Chapter 20
AVERY MOORE
This is the worst hangover in the history of hangovers.
I groan as I flip over in my bed and stare at the ceiling. At the same time, a soft knock comes on my door. I don’t bother answering, and it doesn’t matter anyway because Ivy lets herself in.
Squinting at the hall light, I make a hissing sound.
“Oh good, you’re up,” Ivy croaks. “Did we do a lot of screaming last night? My throat is so hoarse.”
I shake my head and then frown. “I don’t know. It’s all a little jumbled.”
She steps into my room, and it’s then that I see she’s holding a Gatorade in one hand and a bottle of Tylenol in the other. Slowly, I sit up, making sounds of a grateful person as I greedily grab both items.
I pop two pills and down it with half the Gatorade bottle while she takes a seat at the edge of my bed.
“How did we get home?” I ask after my last swallow.
“Reid,” she answers, pushing her messy hair out of her face.
My eyes go wide. “Dustin?”
She shakes her head and flops back onto my bed, her legs dangling off the edge. “He doesn’t know.”
“Thank God.” I set the Gatorade beside me and rub the sleep from my eyes. My eyes swivel about the room and land on the mirror. My mouth drops open in horror. “Did I look like this last night?”
My hair looks worse than Ivy’s, like I spent the day tangling it into knots, and my makeup is smeared across my face.
She giggles. “No. I have pictures to prove it too.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and then climb off the bed.
“I need a shower,” I admit as I hobble to my closet, gather my clothes, and head to the bathroom.
When I’m finished and my teeth are brushed, I comb through my hair as I head back into my room.
Ivy is gone already, probably to Dustin’s so he can spend the day nursing her hangover.
Sitting on my bed, I continue to get the knots out of my wet hair, and when my phone’s text alert goes off, I head to my dresser where someone put it last night.
I set the brush down and pick up the phone. I frown and open it up. My heart stops dead in my chest at the picture of me in the bikini from two years ago…attached to Reid’s text.
My heart skips a beat, and I swear for that split second that it’s going to stop completely.
How the hell did you find that picture?
Him
Ivy.
Me
And I assume she gave you my number too?
Him
Yep.
Me
I’m going to kill her.
Him
Nah. She’s just looking out for you.
Me
How is giving you that calendar looking out for me?
Him
Think about it.
I sit back on my bed with a harrumph. She knows I don’t like that picture because it’s of the girl I used to be.
What I used to represent. The girl I no longer am and can’t find.
Well, I can. Every time I am with Reid, I feel a little of the girl return.
And maybe that was the point of giving it to him, to show him who I was before Neil.
Him
Ah, yes. Understanding.
Me
I’m still going to be mad at her.
Him
Only for a little while, though.
Me
Maybe.
Him
You don’t like this picture, do you?
My fingers hover over the keyboard as I think of what to say and how to say it.
I don’t resemble that girl anymore. It’s a reminder of what I’m not.
Him
I didn’t know you then, but I like you better now. This girl looks lost.
I frown and scroll back up to stare at the picture. He’s not wrong. There’s a certain amount of ignorance in my expression like I couldn’t believe what I was doing, that I was there and posing for a whole bunch of men.
And now?
Him
Weathered. Not lost.
I smile.
You make me sound old.
He sends a nodding GIF.
I like my women older.
A laugh bubbles out of my chest.
Aren’t you just the smooth talker?
Him
You should know this by now.
Me
Joke’s on me then.
Him
So I have a question, and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.
I cringe, all the possibilities coming to light.
Okay…
Him
Is the modeling what gave you money for college?
I blow out a heavy breath.
Yes.
Him
Okay.
Me
That’s it? No rage? No jealousy?
A knock sounds at my door, and I set down the phone to go answer it.
As soon as I do, I find Reid standing there.
I quickly let him in, about to reprimand him for possibly getting caught.
Once he’s inside, he turns to look at me.
He comes to me immediately and kisses me, grabbing my jaw and tilting my head to deepen it.
I moan into his mouth as he backs me up into the door. God, why does he taste good all the damn time.
He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. “That was part of your past, Avery. I’ll never judge you for your past. We all have one, and I know yours isn’t pleasant. I just wish you’d share it with me instead of having your friends share pieces of it for you.”
I glance away, my heart hammering in my chest. He rubs his thumb along my jaw as he waits for me to sort my thoughts.
“Tell me, Avery. Tell me what happened.”
“With what?” I ask, feigning innocence.
He tilts my head back to his. “Tell me about what happened with your ex.”
“I can’t.”
He searches my eyes. “You can.”
“Why do you want to know so bad? If my past is my past, and we all have one, can’t we just pretend it doesn’t exist?”
He rests his forehead against mine again. “But your past is very present. It’s stopping us from being us. Tell me; let me help you.”
I clear my throat from the lump that’s forming there. “Ivy and Dustin could walk in at any time.”
He shakes his head. “He took her to the diner for pancakes. It’s just you and me.”
Tears gather in my eyes. “It’s too painful.”
“Then tell me what you can. Start from the beginning and tell me what you can about the rest.”
The understanding in his voice is my undoing. Before I know it, the story is being told. “Neil and I met in high school. We were high school sweethearts, and he was kind and attractive to me at first, the nerdy girl and the jock. A dream come true, a fairy tale, right?”
He nods, encouraging me to continue.
“But that changed. I didn’t realize it changed until it was too late and I had moved across the country to be with him and attend the same college.
We didn’t share a dorm because it wasn’t allowed.
Instead, I had a roommate, Vanessa, that I got really close to.
Neil would come over and hang out with us, and looking back… I should have known…”
He brushes a tear from my cheek. “Should have known what?”
I swallow thickly. “One night, he proposed, which came as a huge surprise to me because we’d hardly been intimate for months.
We started drifting apart, and I thought we were falling apart, but when he proposed, I thought it’d fix everything.
Until I saw a used pregnancy test in Vanessa’s drawer.
I was happy for her…until I realized she wasn’t dating anyone and hadn’t gone out in weeks due to finals.
Neil came over as I was questioning her with my suspicions, and I saw the look they shared.
The baby was theirs. While I was in class, he was cheating on me. ”
He wipes away more tears and pulls me in close. “The worst part of it is Vanessa said I could have him still. That we could raise the baby as our own because she didn’t want kids.”
“I’m guessing you said no,” he says into my hair.
I nod against him, sniffling. “I gave the ring back, and when I did, he…he…he called me fat. Boring. Said he’d never imagine himself being stuck with someone like me and how I wasn’t what he signed up for.”
He squeezes me and rocks me back and forth, and we’re silent for a moment, me reliving my past and him digesting it. It was like it was yesterday for me, and saying it all out loud leaves me raw and vulnerable. But in his arms, I realize it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
Eventually, he breaks the silence. “He should have never said things that aren’t true.”
“They aren’t?”
He tips my chin until it’s resting on his collarbone.
Through my unshed tears, I see him give me a sad smile and shake his head.
“I’ve seen what you used to look like and what you look like now.
I mean it when I tell you how gorgeous you are.
How stunning. I’d never lie to you, Avery, but he would.
He did lie to you, in more ways than one. ”
“Yeah, I guess.”
He presses a kiss to my lips. “No guessing. I’m right this time. You once said that I reminded you of him. Is that still true?”
I think about it for a moment, blinking back the tears. Eventually, I come to a conclusion. “You’re nothing like him.”
“Good,” he says right before he takes my mouth.
The kiss is passionate, heated, and filled with all the things the English language can’t describe. I melt into him, my wet tears mixing with the kiss. My hands skirt under his shirt until I find skin and dig my nails in, holding on with everything I have.
He must understand that I need his skin because he breaks the kiss, takes off the shirt, and then takes off mine.
They plop to the floor, and his lips find mine again as our skin meets in the middle.
I can feel his erection through his sweatpants when he presses me against the door once more, holding me in place as he does what he wants to my mouth.
Our hands roam each other’s bodies until he’s had enough, lifts me up like I weigh nothing at all, and carries me to my bedroom. We remain glued to each other’s lips until he lays me down on the bed, pulls my shorts down, and shucks his sweatpants.
Climbing onto the bed, he settles between my legs on his knees. His eyes roam my body, and I fight not to cover myself up, but the feeling is eased when he says, “So goddamn beautiful.”
And then he settles on top of me and slides inside me with ease.
We both groan as my walls stretch around him, sucking him in deeper.
He starts to move inside me, balancing on one hand as the other skates over my body, his calloused palm touching every inch of my belly.
When he reaches my breast, he goes over the mound before paying attention to my nipple and tweaking it.
I arch into the touch and whisper his name, wrapping my legs tightly around his hips and encouraging him to pick up the pace. He listens, but his hand continues to explore my torso, the action saying more than words ever could.
In this moment, I don’t feel like that fat girl. I don’t feel like the boring girl. I feel seen, validated, and cherished. Wanted. Desired. And lastly, loved.
We haven’t said the words yet, but I can feel myself falling for him. Hell, I already have. He’s given me no reason not to. He’s done everything right and then some. And I think…
As I stare up into his eyes, I think he feels the same, because the feeling in my heart is reflected in his gaze. This is deeper than, “I have feelings for you.”
And the shocker of it all? I’m not scared of it.
My climax builds, and I start to whisper his name over and over again with every passing second.
And then I explode, my pussy milking him.
His breathing picks up pace as I ride out the waves, and soon, he’s falling over the hill with me, pulling out and coming on my stomach like we’ve done in the past.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod, and he climbs off of me in search of a washcloth. He returns and cleans me up, and once it’s in the hamper, we get dressed.
“Still not dating?” he asks with humor in his tone.
I laugh back but sober quickly. When I say nothing, he looks up at me from buttoning his jeans. “Yes, we…we’re dating.”
His eyes widen in surprise, and he kneels before me. “You don’t have to say that just because I asked. If you’re not ready yet, I won’t push it.”
I shake my head. Everything he has done for me has led up to this moment. Every doubt I’ve had about him has been stripped bare and completely erased. I don’t know how he did it - how he broke down my walls, but here I am, looking into his eyes and declaring, “I want to. I want you.”
He grins before gripping the back of my neck and kissing me. I indulge for a moment before I press my hand against his chest, breaking the kiss. “But I have one condition,” I say.
Looking questioningly at me, he asks, “A condition?”
I nod. “We have to find a way to tell him. When the time is right, I want him to know about us. I don’t want to be a secret forever, and I don’t want him to find out the wrong way.”
He searches my face for a moment before agreeing, and just knowing I have his support on my condition settles the nerves in my stomach.