Chapter 6 Keeley #2
Jane stares at her soaked Rainbows. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It was out of line.”
My hand goes to the back of my neck almost automatically. Resigned, I settle myself onto one of my barstools backward, so I can face her. “I was out of line too. I’m sorry I picked a fight with you.”
She frowns, opens her mouth, then shuts it again. Finally, she decides to continue. “What started all of that?”
“I don’t know…you were just so cagey about recording something new that…” And then I finally speak my fears out loud. “I was afraid you were thinking about quitting the band.”
She gapes, genuine hurt flashing across her face. I want to do nothing but soothe that pain. “What?” Her voice is quiet, disbelieving.
I hurry to continue before I lose my nerve. “We…we wouldn’t be Glitter Bats without you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing this thing I love again.”
My eyes sting. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.
Jane sighs, leaning against the counter. “I get it, and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. Of course, I want to make more music with you all—but I also need to be true to myself.”
I blink, because whatever I expected her to say, it wasn’t that. “What do you mean?”
She takes a sip of water as if to steady herself, closes her eyes, then looks back at me.
“Well…I’ve done a really good job at letting other people define my life. First, it was my parents—”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I say, and she puts up a hand. “Sorry,” I say. I didn’t mean to interrupt her. Jane is just so hard on herself for the life she was forced into growing up, and it always breaks my heart.
“I know you want to defend me, and I appreciate that. But when I escaped my childhood home, this band became my identity.” Jane must sense the hurt that tears through me at that, because she hurries to continue.
“No one did it on purpose, and I don’t think anyone actually did anything wrong, but I clung so hard to you all when really, I should’ve taken space to figure out who I was for myself.
When the band broke up, I thought I lost everything.
So I hustled nonstop, panicked that if I didn’t find another steady job in the music business, I’d have to move back in with my parents and lose myself again.
But I figured out how to stand on my own two feet, and I’m really proud of the career I’ve built all on my own in the years since. ”
I run a hand through my hair. I know Jane has been through literal hell with her family, and instead of cowering to their demands, she’s become this incredibly brave, independent person.
Someone weaker would be bitter and jaded, but she sees the best in everyone, and she really tries to pour herself into her work and help the people working with her to thrive.
And she’s damn good at what she does. “I’m proud of you too,” I say, then hurry to add, “We all are.”
Her eyes gleam. “Thank you, I appreciate that. I just felt like if I passively went along with everything you were saying like last time, I would lose myself again. That I would stop growing and just stay stagnant, back to playing piano and smiling for the cameras and being so nice.”
I think about what she’s saying, and then I purse my lips.
“You know, the cool thing about being free of Label Records is that we can grow together…no matter how much time it takes. The possibilities are whatever we want them to be. Fuck it, we could pivot and make a country album. We can do whatever we want, and we can grow creatively as a group. We make each other better.”
She nods, biting her full bottom lip. “Yeah, I’ve started thinking about that too.
Not the country album—I think folk is about as close as I would ever get.
” She laughs. “But just so it’s abundantly clear, I have no intention of leaving the band.
I just need us to take our time and give everyone space to work on their own projects.
Another album will come, but I don’t want to rush it. ”
It’s not what I want to hear. Last year was hell trying to coordinate everyone’s schedules, and we definitely powered through More to Say to finish out our contract with caffeine, late nights, and sheer will.
With more freedom, I don’t think we’ll make another album that quickly.
But…I understand. “I respect that. And for the record, I’m really sorry I stormed out. ”
Jane’s mouth quirks up, but the smile is a little sad. “It was weird, not talking to you this week. There were so many times I wanted to text you, and then realized I couldn’t.”
“You could. You always can.” I wish she would text me more.
“I know. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Mercer.”
Something lingers in the kitchen then, weighing the air, and I don’t know what to do with it. I look at Jane, who is staring back at me with tired eyes. Her curls are frizzing out, her clothes are rumpled, and her skin looks alarmingly pale—not that any of it makes her look less beautiful.
But god, she really is exhausted. All I want is to ease some of that tension. So I deflect, which is something I don’t usually do, but I can tell she needs it. This conversation was heavy enough.
“So…how was your week?”
She laughs, sinking onto one of my barstools.
“I had to go to Royal Con, which was a little stressful. I don’t like being on panels.
But it was okay, and it felt good to share the song with the audience.
The fans were so excited! Now that the work on Dragon Realm is done for now, I finally feel like I can breathe and focus on my other projects. ”
“That’s fair. Were you planning to work tonight?”
Grabbing her phone, she grimaces. “No, it’s way too late, and I’m frazzled. But I’m not ready to sleep yet either. I just want to try to relax and clear my head a bit.”
“I could use that too, after the bomb of that cease and desist.” I’m so mad at Landon Banks I could scream, which isn’t a new feeling, but there’s nothing we can do about it tonight.
“Have you watched the newest season of Epic Theme Song?” I ask.
The latest installment of Valerie’s show dropped just last week, after they fought for a renewal for nearly a year, got cancelled, then eventually found a home at a new streamer who put them right back into production.
Jane’s shoulders slump. “No! I feel like a terrible friend too, but I’ve just been so busy.”
I grin, moving over to the pantry. “What if I make popcorn and pour us some wine, and we catch up on as many episodes as we can until we crash? Then we can roast Valerie the next time we see her by knowing the words to the songs.”
Her tired eyes brighten with mischief, and it’s the first time I’ve seen the old Jane looking back at me. I want to memorize this moment.
“She’ll hate that,” she says. “Let’s do it.”