Devotion - Chapter 21
Wednesday
"Penny, it's the tenth time he's called." Rob was standing by the door holding my cell phone. I couldn't stand hearing it ring so I had given it to him. I couldn't talk to the press. I couldn't talk to James' lawyer. I couldn't talk to anyone.
"Tell him I'll call him back."
Rob hesitated by the door. "He's one of your best friends. Don't shut people out right now. The cops have been hounding him. He just needs to know you're okay."
"Well, I'm not okay." I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying again.
"Then tell him that." He held the phone out to me.
I stood up and walked over to Rob. He handed me the phone and left the room. I wanted to press the end call button. But Rob was right. Tyler deserved to know what was going on. Especially if the police were badgering him about this.
"Hi, Tyler," I said softly into the phone. I turned to look at James.
"I saw what happened on T.V. I..." his voice trailed off. "Penny, I'm so sorry."
I didn't say anything. I had heard so many people say they were sorry. Sorry for what? This wasn't their fault. Sorry for my pain? No. I wasn't who they should be feeling sorry for. Sorry wasn't the right word. I looked away from James and stared out the small window.
"Penny?"
"I'm here."
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay."
"You don't sound okay."
"What do you want me to say, Tyler? That I'm dying inside? That I can barely look at him because it hurts too much?" I put my hand down onto the windowsill. I couldn't hold it together anymore. I couldn't do this.
"I'm coming back to New York."
"Don't do that."
"I want to be there for you."
"Come back when you're ready to come back. Not like this. Not right now."
"I'm sorry," he said.
I cringed at the words.
"The police want me to come in for questioning anyway. I have to come back."
"No. You don't." I couldn't imagine Tyler coming to the hospital. I knew James wouldn't want him to be here. My grip tightened on the windowsill.
"Of course I do. I have to do what the cops want."
"Just ignore their calls. Stop picking up the phone."
"I can't do that. It makes me look guilty." His words hung in the air. "I'm not, Penny. I would never do something to hurt you."
"I know. And James has people looking into it.
Just...don't come back. Don't answer their phone calls.
I'm taking care of it." I'm going to take care of it.
After I sit with James for a few more minutes.
I just felt so tired. All I wanted to do was wait for him to open his eyes.
And I needed to be here when that happened.
"He's going to wake up, Penny."
I nodded but didn't actually say anything into the phone.
"Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will." I swallowed hard. "How...how are you doing?"
"I'm okay."
He wasn't okay. I could hear it in his voice. But I wasn't going to question him like he had me. Because I couldn't handle anything else right now. I felt guilty enough as it was. "Call me when you find the sunnier place you've been searching for."
"Yeah. As soon as I find it."
"Bye, Tyler."
"Tell James he'd better wake up. Tell him to fight."
Before I could say anything, Tyler hung up the phone. I turned away from the window. James was my sunny place. And I knew I couldn't exist in the dark.