Devotion - Chapter 13 #2
"Okay, ladies." Justin snapped his fingers. "Grab your bouquets. And someone pick up Penny's train. You," he said and pointed at Melissa. "That's your job."
"Aye aye," Melissa said and picked up the back of my dress as she handed me my bouquet.
"Now hold my arm, Penny," Justin said. "If you fall and break your ankle in those heels I will literally kill myself."
I laughed at his poor use of the word literally and grabbed his arm. I was happy to have the support.
***
I pulled back the lacy curtain and peered out of the window. All the guests were seated in front of the big tree outside the restaurant. I don't know how many times James and I had eaten at a table right under that tree. And in just a few minutes I'd be marrying him underneath it.
James had just emerged from the restaurant.
I watched him walk toward the aisle. He greeted a few people as he made his way up to stand beside the pastor.
Normally the mother would walk the groom down the aisle.
But it was better this way. James was independent.
And his mother didn't approve of me. I glanced toward the guests that were on his side.
His mother and father were sitting beside Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell in the front row. I was happy to see that they had come.
There was an arch that hadn't been there the night before. It had flowers and ivy hanging from it. The lights dangling from the tree above made the whole scene even more romantic. I held my breath as James stepped beneath it. He shook the pastor's hand and they both laughed about something.
James smiled and turned toward the window where I was spying on him from.
Almost like he could sense where I was. I felt that with him too.
My eyes seemed to always gravitate toward him.
I closed the curtains before we made eye contact.
I didn't want him to see me until I was walking down the aisle.
"It's time, ladies," Justin said and walked into the room. "Bridesmaids, follow me."
Jen gave me two thumbs up before she followed Justin out.
"Don't lock your knees, it makes you faint," Bee said and gave me a quick hug. "I heard that somewhere."
I laughed. "Thanks for the advice."
"Take a deep breath. There's nothing to be nervous about. You look gorgeous and everyone out there loves you so much."
I took a deep breath and smiled.
"See you up there." Bee hurried out after Jen.
"Penny," Melissa said. Her eyes were slightly teary.
"Don't you dare cry, Melissa."
She laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy for you."
"Miss maid of honor. You're holding us up," Justin said from the door.
Melissa quickly hugged me. "I love you, Penny. And I may have found your vows in your purse and read them last night. But don't be mad because they're great."
I laughed. "I'm still not really sure what I'm going to say. Any last minute changes?"
"No. He's going to love them exactly as they are."
"Now," Justin said and stomped his foot.
Melissa laughed and released me from her hug. "Good luck." She lifted up the bottom of her dress and ran after Justin.
I pulled back the curtain again and peered outside. Jen and Matt were already standing on opposite sides of the arch and Mason and Bee had just reached the front. I smiled when he gave her a chaste kiss before they went separate ways. Any day now he'd be popping the question. I could just feel it.
A knock on the door made me turn my head. My dad was standing in the doorway. He smiled. "I was told to come get you. Pen, you look so...grown up."
For the first time I was worried that maybe my dress was a little too sexy. I had wanted to look sophisticated and classy.
He shook his head as if seeing the worry in my eyes. "It's just...I still picture you running around with grass stains on your knees."
I laughed.
"You look absolutely beautiful."
"Thanks, Dad." I walked over to him.
"I just want you to know how proud I am of you. For fighting for what you want. And not listening to all the noise. You are strong and independent. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
No one ever called me strong. My dad knew me and he had chosen an adjective that I strived for.
He saw my struggles and fears and he believed in me.
I didn't know weddings were going to be so emotional.
I hadn't even realized how much love I had in my life.
Especially after yesterday when I had felt so alone.
The contrast was too much. I felt completely overwhelmed.
My dad handed me his handkerchief. He was one of the only people I knew that still used them.
I quickly wiped under my eyes.
"It's time," Justin said. He was smiling from ear to ear.
I heard the violins start playing the processional.
"You ready, Pen?" my dad said.
I took a deep breath. "I'm ready." I grabbed his arm. It felt like a dream as I walked out the doors. It could have been a thousand degrees and I wouldn't have noticed. All I could see was him.
And when we made eye contact, I had to blink away my tears.
I felt it in every fiber of my being. This was love.
This was the kind of love you read about in fairytales.
And I suddenly knew exactly what I would say in my vows.
James smiled at me as I walked down the aisle.
That smile made me instantly less nervous.
There were so many things in my life that seemed uncertain.
But not him. James was everything to me.
We stopped and my dad turned me toward him. "Penny, I love James like a son. You couldn't have made a better choice." He kissed my cheek just like Justin had instructed him to do. But then he pinched it too, because that was us. It made me smile.
"Thanks, Dad."
It felt like I was floating up to James.
His hands grabbing mine pulled me back down to earth.
I didn't even hear what the pastor said, but I heard people laugh.
James rubbed his thumbs against my palms like he did so often.
It felt like it was just us. His intoxicating brown eyes were staring at me so intently, like he thought I might disappear at any second, as if this whole thing was a dream.
I squeezed his hands. We weren't dreaming.
"You look beautiful," he whispered.
I smiled. He wasn't paying attention to anything but us either.
"You look so handsome," I whispered back.
And he did. Whoever made his tux should have been the only person in the world allowed to design men's clothes.
It fit him perfectly. He was wearing an emerald colored bowtie that matched the bridesmaid dresses.
He looked even more like he had stepped out of the pages of a magazine than he normally did.
The thought made me smile. It was one of the first things I had ever thought about him.
He lowered his eyebrows slightly. "You're shaking," he whispered and inched a little closer to me.
"I'm just excited." I swallowed hard when the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile.
He glanced at the pastor and cleared his throat. Apparently he had been paying better attention than I had. Rob handed him something and he grabbed my hand.
"Penny," he said as he slid my wedding band onto my finger.
He paused for a second and I watched his Adam's apple rise and fall.
"You once asked me if I was a believer in fate.
I wasn't. But I am now because of you. When you fell into my arms, I had no idea that my life was about to change forever.
But you knew. You fought for me when I didn't deserve anyone on my side.
Your persistence and stubbornness and beauty brought me to my knee after only knowing you for two months.
And now we're here. I know that we can get through anything together, I know that we're strong enough together.
"I'm crazy about you and I can't wait for our future.
I can't wait for our lives together with you as my wife.
You showed me that our pasts don't matter.
You see a goodness in me that I was never able to see in myself.
You make me want to be a better man for you.
You saved me, Penny. You are the air I breathe.
You are the dreams I dream. You are the light of my life.
I'm consumed by your beauty, inside and out.
I'm the lucky one. And I don't know why you picked me.
But I'm grateful every day. When I wake up every morning and see your face, I'm reminded that I am the luckiest man alive.
"I will never push you away again. Penny, I swear to you I won't. And I'm so sorry. I want you to be able to rely on me. I need you to know that you can always fall into my arms. I'll always be there to catch you."
He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. "Don't cry, baby," he whispered. "It hurts me to see you cry."
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "I'm crying because I'm so happy."
He grabbed my chin in his hand. "It's your turn."
I nodded. I turned around and took James' wedding ring from Melissa. My throat suddenly felt dry. Public speaking had never been my forte. And everyone was waiting on me. I grabbed James' hand and slid the ring onto his finger. I knew he could feel my hands trembling.
He stepped forward and put his hands on my waist. "Don't be nervous. Just talk to me. Pretend it's just us."
That was easier than he probably realized. When we were together all I noticed was him. But it didn't make me less nervous. Because I needed him to listen to me. I needed him to understand. I took a deep breath and stared up into his eyes.
"James, I love you with everything that I am. I could go on for hours about all the things I love about you. Days probably. When I look at you, I still get stars in my eyes. I don't even know how it's possible, but I love you more and more each day."
He smiled.
"But what I need to tell you right now is that I forgive you. I forgive you for not always believing in what we have."
He lowered his eyebrows.