Eruption - Chapter 15 #2
"That's not really fair. You never wanted me to begin with, Penny. You can't lose what you never had."
"I mean our friendship."
He sighed. "I don't really know what to tell you."
"The couch isn't made up. I mean, it's pretty obvious that you guys are sleeping together."
"I don't really think we should be talking about this."
"But we're friends."
"It's weird, Penny. You must realize that. With our history? It's complicated to say the least."
"So, you are then?" I asked.
"This is so awkward."
"Tyler."
"I'm not going to talk about my sex life with you, Penny."
"That's what friends do."
"Not when one of those friends used to be in love with the other friend." He stood up. "Not when we've had sex. Not when I compare every girl I'm with to that night we had." He shook his head.
I didn't know that. My hanging around all the time maybe hadn't been as fun for him as it was for me.
"This is enough for me," he said. "If I can't be with you, I decided being your friend was good enough. And you are my best friend. But I can't talk to you about this. This is where I have to draw the line."
"I'm sorry."
"And I'm not going to feel guilty for hooking up with Melissa.
Because I'm allowed to have a life outside of whatever this is.
You do. You get to go home to James. And at least Melissa actually likes me.
Or liked me. I don't know, it's complicated.
" He sat down on the couch again and scratched the back of his neck.
He was opening up about it. I didn't want him to close off because of our past. I didn't want to be left in the past too. "Why is it complicated?"
"Because she thinks I'm still in love with you."
I swallowed hard. I didn't want to know the answer, but it felt important to ask. If he was, I shouldn't be coming over here all the time. Or at all. And I definitely shouldn't be wearing his pants. "And?"
"I don't even know anymore. I look forward to Friday nights.
I haven't really been trying to meet anyone.
I've been stuck. I just wanted something less complicated.
And Melissa was easy." He coughed. "Not like that.
Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just already knew she liked me.
It wasn't like it was with you. It wasn't this instant attraction.
But, I don't know, our relationship slowly changed into something more. I like having someone to come home to."
"I get that."
He sighed. "I'm friends with James. I wouldn't do anything to mess that up after it took so long for him to be cool with us hanging out. Besides, it's not like how it used to be between us. I still love you, but I'm not in love with you. Melissa doesn't seem to understand the difference."
"Well I do."
"Yeah, that's how you always felt about me." He laughed and looked back up at me.
"Are you in love with her?"
"I don't know. I mean..." he looked uncomfortable. "Honestly, it was just casual hookups. But it was a lot of them. And when she said she was moving here, I offered my place."
"So she wants it to be more than casual?"
"I thought so at first."
"Well, what do you want?"
He laughed. "I'm not good at relationships."
I didn't say anything. His response didn't really answer my question. And usually if I stayed silent, he always confessed what he was hiding. Before this, I didn't think we had many secrets from each other at all.
"It doesn't really matter now. She found an apartment. She's moving out at the end of the month."
"That's plenty of time to change her mind."
"I think I should have never slept with your best friend. What the hell was I thinking?"
"I think it's great. Two of my best friends getting together? What could be better than that?" Even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. Two of my best friends getting together meant that I could possibly lose both of them. They wouldn't need me anymore.
He finished his beer and put it down on the coffee table. "Yeah, except..."
The front door opening cut him off. Melissa walked in with a huge smile on her face. But as soon as she saw me, it instantly vanished. "Hey, guys. What are you two doing?"
"Waiting for you," I said and smiled at her.
Her eyes traveled down my body. "Penny, if you needed to borrow something to wear, all my clothes are here. You know that."
"Yeah. Sorry. I didn't know when you'd be back and I didn't want to rifle through your stuff. Usually Tyler lets me borrow something comfy when we hang out anyway."
"Mhm." She set her purse down on the kitchen counter. "Of course he does. Well, don't let me bother your guys' time. I'll just get out of your way." She made her way toward the bedroom.
I stood up. "Melissa, I came over to hang out with both of you."
"That's not really what it looks like."
"I'm sorry I borrowed his clothes." Geez. "It's just what I'm used to doing. I won't do it anymore if it makes you uncomfortable."
"Why would that make me uncomfortable? Borrowing someone's clothes who you slept with one time isn't weird at all. That's completely normal behavior."
"We're friends."
"I know that! I just don't want to have to come back to my apartment and see you wearing his clothes like you two just banged."
I laughed. "You're being ridiculous."
"I'm being ridiculous? Clearly there's something still going on between you two. You can't even stay out of his pants."
"We're just friends," Tyler said. "Why won't you believe me?"
"Because you're both lying. I should have never moved here." She went into the bedroom and slammed the door.
I was already losing both of them. Neither one of them wanted to talk about these things with me.
"What I was about to say before she came in was that she's super jealous of our relationship," Tyler said. "And it doesn't matter if I love her. I'm not going to choose between you two."
"I should go talk to her."
"Me talking to her sure doesn't help."
I knocked on the bedroom door and slowly opened it. Melissa was tossing some of her clothes into boxes. I closed the door behind me. I had a feeling I didn't want Tyler to overhear our conversation. "Can we talk?"
"About what?" She threw some more clothes into the box.
"About you and Tyler."
"There is no me and Tyler. Don't be weird."
"He told me you guys were hooking up."
She closed one of the lids on the boxes. "Of course he did. I forgot that you two don't have any secrets."
"I didn't think you and I did either. Why didn't you tell me?"
"You know the worst part?" she said, ignoring my question. "I have nowhere to go now. Because I'm mad at you too."
"I don't understand why you're mad at me."
She stood up and pointed at me. "You're wearing his clothes. What the fuck are you doing?"
"I always..."
"Yeah, you always borrow his sweatpants and watch Shark Tank together because that's your thing." She made quote marks with her fingers when she said thing. "And there's no room for me when you're around because he's always going to put you first. God, I never should have slept with him."
"There is absolutely nothing going on between Tyler and me. I'm marrying James in less than two weeks. I don't know what other proof you need."
She looked down at my pants.
"Jesus, Melissa." I pulled them off and tossed them at her. "Tyler and I are friends. I thought we were too. Can you just talk to me for two seconds before throwing a fit?"
She burst into tears.
"Melissa." I went over to her and put my arms around her.
"He's never going to love me like he loved you," she sobbed into my shoulder.
"That isn't true."
"Of course it is. He was obsessed with you for years. He's just settling for me. I don't want to be someone's second choice."
I ran my hand up and down her back. "You're not. He wanted you to move in with him. He looks forward to coming home to you. And he definitely doesn't want you to move out."
She pulled back from me. "Did he say that?"
"Yes."
"When he talks about you it just makes me so mad.
It's always Penny this or Penny that. I know you guys are friends.
I know you guys talk and hang out all the time.
I just...I don't know how to deal with it, knowing that you've been more than friends in the past." She sighed and sat down on the edge of Tyler's bed.
The only time I had even been in here was when I had helped him move in.
I wasn't interested in sharing a bed with Tyler.
I never thought about him like that. He really was just a friend.
And I didn't want to be what stood in the way of Tyler and Melissa being happy.
I had already done that enough to Tyler.
Maybe I should just step back. What it came down to was that Melissa never believed that boys and girls could just be friends.
It didn't matter that I had proof with Mason, Matt, and Rob; she'd never understand.
"If you want, I'll give you both some space to figure this thing out. I don't want to be the reason why you guys break up."
"We can't break up. We're not even officially dating."
"You know what I mean. I came over tonight to talk to you guys about this.
I didn't want to be kept in the dark. But I realize why you didn't want to talk about it.
" I grabbed a pair of yoga pants out of the box that Melissa had been packing and pulled them on.
"I shouldn't have butted in. But I missed you.
I thought when you moved here we'd be hanging out all the time. "
"I know. I'm sorry." She was looking down at her lap instead of at me. "I just need some time."
I didn't want her to be mad at me. I wanted to be able to say that she could have as much time as she needed. But I couldn't help but think that my wedding was in less than two weeks and I needed her. "I hope that you two can work it out."
She didn't say anything as I left the room. I closed the door behind me. I didn't even want to make eye contact with Tyler. Melissa had been yelling. He had already heard the whole conversation.
"I'm just going to go. You should probably go talk to her."
"Penny." He stood up and walked toward me. "You don't have to go."
"I think maybe you do have to choose," I whispered. I didn't want Melissa to overhear me. "At least for awhile. If you want to be with her, then she has to come first. You have to tell her how you really feel."
"I feel like she's a lot for me to handle." He gave me a small smile.
"Yeah, she is. And I'm pretty sure you knew that going into it."
He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry about all this."
"There's nothing to apologize about. I hope that you two can work it out," I said, repeating the same thing I had said to Melissa.
I grabbed my shoes off the ground and left as quickly as I could.
When I closed the door behind me, it felt so final.
Melissa and Tyler were the last parts of my old life I was holding on to.
I didn't want to lose them too. But it wasn't my choice.