25. Chapter 25
Chapter twenty-five
Aiden
To say Lauren scared the hell out of me two days ago would be an understatement. I’d seen her dizzy, I’d seen her throw up, but I’d never seen her shake so hard. I could tell she was scared too. However, she’d played it off, and within ten minutes of getting to her apartment, she’d called Rowan to help Wyatt downstairs and insisted I go to work.
I wanted to stay with her, but the housing development project was behind again. I made Lauren promise to text me throughout the day and sent Rowan and Wyatt texts asking them to check on her. Lauren didn’t send updates, but she responded to all my texts with a thumbs up emoji. Thankfully, Wyatt and Rowan came through with enough reassurances that I didn’t drive back to Karma.
Instead, I gave her space. I’d have to be twice as emotionally inept as Cal not to see that I’d made her panic. I should have known better than to make myself a key. I had copies to all my sisters’ houses, not to mention Cal’s and Theo’s. Once Everly and Maddie moved into places they owned, I’m sure I’d have their keys too, so I could dip in and fix things when I had time. I figured if Wyatt had a copy of the new key, Lauren wouldn’t care if I did, especially after she let me make love to her. Still, I should have asked.
I knew better. If someone had made a key to one of my sisters’ places without asking, I’d have punched them. Then, I’d gone and made things worse by suggesting all those changes to her apartment. It wasn’t until after I’d left her curled in her bed that I considered the possibility she didn’t want anything to change. I assumed, based on the crumbs of her past she’d shared with me, the apartment was the most stable home Lauren ever had.
Hence the space I gave her and the burning in my gut. I was halfway to an ulcer when she texted me this morning and asked if I could stop by after work.
I assumed she meant mine since Karma stayed opened until 8:00 pm on weekdays. I stopped by Peppers on the way and grabbed a plain cheese pie. Normally, I’d have gone for half pepperoni and green peppers, but I didn’t know which smells might make her queasy. I figured the plainer the better. When I arrived at the café, Cammie and Lauren were both behind the counter.
“Hey, Aiden,” Cammie said from the register.
“You can head upstairs,” Lauren called without looking up from the drink she was making. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
All the tension I’d been carrying in my shoulders for the past two days released. She’d invited me into her home. Not to take a seat at one of the café tables or in the closet she called her office. I wanted to stop and kiss Lauren, but I waved to Cammie and kept walking into the back room and up the stairs to the apartment.
The whole place smelled like lemons. The tiny kitchen sparkled as much as a forty-year-old kitchen could. Every throw pillow and blanket had been placed meticulously. Yep. I screwed up. She loved this place exactly like it was. I could test the paint for lead and probably convince her to add central air conditioning, but I wouldn’t discuss any other updates unless she brought them up. I placed the pizza box on the small table shoved against the wall and snooped around in the cabinets until I found two plates. I thought sparkling water might help Lauren’s stomach, so I’d grabbed two cans at Peppers and shoved them in the pockets of my cargo pants. I rinsed off the can lids at the sink because no telling what kind of dust could have gotten on me today.
I’d just set the cans on the table and taken a seat when Lauren opened the apartment door. She looked at the plates, the pizza, the sparkling water, and sucked in a breath. OK. I tried to remind myself she was pregnant and pregnant women got emotional about stupid shit but that little inhale freaked me out.
“Have you eaten?” I asked, like my heart wasn’t slamming against my chest.
She shook her head and took a seat in the chair across from me but kept her hands clasped tightly on her lap. I opened the box, separated out a slice, and plated it for her.
“Thank you,” she said, looking at the pizza like she’d never seen anything like it before.
I tore myself off a slice and took a bite, even though I felt like throwing up. She watched me the entire time instead of reaching for her food. After I forced a lump of pizza down my tight throat, I took a sip of water and decided I couldn’t pretend to eat anymore. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” she said, plastering a smile on her face that looked faker than an orange spray tan. “I wanted to show you something.”
She moved the pizza box and our full plates to the counter before going to her bedroom. She returned a moment later with a stack of papers and a pen.
“Try to keep an open mind,” she said.
“Are those design ideas?” I asked like a hopeful prick. Because fuck me, I’d never hoped for remodel renderings more in my entire life.
She shook her head and had the decency to drop the plastic smile. She slid the first page across the table facedown, and I picked it up. It was a printed-out snapshot of a man with his arm around a woman who had a cute little boy on her hip. They were standing under several large airplanes suspended from a ceiling.
I stared at the picture, grasping for a reason why she’d show it to me. “You want to go to the Air and Space Museum in D.C.? Or is this an idea for the nursery?”
She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “This is the family I’d like to adopt our baby.”
I didn’t say anything. This time I wasn’t silent because I wanted to hear more. I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d scream things I could never take back.
“The little boy is adopted as well, and they’d like to give him a sibling,” she said, still clutching the rest of the papers.
I stared at the papers until she got the hint and slid them across the table to me. It was a registration form for an adoption agency with my name and hers already filled out. She’d even stuck a little flag to mark where I needed to sign my consent.
“I can’t be a mother, Aiden,” she said softly. “I know you think you can be a dad. But do you honestly believe you’re ready to raise a child on your own?”
I dropped the papers on the table and folded my hands over them. “Absolutely. Family is everything to me.”
“Sometimes the best thing a parent can do for their child is give them to someone who can better care for them.”
I didn’t even recognize my voice when I spoke. I’d never sounded so cold, so firm. “No judge in this state or any other would let a child be adopted when its biological father is willing and able, fuck eager, to be a parent. If you submit this application behind my back and contact this family, you’ll only disappointment them. Don’t be cruel.”
“There’s another reason you might consider,” she said softly.
“Let’s hear it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Not that anything she said would change my mind, but it might give me a clue where her head was at.
“I can’t be a mother. But I’m willing to try a relationship with you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “You want me to give up my child, so I can have a chance with you?”
She nodded.
“Wow,” I said, scrubbing my face. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
“You honestly expect me to choose you over my kid?”
She shrugged. “My mom did.”
My heart cracked for the little girl whose mom had chosen wrong and for what I had to do next. “When people tell you who they are, listen.”
She nodded, her face blank. I didn’t know this emotionless woman. I doubt she knew herself. She’d locked away the person I wanted to build a life with, and fighting this version of Lauren would get me nowhere. Still, I wasn’t giving her the satisfaction of breaking up with her.
“I want to be a dad. You know this, so let’s not bullshit around with your offer to date me if I sign away my rights. You want us to be done? Fine. But don’t pretend like you aren’t the one ending things. I should have listened when you said you didn’t want to be a mother. For that, I’m sorry.”
“Can’t,” she said, straightening her spine. “I can’t be a mother.”
I nodded. “I believe you now.”
She dropped her eyes to her clasped hands. “I know you said you wanted to support me however I needed while I’m pregnant, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other again.”
This was really happening. She was cutting me out of her life, and if I wasn’t careful, she still had options that would kill me. I pushed back from the table and stood.
She started sobbing before I reached the door. It took everything in me, all the anger at the people in her past, the disappointment in the choices she’d made for both of us, and the love I had for the child inside her, to continue down the stairs and out of her life.