily quiet under the glare of the lights. Adrenaline races through my system as I try to get my bearings.
We’re still livestreaming.
I glance around at the rest of the band, but no one says anything or moves to pick up their instruments. They just stare at me, judging. But the show must go on, so I begin to play the intro for “Midnight Road Trip,” determined to keep this up even without Caleb. My ears ring.
God, I can’t do this without Caleb.
Riker materializes at my side, and for a moment I think he’s going to grab one of Caleb’s spare basses and start playing, but he just shakes his head.
“Come on, Valerie,” he says.
And then he follows Caleb’s path off the stage. Keeley’s already gone, and Jane gives me a sad smile before hurrying to follow.
Tears sting the back of my throat, and I fumble to unplug my pack. The crowd jeers in earnest now, but I don’t know how to respond. My head buzzes with anxiety, and I can’t focus on anything but getting out of here.
But that’s the coward’s way out.
“Just a technical issue. I promise we’ll be right back,” I say into the mic.
I gesture at one of our stage techs, who just shrugs, but soon there is a steady stream of Glitter Bats music playing over the loudspeakers. I stumble over cords as I hurry off the stage.
Back in the greenroom, I expect to find the entire band, but someone is missing.
“Where is he?” I ask.
Keeley barrels forward, getting right in my face. “What the fuck was that, Quinn?”
“Where’s Caleb?” I demand. I expected him to be back here, ready to lay into me in private.
But he’s nowhere to be seen.
“Valerie, why did you…I’m speechless. What were you thinking?” Jane says.
Her question barely registers as the whole room tilts. Caleb’s gone. He can’t be gone. After everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe he would just leave me like this. Again.
Even if he was mad, how could he do this to me?
He said he loved me. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. But I never expected Caleb to abandon me in the middle of a show, no matter what I did. It’s like Vegas all over again, and the kick-in-the-gut feeling of abandonment makes me want to fall to my knees. He’s gone and I need him and—
Shit. The show.
“We have to get back out there,” I say.
“ We don’t have to do anything!” Keeley says. “You went off script, and you had no right to make promises to the fans we can’t keep. Didn’t you realize Label is going to use this? They’re going to make us record with them !”
I swallow thickly. I didn’t think. I just had the microphone and needed to do something and…damn it. This is the one thing Wade said not to do.
But maybe it’ll be okay.
It has to be. They suck, but Label Records has a vested interest in keeping things moving with as little delay as possible. Glitter Bats are hot, and we’re all over the internet. We need to capitalize on our momentum. That’s what I was trying to do out on that stage. We have a shared motivation.
Going to a different record company would be better, but it would also mean meetings, negotiations, contracts—and we don’t have time for that. Label Records is full of sharks, but they’re sharks who know how to manage a big group like this. They’ll give us the tour we deserve. We might have to jump through a few extra hoops, but I know we can handle it.
“It’ll be fine. You all said you’re interested in making a new album.” When no one reacts, I course correct. “But we can talk to Wade! We can still walk away and find another label—it just might take some negotiating. That’s what lawyers are for, right? Then we’ll be off and recording something new before you know it.”
“I don’t think it works that way.” Jane crosses her arms. “What’s the big rush, Valerie? Help us understand where this is coming from.”
“We need to ride this hype!” The idea sounds better and better as I talk through it. Okay, Caleb might need some convincing, but Jane, Keeley, and Riker are all in the business. If we don’t do this now, it’s never going to happen. They’ll get it. “There are no guarantees in this industry. We have a contract with Label. I know they’re the worst, but it’s a sure thing. How often do we get those?”
I glance around at the band. The crowd has gotten so restless, I can hear them back here. Jeering, shouting, wondering. As they grow louder, I feel like I can’t breathe. I have to fix this.
“The only sure thing is how perfectly you fucked up,” Keeley says.
I look to Jane and Riker for backup, but neither of them moves.
“She’s right,” Riker says.
Jane sighs. “Valerie, you know I love you, but you crossed a line. Making an announcement without talking it through as a band first…this isn’t you. How are we supposed to go back out there now?”
“We play the rest of our set,” I say, like it’s obvious—but by the way she flinches, I know that was the wrong thing to say.
“That’s essentially sending a message to the world that we’re all on board with your plan, and we need to have a long conversation if we’re going to think about moving forward. You made a decision for all of us. It wasn’t yours alone,” Jane says. Her voice is quiet, resigned, disappointed.
It hurts.
Keeley scoffs. “You just sold our souls back to Label, and we were so close to being free. I’m not going back out there.”
Riker closes his eyes, sighing. “Me neither. Sorry, Valerie.”
“So that’s it, then?” I demand, desperation clawing up my throat. If we don’t go back out there, it’s going to send a terrible message to the fans, to the label, to everyone. We can’t come back from that kind of negativity.
I should know.
“You’re all just going to abandon our fans?” I ask, but what I’m really asking is if they’re just going to abandon me . I don’t want to be alone in this industry again, if I even have a career after tonight. But I can’t say that. I reel, trying to find something that will get them to stay. “We have to finish the show. They paid good money!”
“Hey now, you don’t get to put this back on us.” Riker’s uncharacteristically angry, pointing in the direction of the stage. “You made a terrible call out there. Maybe we all at one point or another said we’re interested, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide how and when we’re moving forward as a band—if at all. I have commitments. So do Jane and Keeley, and hell—Caleb has a day job! We deserve more consideration than this.”
I gape, unsure of what to say but knowing if I can just convince one of them, everyone else will get on board. “Please, let’s get out there. The news is going to be an absolute bloodbath if we don’t.”
Keeley sneers. “That’s your fault, Valerie, just like everything else.”
My blood runs cold. “Excuse me?”
“You always play the victim, and you know what? It’s exhausting,” she says, her voice dripping with disdain. “You treat everyone in your life like they owe you something, and once you get it, you just abandon them to climb to your next goal. Hell, you did this to us six years ago when Caleb left. You decided a solo career was the most strategic way to move forward—and instead of talking it out with us, you left the three of us alone to face the fucking wolves at the label . You act like you’re so innocent, but you deserve every part of that bad reputation.”
Jane puts a hand on Keeley’s arm. “That’s not fair.”
Keeley whirls on her. “You know it’s true!” She gestures at me, but continues to talk about me like I’m not in the room, her cheeks flaming with anger. My shoulders tense. “She thinks fame is going to love her back. Well, news flash, this industry will take everything from you before it gives you even an inch. We’ve all figured that out and protected ourselves, adjusted our expectations, but Valerie is over here trying to suck the industry’s dick for a pat on the head!”
I flinch. It hurts to hear her talk about me like this, especially after the day I’ve had, but I’m not going to back down. My intentions were good, and I was just trying to do what was best for all of us. This will be good for them too. They have to see that.
And I’m not going to let Keeley treat me like a child.
“Let’s talk about this.” My mouth goes dry as I glance away from Keeley to Riker, who won’t meet my gaze. I look at Jane, and she bites her lip. “Please, just listen to me,” I beg. They have to listen. This is all I have.
“No,” Jane says, filling the silence. “There’s nothing left to say. What you did is unacceptable, and I’m not comfortable going back out there.” Her voice breaks, and my heart plummets. “I’m sorry, Valerie, but you went too far.”
“I won’t go back without Caleb. Wouldn’t be right,” Riker says, crossing his arms and staring at the ground. “We’re done here.”
And just like that, I realize what I should have known all along: nothing has really changed this summer. I can’t expect the Glitter Bats to have my back. I can’t expect Caleb to stay. I’m on my own.
Because no one wants anything to do with Valerie Quinn.
“Fine, I’ll go fix this myself.” Mind whirling, I pace back over to the stage door. “I’ll tell them it’s a solo set—a special surprise to cap off the night.”
“No, you won’t,” says a familiar voice from the door. I spin on my heel to see Wade, frowning and shaking his head. Dread pools in my stomach. “I don’t know what you were thinking, kiddo, but you can’t go back out there. It’s over.”
Just like my entire career.