Chapter 6
6
Millie
“I wish you’d told me the tour ended early. I would have come home sooner,” Joey says the instant she bursts into our apartment. My apartment, I suppose, now that she’s been traveling—and writing another book—while her fiancé photographs some of the most elite destinations in the world.
I pull her in for a tight embrace, relishing the connection. “You were busy. It’s no big deal.”
“Why’d it end early anyway?” She kicks off her sandals by the door.
“Hey.” I frown. “Are those my Birks?”
Joey scrunches her face. “No?”
“You thief.” I laugh. “I’ve been looking for them everywhere.”
Winking, she plops onto the sofa and tucks her feet under. “So… the show?”
Damn. I was hoping I could avoid this conversation. I should have known better. “Um.” I gulp. The show did end early. Kinda. But I’m not ready to open up about the real reason I came home, so I say, “Something about the budget? I don’t really know.”
Though she eyes me a beat, she doesn’t push. “I’m happy to see you. What have you been up to for the past month?”
I curl up next to her on the sofa. There’s no way she hasn’t noticed how much weight I’ve gained, even if I’m hiding beneath an oversized shirt. Why hasn’t she said anything?
“I’ve been working for LULU a lot.”
“What about FrenchSHEs?”
I shake my head. Since gaining all this weight, I’ve been too embarrassed to show my face there. I really miss karaoke nights, though. I’ve made enough putting in extra hours with LULU—and even dabbling in the audiobook industry recently—to keep myself afloat. Thank goodness my apartment is rent-controlled.
“Are you okay?”
With a sigh, I close my eyes for a long moment. I might as well get it over with. “How come you haven’t asked about my weight?”
Brows furrowed, she tilts her head and studies my face. “Why would I ask about your weight?”
I look down at the dimples in my thick thighs. The new, albeit faint, stretch marks peeping out from my cutoffs. My curves stand out in stark contrast to her toned and petite frame. We used to share clothes. Clearly, that won’t be happening any time soon.
“If you want to tell me about your body,” she says, “that’s your prerogative. I’m here to support you, no matter what.” She squeezes my hand three times, our unspoken way to say “I love you.”
I squeeze back four times— I love you too— and push back the tears. My cousin is so damn sweet.
Inhaling deeply, I ground myself. “The tour was so stressful, Jo. The director was an assho—really demanding. The castmates I lived with were big partiers. They’d be up late blasting music, and I could never get enough sleep. I wasn’t eating well either. I didn’t love the people I worked with and… it was so stressful.” Tears crest my lashes, and though I wipe at them quickly, more fall behind them. “I don’t even know how it got this bad. It just happened. I used food to cope, and now I can’t get the weight off.”
“Shh. It’s okay.” Joey hugs me.
I sob into her neck, and when she pulls back, I tug at the hem of my shirt to pull it away from my body. “I feel so stupid. And gross.”
“Stop it. Don’t talk about my best friend like that,” she scolds.
“It’s true,” I whisper, forcing myself to maintain eye contact. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I don’t know if I want to keep doing this.”
Joey’s eyes widen. “Doing what?”
“Performing.”
“But that’s your dream.”
I sniffle, chest aching at the thought.
I’ve been performing for as long as I can remember. School plays, theater camp, vocal lessons, dance classes. I’ve dreamed of being on Broadway my entire life. I memorized every word of Annie by the time I was five.
“It was fun in the beginning, but I don’t know. There’s so much pressure and…” I trail off. That’s all she needs to know.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “So what’s next?”
“To be honest, I think I’m going to take a break from acting for a bit. Live theater, at least. I love working for LULU, and if I visit Asher this summer, I can bring my equipment and work from there.”
“Uh.” She cringes. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to record erotic stories at your brother’s house? And around his daughter?”
“Fair point.” I laugh, a hint of lightness threading through me. “That would be humiliating. But there are other cabins on the property. I could have my own space.”
My brother owns a retreat center on a lake that doubles as a summer camp for families an hour and a half north of Manhattan.
“Ugh,” I groan. “What I really need is a fucking vacation.”
Joey’s phone rings, interrupting my mini meltdown.
She eyes me, worrying her lip. “It’s Cam.”
Lord, that man cannot go two hours without her.
With a wave of my hand, I scoff. “Answer it.”
“Hey, babe,” she sings. “Yeah, she’s right here. Why?” Nose scrunched, she eyes me. “Cam wants to know if we’re doing anything tonight.”
I shrug. I’m too emotionally exhausted to make any kind of decision about my life, even if it’s nothing more than dinner plans.
“We’re free,” she says into the phone. “What’s up?”
For a moment, she’s silent. Cam is speaking quickly, but I can’t make out his words.
Joey’s jaw drops, and she blinks at me. “Wait, slow down. He found out what?”
He? Who? And what has he discovered?
“Damn, that’s wild. Is he okay?”
I’m at the edge of my seat. Literally. I haven’t the slightest idea what’s happening on the other end of that line, and I’m itching for the details.
“Okay, but what does that have to do with Millie?” More murmuring from Cam. Then my cousin turns and looks me dead in the eye. “How badly do you want that vacation?”