Chapter 32
Chapter thirty-two
Levi
Sherly let out a happy squeal when she saw Tristan, whether because she remembered him visiting with his niece or because he was carrying food. Not that I’d be giving her any of the pizza. I only trusted table food that I made for her. And I sure as hell wasn’t making pizza any time soon.
“At least someone’s happy to see me,” Tristan said, nudging my shoulder as he walked past me toward the kitchen.
“I brought beer,” Wyatt said, following Tristan inside. “Unfortunately, I need to study later, so I can only have one.” Wyatt’s phone let out a shrill sound, and he sighed. “And I’m having a day with my blood sugar.”
“You’re diabetic?” Tristan asked, setting the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter.
“Yeah,” Wyatt said, looking at his phone. “That’s why I asked for the cauliflower crust. I better start eating.”
I’d shared enough pizza with Wyatt to know he loved meat lovers, but his only had chicken. The other two were plain cheese and veggie lovers.
“Just because I don’t eat pork doesn’t mean you couldn’t,” I said, taking a slice of the plain.
“I felt weird eating meat in front of Sherly,” Tristan said, grabbing a slice of the veggie lovers.
“Me too,” Wyatt said, biting into his pizza. “I needed the protein though and figured chicken was OK.”
“We going to talk about random shit all night, or are we going to talk about Everly?” Tristan asked. “I can do either.”
Leave it to Tris to cut right to it. “There’s nothing to say about Everly,” I said. “It’s over. Talk about anything else.”
I took a bite of the pizza and wanted to spit it out. The place usually made decent enough food, so I assumed my disgust had more to do with the mention of Everly.
Tristan nodded. “Why are you a cop?”
The question surprised me. I figured we’d talk about college basketball or Tristan’s niece or Wyatt’s proposal plans. I set my slice on the box lid, choosing the conversation over the bland sauce and cardboard crust.
“I told you. My dad was a cop.”
Tristan shook his head. “That’s why you became a cop. Why are you still a cop?”
“Because I like making the world a better place,” I said.
“That could be a lot of jobs,” Tristan said.
Wyatt’s eyes bounced between Tristan and me. “I feel like I’m missing something.”
“You should see this guy in front of a classroom,” Tristan said to Wyatt. “He fucking beams.”
Wyatt’s eyebrows rose. “I’ve never seen him beam before.”
“Me neither, until I watched him teach. I figured the first time could have been a fluke, but he was even more into it the next time. And that was right after we ran into Everly in Professor Exton’s office.
Levi looked like death after seeing her, but the second he started teaching.
” Tristan snapped his fingers and then cringed. “Sorry. I won’t mention Evie again.”
Tristan wasn’t wrong. I’d walked into the classroom feeling like an elephant sat on my chest. For whatever reason, as soon as I stood in front of the master’s students, I could breathe again.
It only lasted until the class ended, and then I was back to feeling like something Sherly horked up after eating too much.
“Admit it, you loved it,” Tristan said. “And Professor Exton was all over him to join the department.”
I glared. “Which you pointed out is impossible with the job I already have.”
“Maybe as a part-time adjunct,” Tristan said. “Have you ever considered doing it full time?”
“Teaching cops would fall into the making-the-world-a-better-place category,” Wyatt said.
“There’s also no conflict of interest between a college professor and a defense attorney,” Tristan said before holding his hands up. “Just saying.”
I looked between them and shook my head. “I knew there was a reason I never introduced the two of you before.”
“Because you’ve been an unsocial asshole since you moved here, and the only reason you spend time with either of us is because we either force you to or you’re required to for work?” Wyatt said.
“I like hanging out with you guys,” I said. “Well, maybe not today.”
“Do you even like being a cop?” Tristan asked, ignoring my jab. Once he latched onto something, he never let up. It was a great quality in an investigator. Not so much when you wanted to keep your thoughts to yourself.
“What kind of question is that?” I asked back.
“A pretty straightforward one,” Wyatt said, bending to scratch Sherly behind the ears.
“Tris, you know as well as I do the job isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s more a calling.”
“And you honestly believe it’s yours?” Tristan asked, narrowing his eyes at me.
Anger burned through my body, tensing every muscle. “I ghosted everyone in Richmond, including my father, because I believe in the work.”
“Was he involved?” Tristan asked, his eyes widening.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so, but he got on me about going to IA. Said it might hurt my career. That was the last time I talked to him. So, yes, I believe in the work.”
“Believing in it and wanting to do it aren’t the same thing,” Wyatt said, standing. Sherly let out a snort and bumped his leg gently. “Sorry, lady, I need to eat another slice first.”
“If I had to go out on a limb,” Tristan said, kneeling to pet Sherly.
“I’d say you became a cop to make your dad proud.
Then everything happened in Richmond, so you went scorched earth, left everyone behind, and ended up here, in a profession you’re good at but don’t love, all for a man you no longer respect. ”
“I don’t know the details of what happened in Richmond,” Wyatt said. “But if that’s true, maybe you should think about changing careers.”
“What makes you think I don’t like my job?” I asked Tristan.
He stood and stared me in the eyes. “Because the only time you ever seem like you enjoy work is when you’re teaching me something. You didn’t even get excited when we busted Bishop, and we’d been on that case for months.”
“It’s called being professional,” I said. And Bishop had just handed over a shit-ton of drugs to Everly’s client. I’d have at least high-fived Tristan if the exchange had been with anyone else.
“It’s more than that,” Tristan said, shaking his head.
Wyatt yanked me into a hug and pounded my back. “I’m glad you caught that fucker, whether or not you liked doing it.”
“Thanks, man,” I said, pounding him on the back before stepping away.
Wyatt gave Tristan a fist bump. “I know you were a big part of that arrest too.”
Finally, a topic the three of us could discuss without creating a chain of what-ifs leading back to Everly.
What if I’d only become a cop because my dad was one?
What if I were something else? What would my life be like?
What if Everly was willing to give me another chance?
“I’m relieved Cammie doesn’t have to worry about him for a while. ”
“Hopefully never,” Tristan and Wyatt said at the same time.
“We have a good case against him,” I said, taking a sip of my beer.
“It’s cute how he thinks he can toss us off topic that easily,” Wyatt said with a laugh.
“For fuck’s sake,” I said, shaking my head. “Let’s just talk about what you two want to talk about, so we can move on and start building Sherly’s pen.”
Both of them stared at me and waited.
I blew out a breath. “It doesn’t matter if I’m a college professor or a cop or the Chief of Police, Everly doesn’t feel the same way about me I do about her.
We’re finished. It hurts like hell, and I’ll probably be a miserable asshole for a while, so I apologize in advance. I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually.”
“What if she did feel the same way about you?” Wyatt asked.
“Then she wouldn’t have broken up with me after I told her I loved her,” I snapped.
“Oh,” Wyatt said, his eyes wide. Apparently, Tristan had kept that confession to himself.
“Exactly,” I said, pointing my beer at Wyatt. “There’s no coming back from that.”
“Not unless you give her a second chance,” Wyatt said.
Tristan and I both gaped at him. “Um,” Tristan said, “I’m all for encouraging him, but no means no. Plus, wouldn’t she be the one giving him a second chance?”
Wyatt shrugged. “Was she in lawyer mode or personal mode when you broke up? I’ve spent a lot of Sunday afternoons with her and the O’Malleys. Everly’s like a different person there.”
“Yeah, I’ve known her since I was a kid,” Tristan added. “She’s sweet as pie under that scary lawyer persona she’s got down.”
Even if I’d never had the opportunity to see Everly with the people she loved, I knew her softer side. I loved both versions of Everly, so I didn’t really see the point of the conversation. Hearing my two friends talk about her only made the ache in my chest worse.
“They broke up in Chief Fitzwilliam’s office,” Tristan said to Wyatt. “She was 100% in lawyer mode.”
“That’s an interesting place to have a relationship conversation,” Wyatt said.
“He was trying to convince her to drop a client who’s enmeshed in our investigation of Bishop,” Tristan said.
Wyatt winced.
“I know I fucked up,” I said. “Why are we rehashing this?”
“Did you mean it when you told her you loved her?” Wyatt asked. “Or were you trying to manipulate her?”
I glared at him. “Of course I meant it.”
“Had to ask,” Wyatt said.
“Now that I think about it, she probably thought he was,” Tristan said. “Damn, Levi. I didn’t know I needed to give you lessons in women as well as town dynamics.”
“I don’t need lessons in women,” I said, slamming my beer on the counter.
Sherly let out a squeal, which made me pause and take a breath to get my anger under control.
“I know it wasn’t the ideal time to tell her, even if it was true.
I wanted her to understand how important it was for me to stay on the case, and somehow it became about whose job was more important, and how we were incompatible, and I knew if I didn’t tell her how I felt about her, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
She chose her career over me. End of story. ”
“Why should she have to choose at all?” Wyatt asked.
“There’s an obvious conflict of interest, and neither of us was willing to back down,” I said.
“So, when you’re a miserable old man sitting in your house alone, you can be proud of the fact that you lost the love of your life to put some scumbag behind bars?” Tristan asked.
“Yes,” I said. The word tasted rotten in my mouth.
“You know, Everly’s not a lawyer because it made her parents proud or because she wanted to make a lot of money,” Tristan said. “She saw something broken and wanted to fix it. That’s a calling, Levi. Can you honestly say that’s how you feel about your job?”
No. I wasn’t about to tell him that. “I don’t know how to be anything but a cop,” I said, leaning against the counter. “Not to mention, I’m a decade older than you. I can’t just start over.”
“Is it starting over if you’re teaching the thing you used to do?” Tristan asked Wyatt.
“I don’t think so,” Wyatt said. “More like a pivot.”
“I’m not saying you have to stomp into Chief’s office Monday and quit,” Tristan said. His eyes widened. “In fact, please don’t. I’m not ready to partner with anyone else yet. Plus, you should probably take some time to figure out what jobs are out there.”
Wyatt nodded. “Solid suggestion.”
“I already told you, it doesn’t matter what job I do as far as Everly is concerned.”
Tristan shrugged. “Take her out of it then. There’s no sense doing a job like ours if you’d rather be doing something else. It doesn’t matter what your dad or Evie thinks. Ask yourself what you want to do. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it,” I said. “Now can we work on the sleeping pen?”
Wyatt and Tristan followed me to the living room with Sherly trotting behind them.
We got to work building the pen, taking breaks to finish the pizza and six-pack.
What had seemed like a daunting task felt easy with Tristan and Wyatt’s help.
It didn’t hurt that Wyatt worked construction and had serious woodworking skills.
We ended up making something that looked more like a piece of high-end furniture than a sturdy pig bed.
Neither of them brought up Everly or my career again.
The ache in my chest remained, and I wondered if it’d ever go away.
It felt like grief, but not. Unlike the pain of losing my mom and Hayden, Everly would still be part of my life, if only professionally.
Facing her across an interview table or from the witness stand would be a special torture. One I wasn’t sure I’d ever heal from.
After we finished the pen, Wyatt and Tristan helped clean up, then made their way to the front door. I should have known neither of them would leave before taking one more poke at the wound I was trying so hard to breathe through.
“Just think about what we said earlier,” Tristan said, giving me a pat on the shoulder on his way out the door.
“I’ll be on the court Sunday morning,” Wyatt said. “You better be there, or I’m bringing Cammie over to talk about your feelings.”
I would have laughed if I didn’t believe he’d do it. “I’ll be there.”
After they left, I headed to the kitchen to finish cleaning up and spotted my phone on the counter. My stomach tightened. I’d had the phone on silent, and it was nearly 10PM on Friday. I unlocked the screen and found fifteen missed calls from my dad and a voice message.
My thumb hovered over the delete button for so long Sherly plopped down on the kitchen floor by my feet. I blew out a breath and hit play. My throat tightened as I heard Dad’s voice.
“Please send me a text when you get this. I just want to know you’re OK.”
The pain in his voice hit me so hard I had to lean against the counter. Sherly squealed and nuzzled my legs until I slid down to the floor.
The truth was, I wasn’t OK, and perhaps I never would be.
I opened a text to my dad, which ended up displaying all the ones I hadn’t read. The last one he sent simply said I’m sorry. I love you.
“What should I say to him?”
Sherly looked up at me with her big brown eyes, and I wished she could talk.
“I can’t tell him I’m fine. I’m not.”
She snorted, I assumed, in agreement.
After several minutes debating what to write, I eventually snapped a picture of Sherly and sent it to my dad.
He replied instantly.
Thank you. I love you.
My eyes burned, and for the first time since I'd stopped speaking to him, I felt guilty when I pulled myself off the kitchen floor and went to bed without texting him back.