CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
What a clusterfuck. When I thought things couldn’t get worse, life slapped me silly and proved me wrong. Again.
We were so close, I could taste it. But in the end, we had no Keyes, no clue about Salazar, and no corrupt hotshot’s name. I tried to comfort myself by thinking we’d at least rescued the victims, but every time I thought about Delilah and the last few years, all I wanted was to scream, throw up, and urge Ethan to turn the car around.
I glanced down at my bruised hands and hid them between my legs to keep me from looking at them. Then I heard his low voice.
“Do you want to talk?”
I shrugged and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. “There’s not much to talk about.”
He pulled my left hand, laced our fingers, and rested them on his leg. “Then talk to me about the little there is.” He squeezed my hand. “Spitfire? Look at me.” I opened my eyes and shifted my head to him. “Talk to me.”
I gulped, trying to untie the knot lodged in my throat. “I know getting the girls out was a good thing…”
“It was a marvelous victory.”
“Then why do I feel like a failure?”
He glanced at me with worry, before gazing ahead at the road again. “What do you mean?”
I looked at my bruised knuckles again, and it was like being punched in the stomach. My face heated up, and my nose stung. “I lost it today. I turned into…an animal. I abandoned all rationality to become this…vindictive…creature.” I shook my head and rubbed my eyes under my glasses as my shoulders dropped. “I was no better than any other criminal. And the worst part is that…” I took in a shaky breath. “Keyes wasn’t wrong. If it weren’t for me, my brother could still be here. So, now I wonder if I went ballistic because I was defending Zach’s memory…or fighting against my guilt. ”
We remained silent for a few minutes until he started rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. “Have you ever talked to someone about it?”
I leaned my head to look outside the window. “What is there to say?”
He pressed a lingering kiss on the back of my hand. “Do you trust me?”
I looked at him, and just the sight of his profile brought me a slimmer of peace. All I could do was nod.
He threw me a boyish smile. “Then let’s take care of you.”
“What are we doing?”
“We’re going to face your demons.”
Instead of going home like I thought we would, Ethan took a detour and drove us to the company. He parked in front of it, and I felt my heartbeat speeding up to the point I was sure he could hear it. I hoped he knew what he was up against because if he thought my outburst on Keyes was bad, there was no telling what would happen if we went down the route he seemed to be leading us to.
“You have a very nice space. This building is quite impressive.”
I nodded. “I couldn’t even believe it when we closed the lease on it. And then, a while after we started it, business was going so well, we were able to buy the whole property. It seemed like all the stars were aligning, and things were working out beautifully…until they weren’t,” I whispered.
He adjusted himself in his seat, making himself comfortable. “What happened in the agency? You know, when they fired you?”
I bit the inside of my lips and leaned my head against my seat, remembering those days. “Things were going well. The investigation was thriving, my task forces were bringing great results. Danny, Aaron, and I worked so well together. And our team responded to it. Then I started to notice little obstacles here and there.” I frowned in recollection. “A CI who wouldn’t reach back to me. Info that misled us. But I didn’t think anything of it at first. I mean, we were investigating criminal organizations; I knew the risks and that those kinds of things were somewhat normal. But then it started to get worse.”
I gazed at the building again, but I wasn’t seeing it. All I could see were the signs that I took too long to identify. The ones that might’ve cost me my job. And in a way, my brother.
“After I arrested Pablo, my time at the DEA became numbered. My team and I were ambushed almost every time we set foot on the street. My reports were butchered. I noticed someone was trying to access my files. That was when I started to deal with paper and avoid computers for my most sensitive information—until you came with your genius brain and saved me from that mess.”
He chuckled. “If I can take down a satellite, I can create a program to make your life easier.”
I grinned at him. “I appreciate both things.” And I meant it. “Well, that was when I realized someone was after me. Most likely someone from inside. Then one day, during one of my final raids, I stumbled upon some significant intel indicating that the cartel was involved in human trafficking. It was the first time I’d heard about it. I dug into it and my suspicions about it grew. That’s when I saw Delilah. I didn’t know her name until today, but I knew she was a victim.
“I started working on that front alone. I didn’t want to involve Danny and Aaron before I was certain of what was going on. Things were heating up on me already, I couldn’t risk turning the bullseye on them as well. But when I learned about an auction the cartel was organizing—an auction to sell the girls—I knew I had to intervene.”
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temple as I started to get dizzy. “I assembled a new task force, but I didn’t bring up the human trafficking aspect of it until the agency figured it out. Someone at the top heard about it, called me in, and ordered me to drop it. So, I was forced to reveal what I knew so far about the operation.” I shook my head in disgust. “They just didn’t care. I don’t even know who was the suit who was pissing me off. He just shut me out and told me—by e-mail, no less—I wasn’t allowed to move forward with it, because things could get ugly.”
I looked down at my pants, pulling at the loose linen on my jeans. “I wasn’t the reasonable and centered woman that I am today.”
Ethan burst into laughter he soon tried to pretend it was a fit of coughing, when I squinted my eyes at him, although it was hard to suppress my smile. “Damn allergies. Please, go on.”
“Well…I ignored the demand and decided to go along with it anyway. But somehow, they figured out about it and intercepted the task force right before we could go inside and take the victims out. I couldn’t get the identity of the buyers, and the cartel ran away with the girls, including Delilah.” I puffed and rubbed my eyes from under my glasses.
“What happened next?” Ethan asked quietly.
I scoffed. “I was put through the grinder. Aaron tried to fight for me, but the superiors’ minds were already made up. All my defense was for nothing. They scheduled a hearing for not only a week after the incident and kicked me out for insubordination.”
“Do you think Mr. Dawson has something to do with it?”
I leaned my head from side to side. “I don’t know. Maybe? I know he was a part of the committee that decided to let me go, and he took a position there around the time my investigation started to go sideways.” I shrugged. “I’m not saying he was the one to jeopardize it, but he was around during that time. To be fair, Edna and Edward were there for longer and were also part of the committee. Edward was the one who fed me the info about what was going on inside.”
I pointed at the building in front of us. “After I left, I decided to start this company. Zee and Benny came right away. A while later, Danny joined us as well. Then a couple of years ago, I met Delilah in a restaurant with Keyes and Santiago Cruz. The guys and I were investigating them both—ironically, we were doing so to help the DEA—but I couldn’t recognize her. I knew she was familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint from where. It was only after we busted one of the cartel’s compounds and saw a picture of her that I realized she was the woman I couldn’t free years ago.”
We stayed in silence for a few minutes, while Ethan kept rubbing my hand.
“You know what happened to her wasn’t your fault, right?”
“How could it not be?”
“Because you tried everything you could.” He shifted on his seat to look at me and touched my chin to lean my head to him. “No one has done more for her than you. You fought for her, and you’ve been doing it for years. But sometimes, our fighting isn’t enough. That’s not to say you failed her. Quite the opposite. You never gave up on finding her.” He ran his thumb over my cheek and said quietly, “I have a feeling you also blame yourself for what happened to your brother when you were the one trying to fix things.”
I bit my lip to control my quivering chin. “I just made it all worse.” I breathed through the sting in my nose and looked at the building. “I don’t think I can go in alone. Would you come with me?”
He kissed my forehead. “Anything for you. Why don’t we go inside and you tell me what went on that day?”
I took a deep breath and nodded. We climbed out of the car so I could relay the worst day of my life.
And hopefully, start my healing.