23. Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Aiden
“I should go,” Lauren said, rolling away from me not even two minutes after we came together.
I looped my arm around her waist and pulled her back to me. “Ten more minutes. Then, we’ll both go back to Karma, and I’ll help however you need. I promise we’ll make up any time you missed there.”
She sighed like I was the biggest pain in her ass, but her body relaxed against mine. “I’ve never been a cuddler.”
I ran my hand along her arm and kept my mouth shut. Asking questions never got me anywhere with Lauren. Silence did. Not the tense, awkward void we’d inhabited for years, but in the peaceful quiet after we shared our bodies that one night, she’d told me things she’d kept locked from everyone else. Or at least, that’s what I told myself. Maybe everyone in Peace Falls knew the details of Lauren Arnauld’s tragic childhood, and I was last on the list. Doubtful. The hesitant way she spoke during cuddle time suggested every word was precious.
“My mom and grandpa weren’t affectionate people, at least not with me.”
“Their loss,” I said, nuzzling my face into her hair. She smelled like coffee and rosemary today. She must rotate her shampoos because last time she smelled like oranges and coffee.
“Are your parents?” she asked quietly. “Affectionate.”
“Yeah. And my sisters.”
She placed her hand on her stomach, and I let the silence sink around us again before I placed my hand over hers. I kissed her shoulder and goose bumps erupted on her skin.
When she spoke again, her words were so soft, I almost didn’t hear her. “I meant what I said before. You scare me. More than anyone I’ve ever known.”
Shit. Maybe she didn’t mean emotionally. I had gone off on her about the stupid cat litter, which wasn’t stupid, but my handling of the situation was. She’d been terrified earlier when I balled my fists. Fuck, maybe I made her feel unsafe. I was built solid from lifting weights and doing manual labor for a living, and she knew I tore up my remodels to let off steam. I opened my mouth to apologize for making her uncomfortable, but instead, the absolute truth poured out. “You terrify me.”
She rolled in my arms to face me, her warm brown eyes filled with pain. It hurt to look at her. I wanted a list of every person who’d treated her wrong, so I could track them down and beat them to a pulp.
“You’re right to be scared,” she said, placing a hand on my chest. “As hard as I try, I’m not a good person. I will disappoint you, hurt you. It’s only a matter of time.”
She sounded so sincere, so certain, my stomach rolled. I’m a firm believer of the whole “when people tell you who they are, listen” advice. But not with Lauren. Sure, it didn’t feel great to hear her say she’d break my heart if I stuck around, but what upset me more was the terrible view she had of herself. “You’re a good person.”
“The moment a man gets too close, I cut him loose. You of all people should know that.”
I cupped her face in my hands. “That doesn’t make you a bad person, Princess. Just because you can’t trust someone else with your heart doesn’t mean you don’t have one.” But damn, I hoped she’d let herself trust me. “You’re the kindest, most generous person I know. You’re always thinking of ways to help and encourage everyone around you. If that’s not a good person, I don’t know what is.”
“I do it for the karma. To pay back the universe for all the shitty things I did as a kid, not because I’m nice.” She dropped her eyes from mine and started tracing something on my chest. “I stole from people, Aiden. Stores. My friends. Their parents. I lied all the time. And when I was in foster care, I got into fights. Bad ones. I hurt people. I broke a girl’s arm.”
I wanted to throw up. I knew without a doubt everything that weighed on Lauren’s conscious she’d done to survive. No kid should have to live that way. The fact she’d become an amazing woman, despite an awful start in life, should make her feel proud, not guilty. “I’d bet my company you broke that girl’s arm to protect yourself.”
She nodded but refused to look me in the eyes.
I gripped her chin and forced her gaze to mine. “Whatever you did back then, it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid taking care of herself. You don’t need to pay back the universe for any of it. And deep down, I think you know that. You are kind. You are good. I’m not scared that you’ll hurt me when I fall for you. When, not if, Lauren. I’m scared you’ll push me away before I have a chance to make you fall for me.”
Her eyes welled with tears and she nodded. “It’s been twelve minutes. We should go.”
And that’s a wrap for this conversation. The vault of Lauren had closed. At least she said we. I placed a kiss on her forehead and she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a squeeze before climbing out of bed.
“I have a request,” I said while she buttoned the front of her dress.
“I’m not giving you a blow job. This is the first day in weeks I haven’t barfed. The last thing I want to do is choke on your cock.”
I did my best to ignore the instant hard on that gave me and shook my head. “As much as I love bjs, and if memory serves, yours in particular, my request isn’t sexual.”
She grabbed her rain boots and took a seat on the bed. “This ought to be good.”
I ran my hand through my hair, suddenly nervous. This woman put me so far off my game, I might as well be a thirteen-year-old asking his crush to the eighth-grade dance. “Give me another nickname.”
She laughed.
OK, not the response I’d hoped for, but I could work with it. I smiled at her despite the ache in my chest. If she wanted jokester instead of sincere, I’d deliver. I just didn’t want her to think of me as a hypothetical. I wanted all in.
She tapped her chin like she was giving the request serious thought, and a smile spread across her gorgeous face. A pair of deep dimples flashed on her cheeks, and this time the smile on my face wasn’t forced. I’d missed having those dimples aimed in my direction.
“Since you’re the only person Dido likes, how about Cat Man?” She raised her eyebrows, waiting for my response.
“I do love all kinds of pussy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Nope. Definitely not that.”
“I wouldn’t rule it out. It has a nice ring to it and goes with the Stud Man nickname Poppy gave me.”
“Forget I ever suggested it. I’ll think of something.”
“OK,” I said, getting out of bed. I didn’t care what she called me as long as it wasn’t “What If.” The appreciative look she gave my body made me want to tackle her onto the mattress. Her eyes darkened and her cheeks flushed before she turned her back to me. For the first time in my life, I fucking loved pregnancy hormones.
And just to prove I wasn’t a total neanderthal who only thought about getting himself off, I got completely dressed before I sank to my knees and made Lauren my afternoon snack.