Forbidden Billionaires, Vol. 2

The Light to My Darkness - Chapter 5

Saturday

"Penny, what are you doing on the floor?" James whispered.

I smiled. His breath was warm in my ear. I loved the feeling of him being close, even though I knew he was just trying not to wake Scarlett. I slowly opened my eyes. James was sitting next to me on the ground, his back against the sofa. Concern was etched on his face.

"You never came to bed," I said quietly.

He gestured toward Scarlett sleeping peacefully behind us. "We fell asleep watching the movie. Here, let me help you up." He put his hand out for me and pulled me to my feet.

My back was stiff and my side was still sore from lying on the carpet for most of the night.

But I hid my grimace. Today was a new day.

And today, I didn't want there to be any hostility between us.

I was going to start taking things a little more slowly like he wanted.

If getting the cold shoulder last night was his plan for making me behave, it had certainly worked.

I looked down at Scarlett. She had grabbed a pillow and was hugging it where James' hand had been a few minutes ago.

She really was the most adorable little girl.

I looked back up at James. He was staring at me, like he was waiting for me to say something.

He was probably waiting for me to apologize.

But before I could say anything, he grabbed my hand and led me out of the room.

I hoped that didn't mean he wanted to argue with me.

Heated words would surely awaken Scarlett no matter where we were in the house.

That was the problem with open floor plans.

I studied James as he pulled me into the kitchen.

His posture didn't seem stiff and uninviting anymore.

It was possible sleeping in an awkward position on the couch made it hard for him to look angry, though.

"James, before you say anything, I just want you to know that I'm sorry about last night.

But I thought when you took Scarlett to wash up that it meant I needed to clear the dishes.

And it got me thinking about when I was pregnant with her and you barely let me lift a pillow, let alone do any cleaning.

After the doctor told us about my heart murmur, I thought you'd be even more concerned.

But honestly, it seems like you don't care.

" I was trying to fix the problem, but apparently my mouth just wanted to make it worse.

"We barely even talked about it. We just agreed that we'd keep it between us and that I'd start taking it easy after Bee and Mason's wedding.

That was it. You never asked if I was okay.

Or if I was scared." I felt my lip trembling.

"And then I had to find out from Bee that you told Mason and who knows who else.

Which was embarrassing for me. I really didn't want anyone else to know about my health problems. I don't want anyone worrying about me, especially when it seems like the person I'm closest to doesn't even care.

" I wanted to poke him in the middle of the chest but I didn't want to make him any angrier.

Instead, I placed my hand on the counter to steady myself.

"It doesn't even seem like Scarlett needs me anymore.

She only ever wants you." I started to cry big, ugly tears.

"And, God, James, I'm not okay. I'm so scared.

" I put my hand over my mouth, effectively silencing myself from the words that wouldn't seem to stop.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me and didn't say a word.

"Say something," I sobbed into his chest.

He ran his hand up and down my back.

"Say anything, James."

"I don't want you to give Scarlett a bath because I don't want you to strain when you pick her up to put her into the tub. And I don't want you doing dishes or lifting pillows."

My laugh was muffled by his shirt.

"And I didn't want to talk to you about any of this because I didn't want you to worry about me being worried. I was trying to be strong for you. But I'm scared too. Does that help? I'm terrified every day that the baby I put inside of you is going to kill you."

Those were the words that I needed to hear. They were morbid. And horrible. I swallowed hard. But that was the truth I needed to hear.

"And I'm mad at you for not following Dr. Nelson's advice. He didn't say to start bed rest in a week. He said now, Penny."

I leaned back and put my hands on either side of his face. "And Dr. Nelson also said that he didn't necessarily mean I needed to lie in bed all day. He said to take it slow. Relax. No stress." I stared into his eyes.

He lowered both eyebrows. "Are you saying that I'm causing you extra stress?"

"By not talking to me? By snapping at me instead of saying what's actually bothering you? By pushing me away? Yes. I'm already worried about losing my son, I don't want to have to worry about losing you too."

He pulled my face back into his chest. "We're not going to lose this baby. And you're not going to lose me. And Scarlett does need you. She's just going through a phase."

I knew he was sorry. I could feel it in the way he was holding me. "I know, I'm sorry. And the baby and I are both fine," I said into his shirt. "We just had a checkup. We're both healthy." I said the words for myself as much as I did for him.

"Your heart is leaking." James' voice sounded strained.

"My very healthy heart is leaking." I could feel him shaking his head above me.

"How about we cancel our plans tonight," he said. "We can get my dad to take Scarlett for the rest of the day. Then we can spend some time relaxing, just us."

"Scarlett will crash after hanging out with her friends all evening anyway. Then we can have some much needed alone time."

"If we can get everyone out of here. Why does it seem like whenever we have company they never leave?"

"Because we're so much fun to hang out with," I said.

He laughed and pulled back so he could look down at me. "How about you spend the day in bed until our company comes? It'll make me feel a lot better."

"I swear, James. I'll go crazy sitting in bed alone all day."

"Who said anything about being alone? Maybe you and Scarlett can draw or something while I read your manuscript?"

My stomach felt like it flipped over, and for once it wasn't because my son was being poorly behaved. I had forgotten I told James he could read my novel. Now that he was actually going to, I was incredibly nervous. "You want to read it today?"

"I want to at least start reading it today."

"Maybe we should all draw together? You know how much Scarlett loves your stick figures."

James laughed. "No, I know how much you love making fun of them."

"That's because you're so good at everything except for drawing. Your stick figure proportions are completely ridiculous. I can't not make fun of you."

"You're trying to change the subject."

"No, I'm not. But I am going to casually walk away and go wake Scarlett." I smiled at him and turned to leave the kitchen.

"And Penny?"

I glanced at him over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I told my friends about your heart murmur.

I just needed to vent because I was going crazy.

It won't happen again. I'll talk to you next time instead of being compelled to talk about you.

I'm really sorry." He looked so sincere.

It made any other resentment I was holding on to completely evaporate.

"It's okay. I understand. Let's just not start telling everyone else we know, okay?"

"My lips are sealed."

I smiled, remembering once when Rob had promised that exact same thing. He had pretended to lock his mouth closed and throw away the key. But he had immediately started talking again.

"What?" James said. Apparently my smile was contagious because he was smiling now too.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how similar you and your brother are."

James made a face. "Rob and I are nothing alike."

"Oh really? How about the fact that you both care so much but are awful at expressing it? Or the fact that you're both still kids at heart? Or that neither of you can stop getting your wives pregnant?"

James shook his head and laughed. "Go wake up Scarlett and tell her we get to eat breakfast in bed.

" He opened up the fridge and started rummaging through the options for what would probably end up being Eggo waffles.

Ellen really did spoil us during the week.

But I never minded Eggo waffles in bed. Actually, it sounded kind of perfect.

I can't believe I was upset with him last night.

He was the absolute sweetest. I wandered into the family room and knelt down in front of Scarlett.

"Hey, Scar." I ran my hands down her arm. "Guess what we get to do today?"

She yawned, but didn't open her eyes. "Zoo?" She immediately sat up, perfectly alert now, and started clapping her hands. "Zoo!"

I laughed. "We get to eat breakfast in bed!

" Saying no was never the best plan of action around Scarlett.

She'd do that thing where her lower lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes.

Then we'd have to say yes to whatever ridiculous thing she came up with.

James was an even worse pushover than me.

If he had been in here, he probably would have just said okay and we'd be spending the day walking around in the God forsaken heat.

She blinked as she stared up at me. "In bed? But I want to eat with you and Daddy. Mommy, please. Why do I have to eat alone?"

"Not alone. You get to eat with us in our bed. And we can spend the day drawing zoo animals. Lots and lots of panda bears."

Her eyes seemed to grow with each thing I added to our list of activities. "I'll get the paper and crayons."

I smiled as she ran off. One day she'd stop pronouncing crayons as "crowns." I thought my heart might break into a million pieces when that happened. Scarlett might not realize it, but she'd always be my baby girl.

This time as I walked up the stairs, I was happy knowing that my family was coming up right behind me. I needed to count my lucky stars more often. I settled onto our bed.

Scarlett ran into the room a minute later. She came to the edge of the bed and tossed her box of crayons and the biggest stack of paper up onto it. Then she reached out her little hands and made the grabbing motion that meant she needed help getting up. I leaned down and lifted her onto the bed.

She crawled into the middle and plopped down right next to me. "Mommy, we have to draw four pandas. A mommy, a daddy, a little girl, and then a baby girl." She shoved a stack of paper on my lap.

"You know, this could be a little boy." I pointed to my stomach.

"Nuh-uh, Daddy said I'm going to get a baby sister." She grabbed a green crayon from the box and started drawing something that sort of resembled a bear. The green color really made me need to use my imagination.

James laughed from the door.

I looked up so that I could shake my head at him. He was starting to make Scarlett believe it was a girl too, which was ridiculous. But before I could say anything, I saw the tray of waffles in his hands. They were topped with chocolate ice cream and slices of banana.

"That looks so good," I said instead of scolding him for spreading lies to our daughter.

"I thought you'd approved." He joined us on the bed and handed me one of the plates.

"Don't tell Bee I was eating this. I already had to get my dress resized."

"What's resized?" Scarlett asked with her mouth full of ice cream.

"It's when you grow, pumpkin," James said.

"I'm resized too, Daddy. I used to be like that." She poked my stomach. "Right? Before the stork stole me?"

I pressed my lips together to prevent myself from laughing.

We'd had a brief conversation with Scarlett about where babies came from.

But we hadn't exactly talked about what to say beforehand.

She had asked so many questions that we weren't prepared for.

Unfortunately, it ended up sounding like storks came in the middle of the night and stole babies and then eventually returned them when they were finished baking.

Or something along those lines. I hoped we hadn't done too much damage.

"He'll probably come soon to take the baby," Scarlett said. "Draw the stork stealing the baby panda and putting it in the oven." She placed a neon pink crayon on my piece of paper. "What happens if the baby bakes too long? Does it become a grown-up?"

James stifled a laugh.

I looked up at him. His eyes danced with so much warmth. God, we really had messed up our story. What if Scarlett went her whole life thinking that was how babies were born?

"There's a timer that lets you know when the baby is done," James said. "You know what, I'd like to draw the oven."

"Okay." Scarlett put a purple crayon and a piece of paper on his lap. "But what if the stork is in the bathroom when the timer goes off?"

"Then another stork will get the baby."

She paused in her drawing of the green pandas. Her eyes got really round. "How many storks are there, Daddy?"

"Not that many. Just a couple for each baby." He ruffled her hair.

I put my chin in my hand as I watched James fumbling for the right words for this crazy story.

For the first time, I realized that he hadn't brought in my computer.

I felt this small feeling of relief. I wasn't sure if I was ready for him to read my book yet.

I wasn't sure it would ever be ready for his eyes.

What if he hated how I portrayed him? What if he didn't want me to get it published?

I looked down at James' terrible drawing of an oven, one that was apparently going to cook our baby.

Maybe my book needed some more imagination.

I took a bite of chocolaty waffle goodness.

What it needed was some help from Scarlett.

I shook my head at the thought. My beautiful sweet girl would never be allowed to read my books.

I lifted up my crayon and started to draw a neon pink stork.

And I started to wonder if maybe one day I'd be writing about this moment.

My life was no longer filled with illicit scandals or excitement at every turn.

But it certainly seemed perfect from where I was sitting.