Chapter 21 Keeley
Keeley
A few days after dress shopping, the Glitter Bats meet at my house to jam. We don’t have any upcoming gigs, but we try to play together at least a couple of times per month to stay sharp and keep the creative flow going. It’s been a while, though, between coming off tour and juggling our schedules.
And the retreat that never was.
We still don’t have an update on the masters.
I’ve spent my days in meetings with Wade and our accountant and even Label Records again, but they are being incredibly cagey about the asking price and who else is interested.
They’ve said they’re reviewing all serious bids, and will have an update when one is available, whatever the fuck that means.
Landon sent me an email out of the blue with just a few lines that have haunted me for days:
KeeKee,
If you want this, make sure you put all your cards on the table. Truly, I hope it goes your way. After all, this is your music, like you said.
Landon
Cryptic as fuck. But I was terrified he was saying our bid was too low. So, quietly, I’ve met with my personal accountant too. After reviewing what’s available, I told Wade how much more of my savings I can contribute. Maybe it’s too risky to put up this much capital.
But despite my fear that this is all for nothing, I had to try.
So Wade increased our bid, even though Landon is still gallivanting across the world, if his recent social media posts are any indication.
I’ve been using my burner account to keep tabs on him, because something still doesn’t feel right.
I don’t love that one of his frat buddies from Dartmouth—who I only had to internet stalk for five minutes to learn is a venture capitalist who owns a small stake in a few different media companies—is traveling with him and included in a photo on a casino floor captioned, “To business and pleasure.”
Nice to know Landon’s out high-rolling while everything is on the line for us.
I’m terrified we’re going to lose.
And it doesn’t help that I haven’t seen Jane since we parted ways at the boutique, and nervous excitement radiates through me like the fucking Energizer bunny.
It takes all my effort to focus on being a good bandmate and preparing the place for everyone.
I spend the afternoon vacuuming and wiping down surfaces, but my brain is so scattered that it takes twice as long as it should as I keep remembering shit I want to do.
I barely remember to take my Adderall, which isn’t like me at all.
By the time the band has arrived, I’m still working on our after-practice snack in the kitchen, slicing up gouda and smoked cheddar for the charcuterie I decided to assemble at the last minute.
Unfortunately, Jane arrives after Caleb and Valerie, so we don’t get a chance to talk about what happened in that dressing room. Ever since we were last together, we’ve tried to connect for dinner or at least dessert…but we’ve had to reschedule every plan.
Jane was supposed to be off this week, but she keeps getting pulled into meetings for Into the Dragon Realm that go for hours on end. It’s not like I’m going to stop her from that. The last thing I’m going to do is pressure her to go out when she’s exhausted from a long day.
It’s fine. We knew, going into this, that our schedules would be challenging.
The problem is, the absence is making me lose my mind.
Not only am I craving her touch, but I have no idea how she’s doing.
We’ve been texting, but she just said talking to Nora was good, whatever that means.
I have to trust that Jane knows her sister, and if she feels good about this, then it has to be alright.
Still, it’s weird going from our marathon weekend together to spending days apart.
And it’s given me a little perspective.
I’m already out. In the first interview I did for Glitter Bats, I proudly declared to the world I was pansexual. Being seen together doesn’t affect me the way it affects Jane.
Still, I’m nervous about what happened. Jane might have kissed me in that dressing room, but I did the seducing before the kiss…
It’s all my fault, really. It never should have happened like that.
My heart races each time I think about what this could mean for her.
I want her to be safe. I want her to be okay.
I’ve tossed and turned every night, trying to figure out how to fix this.
Because Jane deserves to decide for herself what she wants the world to know.
The others set up their instruments while I hang back in the kitchen, restlessly moving between the fridge and my counter a dozen more times until I manage to put together a cheese board resembling the one in my head.
We don’t usually drink alcohol while we’re rehearsing—we like to stay clearheaded—so I grab water and Lemon Spindrift from my fridge, and I’m just starting to put a tray of drinks together when Jane comes into the kitchen.
Even at her most casual, in old Levi’s that hug her curves and a soft, striped baby tee, her hair down in soft curls, she looks so fucking lovely it takes my breath away. She makes a beeline for me, placing a gentle palm against my cheek and drawing me in for a sweet, soft kiss.
“Hi,” she beams.
“Hi,” I say, unable to look away from her. There’s something about this girl that always draws me under her spell, and I never want to be released from the magic.
“I didn’t get to do that when I got here, so I just wanted to fix that. I’m good now.” Her words are light, flirty, but they don’t erase the tightness in my jaw that’s been lingering for days, the worry that I’ve put her in a compromising position.
“Are you?” I ask, pulling her closer.
She lets out a shaky breath, but the happiness doesn’t fade from her cheeks.
“I really, really am. Nora was…cool, about everything? We got to talk about her wedding too, which was good, but she made it very clear that she supports me. There’s something about receiving acceptance from someone you thought would never be able to give it that just…
” She clears her throat, stepping back, pressing her fingers to the corners of her welling eyes. “It’s kind of remarkable.”
“Yeah, it is,” I say, because I know exactly what she means.
My Aunt Daisy is super churchy, but when I came out at fifteen, she didn’t tell me I was going to hell…
she went with my family to Seattle Pride and bought one of those Free Hugs T-shirts.
Aunt Daisy never looked back. She has always been my fiercest supporter, whether it was replacing the American flag on her Little Free Library for a rainbow one, or coming to my marching band competitions, or inviting the Glitter Bats to play at a craft fair hosted by her knitting club back when we were just kids, desperate for places to play.
So I know exactly what Jane means. She bites her lip, looking up at me with an even more radiant smile. “It gave me a lot of hope. I might not be ready to come out today, but maybe someday it would make things easier for us, to, you know…not have to hide.”
I pull her closer to me, my grip firm on her elbows. “Jane, I don’t need that. Coming out is complicated enough for anyone, even without throwing public opinion in the mix. If, when, how—that’s all up to you.”
Jane nods. “I know, but I also think I could get there, you know? It might be nice to get to be fully myself all the time, even if there are a few consequences.”
“I understand,” I say.
“Thank you.” And then she’s reaching up and pulling me in for another kiss.
My heart swells as I revel in the softness of her lips, the warmth of her body in my arms. I don’t think I could ever get sick of being with this incredible woman.
The craving for more burns through me, and fuck it, I don’t care that we’re not exactly alone. I deepen the kiss.
A throat clears, interrupting us. Caught again.
We snap apart, and I whirl around to where Valerie stands outside my music room, smirking.
“Um…” I begin, not even sure how to explain this. Valerie and I have had our differences, but I trust her with my life—and even more with something like this—but again, I keep risking Jane’s privacy because I can’t keep my hands off her.
I don’t like putting her in these positions.
“Took you two long enough,” Valerie says, flouncing over to my island, her now-orange hair swishing as she makes her way to the purse she left on a stool. Fishing inside, she pulls out a fresh pack of guitar strings. “Okay. Carry on.”
With a cackle, she disappears inside the music room. Wincing, I turn to look at Jane, who just shrugs.
“They were going to find out eventually,” she says, just as my door opens.
“Find what out?” Riker asks, barging in late like he owns the place. He’s shouldering two guitars—a record low for him—and his thick brown hair is tied up in a bun on the top of his head. He’s grown his facial hair out since I last saw him, and it’s trimmed into a neat, short beard.
“Knock much?” I snap at him, but there’s no real venom in it.
Riker raises a brow. “Since when do we knock at each other’s houses?”
“Some of us like our privacy, dude,” I say, rolling my eyes as he stalks past me into my music room.
Jane’s cheeks are pink, but she thrusts her shoulders back, as if deciding something. “We should say something. Besides, we agreed the Glitter Bats were an exception.”
She’s not wrong, and technically Caleb is the only one in the dark now, but I’m still worried I’m forcing this on her. “If that’s what you want,” I say.
Jane threads her fingers through mine and leads the way into the music room, and I can do nothing but follow her lead, like a moth to a lantern.