Chapter 35
35
Valerie
After I publish the post, I turn off my phone for the first time in my entire life. My heart races as the screen turns dark, but then, when nothing bad happens, I’m filled with a strange sense of calm. I don’t need to know what people are saying about me anymore.
I don’t care.
I don’t owe this industry any more of my heart. I’ve given them everything, and I won’t let them tell me how to feel about Caleb. Because I know what’s in my heart. I don’t regret what I said, and I don’t regret the song.
It’s not perfect, but it’s from my soul, and it’s all I have left. Keeley, Jane, and Riker made good on helping me produce it, and we released it under Label—who, unfortunately, still owns everything I write because of my stunt. But the band agreed to send all of our royalties to underfunded music programs on the West Coast, and I try to take heart knowing we’ve done a little bit of good.
So instead of scrolling online to figure out what people are saying, I start cleaning my place. I scrub the bathroom, mop the floors, wash all of the linens. I even sanitize my fridge. When there’s nothing left to clean around my apartment, I tend to myself. I take a long, hot shower; shave; exfoliate; and even put a treatment on my hair. I know it’s silly to think you can wash off a mistake, but the cleaning is almost a ritual. Detoxifying my life.
I don’t know what’s next, and I think that’s okay.
Instead of drying my hair, I comb it out and spritz the strands with salt spray, letting it air-dry as the sunset streams in through my windows. Trying not to think much of it, I slip into Caleb’s old The Clash T-shirt and yoga pants just as someone knocks on my door. The only people who have visited me recently are the band, but they’re all working this week, so I don’t know who else it would be. Wade?
Who I don’t expect is Caleb Sloane, leaning against the doorframe, looking like he was plucked right out of my fantasies.
He’s wearing an old, faded Lime Velvet T-shirt and gray joggers slung low on his hips that leave nothing to the imagination. His hair is a little mussed, and he’s got a duffle bag over his shoulder like he just got off a plane.
My mouth goes completely dry. “Hi.”
He runs a hand over his hair. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Caleb’s lips twist into an almost-smirk. “Can I come in?”
“Right. Yeah, of course,” I say, pulse thundering in my ears. What do I do? Do I offer him something to drink? Ask what he’s even doing here? Maybe he’s here to yell at me.
My mind has gone completely blank with panic, but I manage to urge him inside and shut the door. We just stare, facing each other in my narrow entryway, and I don’t even know where to begin. My hand jerks almost involuntarily to reach for him, but I think better of it and clench it in a fist.
“I almost quit my job today,” Caleb blurts, without pretense.
I blink. “What? Why?”
He shakes his head, letting his bag fall to the ground. “I wasn’t sure where my commitments lay, but fortunately my principal is giving me twenty-four hours to figure things out.”
“What commitments are you talking about?” I ask.
With a self-satisfied grin, Caleb puts his hands in his pockets like his being here is the most casual thing in the world. “If we’re going to make more music together, I want to work out the terms before I do anything else.”
My jaw falls open, and I’m not sure I’ve heard him correctly. “What are you talking about?”
He chuckles. “You wrote an entire song. Do you really think I missed the subtext?”
I shake my head, walking over to the living room where there’s more space, like somehow that will help me understand why he’s here.
I know why I hope he’s here, but I don’t dare to believe it. “No, but that wasn’t…I didn’t intend…I’m not asking you to leave your life behind. I haven’t been fair to you. I promised another album to Label on top of everything, which was the worst-case scenario! You can’t just upend your entire world for me.”
“That’s my choice to make.”
My heart warms at those words, but then I remember it’s a choice I tried to take away from him. “It doesn’t matter. I’m done with the industry.”
“Are you?” He steps nearer to me, closing the distance between us. “Because I was already rethinking my job before I heard the song. Before I read your post, even. That all just confirmed what I was thinking.”
I swallow thickly, tucking my hair behind my ear. My pulse pounds in my chest. This can’t be real. “You didn’t want this, though. You were very clear. I bulldozed your feelings, the way I always do…”
Caleb interrupts me, leaning closer. “No! I was scared ,” he says, his voice lowering. “Sure, the way you went about it wasn’t cool, but I was clear that I wanted to try something . It just felt like you skipped past the figuring-things-out part right to a plan I wasn’t ready for, and I panicked. I don’t love that it’s Label, but…”
“Caleb, no. It should never have been Label.” My heart twists. “I’m so sorry I did this.”
He reaches for my hand, tentatively entwining our fingers together. “I know you are, and I forgive you.”
Tears sting my eyes. “You do?”
“Of course I do,” he says, placing his free hand on my cheek. I lean into the touch. “Because I love you too. I never stopped loving you all those years ago, and walking away from you was the most painful thing I’ve ever done in my life. Twice. We have a lot of details to figure out, but I want to try. We can figure out all of the band stuff later, but I need you to know I’m here, and it’s because I want you . Is that okay?”
“Are you kidding?” I ask. “That’s literally all I want. I wasn’t saying that stuff to fool anyone—I am so fucking in love with you, it’s not even a question.”
We just stare at each other, grinning, the setting sun casting shadows on our faces through my windows. I can’t believe he’s here. I can’t believe he loves me.
I can’t believe I’m not saying goodbye.
“So what now?” I finally ask.
“Kiss me, Quinn, I dare you,” he says with a challenging smirk.
I don’t need to be told twice. I grab the front of his T-shirt in my fist and draw his mouth to mine. The moment our lips touch, I melt in relief. Kissing him is like finally coming home. My knees go weak, and I lean into him.
He kisses me hard, walking me backward in the direction of the couch. I tug him closer so our hips are flush, groaning as the thrill sends sensation to my core.
“Caleb,” I gasp.
“Val,” he says against my lips, barely more than a whisper.
I pull back. “We need to talk about the details. There are so many things to work out. I don’t want…”
He blinks, drawing away. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. But if it’s okay with you, I think you should let me take your clothes off first. We can talk about the details after, while we eat takeout, because we’ll be too exhausted to cook when I’m done with you.”
Desire snaps through my veins like static. “Is that a promise?”
“Absolutely.” His eyes rove over me. “Nice shirt, by the way.”
I grin at him. “I stole it from the love of my life.”
“Looks better on you.”
“Good. I’m keeping it.”
His hands tighten on my hips. “As long as I can take it off of you right now.”
“I’m counting on it.”
And then we’re kissing again. My knees go weak as he brushes his lips down my jaw to my neck, my shoulder, and I sink to the edge of the couch with a shudder. He kneels down, kissing my breasts right through my shirt—just the hint of heat through the fabric has me writhing for more. With the help of his deft fingers, my top is soon off. He wastes no time sucking on one nipple, toying with the other with those soft, guitar-string-calloused fingers.
The touch sends a spiral of heat between my legs.
“I need you to touch me,” I gasp.
He pulls away. “I am touching you.”
“ Caleb ,” I whine.
He laughs but reaches his hands around to support each of my thighs. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist, and he hoists me up so we can keep kissing without breaking apart. He takes a few steps to the side, then presses me deliciously into the nearby wall. Our hips meet, and I grind against him, sliding against his length despite the fabric between us.
“Fuck, Valerie,” he groans, leaning his forehead against mine. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to come in my pants.”
“Get it together, Sloane,” I say, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. “You promised to tire me out.”
“Oh, I didn’t forget,” he says. “You just need to behave.”
“Fine.” I stop grinding.
He chuckles. “Good girl. Bedroom?”
“Back there,” I say, nodding toward the hall. Without missing a beat, he carries me back to my bedroom, where, fortunately, my bed is made with fresh linens that smell like orange blossoms. Caleb sets me down gently on the mattress, then sinks down on top of me, hovering over my body.
“It’s your laundry,” he says, eyes widening.
“What?” I ask.
“That scent ,” he says. “I knew what the shampoo was, but that citrus has been destroying me all summer.”
I laugh. “I could buy you the detergent I use. It’s gentle on the environment.”
“I don’t want to smell like you unless we’re sharing a bed,” he says.
“Are you inviting yourself to move in with me, Sloane? That’s a big step.”
He flushes. “That’s not what…I meant…”
I pull him closer, delighting in watching him get all flustered for me. “I think we’re overdue for some big steps.”
Caleb’s lips slowly widen into a grin, and this time it’s not a smirk at all. It’s big and open and dazzling, and I could get lost in his warm green eyes. “I think you’re right.”
“Sex now, talk later,” I say.
“If you insist,” he says. He slips his fingers into my waistband and between my thighs, hissing as his hands slick across my opening. “Fuck, Valerie, you feel so good.”
“It’s been ten days without you in my bed. I need you,” I say, rolling my waistband down as he works my clit with his fingers.
“Jesus Christ,” he groans, divesting me of my leggings entirely before returning his palm to my center. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“My vibrator is just not as good,” I admit with a gasp.
His eyes light up. “Vibrator? We’ll come back to that later.”
A thrill runs down my spine at the idea of using toys with Caleb. We never tried them when we were together before, but he’s clearly game. I don’t want any of that tonight, though. Just him.
“Deal,” I say.
He leans down for another kiss, drawing slow circles around my clit until I’m nearly on the edge. It’s too much, too soon, and I don’t want to fall yet. He’s barely touched me; I can’t come now.
“You’re resisting,” he murmurs. “Just let go.”
I kiss him deeper, and he slips a finger inside me, then two. My throat goes dry, and I’m panting for release, but I don’t want to let it happen. Not yet.
“I want to feel you inside me when I come,” I say.
“Fuck, Val, you don’t have to tell me twice,” he practically purrs in my ear. His voice is so hoarse and full of wanting that it’s almost enough to send me over the edge, especially with his hand between my legs.
“Come here, then.” I reach into the waistband of his joggers and wrap my fingers around his hard length. He shivers under my touch, and I pump his shaft softly once. I grab some lube from my drawer, stroking twice. Three times, and he’s begging me for more.
“ Valerie . If you keep touching me like this, we’re not going to get to the good part.”
I bite my lip, smirking. “This is good too.”
He hisses out a breath as I pump him again. “I’ll let you have your fun later, I promise.”
“We’re making a lot of promises,” I say. My words are light and teasing, but there’s more to them. There are a lot of promises we’re making tonight, and I mean them with all my heart. My hand stills, even in this intimate position.
As if he can read my thoughts, his voice softens. “I’m not letting you go this time.”
“Thank god, because I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”
He swallows, and even though his pupils are blown wide with lust, there’s a vulnerability to him.
“Good, because I really love you.”
I smile. “I really love you too.”
And then we can’t wait anymore. I’m sliding down his joggers, climbing onto his hips, grabbing a condom from my drawer, and sliding it on him. He grips my waist and helps me ease onto his warm, hard length.
“Fuck, I missed you,” he breathes, like he can’t believe we’re here again. Neither can I. All those nights this summer felt like borrowed time, and after everything fell apart, I never thought he’d speak to me again, much less love me. I know now that I’m never going to let this man go again.
It just makes me pull him closer. And soon I’m gasping and falling over the edge, and feeling the exquisite heat deep inside me as he falls right with me.
After, when we’ve cleaned up and slipped between the sheets and we’re scrolling on Caleb’s phone, deciding on food delivery, he presses a kiss to my temple. “This feels different,” he says.
“We’re different.” I let out a shaky sigh. “Maybe it’s because we’re not lying to ourselves anymore,” I say.
“But if we hadn’t faked it for the cameras”—he presses another kiss to my temple—“we never would have fallen in love for real again.”
I smile. “I think even without the reunion, we would have still found our way to each other again.”
“Does the ever-skeptical Valerie Quinn believe in fate now?” he asks.
I snuggle into his chest. “Maybe I just believe in whatever brings me back to you.”
“You give me something to believe in too.” He squeezes me tight, then reaches for my chin, softly drawing my mouth to his.