Addiction - Chapter 27
Thursday
They were lying. They were just trying to get me to confess to something that wasn't true. And if they didn't need my statement, then they wouldn't have bothered coming. There was no way that they had any evidence.
James had said he had never been arrested while he was in Harvard. So I had already surmised that he'd been arrested at some point after that. None of that mattered. He had a troubled past. He was different now. Isn't he?
But how much about him did I really know? The detectives had noticed my reaction when they said he was hiding something from me. Because he had done that before. But not this. He wouldn't hide something like this. He wouldn't lie to me.
I mindlessly opened up the freezer. Whenever I was upset, I always needed ice cream.
I froze when I saw two pints of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream sitting in James' freezer.
He had seen me eating that flavor one of the many times I had been upset.
He remembered. He was a good guy. That's what good, thoughtful guys did.
I reached for one of the containers. It was also what creepy guys did.
Creepy, stalker guys. I put the pint of ice cream back on the shelf.
That wasn't James. If anything I was the one that stalked him.
James' words suddenly came back to me, sending a chill down my spine.
I had you right where I wanted you. He had lured me into his office.
How had the detectives known that? Could it really be because he did it with other students too?
There was an untouched bottle of vodka in the back of the freezer.
I grabbed it and slammed the freezer door.
If he had broken the law so many times, he shouldn't be worried about serving alcohol to someone underage.
I unscrewed the cap and poured some into a shot glass that I found in one of the cabinets.
The burn down my throat was a much needed distraction. I poured myself another and downed it. Two girls had come forward. Two. One could be justified as lying. But two separate girls, with two identical stories? And it was a story that was the same as mine.
"I see you've found the liquor."
I looked up at James as he walked into the kitchen. I was waiting for him to reprimand me. Instead, he grabbed a shot glass for himself and slid it toward me. I poured some vodka into the glass.
"You know, I could get in trouble for this," he said and held up the glass.
"Is that the only thing you're worried about getting in trouble for?"
He lowered his eyebrows slightly. "What, did they tell you what supposedly came up during their investigation?"
I shrugged. "They knew you lured me into your office so you could seduce me."
"That's not exactly how I'd put that." He downed his shot.
"Then how would you put it?"
"That I was mad at you. And I wanted to see you.
" He ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't want to have to share you with Tyler.
I wanted more. I wanted you to want more too.
" He hesitated for a second. "And at the same time I didn't. I wanted to get over you.
I wasn't really thinking clearly. I couldn't get you out of my head. "
"But how did they know that? How did they know about the fake grade? And me going into your office?"
"I'm sure there's a logical explanation for that."
"Right. I'm waiting for the explanation. What is it?"
"I don't know. That's their job. They're the investigators. They must have pieced something together."
Pieced something together. I looked down at my empty shot glass.
Vodka had been a bad idea. My mind already seemed slightly foggy.
I wasn't going to be able to piece anything together like this.
I just wanted to talk to him. I needed to see his reaction to the accusation.
"They didn't actually know if that had happened. They just inferred it."
"Inferred it? From what?" He poured himself another shot and downed it.
"From what two other girls said during their interviews.
Apparently both of them said that you lured them into your office to seduce them under that pretense of a poor grade.
" I had a vague desire to tell him he shouldn't be drinking.
But I had seen him drink before. Besides, I was really the one that shouldn't be drinking.
"Penny, you know I didn't do that. That's ridiculous."
"Is it that ridiculous? You kind of did that to me."
"And I just told you that was different. I've said it a million times, Penny. It's only ever been you. You know that. You know how I feel about you."
"But why would those girls lie? Why would they say you did that?"
"I don't know."
"And in the exact same way? How would they have known that if it wasn't something that you just do to tons of students?"
"Is that really what you think?"
"I don't want to think that. But..."
"But you do?"
I didn't say anything. I just stared at him.
"You think I gave my prettiest female students bad grades in hopes that they'd come to my office hours?
So that I could get them alone and then what?
Bargain with them to improve their grades?
I didn't bargain with you, Penny. You kissed me.
You asked me to punish you. I can get any girl I want.
I don't need to make deals with immature college students to suck me off. I'm not desperate."
I hated when he lost his temper. I was just trying to understand. Maybe the detectives were right. A person acting defensive usually had something they were trying to defend.
"Then why are you dating me?" I asked.
"Because I love you."
"You can have any girl you want, James. Maybe you should go try to find someone a little more mature. You know, someone who isn't a college student."
"That's not what I meant." His hands were gripping the countertop and his knuckles were turning white.
"It's what you said, James."
He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't understand why you believe them over me. I just need you to believe me. I need to know that you trust me."
Lots of our fights seemed to come back to the issue of trust. And I did trust him. I felt guilty. I was pushing his buttons. "I do trust you."
"Okay."
I needed to believe him. If this was going to work, we needed to be able to trust each other. "Should you really be drinking that?"
He raised his eyebrow. "Should you?"
"No, probably not." I gave him a small smile.
He leaned against the counter and looked down at me.
"You shouldn't believe everything you hear.
The tabloid you read that interviewed my ex wife, these detectives.
..they have other motives. I don't want to fight with you every time something like this happens.
And it happens more than I'd like. It comes with the territory. "
"The rich, successful, eligible bachelor territory?"
"Minus the eligible bachelor." He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm taken."
I smiled at him. "I'm sorry. The detectives just made it seem like they were so sure that you had done it."
"I mean, if you were told you had to make up a story about your male professor doing inappropriate things, wouldn't you just automatically go to sexual favors in exchange for good grades? It's not even clever."
"Right. So they're lying. But why?"
"Maybe they hated me? I could be rather distracted in class. Sometimes I was so focused on you that I'm pretty sure I was an awful professor."
"I don't think anyone hated you. Especially in Comm. At least all the girls loved you. Oh." I looked up at him. "Maybe they're just jealous you didn't choose them. Maybe they think you'll notice them now?"
"By dragging my name through the mud? Smart."
"Well, I don't know. I'm not them." I put my hands on either side of James' face. "I'm sorry I doubted you."
He put his hands on the small of my back. "If a bunch of pricks in suits told me that you had been doing stuff behind my back, I think my reaction would have been a lot worse than yours."
"My reaction was bad with the detectives too. I'm pretty sure I threatened to kill them."
James laughed. "Wait, really? You can't threaten a cop, Penny."
"I know that now."
He laughed again. "You're full of surprises." His hands had pushed my shirt up slightly, and I could feel his fingers against my skin.
"Am I?"
"Mhm." He placed a soft kiss against my lips. His hands slowly pushed my shirt up even more.
"Would it surprise you if I told you that alcohol tends to make me incredibly horny?"
"Incredibly horny? That's quite the predicament." He grabbed my ass and lifted me up, setting me down on the kitchen counter. He put his hands on either side of the counter and looked at me. I didn't recognize the look he was giving me.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"You defended me to the detectives even though you doubted me."
"Of course."
"But why?"
"I'll always defend you. I love you."
He lowered his eyebrows slightly. He seemed confused by my response.
I remembered the relief in his eyes when I grabbed his hand at my parents' house.
And when he woke up yesterday morning before the meeting with the dean.
He had been surprised that I was still lying next to him.
He wasn't used to someone having his back.
It didn't seem like he ever had anyone that he could count on.
I wanted to be that person for him. Maybe I already was more than anyone else before.
"I swear to you that I didn't do what they said. I've been completely consumed by you. All I ever do is think about you."
"I know. I've been completely consumed by you too."
His smile returned. "I can't believe how lucky I am. Now, about that predicament. I think I can probably assist you with that." He lifted off his t-shirt and dropped it onto the kitchen floor.