Addiction - Chapter 21 #2
"I'm okay." I wasn't. I needed reassurance.
James' text had been anything but reassuring.
I felt like I was sinking. I took a few deep breaths.
I felt like how I did when James had stopped talking to me for weeks.
Like I was numb. He was breaking up with me.
Why was he breaking up with me? The dean must have convinced him.
I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't lose him again.
Losing him was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
A man who was probably in his mid 30s walked into the room while looking down at his phone. He slipped it in his pocket and went to the front of the room. He looked right at me and then directed his attention to the rest of the class. He cleared his throat.
Most of the class had been whispering, but the room fell silent. All I could hear was my own heart beating.
"It seems as though most of you have heard about the newspaper article.
I just wanted to address the fact that Professor Hunter will no longer be teaching this class.
I'm Professor Nolan and I will be filling in for Professor Hunter for the remainder of the semester.
There will be interviews conducted with each of you regarding Professor Hunter's conduct.
I hope that you will all be telling the truth of your experiences in this classroom. "
A girl in the front row raised her hand.
It looked like Professor Nolan wanted to ignore her, but it was hard to pretend like he didn't see her. She was basically right in front of him. "Yes?" he asked.
"What article?"
"He's sleeping with that girl in the back row," a boy in the middle of the room said.
The professor cleared his throat again.
"Wait, seriously?" someone else said.
"That's enough," Professor Nolan interjected.
"I just wanted you all to know about the interviews that are going to start tomorrow.
I think this is a personal matter that is none of my business or yours, and I'd rather not discuss it any further.
I've been told that your presentations start today.
First up is..." he looked down at a piece of paper. "Raymond Asher."
Raymond stayed seated. "Wait, we really don't get to know any more details?" He turned around and looked at me. "Maybe Penny wants to share..."
"Mr. Asher!" Professor Nolan said, cutting him off.
"This is a personal matter. How many times do I need to say that?
I suggest that you get up here and start your presentation.
Or you'll be receiving an F." Professor Nolan grabbed the podium and placed it in the middle of the room.
He made his way past all the desks and sat down in the seat in front of Tyler.
I just wanted to go back to Professor Hunter's apartment. I needed him right now. I wanted his arms around me. I rubbed my fingers across the keychain that Tyler had given me. The room felt stifling.
Tyler rubbed his hand on my back, making me jump.
"Sorry," he mouthed silently. "You okay?"
I nodded my head.
Raymond slowly got up from his seat and stood behind the podium.
I watched his mouth move but none of the words seemed to make any sense.
I looked at the back of Professor Nolan's head.
I wished Professor Hunter was sitting there instead.
A small part of me wanted to stand up and yell, "Yes, it was me, okay?
I did it, and I don't care!" And then I wouldn't have to hide anymore. I suddenly felt nauseous.
When class finally ended I quickly grabbed my backpack. Professor Nolan turned around and looked at me.
"Hold on a second, Penny," he whispered.
I didn't want to schedule my speeches with him already. I still needed to get through the one on Friday.
"It's going to be okay, Penny," Tyler said as he picked up his backpack. He reached over and squeezed my arm. "Text me, okay?"
I nodded at him and gave him a weak smile.
As soon as the rest of the students were gone, Professor Nolan stood up and turned to me.
"I know I need to schedule my redo speeches with you," I said. "But can we please wait until at least next week?"
He waved his hand dismissively. "I trust James' grades. You don't need to do that. But he called me this morning. He thinks it's best if you just drop this class. I insured him that I'd look after you. But after today I think I agree with him."
"I..."
"It's just something you should think about.
Your other classes are going to be hard, but not as bad as this one.
You can think about it. But you have to give a speech on Friday if you choose to stay.
I can't treat you any differently than the other students, regardless of the circumstances.
So if you decide to drop this class, just email me. "
"Okay." James was trying to make all the decisions. I needed to talk to him. I didn't want to go to my next class.
"If you decide to stay, I'll do my best to get the other students to stop harassing you. I'd recommend not coming to class early, though."
"Okay," I said again.
"Well, you better get to your next class. Good luck, Penny."
"Thanks." I allowed myself to exhale as I walked toward the door. Class was horrible. But Tyler had stood up for me. And Professor Nolan was nice and understanding. I didn't even have to redo my speeches.
As I walked through the hallway I could hear the whispers. I could feel the stares. I kept my eyes on the ground.
Someone grabbed my arm. I looked up at Professor Hunter. He pulled me into a custodial closet. When the door closed the whole room was pitch-black.
"Are you okay?" Professor Hunter's soothing voice made me burst out in tears.
"Penny?" his voice was laced in concern. He pulled my face against his chest and ran his fingers through my hair. "I don't like seeing you cry. Tell me what you need."
I didn't respond to him. I just continued to cry.
"Penny, please talk to me," he said gently.
"I told you I'd give up everything for you," I sobbed. "I said I didn't care about finishing school here. I said we could run away together. I'll do whatever you want. Please don't do this."
He put his hands on my shoulders. "Do what? What are you talking about?"
"Please. I can't lose you. I know what living is like when we aren't together. I don't want to feel that way again. I can't feel that way again." I took a deep breath of his heavenly scent.
"You're not losing me. Hey." He grabbed my chin and tilted my head up so that he could see my eyes. "I love you. Where is this coming from?"
"You're not breaking up with me?"
"No." He laughed. It felt like ages since I had heard him laugh. "Penny, no."
"Well don't say things like we need to talk then," I said through my tears. "When people say that, it means they want to break up."
"You really do watch too much T.V." He wiped my tears away with his thumbs. "Please stop crying."
I felt relieved. But I was still mad at him. "We're supposed to be a team."
"We are a team."
"No, we're not." I leaned back to look at him. "You made the decision to quit without even discussing it with me first."
"I listened to what Joe had to say. There wasn't even a decision that needed to be made. There was only one option."
"But you had already decided. You had a resignation letter with you."
"I like to be prepared..."
"You knew what you were going to do. You knew and you didn't tell me. I felt blindsided in there."
"I told you to let me go alone. I asked you to let me handle it. And it was my choice to make. Not yours."
"What? It was a decision that affects both of us.
Why do you want to do everything alone? I gave up everything to be with you.
Stop pushing me away." I swallowed hard.
Isabella's words came back to me. He wanted what he couldn't have.
And he definitely had me now. The small closet was making me feel claustrophobic.
I tried to shake the thought away but it just made me cry even more.
"Please stop crying. I don't know what you want me to do. I want to give you what you need. Please just tell me what you want. Let me reassure you about how I feel." He wiped away my tears with his thumbs.
I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him hard. He instinctively grabbed my waist and pulled me against him. His hands slid to my ass.
"Let's go back to the apartment," he said and kissed the side of my neck.
"No." I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. This was what I needed. This was something that always worked between us. The only reassurance I needed was his dick deep inside of me. "This is what I need." I wrapped my hand around his erection.
He grabbed my thighs and lifted my legs up around him. He moved toward the wall, but tripped over a bucket. I slid down his torso and my feet hit the ground again. "Shit. Sorry, Penny."
I silenced him with another kiss. I needed him. I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and pushed them down my hips. He pushed his body against mine, pressing my back against the cool wall. He slid my pants the rest of the way down. I stepped out of them and my flats.
"I think this will reassure you," he said and knelt in front of me. I expected him to kiss the inside of my thigh, or lightly brush his fingers against my clit to tease me. But he thrust his tongue deep inside my wetness.
"Fuck," I groaned and leaned my head back against the wall.
He had done this to me before, but never like this. He was acting like he was starving and I was the only thing sustaining him. He thrust his tongue even deeper inside of me as he rubbed his nose against my clit.
"James," I panted.