Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
VALENTINA
Even with bare feet dangling over the pond, and icy rain drizzles around me, I feel nothing.
I stare down at the once silken, lightly tanned skin of my legs, now dotted in purple and black, finger shaped bruises, and feel nothing.
Hair billows around my face, free of its normal tie, ratted and wet on my bare shoulders, but I feel nothing.
Earlier, I felt every finger biting into my skin as they held my ankles and wrists, pawing and tearing at my skin as I screamed.
They told me scream louder. I felt every fist full of hair they ripped from my skull, every wet pass of their lips on my cheeks and forehead as they told me how much of a pretty little girl I was.
I felt every time they destroyed me for their own pleasure.
But now, I feel nothing.
Lips numb, fingers and toes frozen, ice for blood in my veins. I feel far away, distant from my body—floating without a tether any more.
Is this what death feels like?
With shaky fingers, I reach up, running them over my swollen, broken lips, and wince. Not dead, then, but I wish I was.
The sun’s long since left this world, and I’m faintly aware it’ll never again rise, not on the world I remember just this morning. If it does ever climb into the sky again, it’ll shine on a world full of shadows, broken promises, and evil men with the face I’ve adored my entire life.
I swing my feet slightly—the boards of the dock creaking beneath me.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be anywhere.
I was weak—I am weak. And Reyeses can’t be weak, can’t have weaknesses. Does that mean I’m no longer a Reyes? Was I ever?
Wrapping my fingers around the rope, I stare out into the black blanket of water stretching before me. My hand doesn’t shake as I drag the brick, using every shred of my remaining strength to the get it to the edge of the dock.
Then, I blink and push it in.
I don’t beg for forgiveness or pray for a better afterlife. I don’t hope or wish for anything.
I just take a deep breath and allow the brick to yank me off the edge and straight to the sandy bottom. I blink open my eyes, and even though some part of me—a small internal flame burning in my chest—knows I should be afraid, I can’t muster up even a shred of sorrow or sadness. Nothing.
I feel nothing. I am nothing.
Opening my mouth, I take in a single gasp, sucking in the shadows and demons lurking at the bottom of the lake—each more welcome than those that plague me above the surface.
Icy water floods my mouth, my throat, my lungs.
I gasp, my body instantly burning from the inside—the final flame of my existence snuffing out.
I begin fading, my body and mind floating away on a current to another world. Closing my eyes, I allow it to take me, feeling peace for the first time since I woke up this morning.
My existence is almost over, and with it, every memory of the horrible world I live in.
“V! Valentina, breathe!”
I sputter and gasp, water burning as it spews out of my throat and nose. I rapidly blink my eyes open, trying to clear the fog filling my mind as I make sense of the image around me.
Where am I? What happened?
“Valentina, are you okay? Answer me!” Mateo pleads, his voice hoarse as if he’d been screaming.
I reach out a hand, offering him a shaky smile. “I’m fine. What’s wrong, baby brother?”
He freezes, pulling his face away from my touch. I can’t see his gaze, but in the darkness, I don’t have to. Even at ten years old, he’s got a killer glare.
I drop my hand, feeling self-conscious. “What is it?”
He points an arm to my left, and I follow his finger. I freeze, every memory crashing into me with the impact of a train. I gasp, clawing at my chest as they flood me. Pain fills every cell, and the incessant panic begins to thrum in my veins, the tips of my fingers already going numb.
“What have you done?” I hiss.
“Me? I saved you,” he argues back, and I shoot him a glare of my own.
“You ruined everything!”
“You were going to die. Why would you want to die, V?” He sounds hurt, and for a split second, regret fills me, so potent my body tremors.
I can’t leave him. He can’t endure what I have—he’s not strong enough.
“I wasn’t going to die. I was just swimming.” I don’t look at him, instead sitting up and dragging my knees to my chest, suddenly very aware of how I must look. I don’t want him to see the bruises—I don’t want him to see how disgusting I really am.
“You tied a brick—”
“Drop it!” I snap, pushing off the ground to stand over him. As I glare down, I see the whites of his eyes flash as he stares up at me in fear. I lean in, venom welling inside me. “If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll tie a brick around your ankle and drown you. Do you hear me?”
“But—”
My palm connects with his face before I can pull it back in. It makes a sickening crack, so loud, it drowns out the crickets, and he recoils. Tears glisten on his rounded cheeks before dropping off his chin, disappearing into the darkness.
What’s left of my soul withers and dies.
I’ve never wanted to hurt Mateo—I’ve spent most of my life helping him, protecting him, even, but I don’t know how to protect him from this, not unless I push him away.
If he’s out of arm’s length, I can’t pull him under when the tidal wave of agony surely comes back to claim me.
“I mean it. Never speak of this again.” I turn on my heel and stomp away, bruised and beaten. Broken in every way a person can be.