21. Claire
21
CLAIRE
I’m out of the suite before dawn.
Jonah didn’t come back after the final show, and I didn’t want to be there when he came to pack his shit before leaving for Scotland. I’m sure he thinks I’m gone for good. I’m sure he thinks he broke me.
He hurt me. He devastated me, in fact. But he didn’t break me, and I’m not going anywhere. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t, anyway.
I’m waiting in the lobby as, one by one, every member of The Hometown Heartless and their entourage start to join me. It’s time to go to the airport and board the jet, so I steel my spine and wait.
Mabel, Sav, Levi, Brynn, and Red arrive first. Hammond next, along with two more security details. I recognize one as Damon, which means...
Torren, Callie, and Jonah are last, with José bringing up the rear.
José is on my shitlist right now. I’ll deal with him later. Jonah is my focus. He doesn’t see me right away, but I keep my face neutral and stare at him until his eyes meet mine. I rejoice in the way his expression shows shock before he’s able to muscle it into anger.
That’s right, asshole. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.
I want so badly to smile, but I refrain. I don’t want to provoke him right now. Not when it would be so easy to make a scene and fuck up all the work I’ve done these past few weeks. No. I keep my expression blank, and I hold his eyes as he crosses the lobby floor. His jaw pops, but I don’t look away. I refuse to be the one to break eye contact. I will stay right here in this stare off until sunset if I have to.
When Jonah steps in front of me, towering over me in that way he does, I lift my chin.
“Davis.”
“Hendrix.”
“Goin’ to Edinburgh?”
I arch a brow. “Where else would I be going?”
His eyes drop to my lips, his nostrils flare, and then, surprisingly, he turns away. Pride washes over me. A victory, albeit a small one. I’m not stupid. I know this isn’t over, but I release a slow, relieved breath anyway.
Jonah stands beside me, our shoulders touching, as we wait for the cars to pull around. When we climb into the SUVs, he sits right next to me. He spreads his legs, taking up space, but I don’t shrink for him. As much as it kills me to be swamped in the scent and heat of him, I sit up straight, keep my shoulders wide, and face forward.
The ride to the airport is silent, and when we board the jet, I take a seat at the front of the cabin. Jonah takes one at the very back. This loosens another band of worry from around my chest. He’s not going to fight me on this. Not yet at least. But he’s stewing, so I close my eyes and prep myself for yet another battle. This three-hour plane ride is just a respite. The moment we’re in his new suite, I’m sure he’ll explode. That’s fine. I’ve got shit to say to him, too.
I’m roused from a very light sleep when someone takes the seat in front of me. My eyes pop open, and I sit straight up. Mabel laughs.
“Oh, shit, did I wake you?”
I rub my eyes and shake my head. “No, you’re fine.”
“You sure? It’s not important.”
I give Mabel a smile. I like her. I like all of them. She, Sav, and Callie have been kind and welcoming since I crashed into their lives five weeks ago. God, how has it been five weeks? It feels like it’s been an eternity.
“No, you’re good,” I reassure her. “I was just resting. Honestly, I don’t know how you guys do it. I’m exhausted, and I’m not playing sold-out shows every Thursday through Sunday. And you do this for how long? ”
Mabel smirks. “Eighteen weeks total, but we get three weeks off in the middle, so only fifteen weeks of shows.”
I do the math in my head. Four shows every week for fifteen weeks...
“Sixty shows, Mabel.”
“Well, we only play two shows in Munich, Zürich, and Milan, so fifty-four.”
I huff out a laugh. “You’re superhuman.”
“Nah. It helps that we love performing and our fans. For a long time, we were lucky to have two consecutive days off total, so this is cake in comparison, and it’s a hell of a lot easier than some bands get.”
I hum, but I don’t respond. I’ve heard Sav and Mabel talking about how rough it was before Hammond renegotiated their contract. It sounded miserable. Like star-studded hell. It makes me feel bad for all of them. No wonder they struggled for so long.
The thought makes me want to turn in my seat to check on Jonah.
I don’t.
Then I lower my voice. “So what comes after?”
“After what?”
“This tour.”
Mabel’s eyes scan my face, and I can’t help but feel like she’s deciding whether to trust me with something. I sit up straighter, but I don’t push. She flicks her attention behind me quickly before sitting forward.
“After, if all goes as planned, we’ll take some time off, and then we’ll do it all over again. Only...”
I arch a brow. “Only?”
“Only we’ll do it under Sav’s label.”
My jaw drops. “Sav’s starting her own label?”
“Yeah. It’s still hush-hush. It’s not illegal or anything, not violating any clauses, but she wants to wait to launch until after we’re out from under this contract.”
“Right. Which is why you need to keep Jonah in line.”
Mabel purses her lips, then glances over my shoulder once more.
“You’re doing a great job, actually. I just wanted you to know that. He’s doing a fuck ton better than he does on his own. He’s less pissy. He’s got more energy on stage. Hell, he even spoke in our last band meeting. Plus, Hammond’s been really happy with the buzz you’ve started in the press. You’re crushin’ it.”
“Thanks.”
“I should be thanking you. Truly. Jonah...I don’t know. He’s better than he was two years ago, but we still kind of tiptoe around him. He’s always been really good about keeping his feelings hidden from us.”
I flare my eyes. “Yeah.”
His feelings are the least of it. I don’t know if any of them realize that.
I lay my head back on my seat and once again resist the urge to turn around. It’s nice to hear that Mabel thinks I’m doing a good job. And from a strictly professional standpoint, I am. I’m doing a great job, actually, considering what I started with. But if she knew the whole truth...
Well. If she knew, she wouldn’t be thanking me at all.
“I wanted to check on you, though. Are you okay after last night?”
My muscles go rigid, and my chest tightens. Last night.
“What do you mean?”
“Jonah said you weren’t feeling well. You skipped the show, and then Jo crashed in Tor and Cal’s suite. But then he looked kind of shocked to see you this morning, so I thought maybe you were sicker than he let on.”
“Oh. Yeah. I mean, no. I’m okay now. I’ll be fine. Thanks for checking.”
I make a mental note to get a refill on my anxiety meds. Then, maybe that won’t be a total lie.
“I told you to leave.”
Jonah’s words are hissed at me the moment the suite door shuts behind him. I prop my hands on my hips and scowl.
“And I told you I’m here to do a job. I’m not leaving until it’s finished.”
“Have you seen the tabloids lately? They fucking love me. Job’s over. Go home.”
He brushes past me, so I turn and follow him into the bedroom. He stops abruptly, probably noting the absence of our glass partition, but I ignore his reaction.
“ Some of the current headlines are great, sure, but every single article still questions you. They still feed into the rumors and speculations about your inevitable downfall. I know. I’ve read every single one of them. I have your name on an internet alert. I read everything right after it’s posted.”
Jonah laughs and turns to face me. His smirk is infuriating. I hate it even more now that I recognize the emotions he’s trying to mask. Cruelty to hide his pain. Snark to cover up his jealousy. I recognize it because I’ve lived it. I want to tell him that I get it. I want to give him kindness and understanding, but he opens his mouth and pisses me off again.
“Sorry, Davis, but your perfectionist ass is going to have to take the L on this one. If eliminating all tabloid rumors is your measure of success, this is one project you’re not going to get an A plus on.”
“This isn’t a project , Jonah. It’s a commitment. I don’t bail on commitments. I see them through.”
He drags a hand down his face and groans again. “For fuck’s sake, Claire. You will never get me to a point where I’m portrayed as an angel in the tabloids. It’s impossible.”
“I know that, but I can tip the scales in your favor. I want more praise than insults, and I know I can get it there. I know I can succeed in this. I know it.”
“If you’re worried about your job, don’t be. Lie.” His words are low and hissed, as if trying to keep from shouting. I almost wish he would. “Tell my father I’m fixed, and I’ll back it up. We can all just pretend like your little chess game panned out, and you can go back to playing dumb while he fucks you on his office desk.”
I grind my teeth and fist my hands. I want to slap him. I want to shake him. He’s so fucking angry, and he’s holding a goddamn grudge. He hates his father, and now he hates me, too. No amount of logic or truth will change that.
But I’m so fucking sick of being walked all over.
I can’t fight fire with fire, so I’ll throw some water on it and try again later.
“I’m going to refresh your memory since it’s been a long five weeks. I’ve been assigned to do a job. I will complete this job. If you make me leave now, you will regret it.”
“Right.” Jonah laughs. “Because if you go down, you’re taking me with you.”
“Fucking right, I will.”
Jonah wipes his expression of all emotion. Every feeling and thought, gone. A clean, blank wall has been erected, shutting me out entirely.
“You’re so fucking stubborn. You’re a stubborn pain in my ass.”
I don’t acknowledge the insults. Instead, I follow his lead. Emotions gone. Wall up. I hope he feels just as cold and dejected as I do.
“I’ve wiped the calendar this week. We need a break from each other, so I’ll stay out of your way. I only ask that you don’t do anything that will unravel the progress we’ve made. It would be more detrimental to you than to me.”
I don’t say another word. I just turn and leave. The moment I step into the hall, I nod at José, signaling it’s safe for him to enter. He nods back as he walks past me with his suitcase in tow. I don’t wait for the door to shut before I head down the hall.
Hammond opens the door before I have a chance to knock. He extends his hand, offering me the key card to my new room.
“Thanks for this.” I put the key card in my back pocket. “Sorry it was such late notice.”
“You gave me almost twelve hours. I’ve worked with much less.”
“Well.” I shrug. “I’m still sorry.”
He narrows his eyes slightly. “You’re sure this is a good idea?”
He’s skeptical. I don’t blame him. I am, too. But I also think it’s necessary. Jonah and I need a bit of space to reset our priorities. He needs to check his wrath, and I need to check my...well...lust.
And anxiety.
And guilt.
And lust.
What a mess.
I nod and give him a reassuring smile.
“I do. It’s much needed. I think Jonah will be fine, actually, but he’s got José with him just to be safe.”
“Very well. I assume I won’t be seeing much of you? ”
“Probably not, but you have my number if you need it.”
I say my goodbyes to Hammond, then take the elevator to my floor. I specifically asked to be as far from the band as possible when I called him yesterday. I worried that I’d overreacted all day, but when Jonah didn’t return after the show, I knew it was the right call.
I’m not abandoning him like I did my brother. I won’t make that mistake again. Not now. Not when I’m so close to redemption—to actually helping someone. I’m seeing this to the end.
Jonah Hendrix is my penance.
I meant it when I said he would regret it if I left.
What I didn’t admit was that I would regret it, too.