Eruption - Chapter 29 #3
The elevator doors opened into Rob's apartment. He had changed a lot of things from when it used to be James'. James and I had visited a lot, but not that recently. I ran my hand along the marble countertop.
Rob seemed to believe everything I had told him. He was wondering why I hadn't come to him sooner, since Isabella had never mentioned going to James' friends. And I didn't have an answer. It all happened so fast.
"If you want to take a shower, just use the master. I don't have any shampoo or anything in the guest bathroom."
"Actually, a shower sounds great." My clothes were still a little damp. "Do you have something I could change into after while my dress dries?"
"Yeah."
I followed him into the master bedroom. The bed was in a different spot and the sheets were black instead of white. It hadn't felt like a bachelor pad when James lived here, but it did now.
"Here," Rob said and tossed me a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top. "Those should fit."
I looked up at him. "I don't even want to know why you have these clothes."
"Women sleep over a lot. I'm a snuggler." He shrugged. "They leave things."
"I never pictured you as the type of guy that let women spend the night."
"I'm letting you spend the night."
I laughed. "Fair enough. Thanks for these.
" I walked into the master bathroom and closed the door.
I tried not to picture James in here with me as I turned on the water.
Or as I lathered up my body with soap. I tried not to picture him pushing me against the cold tiles.
Fuck. Luckily Rob didn't used the same body wash as James or I probably would have lost it again. I quickly got out and dried off.
Looking through Rob's drawers for a comb reminded me of doing the same when it was James' place.
When I was a student and he was my professor.
I loved spending the night with him. I loved the way he made me feel.
For the first time in my life, I had felt alive.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then quickly looked away.
I didn't want to think about him. Especially if he was back home upset about something I didn't really do.
Or worse, getting over it with Mason's help.
Just like Mason had helped him find a great location for a bachelor party. James cheated on me.
I found a comb and quickly brushed out my hair before getting dressed.
The outfit fit perfectly. It was good that Rob hooked up with tons of random women.
I hung up my wet clothes and towel to dry and made my way out of the bathroom.
I kept my arms folded in front of my chest. My bra had been too wet to put back on and I didn't want to have to ask Rob for one.
He looked up at me as I came out of his bedroom, and then he immediately looked away. "Do you want something to drink?" He opened up the fridge. "I think I have a bottle of wine somewhere..."
"A beer is fine." I sat down cross-legged on his couch.
Rob laughed. "And that's why I love you." He grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped off the tops. He handed one to me before sitting down next to me on the couch. "Are you hungry or anything?"
"No, I'm good." We had gotten some fast food at a drive through on the way here. I wasn't hungry then either, but I had eaten a few fries.
"You're seriously turning down Grottos?"
I laughed. "I'm not hungry."
"Geez, you are upset."
I took a sip of my beer. "Yeah. You know, this might be the last time we ever get to hang out."
"James gets me in the breakup, huh?"
"As his brother, yeah, I think so. And Mason and therefore Bee. And Matt. And Jen."
"If he lets you go, he's a fucking idiot."
"He already did."
Rob shook his head. "James still wants to marry you. You have to know that."
"He said he never wanted to see me again."
"Because he was drunk and upset and..."
"He still said it." I took another sip of my beer. "He said it was only ever about sex."
Rob shook his head again. "He showed me the pictures that you threw at him. That one of him having sex was from college. He hasn't had a beard that long since he was strung out on drugs. He was a dumb kid."
Oh. That made sense. But it didn't change anything. "He was probably the same age there as I was when I met him."
"But you had your shit together."
"I didn't. I fell in love with my professor."
Rob laughed.
"What about the other pictures? The ones of Rachel?"
Rob stared at me for a second before speaking. "My parents were awful to James growing up. You knew that, right? They ignored me and Jen. We definitely got the better end of the deal. But James was the prodigal son. Nothing he did was ever good enough. Living like that...it's a lot of pressure."
I was an only child. I knew what it felt like to want to please your parents.
I was always worried that I would disappoint them.
But they had never pressured me to do anything in particular.
They always seemed proud of me no matter what I did.
"I don't know that much about his childhood. He doesn't really talk about it."
"He wanted to play football. Did you know that? That was his dream."
I shook my head. He had never told me that. He loved watching the Giants games with Rob. That was one of their favorite things to do together. But I never knew he wanted to be playing. "He never told me."
"My parents made him quit the team in high school because they thought it was a waste of time.
They had this way of sucking out all the joy from his life.
Like they found pleasure in it. No matter what James did, he wasn't good enough for them.
He was always wrong. They beat him down.
I played baseball in high school and college and Jen was into drama club.
And James had to watch us do whatever we wanted to.
I think that hurt him too. It wasn't just that my parents didn't let him do the stuff he loved, it's that they always made it seem like they liked him the least, you know?
By not letting him do anything he wanted.
But they got what they wanted, I guess. A genius techie who doesn't speak to them.
Their loss right?" Rob set his empty beer down on the coffee table.
I remembered the first speech that James had given in my Comm class. He had said he had wished he could be more like his sister...fearless. "Didn't he ever stand up to them?" I thought about the paper I had seen in his copy of Harry Potter. He was trying to get emancipated.
"Yeah. With Rachel. I lied to you the other day when you asked about Rachel.
It wasn't just young love. He was obsessed with her.
I think she felt the same about him. They spent every second they could together.
So of course, my parents wanted to ruin that too.
Even after they told him he had to choose between her and them paying for college, he held on to that relationship.
They still talked in private. He promised her that once he got enough money, they could be together again.
But then halfway through college, she just stopped talking to him.
She refused to take his calls. She said it was over, without any explanation.
That's when he really lost it. I think he saw a way out of his life with her.
An escape or something. I don't really know.
He was a mess. He just snapped. He hit rock bottom. He gave up on life."
That wasn't the story James had told me. He said their relationship had stopped when he had to choose between her and college. "And when he went to see her last week?"
"Did my parents really try to pay you five million dollars to walk away from James?"
I was surprised that James had told him that. "Yeah."
Rob shook his head. "I don't think James realized how far they'd go to get what they want."
I shrugged. "What does this have to do with him visiting Rachel?"
"When you told James that they tried to pay you off...he thought maybe the same thing had happened with her. He thought they had paid her off too. That's why she suddenly didn't care about him anymore."
I remembered James' reaction when I had told him about his parents trying to pay me off.
It kind of looked like he was realizing something for the first time.
I thought he was just realizing how evil his parents really were.
But he was realizing why Rachel abandoned him. "Why wouldn't he tell me that?"
"I don't know. He only went to go see her to confirm his suspicion. That was it. It wasn't because he still has feelings for her. He would never cheat on you, Penny."
"And? Was he right?"
Rob nodded. "They only offered her one million to walk away. She took the money without a second thought."
"That's awful."
"It's certainly fucked up."
I took another sip of my beer. No wonder James felt like no one ever loved him. The love of his life chose money over him. Maybe she had only ever been with him for his money. The love of his life. Was she? Was Isabella? It didn't feel like I was anymore. "He looked so happy to see her."
"He just needed closure."
"Maybe."
"Penny, he loved her once, but not as much as he loves you now. Tonight was the only time I've ever seen him more upset than the day Rachel called things off. I know he probably said some stuff he didn't mean, but he needs you, Penny. I don't want to see him hit rock bottom again. You fixed him."
"I didn't. This place did. Teaching. He should be a professor again. He loved teaching."
"If you think that's what saved him, you're lying to yourself. I've never seen him happier than when he's with you. He was even agitated during his bachelor party because you two weren't together. He needs you and only you."
"So, he's addicted to me. I can't..."
"No, Penny. He's devoted to you. There is a huge difference."
I bit my lip. I wanted James to be here telling me these things. But Rob was right, there was a huge difference. If it was true though, James wouldn't have said those things to me. He wouldn't have told me to leave. "I'm not sure he is anymore."
"Look, if I didn't think what you had was real, you'd already be naked in my bed."
I laughed.
"Seriously. I know it's because you're cold, but your nipples are so hard right now and I'm having trouble not staring."
"Shit." I put my beer down and crossed my arms in front of my chest again.
Rob laughed. "And if James wasn't a fucking mess tonight, I also wouldn't have..." Rob picked up his phone "...17 missed calls from him."
"Does he know you're with me?"
"I haven't told him. Do you want me to?"
I swallowed hard. "No. Not yet. I just need some time."
Rob slid his phone back into his pocket. "Then I won't. But time is one thing you don't have much of. I already rented my tux for the wedding and I hate wasting money."
"I thought James paid for the tux rentals?"
"That's beside the point. Now, how about that pizza? And I'm sure I have a bra that's your size. 32 B, right?"
"Why do you know that?"
"I know things." He got up off the couch. "By the way, I saw you staring at the kitchen counter like you were remembering being fucked against it. I've always wondered...exactly how many places in this apartment did you bang my brother?"
I looked around the apartment. "None of the guest bedrooms."
"You're both disgusting." He laughed and disappeared into his room.
I pulled out my phone. James hadn't called me at all. I wasn't mad at him anymore. I was just sad. If he called, I'd answer it in a heartbeat. Call me. Say something. Anything. Give me something to hold on to.