Chapter 25 Jane
Jane
There’s a reason I hadn’t come out yet. I’ve thought about it, because of course I have, but I stuck to quiet hookups until now, because I was terrified of what a public fallout would look like.
Recent events are proving I was right to protect my privacy.
I don’t regret anything between me and Keeley, but in the wake of everything, I just feel so incredibly helpless. Because now, well…
My whole family knows. Mom called me at least a dozen times, leaving voicemail after voicemail. Keeley deleted them all without letting me hear a word.
I want to believe this won’t be forever, but I hardly have the desire to leave Keeley’s condo. We’ve holed up here, even though I’m terrified journalists will somehow figure out where she lives too. Keeley only left to get a bag full of my clothes, and she’s been staying close ever since.
The one silver lining is Mary Kate and the fandom.
Not only did they show up, but they got the Into the Dragon Realm, Shooting Stars, and even Epic Theme Song fans on our side.
#FireRyanTate was a trending topic, and it felt so validating to see his behavior called out.
But Gossip Daily doubled down with a post a day later recapping all of the Glitter Bats relationship failures over the years, so I don’t think there will be any real consequences for him.
I’ve had long meetings with Lacey and her team about strategy.
Right now, we’re sticking with zero comments.
We cancelled all of my public engagements.
I’ve been video-calling into the writers’ room for Into the Dragon Realm from Keeley’s couch all week, because going outside increases the chance that I’ll be seen.
Fortunately, no one on my team has questioned me for keeping a low profile—they’ve all seen the headlines.
I’m not J.Lo famous or even Valerie Quinn famous, but the requests for photos and interviews coming through Lacey have been overwhelming. Even if I wanted to speak out, I would be incredibly careful about who I spoke to.
True to her word, Mary Kate doesn’t write a single thing about me from her professional account, and neither does Buzzword. Still, it’s overwhelming. It’s almost a good thing Label is stalling the auction for our masters, because I don’t have the capacity to deal with even more press at the moment.
One day while Keeley is in the shower, I finally hear from Nora.
“I’m so sorry, Jane, this is the first chance I got to call you without Mom around. How are you doing?”
I laugh bitterly. “Not so great. Thanks for checking in.”
“Of course,” she says. “Shit, I hate everything they’re saying about you. This never happened before.”
I swallow. “Well, I didn’t get caught kissing my girlfriend before. What are Mom and Dad saying?”
She sighs. “Do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to make you feel better?”
My heart sinks, because I wish her lying about our parents would actually make me feel better, instead of incredibly sad. “I think that tells me enough.”
She groans. “I’m sorry. You, uh…don’t have to come to my wedding, if you don’t want to. Of course I want you there, but I’m afraid it might hurt you too much to be around Mom and Dad right now.”
“Thank you, Nora,” I say. “I…I’ll let you know. I’m not sure what I want to do yet.” Thanksgiving is in a few days, and I doubt that this will blow over by New Year’s.
I’m scared I’ll ruin her special day. If I know anything about my parents, I know they’ll cause a scene the moment they see me.
“This sucks,” she says.
“Yeah, it does.”
“Too bad that hashtag didn’t work out. I’d love to see that douchebag pay for what he did to you.”
I open my mouth to argue with her but close it again. Even my instinct to assume the best in people has limits. Ryan Tate hurt me for clicks. There’s no pretending that away, not when he’s forced me into hiding. Not when I can’t even go out in public for fear of being accosted by the media.
“Enough about me,” I say. “Distract me with wedding details. We’re only a couple of months out, so what’s on the docket now that your dress is all set?”
I let Nora go on about the fun things they’re planning for the reception, trying to soak in even just a little bit of her joy, even as I sense she’s oversharing on purpose to keep me on the phone.
It pains me that she’s going so far to cheer me up when she should be focusing on herself right now.
I was so resistant about going to her wedding before, but now that I might miss it, I suddenly wish more than anything that I could be there for her.
That my parents could be like Keeley’s. That they could take a chance on supporting me unconditionally, instead of the reaction I know is coming—using their rancid interpretation of the Bible to demand repentance for my happiness.
But I care about Keeley more than I’ve ever cared about anyone, and nothing could make me feel like that’s wrong.
If I could take the last few months together back, all these precious moments of dancing around our feelings and finally letting them win, I wouldn’t dream of it.
I’d choose her every time, no matter what the media has to say about it.
She has my heart.
Keeley has truly been amazing, handling not only my messages, but my emotions.
I know she feels just as betrayed as I do by what happened, but she won’t talk about the article or social media or any of it outside of checking if I’m okay.
She doesn’t ask me to consider coming out and confirm the rumors are true.
Not even once. If I were in her position, I might be that selfish.
Because there’s nothing I want more than to be able to love the person I love loudly, wholeheartedly, for the entire world to see.
But if being Valerie’s friend has taught me anything, it’s that once you give something of yourself to the world, you can never take it back.
Even with this undeniable video, where you can see just exactly who I’ve been kissing all over the internet, I’ve stayed quiet.
My personal truth is all I have left, and I’m holding on to it because I don’t know how else to move forward.
I try to focus back on Nora, saying a quick goodbye as I hear our parents return to the house in the background.
More than ever, I find myself supporting this wedding, if only to get my sister out from under their influence.
While I wait for Keeley to dry her hair, I start to tidy the house, throwing in a load of laundry and wiping down the kitchen.
Once that’s done, I change into shorts and an oversized sweatshirt and head into the kitchen to start dinner.
Keeley emerges as I’m finishing up the sauce for homemade alfredo.
We finally had a chance to do some cooking together, and pasta is becoming a bit of a ritual.
It doesn’t get super cold here, even in late autumn, but there’s something so comforting about noodles and cheese.
“Smells amazing,” Keeley says, her eyes softening as she catches my gaze. Her skin is flushed and she has no makeup on, but she still takes my breath away. I set the sauce to simmer and turn to face her as she strides over to me.
“I’m starting to get used to having you here,” she murmurs, pulling me into her arms as she settles onto a barstool.
“I like sharing space with you,” I admit. “I know I’m staying to lay low—which I very much appreciate—but it’s nice, not having to say goodbye to you every night.”
I don’t think I ever want to say goodbye to her, but I’m not sure how to face what that means.
“You’ll get sick of me eventually,” she drawls, before drawing my lips to hers.
The kiss is soft, sweet, and I let myself relax into the warmth of her wrapped around me.
She holds me tighter, closer, deepening the kiss until it’s a tangle of lips and tongues and I want nothing more than to be consumed by her.
I draw back, leaning my forehead against hers. “Keeley?” I breathe.
“Yeah?”
“Dinner can sit for a while, right?”
I drag my lips down her jaw, to her neck, reveling in the way she reacts and softens as I press kisses on her delicate skin. All I want is to be with her, to feel something other than the constant ache in my soul. To be with someone who makes me feel safe.
“Are you seducing me, Jane Mercer?” she gasps, as my lips find the curve of her breast.
“That depends. Is it working?”
“Fuck, yes.”
“Then come on.”
Threading her fingers through mine, I draw her toward her bedroom, past the one window that looks out onto the street, glancing nervously to make sure the blinds are closed.
Keeley doesn’t miss my check.
“Jane,” she murmurs, and the worry in her tone is unmistakable. I pause, looking back at her, and the look she gives me is so sad, I don’t know what to do about it.
“Keeley,” I say, sinking one of my shoulders against the wall. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
“You’re not,” she says. “All of this…it was too much. Fuck, you can’t even go into work right now, and it’s all because of me.”
“It’s not,” I say, quickly pulling her closer again.
She still holds herself back. “You can’t possibly be okay with everyone knowing your business.”
“I mean, I did spend a sad few hours researching what it would cost to run away from it all and live on a sheep farm in Ireland for the next twenty years, but I really am fine.” I laugh bitterly.
“I’ve been dating people of different genders for years, you know.
It’s a miracle I’ve been able to go this long without getting caught. ”
She swallows, shaking her head as she slumps against the wall to face me. “You should want nothing to do with me.”
“Well, that would be silly, because I’m wild about you.”
Keeley shakes her head. “All of this, it’s distracting from your incredible career, and I just can’t help but think that if it weren’t for me—”
I silence her with a kiss. “No, stop that. You’re not holding me back, and you’re not a distraction. I’m with you because you’re you, got it?”