Chapter 4 Keeley
Keeley
By Sunday morning, I’m completely exhausted—not just from playing a gig with Bianca that went late, but from two near-sleepless nights worrying about my fight with Jane.
All I want to do is go back to bed and shut out the world.
Problem is, I promised Caleb I’d run with him on Sundays after school started. The daily runs we took all summer aren’t possible with his teacher schedule, so he always likes to get out early on the weekends to maximize his time. I agreed.
Mostly because I want my SB fix. Sebastian Bark is the best dog in the entire world.
We meet at Runyon Canyon and take an easy route, keeping mostly to a jog for the dog’s benefit. There are off-leash dog areas on some routes, but they trigger Caleb’s anxiety, so we stick to specific trails and keep the pit bull on his harness.
Or not-so-pit-bull, as Caleb explains.
“The shelter said Sebastian Bark was pure pittie, but I’ve always thought he was a mix—his face is too narrow. Valerie encouraged me to do one of those doggie DNA kits after they messaged us on his Instagram account, and I finally went for it,” Caleb says proudly as we pick up a trail.
Sebastian Bark is a social media star all on his own, and I think it’s hilarious that Caleb became a dog-fluencer.
No one but the other Glitter Bats knows who’s behind the account, officially, but there are plenty of Glitterbugs speculating in the comments that the account belongs to Caleb, especially after a few paparazzi shots of SB, Caleb, and Valerie hit the internet.
That dog now has half a million followers and more brand partnerships than any of us.
It’s fucking hilarious. But it’s also fun to watch people fawn over this dog we all love so much. “Big guy is like 50 percent Lab, then a roulette of Staffy, boxer, and a tiny bit of pointer.”
We pause to let a family with a stroller cross in front of us, and I lean down. “But you’re 100 percent handsome, aren’t you, baby boy?”
SB licks my face for my effort. I laugh.
Caleb shrugs. “Who knew? I started a poll so his fans could guess his breed, but we’re revealing the results next week.”
I cock my head. “We? Is Valerie helping you run his account now?”
He laughs, his cheeks turning pink. “I mean, we do have joint custody. I’m pretty sure he likes her better than me, and I can’t even blame him.”
I nudge his shoulder as we pick back up into a jog. “Gross. You’re in love.”
Caleb flushes more, way redder than he should be for such a light workout. “Yeah, I am. Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“I’m perfectly happy on my own, thank you very much. Love is for suckers.” I say it automatically, but there’s no venom in my voice.
Caleb knows I’m happy for him. What he doesn’t know is that I’m also a little jealous.
Not specifically of him—Valerie is objectively hot and all, but the two of us together would be an absolute disaster.
Even when we had that first oh, you’re queer too?
moment, it was all solidarity and platonic joy, zero attraction.
I’ve only ever been attracted to one Glitter Bat, and by the mischievous flash in Caleb’s eye, he knows it.
Caleb runs a hand over his hair, ruffling his damp curls. “Speaking of which…have you talked to Jane recently?”
I take a swig from my water bottle to buy time, even though I know Caleb can see past the way I’m squirming. He’d clocked my crush on Jane way back when we were still touring with my first VW van. “Uh, yeah. I helped her with a track for Dragon Realm on Friday.”
He raises his brows. “All alone in the studio?”
“Yeah, and?”
“How successful were you in keeping your hands off her?”
I gape at the accusation, as if I would try to seduce Jane like she’s innocent Laura and I’m Carmilla, the irresistible vampire. “Nothing happened! Especially not after…”
I trail off, knowing I’ve doomed myself. Fuck me and my lack of filter.
“After what, Keeley?” Caleb stumbles to a stop, and SB whines as he tugs at the leash.
“Sorry, buddy,” he says. To ensure I can’t escape the question, Caleb makes a show of taking the dog’s collapsible water bottle out of his fanny pack and setting it up.
At least SB can lap up a little hydration…
while I get grilled. “Keeley, tell me what’s going on. ”
And I’m so tired of replaying Friday in my head that I fold like a house of cards.
I wince. “Jane and I kind of had a massive blowout fight after we recorded.”
Caleb’s mouth drops open, like he’s just heard the most salacious piece of news from Gossip Daily. “What? You, I believe, but Jane? Jane Mercer fought with you?”
I bring a hand to the back of my damp neck, and when I realize what I’m doing, I try to turn it into a stretch, feigning nonchalance. “Yeah.”
By the look on his face, it doesn’t work. Caleb is calculating the situation, trying to make sense of it and also figure out how to ask me his next question so I don’t completely dodge it.
“That’s unlike her.”
I nod. “I’m very aware. But we’ll work it out. Can we get back to our run now?”
Caleb shakes his head, and then he fucking sits on the ground along the side of the path next to the dog, so my only option is to wait for him to get up. And we both know he won’t get up until I tell him the story.
From the moment I met Caleb Sloane, I knew I was gaining another brother, and that means this kind of bullshit. If Ollie were here, I’m sure the conversation would go the same way: me being forced to talk about my feelings to a nosy person I’m not paying for therapy.
“Tell me exactly what happened or I’m not going anywhere.”
I shrug. “I don’t know! I was exhausted and so was she, and well…
I asked what she thought about making another Glitter Bats album.
I started this, okay, it was kind of a rant?
But I was talking about how it needed to be sooner than later to get something of our own that isn’t connected to Label, and she started pushing back.
She totally went off about her demanding schedule, and how she couldn’t commit to anything because there are all these things up in the air, and…
I panicked that she’s thinking about leaving the band. ”
Caleb blinks. “Did you ask her if that’s what’s going on?”
Warmth floods my skin, and it has nothing to do with the sunshine. I scrub a hand over my face and clear my throat. “Not really? We just started sniping at each other.” The shame of my words comes back at me in full force.
Still, it felt like she had more important things to do than think about the rest of us. And she is killing it. What if she doesn’t have time for us anymore?
Caleb places his hands on his hips and gives me a look.
“What?” I demand.
Caleb gestures at me with the hand that isn’t attached to Sebastian Bark’s leash. “That sounds awfully familiar.”
I stand up, waving dismissively at him. “Oh, hell no. This is totally different.”
He chuckles. “This is different than Valerie forcing me into the Glitter Bats reunion, culminating in a big blowout argument about the future of the band, that was really all tied up in years of unresolved sexual tension?”
I gape at him as heat floods my face. “What sexual tension? No one said anything about sexual tension.”
“Keeley. Are you really going to stand there and tell me you’re not attracted to Jane?”
I throw my arms wide in frustration. “It doesn’t fucking matter, because she’s not into me!
” And besides, I’m not going to do anything to risk the band after what Caleb and Valerie put us through.
Then again, that worked out for them. But this is different.
I know better than to hope for a happily ever after.
“I don’t understand why we’re talking about this again.
We’ve had this bullshit conversation a hundred times! ”
Caleb raises a placating palm, and I glance around, realizing I’m making a scene.
Fortunately, Runyon is quiet today. “The point is that there are four other members of this band, but you’re only putting this amount of pressure on one of us.
I think you picked that fight because somewhere, deep down, you’ve tangled your feelings about her with your feelings about the band, and it’s why you tried to strong-arm her into committing to an album as she was emerging from a marathon recording session for another project. ”
I close my eyes and open them again. He’s right, and I kind of hate him for it. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. But it still really fucking hurt when she said she didn’t want to prioritize the band.” It was like she didn’t want to prioritize me.
I’m not even sure how to unpack that, but it made me feel like absolute trash. Jane is amazing and I always look at everything she’s done with starry eyes, but I’m terrified that she’ll keep moving on to bigger and better things until she leaves this family we’ve built together.
And then I’ll lose her completely.
My phone buzzes then, and I yank it out of my running shorts as an escape from this conversation.
When I read the screen, I immediately regret it.
Mom: Are you picking up another gig soon?
I groan and shove my phone away.
Caleb raises a brow as he folds the water dish back up, stuffs it in his fanny pack, and pops up to meet me. “What’s wrong now?”
I huff. “My mom thinks clearing my schedule to focus on the band was a bad financial move. She keeps saying, You’re an adult, but I’m concerned about your choices, as if that’s helpful.
She’s been hounding me to get back to work.
” I shrug my shoulders. We video chat every Sunday afternoon, and I’m not looking forward to today’s conversation.
The last one turned into a lecture. “When we talk today, I’m going to tell my parents about the gig with Bianca to get them off my back. ”
Caleb frowns. Instead of picking up a jog again, he starts walking. “I didn’t know you’d taken a step back from gigs. Wait, are you and Sasha not getting along? That’s weird.”
Don’t I know it. I’ve always been super close to my parents.
They’re careful about money, sure, but they’ve never done anything to make me feel unsafe or unloved.
When I came out to them as pansexual at fifteen, they bought a ton of rainbow flags and invited the whole family to Pride.
Hell, even when I told them I was rejecting my acceptance from Stanford for our record deal, they supported me following my dreams.
The only thing they asked is that I manage my money well and become financially independent, and I’ve done so. When my bandmates went on spending sprees after that first check (well, except for Jane, who threw it all in savings), I opened up a tiny investment portfolio and started planning ahead.
And because of that, I’m comfortable now. Even now that I’ve rented a condo in Southern California and bought a new vehicle, I can afford time to focus on the band…as long as the band is participating too.
But I don’t say all this to Caleb. “Mom and I aren’t fighting, we’re just…not seeing eye to eye at the moment,” I say.
He sighs. “God, if you can’t get along with your parents, what hope is there for the rest of us?”
“Thank you,” I drawl. “That’s very comforting.”
“I try,” he grins. “But really, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I want to fucking run until I hit my Strava goal,” I say.
“Okay, let’s fucking go.”
Caleb bolts into a run, SB bounding happily alongside him. He tries to leave me in the dust, but since my legs are longer than his, it doesn’t take long for me to catch up. I’ve got at least six inches on him.
But I’m still distracted. My pulse pounds in time with my shoes on the trail, and the beat almost drowns out the worry buzzing around my brain.
It would be easy to explain this desperation to make more music as neurodivergent hyperfocus, but I owe myself more than that.
There are a lot of good reasons to move forward with the band now that we’re free of our last contract.
I’m terrified that I’m the only Glitter Bat willing to go all in this time.
What if we lose all the momentum we had from More to Say, and we fade into obscurity before we can decide our next move?
And what if I lose my best friends again?
What if, in my desperation to hold on to her, I’ve already lost one?