Chapter 3
AVERY MOORE
I woke up the moment he left the room. He tried to be quiet, but I heard the change of air when the door opened and the subtle whoosh when it closed. Not the latch, though. He was careful with that one.
He was easily the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and those eyes…god, those eyes. I remember every detail, every fleck, the pools I got lost in before I brazenly kissed him last night. And I have regrets because I don’t even know his name.
Not that it matters. I’ll likely never see him again.
I turn over in bed and stare at the spot he was in. The comforter still has a divet in the shape of his body, and faintly, I can still smell him. His lingering scent smells so amazing that I lean over and stick my nose in the comforter for a better whiff and nearly moan when I do.
Groaning, I flop back on my side of the bed.
I can not be lusting after a guy. Not so soon.
Not after Neil, the bastard, betrayed me.
Not after he took my heart and tore it to shreds.
Not after he lied. Not after he called me that vial word—the word I knew I was already but it demolished my self-esteem to hear someone I loved say it out loud.
Fat.
But then there’s my little one-night stand. I can still feel his hands all over me. He didn’t care about my curves. At least, not last night. Not when he was stupid drunk. Not when it was a surefire way that he was going to get laid. Because that’s all it was…right?
Of course. He doesn’t even know my real name, and I don’t know his, and chances are we’ll never cross paths again.
And I’m okay with that. Getting involved with anyone right now is stupid.
I’m just getting my life back together, and throwing myself at another man, albeit an attractive one, is the farthest thing from a good idea.
When my door opens and bangs against the wall, I squeeze my eyes shut and mumble, “Go away.”
Ivy’s toe pokes my side and I can practically hear the grin in her musical voice when she says, “You had a guy in here last night.”
I open my eyes and squint at her. She has a mug of tea between her hands and a grin on her face. She’s still in her pajamas though, which tells me she hasn’t started her daily routine of Saturday self-care.
When I was living across the country at my old college with Neil, we would talk every Saturday morning on FaceTime. She’d always be in a green face mask and had the phone propped up against the pillows while she painted her toenails a bright red. Always bright red.
“Yes, I did,” I admit, trying to bury my face in the pillow out of shame.
“And he snuck out.”
I nod into the fluff. Not going to lie, it hurt that he didn’t even say goodbye, which tells me one thing: I was a quick fuck. He probably felt ashamed that he slept with someone like me in the first place. Got one look at my curves and bolted.
She sits on the edge of my bed and places a hand on my back as if she knows where my train of thought went.
Even though she and my brother have the most romantic and strong relationship that I’ve ever seen, she’s always understood me. It’s like we share the same brain, even when we were miles apart.
Ivy and I met in high school when she started dating my brother.
We had run in different crowds. She was the popular cheerleader, and I was the girl eating lunch in the library with my nose in a book.
But once she started coming over to my house and hanging out with my twin, we quickly became best friends.
My brother jokes about how he has to share her all the time.
And now that I’m back, our relationship picked up as if I were never gone for two years.
As if I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life moving so far away to be with a boyfriend.
She never judged me for it. And neither did my brother, Dustin.
I had told my brother first about what Neil did to me.
I was too ashamed to tell Ivy because she warned me not to go.
She never liked Neil, and Neil never liked her.
That should have been my first red flag, but I was in love, so I ignored it.
And when I told Dustin, he told Ivy, and together, they begged and pleaded for me to come back.
To leave that life behind and start over.
Eventually, I gave in and transferred colleges. It was perfect timing, too, because an apartment opened up across from Dustin’s, leaving room for me and Ivy to move in together, just as it should have been from the beginning.
She rubs small circles on my back, and even though there’s a comforter covering me up, it still soothes the ache that his leaving so abruptly caused. “Men are stupid.”
I turn my head and look at her, fresh tears in my eyes. “Are you calling my brother stupid too?”
Her lips twist to the side as she considers it. “Sometimes, yes. But that’s why he has me, to make sure he isn’t too stupid.”
Even though I have tears in my eyes, I still smile a weak smile.
She grins back, moving her hand to my hair, and pushes it from my forehead. “Who was he anyway?”
I turn over, making sure the covers are covering my tits, and look my friend directly in the eye.
I could tell her the truth and describe him, but knowing her, she probably knows him.
She knows everyone. And then she’d figure it out and march over to his apartment or house or where he lives, and demand that he be a gentleman, come back, and apologize to me for leaving without a word.
No. I can’t have that embarrassment. Her knowing he snuck out on me is enough.
“I never caught his name,” I say. “The sex just…kind of happened.”
She frowns at me. “That’s not like you, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Sighing, I glance away from her and stare at my bookshelf across the room. “I guess I was lonely or something. It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters,” she says softly. “Your heart lives in your vagina, sweetie. You pride yourself on not spreading your legs for just anyone.”
I laugh without humor. “Yeah, and look where that got me. I’ve only ever had sex with Neil. God, I should have never given him my virginity.”
“Maybe this is a good thing,” she says after a pause.
Snapping my gaze back at her, I ask, “How is this a good thing?”
“Well, I mean, how was the sex?”
“Absolutely mind-blowing.” Which is a great feat because, when I’m drunk, it’s very hard to cum. I can never focus, but he ripped it right out of me, hitting just the right spots and tipping me over the edge.
The sex was completely different than it was with Neil and his Sharpie-thin dick. Worlds apart.
“Exactly.”
“I’m still not following.”
She grabs my hand and helps me sit up in bed.
Then, she stands up and heads to my window, whipping open the curtains and keeping her back to me as I get up and search for clothes in my closet.
I pick sweatpants and a graphic T-shirt.
“You’re getting yourself out there,” she explains.
“You’re testing the waters for what might come.
And who knows, maybe you’ll see this guy again—sober—and hit it off. ”
I snort, sliding my shirt over my head. “Doubtful.”
She turns around just as I’m sliding my sweatpants on with a scowl on her face. “You have such a low opinion of yourself. It pisses me off. You know what Neil said to you isn’t true, right?”
Huffing, I head to the mirror on the wall, snatch a ponytail from a small stand next to it, and put my hair up in a messy bun. “Ivy, I gained fifty pounds while I was with Neil. He wasn’t lying. I am fat.”
She comes up behind me and rests her chin on my shoulder. In the mirror, she holds my gaze. “I think you’re hotter with your curves. You were always so skinny that you looked sickly. The curves suit you.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend, love me, and are obligated to make me feel better about myself.”
The hand that’s not holding the mug comes down quickly on my butt. “Have I ever lied to you?”
I yelp and whip around to face her.
She places a hand on her hip and waits for my answer. “Well, have I?”
Thinking it over for a moment, quickly going through memories, I finally shake my head.
I can’t think of one moment she lied to me.
She’s always been there for me, through thick and thin, and she’s always, always told me the truth, even when I didn’t want to hear it.
Even when I was a love-struck, nerdy teen, too blinded by the fact that someone was looking my way to see that the football player I was dating was an asshole.
“See? I’m telling you the truth. You’re a hot chick who has something to grab onto. Don’t be ashamed of it.”
I hear her words; I feel her truth, but it doesn’t sink in.
Instead of glancing at my body in the mirror like I want to, I leave my room and head across the hall to the bathroom where I start brushing my teeth. Ivy follows me, and I get the feeling that she knows I need the company. I do. She isn’t wrong.
I study her in the mirror as she moves her tea bag around in the mug and leans against the doorframe.
Unlike me, who started college right away, Ivy took two years off to work.
Her parents wouldn’t help her pay for college, so she had no choice but to be responsible.
Me? I paid for college in other ways. Ways that include a photoshoot that Neil never learned about.
It included me in a bikini, posing for a camera issued for a men’s “sports” calendar of some kind.
At the time, I had a body that was sure as hell not this one, and I flaunted it for the money.
I didn’t think twice about it, and I had no problems keeping the secret from Neil, but I couldn’t keep something like that from Ivy.