10. Chapter 10
Chapter ten
Lauren
The bridal suite looked like a tornado had torn through dropping makeup, hair spray, and rhinestones. Rowan’s gorgeous dress hung off the bathroom door, the full tulle skirt sweeping the floor. Our bridesmaid dresses hung all over the room, from curtain rods to closet doors. The pale pink lace complimented the delicate off-the-shoulder bodice of Rowan’s gown, and the jeweled rose gold belts we’d added elevated our dresses from pretty to stunning.
I couldn’t wait to see Rowan in her gown with her hair and makeup done, but we still had an hour before the photographer arrived. Rowan wore a white silk robe with the word “Bride” stitched on the front pocket while the stylist fussed with finding the perfect “effortless” look that would hold up through the reception.
Poppy, Cammie, and I sported pale pink robes, our hair and makeup complete. The robes were a surprise gift from Poppy, who’d insisted ours be plain so we could wear them again without feeling like idiots. I’d have worn mine even if it had the word bridesmaid stitched on it. The silk felt like a soft caress and was the only thing I’d worn this week that hadn’t made my boobs ache more than they already did. I planned to stay in the robe until the very last minute before pictures.
The bridesmaids’ nude pumps were lined against one wall beside Rowan’s bedazzled rose gold sneakers, which looked more mirror ball than shoe. I was not excited to be in heels for six hours.
“I love Rowan’s shoes,” I told Cammie, who was sitting on a small couch with Poppy, enjoying the view of the mountains outside. I wanted to sit down with them, but Poppy kept bouncing her knee. Nerves or excitement. Probably both. I’d propped myself on the wall beside the couch, doing my best not to move and set off my stomach, again.
Cammie smiled. “Thank you. When Cal asked Rowan not to wear heels, I knew she needed something special.”
“And by special you mean shiny,” Poppy said. “How many rhinestones did you use?”
“The perfect amount,” Rowan said. She shifted on the folding chair we’d set up for the “hair station,” a slight grimace on her face.
I pointed to the lovely afternoon tea that had just arrived, compliments of the hotel. “We should eat soon.” Not that I’d be having anything, but Rowan’s back probably needed a break from sitting. Cal’s request for sensible shoes meant his bride would be a good foot shorter than him in all the pictures, but hopefully in less pain.
“That’s a good idea,” Cammie said, plucking a strawberry from the service cart, which we’d rolled against the coffee table in what had been the only remaining free space in the entire suite. “You don’t want your stomach growling during the ceremony, and you should eat now, so we have time to touch up your makeup.”
“Y’all should get started without me,” Rowan said as the stylist doused her with another round of hairspray.
Poppy grabbed a scone and shoved half in her mouth. Cammie chose a small pimento cheese sandwich and handed Poppy a plate to stop the cascade of crumbs. Poppy only ate like an animal when she was level three hangry. The bouncing knee made sense now.
“Go on, Lauren,” Rowan said.
“I’ll wait. I want to make sure there’s one of everything for you to choose from.”
Cammie and Poppy both stopped mid-chew, and a sprinkle of guilt blended with the hormone-induced nausea swirling my stomach. “Honestly, I’m not hungry.”
The morning sickness had only intensified as the week progressed and was unfortunately not confined to the morning. It arrived with little warning, but I’d learned certain things set it off. The brunch spread the hotel sent up earlier had come with an urn of coffee that sent me running from the room. And yes, being a café owner with a coffee revulsion was a special kind of hell.
“Done,” the stylist said, standing back to admire her work. “I’m going to take a quick break, but I’ll be back right before pictures for touchups.”
“Help yourself to anything here,” Rowan said, standing with obvious difficulty.
“That’s generous of you, but I like to leave this time for the bridal party to have some moments alone. I’ll be back in thirty.”
“Does she expect us to have a sobfest or a pillow fight?” Poppy asked once the stylist had left the suite.
“Pretty sure she’d want us to avoid both since either would wreck her work,” Cammie said.
“You look absolutely gorgeous,” I told Rowan as she made her way through the cluttered room to me. Her green eyes danced, and she hadn’t stopped smiling all day.
“I can’t believe I’m marrying Caleb Cardoso in an hour.” She pulled me into a hug that made my stomach lurch.
I’d never seen my best friend so happy, including her first wedding, and as much as I wanted to celebrate this moment with her, my stomach had other plans.
“I forgot something in my room,” I said. “Be right back.”
I bolted from the suite and down the hall into the room I shared with Cammie. Even a modest room at the resort was a fortune, so we’d decided to split the cost. If only I’d known when we made the reservation that I’d need privacy to hurl.
“That’s it,” Cammie said, closing the door to our room. “Brush your teeth and get out here. We need to talk.”
I brushed my teeth, doing my best not to mar the makeup the stylist had painstakingly applied, but I didn’t have time to talk. Neither did Cammie.
“We need to get back to help Rowan,” I said, walking from the bathroom.
“Rowan’s fine,” Cammie said, standing directly in front of the door to the hallway. “She’s having the best day of her life. She won’t notice if we’re gone five minutes. Sit.”
I collapsed onto the bed where I’d slept the night before, fighting the urge to sprint into the bathroom again. Cammie lowered herself gently beside me as though she knew any movement would upset my stomach.
I took a couple deep breaths, and my nausea eased slightly. “I’m fine.”
Cammie shook her head. “I’ve seen you throw up too many times this week for you to be fine.”
“Stomach viruses can last awhile.”
“But they don’t disappear and come back, day after day.”
I didn’t say anything. Cammie grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.”
She stood to leave and the panic that had been building for days erupted out of me. “I can’t be a mother.”
Cammie sat back on the bed and took my hand.
“I can’t,” I said, sitting up. “I’d never get it right, and I won’t put a baby through a childhood like mine.”
Cammie nodded. “I can tell you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
More like obsessed over it 24/7. And every time I came to the same conclusion: I wasn’t mom material.
“How far along are you?”
“Five weeks.”
“And you’re sure?”
I nodded. “Based on the date of conception.”
Cammie gave me a sad smile. “That’s not what I meant. Are you sure you don’t want this?”
I nodded, trying my best not to cry and ruin the six-shadow job on my eyelids.
“OK. But you’re not going alone. We can look for a clinic after the wedding, if you haven’t already.”
I shook my head. “I know that’s an option, but I’ve decided to find an adoption agency.”
Whatever Cammie was thinking or feeling, she kept her expression completely blank. “What about the father?”
“What about him?”
“If you’re putting his child up for adoption, he has a right to know.”
“Believe me, he’s no more able to take care of a baby than I am, but you’re right. I’ll have to tell him. It’s not like I can hide being pregnant forever.”
“So, he’s local,” Cammie said, carefully.
“It’s Aiden.”
Saying his name hurt. Seeing him hurt. And unfortunately, he’d popped up at Karma the usual three times a week since the trip last month. At first, I’d been embarrassed to see him. Waking up naked next to someone after a drunken hookup was awkward enough, but the way I’d treated Aiden for years made what happened on St. John so much worse. I’d ghosted him, as much as you could ghost anyone in Peace Falls. Then, after mere hours alone together, I’d gone and slept with him again, initiated it even.
Despite his snark, I knew I’d hurt him both times. Which, now that I think about it, was probably why karma had gotten me back with this pregnancy. Once I found out I was carrying his child, seeing him and keeping the information to myself became physically painful. I knew I’d have to tell him about the pregnancy and my choice to put the baby up for adoption, eventually. But our best friends were marrying each other today, and I didn’t want to do or say anything that would take away from their happiness or Aiden’s.
Cammie didn’t seem at all shocked. “For what it’s worth,” she said, standing and pulling me from the bed. “I think you’d be an amazing mother. And I wouldn’t underestimate Aiden. He might just surprise you.”
I breathed through my nose and out of my mouth a few times. Any sudden change in position amped up the nausea. “He’s surprised me enough, don’t you think?”
“How long have you two been—whatever you are?”
“We aren’t anything. Just two people who took too many shots and made a baby.”
“Oh, Lauren,” Cammie said, placing her hand on my arm. “I wish you’d told me sooner. Sitting alone with something like this isn’t healthy, you know that.”
I nodded. Helping people had become my life’s mission. Not in any grand way. But in small doses, spread to as many people as possible, I hoped to make my mark on the world. A kind word. A smile. A helping hand. A sympathetic ear. Despite how much I wanted, even needed, to help everyone around me, I had a hard time asking for help myself.
Cammie started toward the hallway. “Let’s get you some ginger ale.”
“It won’t help,” I said and burst into tears.
Cammie grabbed a tissue and did her best to minimize the damage.
“I’m ruining Rowan’s wedding. I’ll probably throw up during the ceremony or on her dress. Then I’ll have to tell her, and she’ll insist I tell Aiden immediately. He’ll probably go old school and make us get married today too.”
Cammie laughed so hard her eyes watered. “Sorry. It’s just, I don’t think that will happen. Run to the nearest receptacle if you need to be sick, and I’ll tell everyone you got food poisoning.”
I sniffed. “That could work.”
She wrapped me in a hug and my tears slowed. “Of course it will. And no one can make you do anything, Lauren. Though, I have to admit, your worst-case scenario surprises me.”
“Throwing up on Rowan’s dress?” I said, stepping out of the hug. “That’s kind of a no brainer.”
“Marrying Aiden.”
I waved her words away. “Don’t read too much into that. I’m dehydrated.”
Cammie frowned. “You do look pale. Ok, new plan. We’re telling Rowan you have food poisoning now, and you’re going to suck on some ice cubes and rest as much as possible.”
I shook my head. “She’ll worry if you tell her that.”
“Sorry, Lauren. Once Rowan sees the tear-stained makeup and how bad you look under it, she’ll know something’s up. Food poisoning or pregnancy. Take your pick.”
“OK, but nothing I ate here. I don’t want her to feel guilty.”
Cammie nodded and pulled her phone from the pocket of her robe. “You ate some—not that,” she said, scrolling. “Recalled spinach. Does that work?”
“Um, sure.”