14. Chapter 14
Chapter fourteen
Lauren
“Are you sure I should tell them tonight?”
Cammie looked up from the cheese board she was arranging in my small kitchen and smiled. “Yes.”
“Don’t you think it’d be rude? Like, ‘I’ll see your honeymoon and engagement and raise you an accidental pregnancy.’”
The corners of Cammie’s lips quirked, but she managed not to laugh. “I think Rowan and Poppy are the type of friends who’d be more upset if you didn’t tell them than the type who’d be angry about sharing the spotlight. Shoot, Poppy got engaged less than two weeks after Rowan’s wedding. And Rowan is over the moon for her sister and Theo.”
“She is,” I said, letting out a sigh. Cammie and I were both on the video call with Poppy and Theo when they announced their engagement. Rowan’s joyful reaction left zero doubt how pleased she was with the news. Of course, Aiden was on the call as well. He appeared to keep his focus on the happy couple, but he was quieter than usual. It’d been over a week since I’d told him about the pregnancy and, apart from a few texts asking how I felt and his usual coffee runs, he’d left me alone.
Now that Poppy was back from her trip to Greece, I’d invited her and Rowan to my apartment, presumably to hear all about their respective trips. I’d worn my favorite boho dress for a boost of confidence and to avoid the strong elastic squeeze of leggings against my tender stomach. Desdemona and Medusa had figured out something was up and were both curled in my lap, coating my dress with cat hair. Dido had somehow climbed to the top of the fridge, knocking off a few cereal boxes before she found the perfect spot to crouch down and stare at me. Of all people, she had to like Aiden. Ever since she met him, I swear her hisses had become louder, her glares more judgmental.
Cammie asked Wyatt to pull an extended shift, so she could be with me when I told the Stevens sisters my news. She said it was to support me, but I suspect she wanted to ensure I actually told them.
“All the cheese is pasteurized, by the way, so you can eat it,” Cammie said, artfully draping a bunch of grapes on the board.
“Thanks,” I said. “You really didn’t need to go to all this trouble.”
“Please, any excuse to eat cheese is a win for me. And you, my friend, need some calories. When was the last time you ate?”
“I had some crackers this morning.”
A flash of concern crossed Cammie’s face. “Well, I have plenty of those too, if that’s all you can stomach.”
“I’m fine.”
Cammie glared at me. I’d lost at least ten pounds since the morning sickness began, and I swear she could somehow measure my weight loss to the ounce. Luckily, Rowan and Poppy thundered up the stairs and knocked on the door before Cammie could chew me out.
“Come in,” I yelled from Grandpa’s old recliner. Both cats lifted their heads, but quickly snuggled back into the worn leather, a smell I not only tolerated but enjoyed. I found myself sitting in the chair more than usual and falling asleep at random times of the day.
Rowan and Poppy burst through my apartment door wearing huge smiles. Rowan had a bottle of prosecco, which she held up in greeting, and Poppy had a plate of assorted cupcakes. Rowan walked straight to the drawer in my kitchen and got to work popping the cork. Since I didn’t own champagne flutes, Poppy handed Cammie the cupcakes and grabbed four wine glasses from my cabinet. Cammie shot me a worried look when she put the cheeseboard and cupcakes on my small coffee table.
Well, so much for easing into the subject.
Rowan handed me a glass and took a seat on my two-seater couch. Poppy settled in beside her, and Cammie perched on the sofa arm closest to me.
“To love and friendship,” Rowan said, lifting her glass.
I clinked glasses with her, then Poppy and Cammie. I held the glass while they all took a sip, hoping no one noticed I wasn’t drinking. I’d gotten away with it at the wedding because of my “food poisoning” but abstaining from a toast wasn’t something I’d ever do. Unless I couldn’t drink.
Poppy reached for a piece of cheddar, completely oblivious, but Rowan studied me intently.
“Are you OK, Lauren?” she asked. “You look tired.”
“Don’t tell her that,” Poppy said, making a neat stack of alternating crackers and cheese in her palm. “No one wants to hear they look like shit.”
Rowan let out a sigh only a big sister could give a little one. “I didn’t say she looked like shit. I said she looked tired. We both know Lauren has a habit of working too hard.”
“True,” Poppy said, ignoring her snack to study me herself. “Wow, you do look like shit, Lauren.”
“Poppy!” Rowan said, smacking her sister’s arm.
I took a deep breath and set my wineglass on the coffee table. “It’s OK. I’d wanted to wait until after you told us about your trips, but I guess I better get this out of the way.”
Cammie nodded, urging me on.
Rowan and Poppy both straightened their spines like they were bracing for bad news.
“I’m pregnant.”
Despite their different styles and personalities, their shocked expressions looked so similar I almost smiled. They glanced at each other as if to confirm they’d heard the same thing, then back at me.
“There’s more,” Cammie said.
“I plan to give the baby up for adoption.”
“I don’t understand,” Rowan said.
Poppy let out a huff. “She’s having the baby, but she doesn’t want to raise it.”
“She doesn’t think she can raise it,” Cammie amended.
“Well, that’s—” Rowan started.
“Bullshit,” Poppy finished.
They all nodded in agreement.
I shook my head. “People with childhoods like mine have a way of repeating their parents’ mistakes with their own kids.”
You took the best of my looks and gave me all my problems.
I could have been something if it wasn’t for you.
You’re worthless.
I let out a sigh, hoping to push my mother’s words from my mind. “I won’t do that to an innocent child. Trust me, I’d be a terrible mother.”
Rowan reached over and grabbed my hand. “For what it’s worth, I believe you’re someone who learns from mistakes instead of repeating them.”
I gave her hand a squeeze and dropped it. “I guess I’m not willing to take that chance. Not with something this important.”
“Tell them the rest,” Cammie pushed.
“It’s Aiden’s.”
“Wow,” Rowan said, collapsing back onto the sofa. “I might need a minute. That’s a lot to process.”
“She neglected to tell you she’s been extremely sick,” Cammie added, taking a sip of her sparkling wine. “Like, needing IV fluids during your wedding sick. Aiden sent Wyatt back to work at Karma because the smell of coffee makes her puke.”
“Sometimes,” I said.
“Most times,” Cammie said, reaching for a slice of Havarti.
“Are you seeing a doctor?” Rowan asked, all surprise pushed aside, her face etched with worry.
I nodded.
“How far along are you?” Poppy asked, finally closing her mouth.
“I’ll be eight weeks on Thursday.”
“What does Aiden think?” Rowan asked quietly.
I laughed, the sound as hollow and sad as a beautiful chocolate crumbling into air on the first bite. “He thinks he can raise the baby on his own.”
Poppy set down her wineglass on the coffee table with a clang. “Why couldn’t he? Women raise kids alone all the time. Our mom is a prime example.”
“I’m not saying a man can’t be a single dad,” I said. “I’m saying Aiden can’t.”
“And you’re basing this on?” Poppy asked.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “He’s an immature asshole with a temper, which is why I already started researching adoption agencies.”
Poppy’s eyes blazed. She opened her mouth, but Rowan laid a gentle hand on her sister’s knee. “If Aiden wants to be a father, why would you put the baby up for adoption?”
“Because,” I said, my eyes burning, “he doesn’t really want a baby. He just wants to use it against me. He’s already trying to control my life. He wants to go to all my doctor’s appointments. Can you believe that?”
Mom had a super controlling boyfriend once. Frank. He liked to set limits on how much we could eat or sleep or even speak, and he’d get irate if we didn’t follow his demands exactly. Part of me wondered if Mom stayed with him as long as she did because she needed his financial help to support me, which was yet another reason why I didn’t want to be a mother. I was never putting myself in a position like that again.
“Yes,” Poppy snapped. “Aiden’s a guy who shows up.” To my surprise, Rowan didn’t try to calm her down. “He’s not trying to control you. He wants to be involved. You just don’t like it since, for whatever reason, you two can’t seem to get along.”
“Unless you’re naked,” Cammie interjected, then buried her face in her wineglass.
OK, Aiden wasn’t Frank, but he was demanding and resolve-crushingly hot while he demanded.
“It doesn’t surprise me he wants to raise his kid,” Poppy continued. “Honestly, I’m surprised you don’t, but I respect your decision. What I don’t understand is why you not wanting to be a mom means Aiden can’t be a dad. This kid could be the most amazing thing to happen in his entire life. Preventing him is cruel, Lauren. I’m shocked, honestly. Not that you’re pregnant, and not that Aiden is the father, but that you’d do something so hurtful.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t want him at my doctor’s appointments.”
“And why is that?” Rowan asked gently.
I threw my hands up in the air. All three cats startled and stared at me, including Medusa, who couldn’t see a thing. “I don’t even want to go to my doctor’s appointments. Next time they’re doing an ultrasound, and I’ll have to see the baby. Do you know how much harder that will make giving it up? Trust me, he’ll change his mind. I know he will.”
“He might,” Rowan said. “But if he doesn’t, that’s the kind of wronged that’s hard to forgive. Tell me this, if you found the perfect couple to adopt the baby, and they wanted to go to the ultrasound, would you let them?”
I didn’t answer. Because I knew, and she knew, that I would gladly let the baby’s adoptive parents join me at doctor visits. I’d encourage the bond as much as I could.
“Figured,” Poppy said. “So you have more respect for a fictitious couple than the father of your baby? Got it.”
“Dial it back, Poppy,” Cammie said, her voice devoid of its usual warmth.
Poppy deflated a little, but when she looked at me, she had actual tears in her eyes. It was unlike Poppy to be so emotional or protective. She reserved both for people she genuinely cared for, which apparently now included Aiden. “I don’t know what happened between you two,” she said. “I agree he’s rough around the edges, and maybe he’s an asshole to you, but he’s a good man. Better than most people even know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
Poppy shrugged. “The asshole act is just that, an act. I know it. Theo knows it. And I suspect you might know it too.”
“So you’re saying he pretends to be an asshole?” I asked. Because I couldn’t agree with her. That would expose too much of the night Aiden and I shared years ago. Underneath all that cocky attitude was a sweet guy who’d done his best with the curveball life threw his way.
“Yes,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Just like you pretend to be nice.”
“OK, woah, Poppy,” Rowan said. “She didn’t mean that. Did you?”
“Guess not,” Poppy said with a shrug.
She meant it. And what’s worse, I agreed with her.
“Fine,” I said. “Tell Aiden he can come to the ultrasound as long as he doesn’t talk to me.”
Poppy nodded. “That’s a decent compromise.”
Rowan handed me a red velvet cupcake, my favorite, and practically shoved a salted caramel one in her sister’s mouth. “Now,” she said with a bright smile. “How can Poppy and I help?”
“I’m fine,” I said, placing the cupcake on the table next to my wine glass. My stomach was in knots from the conversation. No way was I consuming something with food coloring so I could puke red.
“She’s not,” Cammie said, peeling back the wrapper on a toasted coconut cupcake. “She needs help at Karma, and we’re having a hard time finding it.”
“I can cover mornings,” Rowan said.
I shook my head. “It’s wedding season. You got married in April because you knew how busy you’d be.”
“And you’re my best friend,” Rowan said, breaking off the bottom of her chocolate cupcake and smashing it into the raspberry frosting. “We’ll make it work.”
Poppy swallowed her mouthful of cupcake and sighed. “I can work noon until Cammie’s done at Cal’s office.”
“You hated working at Karma,” I said.
“I hate feeling like a bitch more,” she said, glaring at me. “If I don’t help you, I’ll play this conversation on repeat in my head.”
“She will,” Rowan said, taking a delicate bite from her cupcake sandwich.
“I promise not to yell at the customers, but as soon as you feel better, I’m out. I only have so much patience.” Poppy picked up her wineglass and guzzled half as if bracing herself for the peopling in her future.
“Thank you,” I said, looking at each of them. “I don’t know how I’d get through this without y’all.”
Poppy pressed her lips in a hard line, but I knew her well enough to guess what she wanted to say: I could let Aiden help me.
“You could let Aiden help you,” Rowan said.
“You could,” Cammie added.
I picked up the red velvet cupcake and shoved it in my mouth. I might regret it later, but I needed something sweet to pull me from my bitter thoughts.