Chapter 12
Zoe
I was not prepared for the emotions that surfaced from Prime taking my virginity or the loss of control that I experienced.
Always when I allowed men to play with me to ease the pressure I felt or when I touched them intimately to get their compliance in some scheme I was in control of all my senses.
I felt nothing but duty and a mild release.
This was different in so many ways. I gave up control and offered Prime the only part of me worth anything, yet I felt amazingly fulfilled and powerful beyond imagination.
In the mating I discovered there was more to the act of sex than release.
It was a mingling of souls. Or maybe it was less than that when there were no feelings between the man and woman.
I had nothing to compare to Prime taking me fully.
He fell asleep holding me. I cried once he was unconscious.
Not for what I had lost, but for what I had gained and the treasure he had given to me.
For the first time in my life, I felt whole, and not used as a pawn.
I was simply a woman who was desired. Prime gifted me with freedom and an understanding that I did not have to obey any rules my father or the mafia had set upon me.
When I woke he was gone. I hurried to my room to gather clothing and shower. There would be reprisals for what we had done. I needed to be prepared for what was coming.
Ready to face what might equal a firing squad I went in search of Prime.
Whether or not he had already been confronted by my father I was going to speak my mind and demand to call Petrov myself.
I had asked to be taken, almost forced it to happen.
Whatever consequences there were to be I was going to accept some of them.
I heard Flame and Vikki in the break room. I paused before passing them by to seek out Prime. I concluded it was better to see if they had any news in case it was something that could help me negotiate my position with Prime or Father.
“They keep changing the time and location for the auction. Our informants can’t lock anything down as long as this continues. It means the buy-in is delayed too. I can’t imagine what the women who are going to be auctioned are going through,” I overheard Flame say.
“I worry about their condition. I know how bad it can be. I’ve been there.
But if they’re after really high bidders then maybe they aren’t treated like animals the way we were.
I still have nightmares over watching women die in those steaming hot boxcars.
Going into labor and knowing I would die along with my baby if help didn’t come almost broke my mind.
I’ll never forget when the door opened and Rage carried me out of that hellhole,” Vikki answered.
“I was so scared for you, especially when the other woman’s body was located next to you. I guess I figured you were already loco. Your eyes were glazed over with pain and shock. It’s a fucking miracle you’re alive and sane,” Flame agreed.
“You were there for me. You let me squeeze your hands until I almost cracked the bones. I owe you for that comforting gesture. I know we’ve had our ups and downs since then, but I think we’re doing better now,” Vikki stated.
“What about me?” I asked, walking in uninvited.
“Zoe you’ve got to stop listening to private conversations. Prime hates it. You know what happened to me because I made that mistake,” Vikki declared.
“Your mistake was volunteering for a mission you were not prepared for, a mission that sent you back into that hell before you had fully recovered from being there in the first place. Besides, I do not believe you will rat on me to Prime. I know you have kept secrets from the men before, even your President.”
“It’s different now. We’re full members of the Sinners. We have to uphold the policies, including no secrecy. It’s for the safety of the club,” Flame snapped at me.
I stared her down until she looked away. Flame was well aware I had the power of the mafia behind me if I chose to use it. She had yet to fully understand my loyalty had shifted. As far as I was concerned I was a Serpent Sinner even without being inducted.
Actually, after last night, I had lost any power the mafia offered. I was nothing but a broken toy unless I chose to marry Mathias, which I was willing to die to avoid.
“Anything said about the Sinners is safe with me. Even if I still held a place at my father’s side, which I do not, I would never betray the club. I have proven that several times by going behind Petrov’s back to aid you. Do not fear me. Any power I may have had is gone,” I admitted.
“It’s just rumors and speculation. You can run back to Daddy and have a doctor prove you’re still all shiny and new. I want to trust you fully, to be your amiga, but with split loyalties hanging over your head it’s muy loco,” Flame replied.
I stood up tall and stated without embarrassment, “I am not shiny and new anymore. I am no longer pretending. I will not go back to Petrov and meet a fate I consider worse than death. I will not choose to be made a mere shadow of what I once was just because I am a female. Going back would mean marrying a vicious man who is an assassin, one I am certain wants to kill my father and take his place. Any chance of going back and proving my innocence was lost last night.”
“Prime took you?” Vikki asked with more shock than surprise.
“He took what I offered. I am not ashamed to admit that I wanted him. In fact, I would have gone up in flames if he had refused to ease the burn inside me. He gave me not only relief for my condition but freedom from tyranny. I am more alive than I have ever been,” I answered.
“Damn! Prime must be better than I imagined,” Flame said with a smirk.
“I refuse to speak of his prowess.”
“Prowess? Shit, we’ve got to change the fancy way you talk if you’re going to be staying here. As one of us you have to start using slang and contractions. Otherwise, you sound like a damn robot.” Flame retorted to change the subject and ease my discomfort.
“Would you prefer me to sneak a few Spanish phrases into my vocabulary?” I joked to show all the tension in the room had disappeared.
“You catch on quick, chica,” she replied.
“I would like you both to teach me to speak as a Sinner would. My speech is formal and stilted even when I curse. I sound Russian still. But for now, I wish to know about this auction you spoke of,” I reminded them.
They looked at each other and something silent passed between them. Whatever it was must have been decided in my favor because Flame nodded, and Vikki finally answered.
“Aguilar is holding an auction, a very secretive and exclusive one. Specs is working with someone to set up a website to make us appear to be rich buyers. Your father put up the required downpayment before all this happened with you. But every time we try to do the buy-in we’re told the time and location has changed. It’s all fucked up.”
“And Prime expects your father to ask for the money to be returned now that the rumors claim you’re no longer worth what you once were. I say we’ll be genuinely screwed over when he learns the rumors are true. The asshole will turn on us the moment he gets the message,” Flame added.
“If he demands the money be returned I will provide it. Do not worry. The Sinners will get what they need,” I replied stiffly. I hated that so much of the relationship Prime had with the mafia depended on me. I worried that I had lost them everything by giving in to my seemingly selfish desires.
“You’re truly ingenua, na?ve, if you think you still have access to money. Petrov cut your ass off the instant you snuck out of his compound,” Flame responded to my bravado.
“I will get it. If not from my mafia funds, then from another source. I am not helpless, or poverty stricken. I have other friends and family,” I answered, thinking of my uncle and his new animosity toward my father.
He would find it very satisfying to flaunt my allegiance to him and against his brother, especially while they were vying for control of Dominik’s leadership.
“You’re going to need them,” Rage said from the open doorway.
“Petrov left a message for you and Prime. You’re not going to like it.
The man is genuinely pissed and ready to disown you.
Prime sent me to find you, all of you. He wants everyone to hear the message, so we all know what we’re up against now. ”
“I broke a lot of promises and rules. I deserve any punishment he deems necessary, including banishment. But he will not disown me. I have to believe he still loves me even though he is angrier than ever before. He indulged me too much up until now to make me think he can simply have no feelings for me anymore. I am, and always will be, his daughter. He will eventually forgive my trespasses.”
“It sure as hell didn’t sound that way to me. I hope you’re right. I really don’t want you to be hurt that way. Damn it! You’ve done too much for the Sinners for any of us to want that,” Rage replied. “Move you sexy asses. Prime’s in a hurry to get this shit over with.”