Chapter 9
AVERY MOORE
I exit the Spanish hall in a flurry of emotion. A tidal wave. A great tsunami. Tears prick my eyes, and a sob racks my ribs.
What the hell just happened?
I know exactly what happened. He cornered me again, confronted me, and I just about gave in. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I control myself when I’m around him? And how does he get past my defenses with barely a touch?
That’s one thing he and Neil don’t have in common.
Reid could bring me to my knees by just rubbing his hand across my cheek.
Hell, he almost did by brushing his nose along mine.
With Neil, it was never like that. Sure, I was completely enamored, but not like this.
His touch didn’t set me on fire. It didn’t make me forget my purpose, my conviction.
Ivy is leaning against the wall in the hallway, scrolling on her phone. She doesn’t spot me until I’m almost past her, but I catch the surprise on her face as I wipe away a tear and charge forward.
“Hey!” Ivy says, trying to catch up with me. “Hey, slow down!”
Her hand clasps around my upper arm, and she tugs me to a slower pace. Once I don’t act like I’m going to continue to charge off without her, she falls into step beside me. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head and take a deep breath. “Nothing.”
Ivy looks behind her before we turn a corner. “What the hell did he say to you?”
Shaking my head again, I repeat, “Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“Oh come on, Avery. He said something to set you off. What was it so I can go kick his ass?”
Of course she would. She’d go to bat for me under any circumstance, just like I would for her. We protect each other at all costs. It’s how we’ve always been, and it’ll never change for as long as we are joined at the hip.
I push the door open, and we’re greeted with an unusually warm fall day.
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly as we cross onto the sidewalk.
I ignore the weird looks I’m getting because my face is probably tear-stained and head in the direction of our apartment.
Spanish was the last class of the day, thankfully.
What I’m not so thankful about is that I barely have any notes on my Word doc.
I couldn’t concentrate with him sitting beside me.
I barely comprehended what the professor said, so I was just writing random things that he stated, and I’m one-hundred percent positive my notes make zero sense. I’ll have to ask Ivy to borrow hers.
When I say nothing, she softly asks, “Did he hurt your feelings?”
I shake my head. “No, just the opposite.”
“I’m confused.” She frowns. “Why are you crying then?”
“Ugh,” I cry out to the sky as we stop at a crosswalk. Thankfully, no one is around to hear us or to see me continue to fall apart. “Because he gets under my skin and makes me believe things that I’ve been told otherwise.”
She takes my hand in hers, and we cross the street. Once we’re on the other side, she asks, “Things like what?”
“That I’m beautiful.”
Chuckling under her breath, she says, “That’s because you are.”
I roll my eyes. “Maybe I once was, but that’s not how I see myself anymore.
” Hell, I spend a good amount of time looking at my old photos of when I was skinny, comparing them to the photos I recently took of myself.
I see the difference. My face is rounder, my shoulders wider, and my boobs far bigger.
“Look,” she says as we enter the parking lot of our apartment. “If Reid Rathe is chasing after you—because that is what he’s doing, right?” I nod and then shrug. She continues, “Reid doesn’t date, Avery. If he likes you, that means something.”
“Shouldn’t that be a red flag then? If he doesn’t date?”
“No…why would you say that about him?” Her tone is defensive, but her hand in mine gives an encouraging squeeze.
I throw my free hand in the air. “Because he’s the guy I slept with and who snuck out the morning after Dustin’s last party.”
“Oh,” she whispers. “Well, it’s not a red flag.”
“How could it not be?” I grind out. Sighing, I soften my tone because I shouldn’t be taking my fears out on my best friend. She doesn’t deserve that sort of treatment. “He doesn’t date. He slept with me and snuck out the next morning. Two red flags. And…”
“And what?” she presses.
“He sometimes reminds me of Neil.”
Reaching for our building’s door, she pauses with her hand on the doorknob and turns a frown in my direction. “How?”
I let go of her hand and remove hair that snuck its way into the crease of my lips when a big gust of wind whipped it about.
“Remember how obsessed I was with him?” She nods.
“It’s the same with Reid. And he’s attractive.
And fit. And charming.” I grasp the knob for her and open the door for us to enter.
As we climb the stairs, I continue. “It just feels so familiar, this feeling.”
I put my key into our door and enter the apartment with Ivy hot on my heels.
We drop our bags on the table, and she follows me into the kitchen.
When I grab a glass for water, she leans against the counter with her arms across her chest and her eyes narrowed.
I watch her while I drink, waiting for her to speak, but she doesn’t.
“What?” I ask, setting my cup in the sink and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“He is not Neil, Avery.”
“You don’t know that,” I say, matching her stance.
“I do. I’ve known him for two years. For one, Dustin wouldn’t be best friends with a loser.
And two, all your red flags are just paranoia.
He doesn’t date because he’s careful about who he picks to keep in his life.
His family has a lot of money, and girls tend to flock to him because of it.
Well, that, and he’s kinda hot if you hadn’t noticed. ”
“Oh, I’ve noticed.”
She curtly nods. “He probably snuck out because he had somewhere to be. He, Dustin, and Jacob work out every morning. I’d bet every dollar I make this week in tips that he didn’t sneak out for all the reasons you keep telling yourself.
He’s not that kind of guy, and let me tell you one other thing: He does not sleep around. ”
“So what?” I laugh. “Am I special or something? Am I supposed to believe that?”
She throws her hands into the air. “You’re impossible. That’s exactly what I’m saying, Avery. He doesn’t sleep around, yet he chose you. Did you ever think he’s attracted to you the same as your attracted to him?”
“Well, I already knew that.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Like I said: It feels familiar, and I don’t want my heart hurt again.
I don’t think I’m capable of going through that again, of having him wise up someday and see that I’m exactly what he doesn’t want and then destroying me like Neil did.
” My voice crackles at the end with emotion, but I shove it down with a clearing of my throat.
She sighs and her shoulders deflate. “I guess he’ll just have to convince you otherwise.”
I nibble on my bottom lip, feeling a little hopeless. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You’re not going to make this easy on him, are you?”
I shrug a little. “I came out here to change my life. If he’s going to fit into it, if he’s going to break down the walls I built to protect myself, then no, I’m not going to make it easy. I can’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t.”
She considers me for a moment then pulls me into a hug. She tucks her chin into my shoulder and says, “You know I love you, but you’re so damn stubborn.”